9-21-2020 – I Am Done Writing

I have just had a sort of break down. Packed up all my writing books to go back to the library. Threw these stupid bookmarks inspiring me to write and other things to the back of the desk drawer. This will be my very last bit of writing for a while. I quit.

Spent the last 3 days or so looking for something I wanted. I needed the outlet. I do not enjoy writing. I do not love it. Yet I am told this is what I am here to do. Fine. But give me other things I can enjoy and love! But no, the Universe refuses to grant even that.

All I want is a STABLE, SMOOTH RUNNING, Android Environment running INSIDE WINDOWS that will let me install and play ANY GAME in the Google Play Store. Not downloading the .apks. No, using Google Play and having UNRESTRICTED ACCESS to every title. So the Android Environment will have to look, to Google, like a Samsung Galaxy S9 or even my LG G7 ThinQ. Something released in the last 2 years running Android 9. And it also must be recordable using OBS or some other reasonable solution.

I just want to sit down and try a few new games that game out on Google Play, doing gameplay videos of them for YouTube. That’s it, and I do not think it is too much to ask, or even demand, as the case may be.

I have put up with an old crappy laptop. I have put up with an old gaming PC. I have put up with limited finances. I have put up with being alone, single, dateless and unmarried. I have put up with not having space to exercise, do yoga or meditate. I have put up with sleeping in the RV because I do not have a bedroom. I continue to put up with living a life I do not want, and have even renounced suicide, committing myself fully to live.

I have put with so much shit over the years I know I am well past any reasonable quota. I am putting my foot down on this, telling everything and everyone in whatever realms exist that if they want me to write they better damn well give me what I want.

Don’t expect anything else to show up here anytime soon.

9-19-2020 – After The Storm

So the windstorm lasted about 3 days, and it took down part of a standing dead tree not far from where the RV I sleep in is parked. Also not far from the horse trough and power lines overhead. It scattered limbs all over the place, and we are still cleaning everything up.

After that the fires in the east and across the river left a smokey, thick air that literally hung around for a week. It made my nostrils burn, made it hard to think or do anything, much less breathe, and I am sad to report I go almost nothing done. In fact fell into a fairly bad mindset, and didn’t even try to meet online with the two writer’s groups I have tentatively joined.

But yesterday I saw the sun, the full sun, not some dull pink disc hanging in the sky! It really did life my spirits, that and the fact I could see the distant hills again, as the smog or fog or rain clouds or whatever combination had receded. Whatever is there is still there, but the air is fresh and clear, and the bad stuff seems to have been pushed out to the distant hills, or washed away.

Just the other night we had such a downpour of rain! A real cloudburst, but it lasted for a few hours before dropping off to a normal rain. The water in my horse trough became a sort of green stew with leaves and pieces of moss floating around inside. I dunked my face in it before I knew that. Now the ground is wet and the birds are singing again. I swear I hardly heard anything other than dogs barking these last few days. No owls hooting at night or birds singing at the close of the day, as I hear now. I always wonder what they are saying to each other. Something like good night, hide well so the predators don’t get you?

Also the other day I suffered from a very bad headache. I am sure it is stress, from all that has happened with the conditions outside recently, to concerns and strains with my life, to the stupid game I insist on playing. I had to come to a place where I decided I would not let the game get to me, and if it started to, I would stop playing. To just let go of the goals I wanted to accomplish but, currently, are unable to. There is great freedom in embracing your current, perceived limitations. Just acknowledging that this is where you are, and to stop struggling so damn much!

We fight so hard to control things, to make things bend to our will. We make it harder than it ever has to be. We espouse hard work as some kind of virtue. We really are like Sisyphus, pushing that damn rock up the hill, over and over again, and for what? Why not just let it go? What is the point in fighting if you are certain you will not win? By all means, work hard at the things that matter to you. But only on the things that matter to you, that you really care about. And learn to walk a balance between pushing ahead and easing off. If you drove your car like you drive your life you will get into a wreck before you know it! The brake pedal is there for a reason.

