What Is Working In My Writing?

Sage Cohen, in her book, “Fierce on the Page“, talks about focusing on what is working, instead of what is not (chapter 13). As I took a look at myself, all I could think about is what is not working, what I am not doing. Obviously I am focused on what is not working if these are my thoughts. Especially since I am struggling to pinpoint what is working in my writing life.

So, in my writing, what is working? I thought I would sit down and work this out in a blog post, as my last blog post kinda sucked (again, focused on what is not working.) You can do this with me. What is working in your creative life, in whatever way you express yourself creatively?

For me, one of the things I love about when I am writing is when I sit down and sort of fall into a flow state, AKA “The Zone.” When I just get lost in a story I am telling, and it’s like I am experiencing the story at the same time I am writing it. Which, going back to what is not working, why it hurts me so much, why it sucks so much, when I loose the thread and can no longer “pick up” the story. I hate that!

Something else that works for me in my writing is how some things I am working on seem to resonate with me. I have a bunch of shortcuts on my desk to various documents that I felt strongly connected to at the time I created them. I will likely write in one of these. It is so satisfying when you open up a document, and can “pick up the thread” as it were. When this happens I absolutely love it!

Another thing that was working for me in my writing and might work again, is my chosen established writing time. It wasn’t a huge victory, but enough of one that I noticed, when I managed to establish a writing habit. I accepted that I am a writer, made it clear to the others that live here when I am writing and identified myself to them as a writer, then wrote at that time. When I was doing this, it was nice to have that small victory in my writing process. It is also easier to fall back into it now that I have been away from it a while.

I love the high energy, high frequency, high vibration, positive state I am in when poetry comes. Those days when multiple poems would come at once. Nothing phased me, I was in love with the world, engaged with it and all I was experiencing around me, whether it was scenery I was watching or a breeze playing over my skin or the sounds of water flowing, or children playing. If I knew how to live in that state forever, I would. But when I find myself in this state, especially after long absences away, I just enjoy it, relish it and the poetry writing flows effortlessly.

I loved the stories I was able to complete. The short horror stories and, to my eyes, the satisfying endings. I loved creating those endings, and most if not all of the time I never had it planned out in my head. I had this idea for a story. I created a character, plunked them into the story and built it around them based on the idea. Then I watched things develop through their eyes, from the beginning to the end. I went through everything they went through. I lived the story with them. I got scared when they got scared. Then I would wrap everything up, and it hardly ever felt wrong. It felt right. It felt complete. I would like to return to writing short stories like that, and I would LOVE to be able to write longer tales the same way!

I love how certain things I read can have such an impact on me, even to the point of affecting my writing. I once started a story that was completely in rhyme, inspired by the Tolkien books. Managed to get through the first chapter or introduction, then lost it. But I would like to figure out how to access that way of writing, and do an entire short story, or even a novel, completely in rhyme, I am sure I could do it, if I could just figure out how to fall into a state conducive for that writing to happen.

I loved the beauty of that piece I linked you to in my last blog post. I can barely remember when I wrote it. But on discovering it, and reading it again all this time later, I cried a little. It spoke to me. I can hardly believe I wrote it. I can’t even recall the spirit or state I was in when I wrote it. I have some vague idea, but nothing concrete. Yet it says so eloquently what I wanted to say at the time, what I still want to say. I strongly desire to write more parables and things like this. I mean it worked for Kahlil Gibran!

I think that if when I sat down to write I experienced more of these things I enjoyed and loved and less of the struggle I have been wrestling with I would write a lot more. I would develop and grow as a writer much quicker. I know I denied this aspect of myself all these years, and there are consequences for that. I likely have a lot of slogging uphill in the mud to do before I get anywhere in my writing. But I am looking forward to that sunny, green hilltop. That alpine meadow with all the flowers, birds and a few hardy trees. That space where my writing has become more than habit, it has become my life, and I am literally putting my life energy into every word I type. Bleeding on the page energetically, in a state of ecstasy. I look forward to that day, and desire it to come soon!

So, reader, if you are a writer, what are the things that are working in your writing? If you are an artist what are the things that are working in your drawing, painting, sculpting, etc? Any advice or thoughts that you would care to share with everyone? Please comment below.

Embracing All You Have Refused To Accept – Running Towards All You Have Been Running Away From

Longest… Title… Ever… As I sat down and asked myself, “Is there anything I want to write here?” Is the blog due another post?” it occurred to me that I have not written a teaching type article in a while. Not sure how long, but I am fairly certain that it has been some time. I wondered what I could teach you, and one of the things that came to mind was I could talk about what I am learning.

Time and again it has been told to me that I was avoiding, running away from, playing small, trying to be invisible, etc. I have been instructed to embrace my calling (which appears to be writing), to embrace my fear, to stop playing small, to stop running away from hurt, pain and rejection. I have been told that I have… Not sure the right words… Avoided success because I didn’t want to fail, or failed initially because I didn’t want t fail in a big way, as in after I had succeeded.

Until I was told these things I thought I was being responsible and facing my fears. But somehow I have been in continuous avoidance, running away and playing small all these years. All of this taking place I guess outside my conscious awareness. All of this taking place without me being aware of it at all. I wonder what kind of experiences I must have had as a child to essentially ask for help running away so I could stay invisible and not have to be hurt. I always thought I had a high tolerance for pain. Maybe physically, but inside, emotionally, I must be like that character Glass that Samuel Jackson plays. I must have been unable to tolerate it.

The path ahead of me is clear. I must embrace my calling, my fear, and everything I have been running away from. I must embrace failure, pain, success and everything else I may experience as I do what I came here to do, which is apparently to write, although what I do not know. I twisted things up inside so much that I couldn’t recognize writing as my calling – I am still not seeing it. I lost most of my enjoyment for it and all of my passion. I also have to stop playing small and making myself invisible. It isn’t serving anyone, especially me. I must embrace success and any sort of roller coaster ride of emotion that may come with it.

