I am going to try to walk a line here between being brutally honest or accusatory and begging or making folks feel guilty. I am gonna be honest with you, as I think you’ll agree I usually am, and tell it to you straight.
I asked for help so I could get a better phone, and you didn’t help me. I asked for your support through Patreon, and in roughly a year of having started my campaign, none of you has signed up. I showed you the awesome designs I have available at SpreadShirt, and not one of you has purchased anything.
Some of you have been visiting this blog and reading my words for a very long time. I am happy that you have enjoyed my writing, but discouraged that that majority of you can’t be bothered to comment and provide feedback, at the very least, which only costs you a little time. Much less support me in any financial way
I have no job, and pretty much no income. I do a little work for a former neighbor and that is all I have. I manged to save up and get myself a phone. But for bigger things, like a better laptop and better equipment for the things I do, there is no way, with what little I have earned, I could get these things.
I had to reach a decision tonight. I have struggled with my laptop before, trying to record videos for Minecraft. I wanted to create a Let’s Play style series, but issues with the hardware and software I have to work with, combined with a lack of any interest from the Minecraft community, caused me to give up.
And now I have to stop doing video tutorials. It just isn’t worth it anymore. My laptop simply can not do that. I need either a dedicated capture card plugged into the USB or I need an upgraded laptop. I don’t even need something new. Just something powerful enough to handle video recording. At least an Intel I7 or equivalent, and 8 gigs of RAM. Also the laptop should have a separate video card, ATI or Nvidia, not any sort of integrated GPU. As I do not have this, and I have no way to get it, I have decided to quit making video tutorials. It’s over.
I have been making tutorials for a very long time. I started with written tutorials, then moved onto video. It is something I love to do. I know I am an excellent teacher. Maybe a little long-winded, but I know I explain things and demonstrate things very well. It hurts me that I have to give it up.
I had another tutorial ready to go, to teach viewers how to install and use WorldEdit for Fabric for Minecraft 1.14. I have tried a few times to do this. But I kept having hardware and software issues, so I had to scrap all my work. Now I am scraping video tutorials in their entirety. It feels like I am ripping out a piece of myself. I hate having to do this, but I don’t have a choice. I just can’t do it anymore, trying to get by with what I have.
So that just leaves this blog and maybe any videos I record of myself on my phone. But I don’t like recording myself. Not sure I will do that. So really all I have left to do is to continue writing for this blog. But I am forced to ask myself, what is the point? My readers are ambivalent at best. Sure you hit the like button, and that’s cool, so I guess from that I know you are enjoying my words. But I feel disconnected from you, as I receive so little feedback. I also feel underappreciated, as I receive no support.
I want to be clear… I never started this blog expecting to earn money with it. I do not write these poems and posts for money. But I feel my writing does have intrinsic value, and if there are readers enjoying it, then my words have real value for them. So I don’t feel bad in asking for monetary support. Because just as no preacher worth listening to stands up there and delivers a sermon expecting to get paid, but the survival of the church depends on the donations of its members, so I do not sit here and write expecting to get paid, but my survival depends on your donations.
We were driving back towards Lake Rd here in Camas, and I saw that they had torn down a beautiful old house and barn that used to exist next to these new houses they recently built, overlooking the lake. These houses are likely millions or 10s of millions of dollars. I know many are occupied, but I never see any signs of life. Nobody outside, no Christmas decorations – nothing. I am almost certain that 1-2 people live in each of these 6+ bedroom, 4+ bathroom, 4000-8000+ square feet mansions. And they are not entertaining anyone. What do they need all that space for anyway?
I am also sure that none of them work for minimum wage, 40+ hours a week, no vacation time until you have worked there at least a year – all the usual that everyone tells me I should be doing. As I have said before I watched my dad do that, for over 30 years, and he will never be able to afford to live in one of these places. That road is a dead-end, and everyone telling me to walk it knows that. How can they keep telling me to do something that doesn’t work, and hasn’t worked since the 50s?
Certainly there must be the exceptions, the people so thrown into the rat race they work 80 hour weeks. But they also earn 100K or more a year. In my mind, there is something wrong with this. Most of these people, living in these fancy houses, have never worked hard their entire lives. They didn’t start at some minimum wage job then worked their way up, saving until they could afford that house.
I am sure there are exceptions, but I’ll bet if I went along, door to door, and interviewed each of them, and if they took the time to talk to me, I would find that the path society is cramming down my throat to take is not the path they have taken. Furthermore I can almost guarantee that these folks contribute nothing of value to society.
So why do they get to live in these mansions, why are they paid so well for what little they do, when I work super hard, I contribute things of value, and I don’t get paid at all? It’s wrong. The whole thing is wrong. I should be able to write here at my blog, do ONLY that, and have enough money, earned just from donations from those who appreciate my writing, to buy any one of these giant houses with cash, if I were even interested in buying one, which I am not.
How am I ever going to travel overseas? How am I ever going to pay for food and basic necessities, once I leave this place? The simple answer to both is that I am not. As it currently stands I am not going to be able to do it with my writing and artistic pursuits, depending on donations. And I definitely would not be able to do it while working some minimum wage job. My last hope is that my work at my SpreadShop pays off. If it doesn’t, that’s it, I am done.
I am never going to work a minimum wage job for 40 hours a week again. I will live life on my terms, or I will die. My terms are simple… I must be able to create my art, I must be able to write, I must be able to live comfortably and safely, I must be able to do the things I want to do, and I must have a way to support myself doing the things I do. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not merely endured.
I am putting you, my readers, on notice. I am drawing a line in the sand. I am putting my foot down. You have to tell me where I am coming up short. You have to tell me what I need to do differently. I have to know why you don’t want to support me at Patreon. Why you don’t want to buy one of the items at my SpreadShop. What is it, exactly, you require of me?
Understand that things can’t continue as they have. I will not keep writing at this blog to a mostly mute audience. The time will come where I will be unwilling or unable to write here anymore. Even a bad comedian gets booed, gets things thrown at him. He is never met only with silence.
I have done what I can. I will continue to work on my own inner blocks to the abundance of the Universe. I am partly to blame for what I am currently experiencing here. But from this moment forward, I claim success in all my endeavors. I claim it, and I demand it. I have more than earned it. Things will change, and for the better. The how is not up to me. But I have made my needs, my requirements, known to you. The rest is up to the Universe, and to you.
I will accept nothing less than the absolute best, for myself and for my loved ones. I will no longer put up with, no longer tolerate, any abuse or mistreatment. I am done sitting here, quietly, patiently, hoping someone will notice me. I am done being given the short end of the stick. I am done contenting myself with scraps. I am done listening to what others tell me I need to do or should be doing. I demand and insist that things change for the better, immediately.
Because I am about to walk off this stage…