Just as in driving there is pushing ahead, slowing down, stopping, there are times in life when pushing is necessary, there are times in life to let go, and there are times in life to simply hit the brakes and let things be as they are. How are you driving your life? Pedal to the metal, full steam ahead? Straight into whatever immutable obstacle awaits you, right into the waiting arms of cancer and disease. You are literally pushing yourself to death!

Life does not have to be so hard. I need to hear this as much as I need to say it. There is a flow, and sometimes you drift with it, and sometimes you grab the oars and row. You always get to choose where to point your vessel. But you only get to choose where to point it. You are not in control of the flow, you have no say in the direction or strength of the current. But you can choose what course to take, and what direction you will go.

These next few days will bring some changes, some things I am going to try and work through. I will come back here with anything I learn.

8-14-2020 – What EXACTLY Do I Do Now?

I mentioned in my last post how I renounced suicide and committed fully to life. One of the things keeping me from getting over that final hurdle was the thought that if I came out on the other side of this and nothing changed, what do I do? Because now I would be stuck, and there would be nothing else I could do. Nothing else I know of to change or address.

Well I have been wandering around the land on the other side of the fence for a few days now, and nothing has changed. Nothing has gotten any clearer. Nothing of the things I need or want has come to me. About all I can say is that maybe I am a littler happier, a little lighter. I don’t seem to be carrying as much around with me. I guess on the other side, where I was, I was lugging around a lot of stuff. Not to mention the seeming possibility of Underworld Spirits glommed onto me.

Living on this side of the fence has been like freeing myself of a lot of extra stuff, like shedding layers of clothes I no longer need. It feels like I am dragging a lot less stuff around with me. But I am still without resources in my life. No money, no friends in physical proximity, no space of my own – none of the things I think I had been pushing away from me all these years. I thought all that good would come crashing onto and into me, but no, it’s still out there, just out of reach.

I have to do a vlog and I have no idea what I will talk about. Do I attempt to come right out and confess that, until a couple of days ago, I was considering suicide? I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to share that, but the purpose of a vlog is to share. You are giving people an intimate glimpse into your life. And they say confession is good for the soul, though I doubt anyone that ever said that confessed anything.

I feel this pressure, or maybe its more like a push, to get a job. I know I am doing this to myself, but watching the oldest daughter get ready for work early this morning made me feel guilty somehow. As far as everyone is concerned, even if they don’t say it, I should be out there working too. All men under the age of 60 should be put there working. Isn’t that what everyone believes? Or is it just my own beliefs adopted from my parents speaking up here?

I am not even sure it is about getting a job, or getting money. I think it might be more about doing something. I feel as if I am sitting around here with my writing and YouTubing and somehow, no matter how much work I put into these, I am not doing enough. I am lazy. Unless I am out there, sweating under fluorescent lights somewhere, I am not doing enough.

There is one thing I think I like about this new scenery though. I seem to somehow have become more focused on building my absolute best life. I have changed from the “…life I want to live” suicidal mentality to “…my absolute best life.” Things seem like they just need definition, lists. I have a job to do, I just need direction, and I can build whatever it is I want to build. It didn’t even seem plausible on the other side of the fence.

So I started a new journal, listed the things I will no longer tolerate, and followed up with a list of things I must to, to build and create my best life. 5 things for each list. Seems doable. On this side of the fence I feel like I can do it. It’s just a matter of getting to work, and I have been doing that. It’s something like when I wanted to make a village in the trees for Morrowind. I wanted a staircase that went around the trunks. I just sat down in Blender and built it. Or did I use 3DS Max? In any case, it feels like that. Like I know what I want to build now, and I can see it, and I just need to keep constructing it.

But this is conflicting with the reality, which has not changed, that I have no income. No way to support myself or stand on my own. I feel like unless I am doing something to bring in the income, I am somehow failing, or not doing enough. There are so many things I need, and a lot of things I want, and I can’t tend to any of that. In that sense, nothing has changed from then to now. All I have working for me is this subtle idea in the back of my mind that it is possible, I just have to build it. Just have to create it. I am grateful to have this.

