Communication

I screwed up. In talking to someone today, I said the wrong thing, they picked up on it, and now they are mad at me. I should’ve known better, based solely on past experience. But that is a problem too, and I will explain why shortly. I wish I could speak like Tom Selleck in Blue Bloods, in his role as the Commissioner. He speaks with such authority, force and sureness. He acts like he is taking a moment to consider every response.

I struggle in my communication with others, and incidents like tonight’s leave me feeling like a scolded little child. A child caught doing something naughty. And I am 40-fucking-2 years old! I should never have to feel that way. I should be able to speak authoritatively. But this is not the reality I get to experience. Everyone else seems so much more adult and mature than I am. Yet I have age and experience – I have been around the sun as many times as they have if not more.

I am not sure I will ever understand what I am doing wrong, how to change it, or how to create any better experience of reality for myself in this area. I guess I will just always have to struggle with this, even when I am an old man, with many orbits and years of experience under my belt. For now I will just have to settle with this public confession, and an attempt at unraveling this mess and making it easier to grasp.

One of the issues is that what I was saying did not match what I was feeling, what was going on mentally and subsciously. I was not entirely honest in my communication. I was deceitful. It was not with any sort of malicious intent. I had looked at the menu, and I knew how much the gift certificate was worth, and it was little in comparison to the amount of items at that location. For a 4-piece fish and chips, it is nearly $25.00, $5.00 more than what I was given. So this stuff was going on in the back of my mind.

I was, and am, extremely and truly grateful for the gift. But if I am being honest, which I wasn’t then, and am being now, it was not one of the places I planned on going and it is not enough money to cover a bill that for five people will be in excess of $100.00. My “little” gift certificate, in the face of that cost, really is a tiny amount, a mere %20 of what would be needed.

But you can’t say any of that to someone who has given you a gift that, to them, is an exorbitant amount of money. Also it’s not even about that. There is social etiquette here, showing true appreciation, receiving the gift graciously the same way one would receive the highest of honors. I should conduct myself like someone receiving the Medal of Valor or whatever the highest honor a civilian is that an American citizen can receive for extraordinary service. I am not joking. Had I acted like that, I would not have offended this person.

What it comes down to is that both of us are responsible for the interaction and resulting offence. I gave the offence, certainly. But the offended party chose to be offended. How this person took what I said is entirely up to them. That is their part in this.

So in our interactions, and in the interactions between any two people, someone has to be the “bigger person.” Someone has to be the one to be very careful and considerate with what they say, thinking about every word before it is uttered. Someone has to have the highest of motivations, being motivated by love or as close to it as possible in all their responses. Someone has to be the one operating at the highest frequency and vibration as possible. That burden rests squarely on my shoulders, for no other reason that I am aware and conscious of the issue, and am also practicing being fully aware and conscious.

I can not base my responses on past experience, because that is criticism and judgment, and it will come out in what I say. As I have said before, just because something has happened in the past is no guarantee it will happen in the future. We all have the capacity for change, and if I respond to this person expecting them to be as they were, I will find myself reinforcing the way they have been, or if they have changed, I will find that my responses are unfair and no longer applicable. In other words, I have to take each and every conversation in a bubble of that moment in time only, sealed away from past and future. No expectations of any kind as to how the person will respond. Something that is very difficult to do.

I have to retrain myself entirely in how I interact with other people, and interacting with other people is already hard enough for me! I have to take each conversation I have like it is our first one, with no experience or preconceptions about the person I am communicating with. On top of that I have to be in harmony with myself, honest in what I say, not being deceitful for hiding anything. On top of that I have to be motivated by love, as as close to love as possible, operating at the highest vibration and frequency possible.

I come away from this wondering why things have to be so fucking hard. Why I have to be the one tiptoeing through a virtual minefield. Why I have to be the one to change. Why I have to jump through so many hoops. I felt the same way about dating, and making friends. It seems like it is far more difficult for me, that I have to do so much more, than anyone else. I look around and see couples and it seems to me, in fact I am pretty sure, they didn’t have to deal with half the shit it seems I have to deal with.

So I am feeling guilty and ashamed right now. Also a little angry and self-righteous. This mule is tired of getting whipped! I will apologize to the person I offended. I will be sincere and honest in my apology. But I am fucking tired of being the one who is always apologizing and going through all this bullshit. I wish I could talk to people straight up, cut right to the chase, tell it like it is, tell them exactly how I feel, with the assurance and certainty that they will not take offence, never take offence, and in doing the same with me, receive the same from me. I wish things were as easy for me as they are for everyone else. I am tired of fighting a war it seems I will never win, one which nobody gives a shit about.