Don’t fuck things up like I have. I messed myself up so badly… All these things I was doing to distract myself, and because I also hated myself, hated my body and could not accept it. I did not know how deep the rot went.

So if there is something that, deep down inside, you know you must do, DO IT. Immediately! If there is anything you have been running away from, it is time to turn around and face it. Stop running, stop playing small, stop trying to make yourself invisible. Just stop. Find a way to love and accept yourself as you are, all of you as you are, every aspect that you think of as you. The longer you run away, the harder it will be to stop running. The more ingrained all the bad habits will be ingrained, and the stronger the spell of forgetfulness that you have cast on yourself.

If you are sitting there, reading this, wondering what the hell to do with your life, you have wandered too far from your calling. You are lost, and you have to find your way back. You have to remember that thing you used to do, maybe you still do, that used to bring you joy, that used to make you happy, that you used to get lost in doing for long stretches of time. Stop running away and allowing yourself to get distracted. Make the time and do that thing you are called to do.

I don’t have any sort of guaranteed process or any steps for you to go through. I am pointing towards the moon, but you have to find your own way there. I know the processes that have helped me to get to the place where I am waking up and starting to disentangle myself, and I will share all of that with you. But that process may not resonate or be the best for you. One thing you can do is to state your pain. State, out loud, that thing causing your pain, or that you are struggling with. Make yourself aware of it, write it down. That will be the first step in working through it.

You can do this. Embrace your power, take responsibility for the life you are experiencing. If you are not happy, it is time to change it.

You can do this.

Believe it!

What Is Bliss Writer About?

I just read a section titled, “Serve Your Audience” from Sage Cohen’s, “Fierce on the Page“, while listening to Illenium’s, “Ascend.” Hit The Broken Ones and started to tear up. Not sure what is going on with me. I wasn’t even sure what I would write about today. But it occurred to me that maybe I should tell everyone who comes here what this blog is about. What its intention is.

Bliss Writer comes on the heels of a few other blogs, including Romance Beyond Reality, and a gaming website I tried to keep going called the Nucleus. It is a natural evolution of my own journey, as the years pass and the hard lessons keep coming. Bliss Writer is essentially a journal. But it is also a place where spiritual ideas and insights are shared, as I learn them or come to realize them.

I wanted a place to express myself when I first started out. Now my focus is to maintain the habit of writing as I have since embraced myself as a writer. I started Bliss Writer as I embarked on a new spiritual path, my own spiritual path. I was letting go of old Christian beliefs and finding teachings that resonated with me from a variety of faiths. But now I continue Bliss Writer, still waking my own spiritual path, but now also walking the path of a poet and a writer.

Unfortunately, the spiritual side of things is not always bright and sunny. Or at least it has not been for me. Maybe for some folks it is. But for me I have endured Belief Systems Crash, trying to apply teachings and failing to manifest anything, and at least a few Dark Night of the Souls. It has not been an easy journey. But I did want to keep the darker aspects of myself and my journey away from Bliss Writer, and that is why I felt I had to start another blog and begin the ongoing process of weeding out old posts that do not reflect the image I want to portray here.

I do not want to hide from or ignore the darkness. I just don’t want to dive into it here, splashing it around all over you, the reader. I want to express all that stuff, all the death thoughts, sexual thoughts, excessive swearing, etc. somewhere else. I know I need to embrace it as it is a part of me. It is just not a part that you, my reader, needs to see. I will not hide from you that I have this other side, but I am also determined not to expose you to it. That side I reserve for sharing with my closest friends, or friend in this case, and those who love and support me regardless. Whenever they deign to show up in my life anyway.

So Bliss Writer might get harsh and brush up against the darkness. It is not trying to hide any of that from you. That is part of the spiritual journey. But the energy here must be of a higher frequency, a higher vibration, as much as possible. I would like Bliss Writer to become a support community, for myself and each of my readers, as we all explore our various spiritual paths. I really want it to be a place to share spiritual ideas, insights, revelations, etc. I want it to be a loving, open, receptive, sharing community.

I will share teachings here, journal entries to update you, insights, poetry and other materials as I am inspired to write them. This is what Bliss Writer is about. Someone has to take the first step, to reach out. Someone has to put their arms out, ready to embrace. In this case, at this blog, that is me, and I am still waiting for you, the reader, to accept my open invitation. But I admit to being afraid that things will continue as they have, being one-sided, so it feels to me as if I am talking to the void, with nobody really listening or paying attention. I will set an intention that this change.

Maybe Bliss Writer will have to be retired like my other blogs. Maybe I need to start a Discord server or something. Maybe I need to start a website or a forums. But for now Bliss Writer is the easiest way for me to readily share whatever I have to share, continuing my writing habit, establishing me even more as a writer.

If you have come to this blog and left feeling confused, I apologize. If there are blog entries, sections or anything else that do not seem to fit, please let me know. I want to be sure that when you come in here, you will expect updates, teachings and poetry, and that is what you will find. Also that these materials will be of a certain energy. If I have failed anywhere in either regard, I wish to immediately correct it.

I am here, at Bliss Writer, to tell you that you are not alone. It is hard to leave a faith you have held for many years. Especially if your parents and their parents also hold it. It is hard to believe something so deeply that when it falls apart, it seems like your world is coming down around you. It is hard to find the light, or even remember it is there, when you are caught up struggling through the morass and all around you is darkness. It is really hard being a poet when it seems as if nobody wants anything to do with poetry. Who really wants to stand up proudly and proclaim they are a poet? And it is hard to be a writer, who has written things for decades, and just wants to get something published but has found nothing but rejection letters.

If any of that describes you, then Bliss Writer can be a haven for you. It is a place where someone, going through the same things, continues to plunk away at the keyboard, sharing their ideas, inspirations and thoughts. Such a journey, as the one we are on, is easier if it is taken together.

Welcome to Bliss Writer!

Welcome home.