I guess I can also say that some subtle changes have come into my writing and YouTube work as well. It seems easier somehow to sit here and write. And my YouTube work is still enjoyable, but it has now become almost effortless. I am not struggling in these creative endeavors any longer. I am really enjoying this aspect of being here, on this side of the fence, as well. I really do appreciate these subtle positive changes. But I really want some big positive changes to show up, and soon.

As the Starks used to say, “Winter Is Coming.”

And I am still sleeping in the RV.

8-11-2020 – The Road Ahead

At my other blog I talk more about this subject. I wanted to keep the focus at this blog more spiritual, more positive, of a higher frequency or vibration. But what kind of music has absolutely no low notes? How long would you want to listen to something with that thumping base, or the lower registers sung by a soulful voice?

For some of you this will be no surprise. You have perhaps gleaned it from a few things that snuck into this blog, that I wrote here before I transferred them, maybe even a few things that are still here and not yet moved. I have been through a lot and my life has not been pleasant. I have no room for complaints however. As bad as things have been, compared to some others, they pale in comparison. But I have still felt pain, the sting of rejection, the chiding voice of failure, the stern voices of my dad and his dad back through time telling me to work hard, stop complaining, etc.

Some years back I experienced such a large amount of pain that I began to entertain the though of killing myself. I continued to entertain this thought, as a way to be free, a way to escape, way out of a life I do not want to live, all the way until two days ago. For a variety of reasons I had been leaning towards renouncing suicide, which means I would be committing fully to life. But I was unable to find the impetus or drive, as I had when I was finally able to renounce my former Christian faith. But I have been reading Shaman Durek’s book, “Spirit Hacking“, and one of this hacks instructs how to bring underworld spirits into the light.

Now when I renounced my former faith I also turned my back on ideas of heaven, hell and purgatory. I came to believe that the afterlife is a vast place, and you will experience exactly what you expect to experience when you get there. I also believe that spiritual things are simple, not complicated, no need for ceremonies or rituals or anything like that. This teaching of Shaman Durek, about an Underworld we (human beings) have created, the exists in the Darkness, and which it is our responsibility to clean up, did not resonate with me at all. Furthermore that there are these Underworld Spirits (U.S.) that are the negative voices whispering in our minds, and we must bring them into the light.

I wasn’t buying it, and I am not sure I am buying it now. But I addressed the U.S. whispering thoughts of suicide, and I release it into the light, along with 2 other U.S. and after doing so, I was able to decide that I was going to renounce suicide and commit fully to life. Something had changed in me. I tried to do a video for The Circle talking about all of this. But it seems as if I had another U.S. that was causing me to feel irritable, slightly angry, giving me headaches and making me tired. Its task was to help me play small, to avoid my calling and to avoid getting hurt. Since releasing this spirit into the light I have had the desire and ability to write, this and a few other things.

I do not know what the future holds. I will continue to work with these Underworld Spirits, bringing them to the light, and at the same time I will continue to doubt their existence and the existence of this Underworld. I am just not sold on something that reminds me of those Christian beliefs I held so long ago. Maybe I an throwing the baby out with the bathwater here. I accept that I may need to re-evaluate certain things. And I accept that everything Shaman Durek teaches may be for real, and true. That this Underworld could very well exist, and could very well be populated by Underworld Spirits, who whisper negative things into my head.

Why are they doing that? I need to re-read the passage, as I do not thing the shaman speaks of this. He also misses that some folks, like myself, are psychic and can interact in all three ways (Audio, Visual, Kinesthetic.) I usually hear a voice in my head, not my own, not really heard as it is more telepathic rather than going through my ears. Sometimes I get images too. And I am definitely talking about I feel this or that. In any case it is my theory that these U.S. are the Universe answering our requests. These requests are typically unspoken and we are unaware of making them. Something happens, an event occurs or we experience something, and this brings about a desire in us that we typically never speak of. The U.S. comes as an answer to that request, to empower it and to give you what you asked for.

In my case the Underworld Spirit was helping me avoid getting hurt and experiencing pain, by helping me to play small and avoid my calling, to the point that I do not even really know what my calling may be. I just know that I am a builder and creator, and that I love to build and make things. I also enjoy taking things apart and learning how they work. I think at one point I wanted to be a singer, or a musician of some sort, and at the same time I was afraid of it for some reason, so I stuffed that desire down until it was extinguished. In the case of the U.S. that was whispering suicide, it was trying to make it easier for me to do this, supporting me in my desire to be free, to just run away.