Try to sift through the detritus and swear words to find the little nuggets of teaching here. I know it’s hard, but feel what you feel, acknowledge and admit your feelings, embrace them and let them go when you are ready, and be honest about your feelings. Let that honest come through the things you say, and try, as best you can, to be empowering, edifying, positive and uplifting in all your conversations. Let your motives be pure, and operate at the highest vibration and frequency possible.

If you fail to do these things, it will catch you out, as it did me. People can pick up on things, even talking to you over the phone. So think about each and every word before it leaves your mouth. In a situation like mine, focus on the giving, the spirit in that, and not the gift. Find what you can honestly appreciate and are thankful for, and when you thank that person, focus on and think about that.

Hopefully in sharing this, you can avoid making my mistake.

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What “Money Is The Root of All Evil” Really Means

It is time to challenge a belief, a misperception, that many religious people, especially Christians, have about money. The Bible has multiple seemingly negative messages about it, including, “Money is the root of all evil” and “You cannot serve God and mammon (money).” Yet again religious folks, especially fundamentalist religious folks, have taken something the Bible says literally, which was never meant to be taken literally. Let’s sort this out, shall we?

Money is not the issue at all here, even though at a surface level that is what it looks like. In reality the issue is one of mindset. As I have taught many, many times, the things that have power over us only have that power as long as we give it to them. We can give things power over us primarily two ways:
1. By resisting it, which makes it stronger.
2. By “buying” its power, believing in it.

I have only begun to tug at the threads of this thing, so I do not have the entire tapestry yet. But the materialistic system is brilliantly designed. We will use an example with money to illustrate a point. Say you go into town and you see an armored truck. You know there are valuables inside. You also know there are armed guards, protective technologies and a very thick metallic shell you would have to get through to get to the cash.

From the side of those sending the trucks around to collect their valuables, there isn’t really resistance to you stealing them. It is passive only. Because if they resisted you stealing their valuables, you would then have the power. Any resistance of stealing will make the reality of things being stolen stronger. That’s just how things work. They, whoever they are, are well aware of this.

So they pass the buck, figuratively, onto you. As you see that truck, knowing what you know, the power of those things regarded as valuable in our society becomes absolute. You have to “buy in” to the value of whatever is inside, those items which society considers valuable, and once you have done this you perpetuate the materialistic system.

This is hard to grasp and put into words, but I am doing my best. Everything you see on the news, everything you are raised to believe from childhood – all of it is designed to cause you to believe in money, and to make money’s power over you absolute. This, in addition to religion, makes you much easier to control.

Why? Because if you are poor you see money as the only solution. And in some cases it is. If you need certain things, like clothing, food, medicine, etc., you must have money. By this the system is preserved. Even if you were to come into a lot of money, your mindset towards money gives it influence and power over you, so you really do become a slave to the dollar. Society raises you that way.

The only way considered acceptable and realistic to get money is to earn it through a job. Even though  there are other legal and moral ways to get money, once again you “buy into” what you have been told since birth – you really don’t have a choice, so these alternative means of acquiring money appear undependable, unrealistic and unworkable. You can’t have a house unless you have a dependable monthly income, right? No, actually that’s entirely and utterly wrong. But that is not what you believe.

This then is why the Bible says money is the root of all evil. Notice the Bible doesn’t say money is evil. You infer that money is evil because the Bible says money is the root of it. In your literal interpretation of scripture you conveniently forget to also take this part literally. According to the Bible money is the root of all evil. It doesn’t necessarily mean money is evil. I could say the virus is the root of all sickness. But a virus isn’t literally sickness. A virus only leads to sickness, and it only leads to sickness, there is no guarantee of sickness, only the possibility.

Exactly the same is true of money. Money can lead to evil, but it is not evil itself. Money is just some object we all agree to assign a value to, be it a coin or a bill or a gold nugget. It isn’t even the physical object the Bible is talking about here. What the Bible is actually warning is about is our mindset to money. The same applies to the other passage. It is all about mindset, more specifically, the things we believe in and give power to.

We humans, for all our intelligence, are incredibly stupid in certain ways. We say things like, “Guns kill.” No, they don’t. Bullets kill people. But even that is false. Neither bullets or guns kill people. You will never see a gun load itself, aim itself at someone, and then fire. Likewise you will never see a bullet float up by itself, aim at someone, and then hit them.