A Vital Aspect of Working Through Feelings

I learned something, a long time ago, after years of trying to play the referee for my parents whenever they were fighting. I tried for so long to keep them together, trying to problem solve, inserting myself into their arguments, trying to calm everyone down. But something happened (the details elude me) and I learned that I need to let them work it out. That I was not doing them any favors by inserting myself between them. Or for that matter, myself.

There are so many hard lessons to learn and this is one of the most difficult, especially if you are a problem solver or have mediator tendencies. Sometimes, maybe most of the time, it is better to step back and stay out of it. Sometimes a problem is not yours to solve, or an argument is not yours to mediate. You will not be operating from a state of love when you step in, it will be a state of fear that drives you, way down deep below your conscious motives. It will only seem loving, like you care, on the surface. But deep down there is a fear of loss driving you.

Or if you are a problem solver, like me, you may come to believe or feel that you have to solve every problem that comes your way, and it almost becomes like an obligation. I can’t trace the fear roots right now. But I can tell it is not love, not if it feels like an obligation. Or maybe the thing driving you is the sense of accomplishment you feel when you successfully solve a problem. But that tracks down to a fear that you have little or no value. That fear I know all too well. If you do not have a lot, or any, self-confidence, or feel worthless, or maybe even feel powerless, solving a problem may help alleviate these feelings.

In any case the rule remain roughly the same as the ones for working through your feelings. You have to acknowledge, allow, feel what needs to be felt, then release and let go. You have to face the feelings and work them, and another side to this is that you have to be willing to let others face their feelings and work them. You must not interfere with another individual’s process, especially if you profess to care about them! You may be feeling real pain, watching them go through whatever it is they are going through, but the absolute best thing you can do is just be there for them. Just love them and support them, lend a listening ear or a warm embrace when it is asked for. If you are a truly good listener, you will be able to ask questions that support them and help them clarify things for themselves. This is invaluable!

Nothing in all creation has more valuable than your loving, supportive presence. Not trying to fix anything, not trying to diminish anything, not trying to change anything. You are allowing the feelings to be there for this other person, and you are allowing them to work through them. They might stumble and fall, you are there with a hand, but only if they ask for it. And if they get lost in their feelings, unable to work through them, and end up hurting themselves or others, it is not your fault. You have done all you can do, and done it the best way it can be done. If you have truly been there for them, loving and supporting them, allowing them to work through things without interfering, then you have done the best you could. There is nothing to feel guilty about. You will need to work through your own feelings around what happens, then forgive them and yourself as needed.

So not only is the best course of action is for you to work through your own feelings, acknowledging they are there, allowing them to be there without trying to change them, embracing them with acceptance and love, feeling them as long as you need to feel them, and only then releasing them and letting them go, you ALSO must be willing to let others do the same with their own feelings!

On top of that, you need to learn to care about yourself enough, to love and value yourself enough, that you stop inserting yourself into situations where you are essentially sacrificing some aspect of yourself. It could be that you are not honoring your own needs and instead are throwing yourself into providing the needs of others. Or it could be that you need space away from people, but you are inserting yourself in the middle of them.

It all boils down to disregarding your needs in some way. You need to learn to step back and give yourself what you need, first and foremost, before jumping in to help others. You may even see that the way in which you were going to help was not the best way to help at all. It did not honor the needs of those you wanted to help or your own. At best was a distraction, at worse an interference.

The good news is that as you learn to pause and take a step back before you do something, and as you learn to attend to your needs first, you will find yourself in a better position to see the best way to help, or if you even should help. You will gain a little clarity with a little distance. Operating from that place of clarity, after addressing your own needs, will make you more effective if you decide to step in and help. It will also allow you to help in ways that are loving an supportive instead of interfering.

It is time to put away the magnifying lens and referee’s whistle. Time to not “… just do something, stand there.” Take a minute, become aware of your own feelings and needs, then attend to these first. Fill up your cup. You can’t fill another’s cup of yours is empty. So fill it up, then take a step back to look at the situation. What is the best way you can show your love and support here? Is this something the person, or the people, need to work out for themselves, or among themselves? If so, leave it alone. Just be there for those you care about.

As far as working through feelings goes, I will have an ebook available soon which I will be giving away for free. It goes over a lot of what I have said these last few years. Look for a link soon!

4-27-2020 – The Whole “Be Here Now” Thing

I keep running across this teaching from some of our best spiritual teachers. Ram Das wrote, “Be Here Now” and Eckhart Tolle only writes about the present moment. Even The Barefoot Doctor, in his “Tao of Manifestation“, in my reading today, has instructed me that the present moment is the only moment that exists. But I would like to challenge this viewpoint…

To begin with, your present moment experience is built upon the choices you made in an earlier present moment. Everything you are experiencing now has its roots in past choices you have made, whether you made them with full awareness or not it does not matter. Every future present moment experience will have its roots in the decisions you are making right now.

In other words, you are creating the future right here, right now, in this present moment. On a moment-by-moment basis, everything you do, everything you say, everything you feel, everything you think – all of it is the stuff out of which tomorrow’s present moment experience will be made. The future does indeed exist right now, but it is not tangible, it is in flux. It is constantly morphing and changing, affected by factors happening right now.

Likewise the past exists as I guess a sort of ghost. It is intangible, just like the future, but unlike the future, the past is set, its form has been realized and is a part of the structure of your present-moment timeline. This structure to the past is why folks say, “you can’t change the past.” That’s not strictly true. If you figured out the means you could go back in the past and do something different. But all this would do is create another timeline, and in returning to the future, you would still be in your original timeline, with its original past. Maybe someday humans will figure out how to travel between timelines, but for now, as far as I know, we can’t.

Interestingly this means that all other potential present moments and their pasts exist intangibly, in flux, just like the future. They are in flux, non-rigid, to you in your present moment timeline. But the past that created them is intangible, yet fixed in the present moment timelines of any other you. In other words, each version of you (and there are likely an infinite amount of them) has their own timeline different than yours only in the sense that this other version of you made a different decision in their past.