I am sure that there is more work to be done. I must also open myself, and be receptive to, all the good I had been pushing away from myself, because I felt like I was unworthy, worthless, without value. The Underword Spirit whispering suicide was causing these feelings in me as well, as it would be very hard for me to kill myself if I felt things like hope, worthiness, self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. I still have a fear in me that this change, monumental as it may be, will not be enough to “fix” things in my life experience. Strangely I didn’t even think about this fear when I committed filly to living. But it was there, holding me back, initially.

I don’t know what the future holds. I have no idea if the road ahead will continue to be rough and full of potholes, or if it will finally, finally smooth out. I only know that I will have to keep going on it, to its end, its natural conclusion. I have no other choice or option to consider now. I am left to figure out what I will do next. Things will likely change over the next few months. I am just going to try to flow, not force, my way along. Not going to try to make any particular thing happen. Just give myself some room to adjust, course correct and change as needed.

Whatever may lie ahead, may I embrace it, may I walk the Path of Light and Love to the best of my abilities, during my time here. May the future be bright, filled with hope and promise. May I fully embrace my calling, whatever it may be, and may I exhaustively explore the depths of my creativity, in whatever ways it wishes to express itself.

7-27-2020 – What Will I Do, Going Forward?

So I took part of the Life in a Day project over at YouTube. But over the last few days I have been struggling with a lot of things. I came to see how my motivation, my mindset, towards doing YouTube is not the best. I have heard it said by many YouTubers that you have to do videos about whatever it is you are passionate about. As I thought about this, defining passion as the desire to do something even if you are not earning money, or getting views or subscribers, I realized that I have nothing I am doing at YouTube that fits that description.

That and the other day the lady I worked for basically implied and said I was spoiled. She talked about some time, a few years back, we went out to eat and how I didn’t tip correctly. I hate it when people do this, because I can not properly recall the entire context and details of the time. So I am left doubting myself and feeling worthless. Up to that point I though I had done well. She said I picked the most expensive item on the menu. I thought I had done well to find an item on the menu with a price within my budget that I was interested in. I didn’t pick the place afterall.

After doing my videos for Life in a Day, and these experiences with the lady I work for, I felt really down, and now I am looking at everything I have done for YouTube recently and wondering if I should just quit it all, because none of it am I doing out of any feeling of love or passion. I have no idea what I love or am passionate about, that I could make videos about, and could consistently upload to YouTube at least once every week. I tried to think about this last night before I was too exhausted and fell asleep. I do like making video tutorials and helping people. Also I could do some Minecraft building videos, or Creativerse. I dunno.

I think doing the vlogs is doing some good though, as it is developing more self-confidence in me. I am finding it easier and easier to talk to the camera. I think that is a good thing. Been toying with the idea of writing short stories again, and maybe I will submit some to this new site called Storyfire. Need to send a text to my friend, let him know I am struggling. Recently picked yp a hold from the local library entitled, “Writing To Awaken” by Mark Matousek. It looks promising. But how many books will I go through until something shifts in some meaningful and substantial way inside me, helping to create lasting, positive change in my life? Again I dunno.

Going to try to focus back on my writing, now that much of my YouTube organizing is done. Just a few things to wrap up. I let my YouTube work break my writing habit, and now I have to re-establish it, and find time for both things, and SpreadShirt, AND a little fun. Because I am doing nothing at all this summer and that sucks. Man I miss going to the theater!

More later…

7-20-2020 – Has It Really Been That Long?

Sheesh! I come home, look at the clock, and decide I should do some writing, as YouTube and work have taken over. Seriously. The last week has been many days spent outside doing various things for a lady I work for occasionally. When I wasn’t doing that I was working on YouTube.

Well a couple of items of good news… I guess from being more active I have dropped about 10 pounds. I was around 300, now I am in the early 290s. But before you go and congratulate me, note that this is a gain from my normal weight these last few years of 280. I will stop worrying about my weight when I start rocking a chest area I can walk around shirtless with and not feel ashamed, and when I am in the 250 pound range and stay there.

The other good news is I have done a new tech video for BlissTech, and I have been really pushing out the Vlogs and RAID videos. I have also dived into Randonautica and had my first adventure. It took me to a field in the middle of nowhere where I found… Something… You will have to watch the video to see what:
https://youtu.be/AT1XED6FJZw

Planning on going out to find Neowise tonight, and may check out a few nearby Randonautica points I have pinned. The work continues on BlissVlog and DreamBliss at YouTube, moving things to their new homes. Trying to save as many of the comments as I can. Well I just thought of how to do it, and am doing that now.

The next hurdle is to re-establish my writing habit once my YouTube adjustments are complete. Oh and in case I didn’t mention it, I have another year here, but I was not clearly informed that I have to pay rent this month, so I am $200 behind on that. That is my other pressing concern, and then next month, while I do not have rent to pay, my parents are shouldering the load, and I am not sure they can handle it. So I may have to get a job of some sort. Looking now. If that happens the work here and at YouTube will slow.

You guys check out the comet Neowise yet?

7-7-2020 – A Long Overdue Update

OK, so I am not entirely sure what all I have said here about YouTube. I think I have mentioned that I have committed to being a professional YouTuber, and to that end I have been focusing my efforts on my channels over the last week or so. If you are curious about what I have been up to, here is a brief layout:

BlissVlogs is where I will be uploading a weekly vlog, and it is also the new home of The Circle. In addition to this I have had my first adventure as a Randonaut, and I am putting those videos up there as well. I also have an idea for a video where I will do the “red door, yellow door” game, but using what I know about self-hypnosis as well as my empathic/intuitive abilities. Not sure how that will work out and if it will become a series of some sort or not.

BlissArchives will just be a place I will stash old vidoes that may be soon deleted. I thought I would set them aside for now in case anyone wanted me to keep them up.

BlissClips is where I have stashed a lot of shorter videos, including those in the PSA and Tips ‘n Tricks series. Later I will be using this as a clips channel, where I will put shorter, to-the-point bits from longer videos.

BlissTech will be the home of all my old video tutorials, and perhaps some new ones in the future.

Of course, DreamBliss remains my main channel, and will be focused on videos for RAID Shadow Legends and Minecraft.

This well it’s time to put the nose to the ‘ol grindstone and get back to writing, my primary occupation. I guess I should let you guys know that I did hear back from Analog, where I submitted my story, “XO”, but it was a rejection. Not sure if I mentioned I was submitting this a few months back or not. Well I finally heard back from them a few weeks ago, and as you can imagine, it was a kick to the groin.

THEN the ebook I was writing for the graduations… Well I spent a few hours writing away and lost all that day’s content. I know sort of what I was writing about, but have decided that maybe it was for the best that I lost it, so I won’t try to reconstruct it. But that knocked me down and I haven’t been able to look at the document since.

THEN I watched myself doing the Randonaut video and I realized that I looked like someone with mental issues. Probably talk like that to. I saw that I looked a lot worse than I ever thought I did. I mean I know and was aware that I didn’t look great. But I never realized I looked THAT terrible! That was another kick to the groin.

THEN July 4th happened, and if any of you have been reading this blog over the years, you know how melancholic I get around this time of year. Add to that the need for some sort of exercise regimen because I am in such poor physical condition.

Good news is I am starting to come out of it now, I am at my keyboard, writing again, I will return to my ebook this week, do some last edits, call it finished and submit it. I am thinking about a YouTube release, addressed to the graduates. But maybe I need to find other places to submit it. I really want it to give our young people some information that wouldn’t normally otherwise receive, and probably have never received, which will aid them in the years to come, especially with the challenges we are currently facing.

I have more work to do at YouTube, more artwork to create for end cards and each channel’s background image. I also need to finish organizing and moving things around. I want to write short stories again. Maybe horror, maybe something else. But I think I will preoccupy myself with that. I am also going to figure out what next to submit and where to do so.