Every choice you could ever make, and all the ways it interacts and intersects; it all exists as potential to you, and reality to each of the other yous. You get to navigate along the map however you wish. You will never know, see or understand the map – it is beyond physical comprehension. The map exists, and you are free to travel it in any way you wish. It has no borders or limits, so you are never limited.

I take comfort in this. I know that somewhere, out there, is another me who is living their absolute best life, having not made the decisions that I have made which I criticize and judge by calling mistakes. In reality there are no mistakes and there is nothing you can do either right or wrong, bad or good. There are simply choices you make and the results of those choices. This other me has made much better choices and is enjoying much better results. So at least one version of me is happy!

In any case, to wander back to the subject at hand, to manifest something you want at some point in your future, you have to work not only with the stuff of this present moment, you also have to work with the stuff of the future present moment you want to experience. This is my understanding, so I am confused with folks like the Barefoot Doctor instruct me to, for example, envision the house I want in the future by overlaying it on the house I am living in now. Yes, I can spend time envisioning the house I want, and I have, but I am still living in my current house. That makes it hard to see the house I want in the future. It becomes hard work and very tiring to keep myself focused on the house I want, in the face of the house I currently live at.

I am offering a slight twist on manifesting something, like the house in my example… I reach into the future and affirm, “I WILL have the house of my dreams!” I say this with authority, I mean it. I use visualization to imagine what this house will look like. But I don’t spend any time looking at the current house trying to superimpose some future house on it. I have reached into the future potential and have used that energy to create a future present moment experience of where I am living in the house of my dreams. The rest is flow, openness and receptivity. I do not try to force anything to happen. I have simply told the map what my future destination will be, and as I operate in the natural flow of my life, I will be brought to it.

I think this is a better way of looking at manifestation. Yes, this present moment is the only moment you will ever experience. But it exists as part of a a fixed yet intangible past, made up of previous present moment actions and choices. At the same time it exists as malleable, yet intangible future present moment experiences, that come into being, moment by moment, based on the choices you make. Use the past only as a guide you can learn from in determining what sort of future you want. Use the present moment to create that future, by using its potential to create your desired future present moment experiences.

This stuff is kinda hard to talk about or grasp, huh? Lemme know if I need to explain anything here. Also I have presented this authoritatively, based on my own ever-evolving experiences. Scientifically perhaps they would not stand up – no proof. Consider all I teach here to be my thoughts, what I think, based on my experience, or my realizations. Instead of worrying about whether or not anything can be scientifically proven, test things out for yourself, and note the results you get. Whatever works for you – do that. Whatever doesn’t work, decide to try again or find another way. Question everything, test everything, try everything and figure out what works for you. Then come in here and share your experience, OK?

4-24-2020 – Embracing The Challenges

So I, along with everyone else, have a few challenges to embrace. We have the whole Coronavirus thing, forcing us to essentially stay home, and I am using this time to further develop my writing habit. I was also using it to read these piles of books I have all around me, but I guess I am getting a little burned out with reading? Or I am dealing with resistance, or my inner guidance wants me to read something else. What do you know, another challenge!

Another challenge I am personally dealing with is the whole Transgender thing. I used to have a friend, first name Josh, back when he was my friend and I knew “him.” I mean he was always a he, that is who I knew and hung out with. But I recently watched a minidoc where my former best friend, now with a first name of Kadence, talked a little about “her” music and a few other things. My ears pricked up when they said they knew they were not, can’t recall the exact words, but this knowledge came when they were 5, and they never really had anyone to talk to about it, The implication was that they had nobody to talk to about it.

Which leaves me wondering what sort of friend I actually was, if they felt they could not confide in me about this. Because I don’t think it ever came up, and I told him EVERYTHING about me. I mean that too. My best guess is that Josh knew I was a Christian at the time, and as I had adopted “Christian” beliefs, which are not really directly addressed in the Bible, but which my parents and everyone in my church believed, so I was anti-gay, anti-homosexual, and anti-anything else to do with this. Would my former friend confiding in me have driven us apart, because of my beliefs? Or would I have overcome my beliefs even sooner than I did, because his friendship was so important to me? I will never know.

I am not as militantly anti-gay as I used to be. I don’t like seeing guys kissing in movies, or girls kissing girls, and I don’t like guys have sex with guys, or girls having sex with girls, being forced on me in just about every TV show and movie in existence. Soon Disney will have gay children falling in love with each other. When that happens all Disney content will be banned from my house. Not for the reasons you think either, reading this. No, it would be banned because all children emulate the things they see, and I do not want them emulating these sorts of things.

If my children are truly born gay, or different, or atypical sexually, or something, I will love them and do the best I can to support the way they are. Not sure what I will do if I have one gay child and one normal child… But in any case, I am not going to try to cure or punish any children of mine who are atypical in any way. I will see it as another challenge, another learning experience, and deal with it accordingly. But if I have normal, heterosexual children, I will limit their exposure to anything from the LGBTQ community during their first 10 years or so – the formulative ones, because I do not want this material influencing them.

As far as how I act personally, while I do not like certain pairings, especially when it is shoved in my face, I do not hate those in these relationships either. I would not persecute them and have no desire to hurt them. I am not sure they should be marching around trying to get noticed or recognized. I see quite clearly that this is an ego thing. They have adopted their atypicalness as part of their identity, as part of who they are. Or rather, who they think they are. But I am pretty sure that when their physical life ends, all the things related to their body is left behind, and that includes the ego. In other words, you are not your atypical relationship or sexuality type, any more than are you your religion. All this stuff is buried in the box with the rest of your former physical material.

But I can see how they get caught up in this. I want to march around and demand heterosexual rights! The right to not have gay material in my entertainment, to not have gay teachers in my schools, etc. I want to fly my flag of normalcy in the face of all those who insist they are special, unique or other. Or even unclassifiable, for those going that way. I wonder how long until the furrries are marching around, demanding special rights?

But that would be ego against ego, and my practice must be to love and accept myself as I am, and to love and accept them as they are. It didn’t use to be this way for me. I don’t think I would have ever physically attacked a gay person. But I likely would not have wanted to be friends with them. As I am now I think maybe I could be friends with someone who is of the LGBTQ community. I can definitely work with them and interact with them. Hell, the few times I tried dating apps they kept trying to match me with Transgender women! I wonder what the heck that was all about? But back then I was much less tolerant. Maybe Josh sensed this and that’s why he remained silent.

If that is indeed the case I was a shitty, terrible friend. No way to get around that. Because a true friend is loyal and loves you unconditionally – no strings attached. They support you always, no matter what, even if one day you turn to them and tell them that you are not really a guy at all, that you are actually a girl in a guy’s body and you are now gonna have your dick sliced off so you can be what you truly were meant to be. Or maybe you will keep it and have both pieces of equipment.

On the whole Transgender thing I can clearly see, even if those who claim to be this can not, that there is no true love and acceptance of yourself as you are. You can not truly love and accept yourself as you are if you can not love and accept your body as it is. End of story. If you have to alter yourself at all to be happy, or more comfortable with yourself, or whatever, that is not love or acceptance. That is sacrificing some part of your body on the alter of your ego in worship to some ideal of identity you hold.

You are not assigned a sex at birth. No doctor decides what sex you will be. You are born, in most cases, as either a male or female. There are certainly mutations which is expected, given what we put in our food and water. The chemical stew in the body of modern humans can create all sorts of strange exceptions. And in the future the human body may be something completely different. But for now you are male or female, and born male or female. Any exceptions prove the rule. The non-physical makes no mistakes, and I am pretty sure it will not be a part of your spiritual journey to be born a woman in a man’s body, or a man in a woman’s body, and now you have to spend your life correcting this oversight.

You want me to make it even clearer to you? There are no enlightened transgender people. There is no transgender Indian guru. Go ahead, look for one. Look for someone transgender or of the LGBTQ community who has definitely attained spiritual enlightenment. You will know they have because they won’t be saying they have. It will be obvious through their presence and the things they say. You can’t fake that stuff. No enlightened person boasts about their enlightenment. I will go a step further and say that there are no really, truly and deeply spiritual LGBTQ people. My guess is that the more spiritual you become, the more you love and accept yourself as you are and the less you need to celebrate your atypical sexuality, or are at odds with your gender identity.

I could be completely wrong on this, but I seriously doubt it. Time will tell, and even if you found one person in all world, that would be the exception that proves the rule. I do have some doubts I admit, as my former friend Josh, now known as Kadence, seemed to be able to stand toe-to-toe with me on many spiritual subjects. And I never saw him reading any spiritual books, so I have no idea where he came to know the things he knows. In “her” minidoc she talks about how we all have an inner universe inside us to explore. I have no idea where she would have picked this up.

THEN there is the whole Shaman Durek thing… This “guy” essentially claims they are a shaman, trained in the shamanic lineage. They even write like a spiritual teacher, albeit with a more modern tongue. Yet they are part of the whole LBGTQ community. So I definitely have more to learn about this subject. But as far as I know, these are the only two exceptions.

Anyhow that is one challenge I am facing, and another is some version of insomnia I am experiencing. As this post has gone on very long, I think I will write about that the next time, and what I am doing to deal with it. Stay tuned, and be sure to comment below if you disagree with anything I have said. But don’t just argue for argument’s sake. Come at me with a reasoned argument built on a solid foundation of evidence. Another practice of mine is to stay as open and receptive as possible, and I can change my views – even my beliefs – as needed.

4-20-2020 – Hey! It’s 4-20 Man! Someone Pass Me A Joint…

Bet that title hooked you, didn’t it? No, this won’t be about drugs or anything… I just noticed today’s date and had to say something. But if you are feeling generous you can certainly mail me some marijuana. I mean it is legal now in this state… Contact me using my Contact Page if you want my mailing address. And yes, I am serious about that! I do enjoy the stuff, but it’s a luxury for me so I haven’t bought any in a long time. Need to get myself a good vaporizer too someday…

Moving on… I had a few things I wanted to write about these last few days, and have been taking notes so I do not forget. But the result is going to be somewhat fragmented, somewhat patchwork. So please bear with me…

Something else I have realized that has likely contributed to my issues manifesting things is that I have been discrediting myself, or the manifestations themselves. I have to thank Bryan Hutchinson, author of, “Writer’s Doubt“, for the lead here. He says, “It [doubt] can affect you to the point that you not only underestimate your abilities, you discredit them.” (Bryan Hutchinson, Writer’s Doubt, page 80)

I started thinking about this… In what other ways have I discredited myself, made important things smaller or in some way less important? I immediately thought of finding the hatchet. Man I have been going round and around on this! Maybe someone just set it there… Maybe one of the girls ran off with it, returned it, and wasn’t careful about where they put it… On and on until i forget the significance and importance of the event!

Then I thought about the “I Am Light” conference I managed to scrape together enough money to attend. I make it sound like it was so hard, don’t I? And yes, there was work involved. But it was not nearly as hard as I make it sound, and I did better than just manifesting the funds to go. I manifested what I needed to travel there, to pay for a nice lunch at Red Robbins, and even to consider buying some materials, thought they did not have what I went back to buy. That is not nothing! That’s a lot of money for me to get together towards this goal!

I was constantly berating myself afterwards, that my energy was not right, I was not operating at the best or highest frequency, that my attitude was not quite right, that if I had been in the right place with my attitude and mentality I would have had a better experience, and it never stops! Once I got onto that train I never figured out how to jump off the damn thing! Well until now perhaps…

I think I have been discrediting myself, and worse, discrediting these important (to me) manifestations. Now the Universe isn’t going to have hurt feelings or anything. But it is like winning a marksmanship contest with a bow and arrow, hitting almost dead center, then afterwards complaining about how it was a millimeter or so off! How can you possibly enjoy your victory, and celebrate how well you have done, if you are nitpicking everything all the time? No, ultimately by doing this you hurt only yourself.