Of course I will keep everyone updated here, and I will bring in some more poetry. I just haven’t been in that special place a person has to be in that allows poetry to come out. Also overcoming some more identified obsticals to manifesting things, using Gabriel Berstein’s book, “Super Attractor.” According to her book I am a “manic manifester” with “pusher” tendencies. I am going to have to get this figured out, because I need to talk with my folks about selling the RV. If they want to do that, I will need another place to sleep at night.

If you watch any of my YouTube videos, comment below, let me know you are watching and what you think. If you have an idea for something you would like me to do, let me know.

Next update intended to be in a week or less.

What Is Bliss Writer About?

I just read a section titled, “Serve Your Audience” from Sage Cohen’s, “Fierce on the Page“, while listening to Illenium’s, “Ascend.” Hit The Broken Ones and started to tear up. Not sure what is going on with me. I wasn’t even sure what I would write about today. But it occurred to me that maybe I should tell everyone who comes here what this blog is about. What its intention is.

Bliss Writer comes on the heels of a few other blogs, including Romance Beyond Reality, and a gaming website I tried to keep going called the Nucleus. It is a natural evolution of my own journey, as the years pass and the hard lessons keep coming. Bliss Writer is essentially a journal. But it is also a place where spiritual ideas and insights are shared, as I learn them or come to realize them.

I wanted a place to express myself when I first started out. Now my focus is to maintain the habit of writing as I have since embraced myself as a writer. I started Bliss Writer as I embarked on a new spiritual path, my own spiritual path. I was letting go of old Christian beliefs and finding teachings that resonated with me from a variety of faiths. But now I continue Bliss Writer, still waking my own spiritual path, but now also walking the path of a poet and a writer.

Unfortunately, the spiritual side of things is not always bright and sunny. Or at least it has not been for me. Maybe for some folks it is. But for me I have endured Belief Systems Crash, trying to apply teachings and failing to manifest anything, and at least a few Dark Night of the Souls. It has not been an easy journey. But I did want to keep the darker aspects of myself and my journey away from Bliss Writer, and that is why I felt I had to start another blog and begin the ongoing process of weeding out old posts that do not reflect the image I want to portray here.

I do not want to hide from or ignore the darkness. I just don’t want to dive into it here, splashing it around all over you, the reader. I want to express all that stuff, all the death thoughts, sexual thoughts, excessive swearing, etc. somewhere else. I know I need to embrace it as it is a part of me. It is just not a part that you, my reader, needs to see. I will not hide from you that I have this other side, but I am also determined not to expose you to it. That side I reserve for sharing with my closest friends, or friend in this case, and those who love and support me regardless. Whenever they deign to show up in my life anyway.

So Bliss Writer might get harsh and brush up against the darkness. It is not trying to hide any of that from you. That is part of the spiritual journey. But the energy here must be of a higher frequency, a higher vibration, as much as possible. I would like Bliss Writer to become a support community, for myself and each of my readers, as we all explore our various spiritual paths. I really want it to be a place to share spiritual ideas, insights, revelations, etc. I want it to be a loving, open, receptive, sharing community.

I will share teachings here, journal entries to update you, insights, poetry and other materials as I am inspired to write them. This is what Bliss Writer is about. Someone has to take the first step, to reach out. Someone has to put their arms out, ready to embrace. In this case, at this blog, that is me, and I am still waiting for you, the reader, to accept my open invitation. But I admit to being afraid that things will continue as they have, being one-sided, so it feels to me as if I am talking to the void, with nobody really listening or paying attention. I will set an intention that this change.

Maybe Bliss Writer will have to be retired like my other blogs. Maybe I need to start a Discord server or something. Maybe I need to start a website or a forums. But for now Bliss Writer is the easiest way for me to readily share whatever I have to share, continuing my writing habit, establishing me even more as a writer.

If you have come to this blog and left feeling confused, I apologize. If there are blog entries, sections or anything else that do not seem to fit, please let me know. I want to be sure that when you come in here, you will expect updates, teachings and poetry, and that is what you will find. Also that these materials will be of a certain energy. If I have failed anywhere in either regard, I wish to immediately correct it.