Fucking doubt or whatever the hell it is that causes this! I wish I had a genie in a lamp, so I could make one of my wishes that all my internal negativity would become physical, and that I would have the power I needed to just slay these beasts and be done with them, once and for all! I have talked about this before. But somehow I think that it would be easier if my opponents were tangible so I could more easily defeat them. Plus I would love the anger and stress therapy that comes from justifiably beating the hell out of something that is definitely deserves it, something that is definitely a villain, something that my world at least would be better off without!

But no, I have to fight these inner demons in weird, unintuitive ways such as accepting them acknowledging them, embracing them, not resisting them, creating space around them for change, etc. BAH! Can’t just be a knight slaying the evil dragon. Nooo, that would be TOO easy!

So yeah… To add to all the tips I have given you about manifestation over the years, remember to honor your successes! I don’t care how poorly you think you have done, observe those feelings, those thoughts, acknowledge them, accept them, embrace them and then release them and let them go. Focus on the fact that you succeeded. How you succeeded is immaterial – it simply does not matter. Hell, the HOW almost always, if not always, just doesn’t matter! All that matters is that you arrived. You wrote the book. You manifested the funds. You got that shit DONE! Pat yourself on the back! Give credit where credit is due, show appreciation and give thanks.

This is your work… First you have something you desire, so you do a little gardening and plant the seeds using affirmations or whatever. Then you step back and let nature take its course. Even if you need this plant to sprout and mature in a limited time frame, you let it go and leave it to the Universe. While you let the Universe do its thing you keep in mind what it is you want. You stay focused on the desired outcome. You might glance over, see how the plant is growing. But that’s it, you don’t spend a second worrying about it.

After it sprouts, grows and bears fruit you’r job is to just enjoy it. You show appreciation and thanks, and you give credit wherever it is due. Then you leave it at that. Don’t allow yourself to look back and start to question if you did this right, or that. Don’t start thinking about how you could have done this or that better. It is DONE. It is FINISHED. Your job is to plant the seed and enjoy the fruit, that is it!

Now you may have noticed a few old posts showing up in Twitter and Facebook, as well as the subreddit. I wanted to talk a little about something I forgot about, and that is creating space. I go into a lot of detail about it here. I guess I got this from Eckhart Tolle’s, “A New Earth.” As I think about it now, I think this ties in with the releasing and letting go part of the manifestation process, and maybe even with positive reinforcement when it comes to something you want to do, like writing.

There is work you have to do in order to manifest something. You gotta be clear on what you want. You gotta take any steps that present themselves, in the natural flow of your life, to take. But you never try to make something happen. You never try to force it into existence. If you do the end result will not be the absolute best for you and all those involved. No farmer tills the land, digs the trenches, mixes in the fertilizer, plants the seeds, waters them, and then each and ever day comes out to dig every one of the seeds up to pry open its shell.

No, the farmer may continue to water, but other than that he leaves the seeds alone. His work is finished, until the seeds sprout and begin to grow. Then there is weeding and harvesting and all that stuff. But there is a point, between planting the seeds and coming back to work on the plants where the farmer simply walks away, leaving it to nature, God’s will or whatever. It is EXACTLY the same for manifestation!

The seeds in our example are being given space in which to grow. Physical space in the form of loose soil around them. Nobody drives a steamroller over their freshly planted seeds! They need that loose soil, that combination of space (air), soil and water. Now maybe this part of my example is a little weak. Perhaps some seeds will grow just fine in a compacted block of soil. But for our example we’ll assume that they need that little bit of space for optimal growing.

When you dwell on what you did wrong, or what you could have done better, when you discredit yourself or doubt yourself, you begin to compact the soil, as it were. It makes it harder for your manifestation seeds to grow. If you do this after successfully manifesting something, you create rockier, harder soil for your future manifestations to take root in.  Your future manifestation success may be scatter-shot at best, and the plants that come up will be hard, scraggly things not even close to what you wanted.

In real-life terms, because you have discredited and doubted yourself in previous manifestations, you manage to finally manifest a home for you and your family. But it is barely big enough for all of you, the roof needs to be replaced, and there are a lot of repairs to do. If you had practice a little more faith and trust in yourself, as well as in the Universe (or God if you prefer), you might have gotten that nice 5 bedroom mansion down the road you have been dreaming about.

In order to get the best results in your manifestations, you have to be light and loose about it. You have to operate in the natural flow of your life. You have to be aware, open and receptive. And you have to stay that way. When doubt starts whispering in your ear, you have to acknowledge it, accept it, release it and let it go. That’s where the awareness comes in, why you need it. Otherwise you won’t even be able to tell when you are undermining yourself.

I think the work of manifesting may ultimately be about the same as any artistic endeavor, any work that requires a lot of creative energy. It seems the world is putting a lot of effort into keeping you from creating the life and the things you want. There are a lot of distractions, and if you are not aware, you will not recognize the negative voices like doubt when they begin to whisper to you. They use familiar voices, familiar language. They may even seem like old friends. But they are not your friends, they are the enemy of your creative work, and you must be on guard against at all times. You must keep your focus on what you want, and once you have it, you must never look back except in an attitude of appreciation and thanks to all parties involved.

4-17-2020 – Learning To Allow

I am reading the Barefoot Doctor’s book, “The Tao of Manifestation” and I just got through reading a particularly tough part covering resistance and patience. It opened my eyes to the fact that I have been resisting how things are in my life right now. I have been resisting the place where I live, I have been resisting  how things have not manifested for me, and I have been resisting the most likely immediate future. I do not want to accept these things and I can not accept them.

I wondered how I could find a solution to this problem, and then it occurred to me. One of the things I have learned in trying to establish a writing practice is that my job is merely to show up to write, then allow it to happen. If it happens I show appreciation and congratulate myself. If it doesn’t happen that is OK, I acknowledge that writing is not happening at this time instead of berating myself for not writing. This is called Positive Reinforcement.

In writing we all want the mountain – the finished manuscript, the published book. But writing has to happen to get to that point. So there is the journey up the mountain, and writing is necessarily all about that journey. We writers have to have a sort of hiker or mountain climber’s mindset and take it one step at a time, or in our case, one word at a time. We are trying to reach the mountain, the same as a climber, the same as a hiker has a place they want to reach each day. Some part of us is fixated or focused on that, but at the same time we have to sit down and write, word by word, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, page by page. We have to keep showing up and take the next step, hike the next section of the trail.

Unlike climbers or hikers we might find that we just can’t get anywhere today, so we camp out where we are. We don’t have limited supplies after all driving us forward. We will try again the next day, or the day after that. If we find we are still stuck, we might have to take a closer look at what we are writing. But the key is that we are gentle and patient with ourselves. This is vital, as few writers will do better if they figuratively or literally self-flagellate.

It occurs to me that somehow I have to do the same with my current situation and most likely immediate future. It is, or will be, what it is. My only power is in my response. I am not sure how to accept things, how to give in, when I do not want my current or immediate future experiences. Somehow I have to acknowledge that things are what they are, and they will be what they will be. Maybe I still don’t have to accept it, in the sense that I don’t have to act like everything is OK when it is not. But resistance to the way things are and to the way it appears things will so be is not the answer either. Just like when I am feeling something I do not want to feel, the best course of action is to feel it as long as I need, then to release it and let it go. Somehow I have to allow things to be as they are, and I have to release and let go of all my resistance to it.

Gonna go take a walk/run, hope the cops don’t mess with me because I am not home indoors. The sun is shining and I need to exercise my body, get it to develop some vitamins. I have to find a way to release my resistance to the way things are, acknowledge them, have somewhere in mind what I want, but just be here and now with each moment. I also have to find a way to release my resistance, or rather my negative focus, towards manifestation of desired things, or in my case, the inability to manifest desired things. I have to somehow allow manifestation to happen.

I thought I had found the process, and maybe I have, but I doubt it will be effective until I am able to acknowledge how things are in this moment, feel what I feel as long as I need, then release and let go of my need to change things, or these feelings, or whatever undesired or unwanted thing has come up. Because the Barefoot Doctor is right, this is the only way to, “…put yourself back into a position of command, from which you’re free to recreate things along more agreeable lines.” (Barefoot Doctor, The Tao of Manifestation). Not sure I agree that its all about the dance with the “Dinner Lady.” I think in manifestation the end result is important, not the process. But then again I am having trouble manifestation anything, so I definitely have some inner work to do here.

Even More On Manifestation – State Your Intention Out Loud

I experienced something today, and I will share the gist of it with you. After doing so, I will state some methods and theories for you to try. I would like us to experiment with this together, and when you are successful, I would like you to comment below.

For a couple of weeks at least I have been looking for my dad’s hatchet (I keep thinking of it as my hatchet.) In any case, I found the half circle of bark and kindling chunks I had it next to and inside of. But the hatchet was nowhere to be found. The landlady had gone through and moved things around, throwing these items somewhere. I spent some energy and time today moving all these rounds to one side, unburying the area completely – no hatchet.

I was exhausted, tired. I think I more let go than gave up. I am pretty sure I said something like this, or this exactly, out loud, “I don’t know where the hatchet is, but I WILL find it.” I could feel something as I said this. A sort of authority or finality. I noticed that I felt it in my body. I recognize this feeling from other statements I have made in the past, but just didn’t notice or connect the dots until today. It feels almost like goosebumps. Almost like a reverberation. I just had a thought that when I said this, I said it with conviction.

I finished up my work, walked back into the wood shed area to toss a couple of scraps back I was done with, turned around, and saw the hatchet on some upended stairs behind my landlady’s parent’s RV and directly across from the wood shed. I have to walk right by these and I am certain I have looked there before. Also it has rained, so there would be rust if it had been out there any extended period of time. Now someone could have placed it there just today or maybe yesterday. But why? It would be out in the open. I am fairly sure the landlady would have placed it with the splitting mauls, and my dad would have placed it in the woodshed.

What I choose to believe and claim is that the Universe just put it there, sometime after or as I was stating my intention. Not even sure if I felt compelled to look over that way but I think I did. I think I felt drawn to look there. What I am certain of is that stating my intention to find it, in the way that I stated it, set in motion whatever events caused it to materialize at that location. Why there I have no idea. I think maybe I was thinking it could have been placed there before and had looked there as a result – that is why I looked there. That part I will have to think more on. I think maybe it was because I was done, walking back, and this was the most obvious place to set it for me to notice it.

A couple of things to work out here… In all the teachings I refer to as “Manifestation Teachings” and others call LoA or The Secret, as I recall you are instructed not to use “I Will” or focus on the negative. Now I may have this wrong. I may have picked it up from Wayne Dyer or someone and brought it with me through other books. But what I recall of it is that, “I Will” sets it in the future, and so you never reach it.

I would like to offer a different perspective on this now. My mindset, I am pretty sure, when I said, “I don’t know where the hatchet is but I WILL find it” was one of letting go and determining that I would look until I found it. I had another area I was going to look in another day. It was said with AUTHORITY and FINALITY. I think I would also add CONVICTION. Basically the attitude was I was gonna keep looking for it forever until I found it. There was a willingness to keep looking too.

From this I gather that an, “I WILL” statement is actually integral to manifestation, but it must be used with the right attitude, feelings, mentality and mindset behind it. I think it can be as effective as, “I AM.” I think that “I WILL” is best used with manifesting something, and “I AM” is best use with change or transformation. Use “I WILL” to bring in a desired thing, and “I AM” to bring in a desired state.

Another thing a lot of Manifestation Teachings say is that you have to feel it. I never got that until today. They advise various ways of bringing about certain feelings so when you state your intention it will happen. I think this is improperly taught, at least in much if not all of the things I have read. Yes, you have to feel it. But the feeling you are after is that goosebumps/reverberation feeling in you body, and you don’t summon up a memory to bring it about. At least I didn’t – if that works for you comment below and keep doing it that way. The feeling comes about hand in glove with an out loud statement of intent. The two things are linked.