I am here, at Bliss Writer, to tell you that you are not alone. It is hard to leave a faith you have held for many years. Especially if your parents and their parents also hold it. It is hard to believe something so deeply that when it falls apart, it seems like your world is coming down around you. It is hard to find the light, or even remember it is there, when you are caught up struggling through the morass and all around you is darkness. It is really hard being a poet when it seems as if nobody wants anything to do with poetry. Who really wants to stand up proudly and proclaim they are a poet? And it is hard to be a writer, who has written things for decades, and just wants to get something published but has found nothing but rejection letters.

If any of that describes you, then Bliss Writer can be a haven for you. It is a place where someone, going through the same things, continues to plunk away at the keyboard, sharing their ideas, inspirations and thoughts. Such a journey, as the one we are on, is easier if it is taken together.

Welcome to Bliss Writer!

Welcome home.

6-8-2020 – Probably About Time I Did An Update…

It’s weird… I started writing an ebook, intending that it should be given away for free. That seems to have sucked up all my time. Before that I was writing an autobiography. Working through painful memories is tough. I haven’t felt really inspired to write a poem for a while. Well maybe once recently, then I forgot to write down what came to me. Maybe I can do that here later.

So this is a sort of update to let all my readers know what’s going on. Firstly, I do not have the coronavirus so no worries there. I did catch something in California that I have still not shook, it causes me to cough occasionally – and I have been dealing with some really bad stomach issues. That has been going in for years now. Overall though I am feeling good, getting out getting some exercise. I happen to have a development a short ways away from my driveway – a nice wide sidewalk I can run barefoot on.

Learned some more on manifesting things thanks to Shaman Durek’s book, “Spirit Hacking.” I have been applying that and it has kicked in in major ways. The aforementioned stomach issues, and the headache I had after that, are two things I used everything I have learned, including from Shaman Durek, to free myself of these physical symptoms. I haven’t found the energetic cause yet, but I am working on putting my awareness there and figuring that out. I will use this with whatever I got in Cali too. I think it is something like walking pneumonia, due to being wet and shivering cold all night.

I still have a place to live for a month, but things may change come July. Possible landlord issues. I will, of course, and have been, applying all the manifestation teachings to this. I am championing and cheering on what is the highest best for all of us, whether or two families go their separate ways or stay together. I have come to see I need my own space though, my own spot for writing and YouTube. I can’t sleep in the RV and work in what is essentially my parent’s living room any longer.

I am also working through Gay Hendricks, “Learning To Love Yourself”, and both these books I am mentioning I have likely mentioned before. But there is a lot of material there, and sometimes each book goes over the same terrain. It is interesting. I recommend buying Learning To Love Yourself. I can not recommend Shaman Durek’s book just yet. There are some conflicting things in there. But I can say it is worth reading, checking out at your library when they open again, or renting the ebook if you can find it.

Now speaking of YouTube… I have recently committed to embracing myself as a professional YouTuber, much as I have embraced being a writer. So I will be working on my YouTube channel and changing things. New content will be coming, and I will be doing regular content both here and there. If there is anything you would like to see me do in YouTube, comment below with your suggestions.

As it stands now I would like to do videos for RAID Shadow Legends and become part of Plarium’s Creator’s Club. I will also do things for Minecraft and possibly Morrowind. This content will be on my main channel, and I will have other channels for Tech where I will place tutorials, and Vlog for Vlogging. The Circle will likely be placed in the Vlog channel. I will likely archive everything else in the Archive channel. My previous work at YouTube was done without monetization or any real care to be honest. I wanted to help people, I did the best videos I could, but I never spent time making things professional. Never took time with my YouTube work. That is now changing.

I guess the last thing to mention is that I am looking into a college path again, this time for a 4-year degree. If I can find the funding and avoid loans, I would like to go to Southern California University to pursue a Bachelor’s in Architecture. I have been facing a lot of resistance to this on some internal level. I need to sit down, fill out the forms, begin the hoop jumping and see if everything falls into place as it did for Clark college.

I am not sure I can commit to one video and one blog post every week. But I think it is important that I commit to something, maybe 1 each minimum every two weeks? I will be adjusting my Patreon campaign accordingly. I still have my SpreadShirt campaign, and you can now get facemasks!