If you state something quietly or in your mind or under your breath, how could you be stating it with conviction and authority? Ever watch the Police Academy movies?

Go 0:07 in. Now think about this. If that is the equivalent of how you are asking for something, how do you ever expect to get it? You need to be more like this:

Go 1:19 in. A saying I have carried with me for a long time, something I came up with, is the loudest bird gets the worm. You have to be very clear, very loud with the Universe. Not because the Universe is deaf and you have to scream really loudly. But because in the act of speaking a thing out loud, with authority, conviction and finality, you are making it real for you. It feels different in your body. You are, in essence saying, that you don’t care what anyone thinks. You are testifying here. I WILL get this, I AM becoming that! You have decided that this WILL happen, stating it out loud makes it real. Am I explaining this clearly enough?

Kinda loosing track of the words here… OK… So you state whatever you are going to state out loud, and as a result you feel it in your body. But remember, it is also tied into your mindset. What is your mentality or mindset? Ever watch Polar Express?

Go 1:57 in. Can you see the difference? The different attitudes and mindsets here the boy went through until the last I BELIEVE, and that made it happen. This is not a good example, this is more about yearning for something instead of stating it out loud with authority. You are not pleading with the Universe, you are not begging. But like the boy you really, really want this change or thing, and that energy is there to drive your out loud statement, said with authority, conviction and finality, and felt somewhere in your body. If you don’t feel it in your body as you say it out loud, you are not there yet. Keep trying until you do.

I think the mindset is automatically where it needs to be when you can state your intent out loud and feel it in your body. So you probably don’t have to worry about that. Just remember that way you say it will tell you where your “head is at.” You know your attitude and mindset are in the right place when you state it out with authority, conviction and finality, to then feel it in your body. For me it is in the upper chest area and maybe a bit of my stomach. It may be in other places for you. But when you state it out loud and hit the right note as it were, you will feel it somewhere. Comment below as to where you feel it in your body. That’s when you know the Universe will bring it about. The wheels are set in motion, and that is your part of the process.

If I have been unclear anywhere here please comment below and let me know. I would like you to now try this. One statement of intent, stated out loud with authority, conviction and finality. This WILL happen. You WILL get this thing, or make this change. Some examples to help you get started…

“I WILL fully recover from this illness.”
“I AM healthy and filled with energy.”
“I WILL get published.”
“I AM a successful writer.”
“I WILL find it.”
“I WILL have the money I need.”
“I WILL get through this.”
“I WILL have the money to pay rent this month.”

Adapt or adjust these in such a way they fit your needs and resonate with you. They do not have to be done in pairs – don’t get thrown by that. But maybe a pair is the way to go for something you desire to change or manifest. These are examples only, drawn a little from my own life and my own concerns. Follow this general format, and be careful that you do not attempt to get something at someone else’s expense, like stating you will have this woman despite the fact she is married. It may work – I do not know the rules here. But I am fairly certain that it will bite you on the ass. There are consequences for all our actions, and when we state something from a place of fear, that will have very negative consequences for us.

Stating something like that is from a place of fear, because all things boil down to fear or love. All things. No matter how you feel, this statement is not coming from a place of love. How is it coming from a place a fear you may ask? Simple. It comes from a mentality/mindset of lack and limitation. In other words, deep down at the root of this you think that this woman, though she is spoken for, is the only woman on earth for you, that there are not enough women like her in the world, so you have to take her if you want to have her. But the reality is there are enough women of every type for everyone, and a better use of your power here is to state something like, “I WILL find my absolute best mate!”

Now I can’t say for sure as I have limited experience here, but it seems to me that the absolute best mate for you will be nearby, currently unnoticed by you, because you are not in the right frequency/vibration for her just yet. A statement like that last one will get you there. You will be walking around in your life one day and you will see her, notice her for the first time, and it will likely be love at first site.

Moral of the story… Never state an intention out loud to manifest something or bring about some change if you are doing it from a place of fear, and you will know if that is the case because it can only happen at the expense of another.

Think I covered all the bases here, looking forward to seeing everyone’s results.

Positive Reinforcement?

So I am reading Sage Cohen’s book, “Fierce on the Page.’ I just got through a chapter talking about positive reinforcement. The idea is simply this… Ignore bad behavior, reward good behavior. Applying this to writing means simply sitting down every day you pull up to your writing desk and jotting a note of appreciation to yourself.

I would add that writing is not the only activity that must take place during writing time. All activity directed towards writing also counts. That activity can include brainstorming, mind mapping, drawing scene cards, studying material directly related to what you are writing, or studying writing in general. It doesn’t just have to be writing.

For each day you show up for your writing practice, make a note appreciating, congratulating and thanking yourself. Ignore the days you do not show up to write. Ignore any resistance you have to writing. Anything undesirable that comes up in regards to writing, ignore. Focus only on what is desirable, what you might label positive. But also keep in mind there is really no positive or negative. That is a criticism and judgment, and we don’t want what Christi Krug calls Doctor Codger involved in our writing practice.

I realized that as I read this is makes perfect sense for manifestation as well. Because if we focus on something unwanted, something undesirable, we typically get more of it. When we focus on what we do not want, we perpetuate it. It is only by focusing on what we want, something desirable, that we have any chance of getting it.

I am not sure on this, but for now I feel that when we use positive reinforcement, we are training ourselves to notice and appreciate whenever desirable stuff shows up in our lives. We just give our attention to that, and ignore whenever anything undesirable shows up. But not ignore in the sense of deny. Ignore in the sense of noticing, but choosing not to engage with it.

I think maybe jotting a note down, thanking the Universe for the desirable things that have shown up that day, showing our appreciation – I think that is the key to manifesting the things we desire in our lives. Play with this with me as you write and as you live your life. Let’s see the results we get.