In fact the only way guns can kill is if they are loaded, and the people who use loaded guns do the shooting. And even that is not entirely accurate. Because in order for someone to kill another person, there has to be a mindset of killing, murder or violence. Guns can do absolutely nothing if the person holding them does not have the mindset, the mentality, to pull the trigger. AND IF THEY DO, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT IS A GUN, KNIFE, STICK or LARGE ROCK!

The ONLY thing we would accomplish by getting rid of guns is to:
1. Create a HUGE back market for guns and
2. Cause people who want to kill, murder or use violence to use knives.

When it comes down to it, if someone wants to kill another person, a gun only makes it easier and quicker in some ways. They will use anything, including their bare hands, if they really have the mindset to hurt and/or kill. Not only that, the only people who would obey the law and not have guns are innocent civilians who would need them if and when they are attacked. In other words, the “bad” guys will ignore the law and still have guns, and the people that needed guns in order to protect themselves from them would no longer have them.

By this we see that all gun laws are completely useless, an exercise in complete and utter futility. It is our mindset that gives these things power over us. My mindset towards guns is actually not beneficial to me. I am actually empowering those who would pass gun laws by my resistance to gun laws. The only way I could create a reality that is more positive and supportive, of a higher frequency or vibration, is to let go of all these feelings I have about gun laws. But right now, in this moment, gun laws and those involved with that side of this issue have power over me.

The exact same thing with money. Right now society would use two words to describe me. Lazy (meaning I do not have a job and therefore am not a contributing member of society) and poor (meaning I have little or no money.) It is very hard for me to have the experience of abundance and wealth I desire as long as I maintain my current mindset about money, which is what has given it power over me. My mindset causes me to be “closed off” from the abundance of the Universe, and until I “open myself”, by freeing myself of the hold money has over me, I will receive very little if anything from it.

Those who see an armored car and consider robbing it are even more under the influence of money. If they rob the armored car, they will have to use some measure of violence. In this way money is the root of all evil, this is what the Bible is telling us. The things we do for money, when our mindset towards it is influencing our actions and giving it power over us, are evil. Not evil as in literally evil. Evil in this case means harmful to us and others, negative.

Worse, if those who see an armored car consider robbing it, then do so, they make money’s influence and power over them absolute. You can only rob and steal out of a mindset of lack and limitation. By stealing the robbers would continue to have an experience of lack and limitation. They would need to steal more money, and they would be unable to stop, until they change their mindset towards money.

This is why I would not consider stealing. Not because it is bad/good or right/wrong. I could care less about that. It is all about the hold I am allowing money to have over me. A lady I occasionally worked for mentioned some bag of cash that fell out of an armored car recently. She asked me if I would keep the money. I said I don’t think I would, not if it was easily identifiable who the money belonged to.

In fact wouldn’t keep a single bill. I would if the money and the bag had no identifying information, if there was no obvious candidate from which it came parked anywhere nearby. I once picked up a wallet on the bus. I could have opened it and taken any cash inside. But I did not. I didn’t even open it. I just handed it to the bus driver. But if I am walking along, nobody around, and find a $100.00 on the ground, in the middle of nowhere, I will keep it. I would consider that to be something the Universe provided.

My reason for this is simple. I am doing my best to practice of mindset of abundance. That means trusting that the Universe will provide. I often freely give of my money, or share it. I walk a thin line between being free with my finances and being careless. Once again I am practicing a mindset of abundance. In doing these things I am taking back the hold, influence and power I have allowed money to have over me. I seek the freedom to live the life I want and to experience an abundance of all good and desirable things.

If you are seeking this as well, then you must change your mindset towards money, starting with throwing out any literal interpretation of the any holy text, especially the Bible. Just release and let go of all negative and unsupportive beliefs, feelings and thoughts you have about money. As your mindset towards money changes, its hold influence and power over you will loosen. But you have to find a way to practice you new mindset every day. It has to become as natural to you as your former mindset was. When it does you will be finally be truly free.

Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

When I was a little boy I loved to run barefoot through the soft, green grass. I loved to lay down on the grass and just watch the clouds float by. I loved to watch the sun set before I went to bed at night, and to watch it rise when I got up in the morning. When an adult asked me, “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” I said, “I want to be someone who runs barefoot through the grass and watches the clouds.”

But my answer seemed to disappoint the adult. They asked me, “Are you sure you don’t want to be a firefighter, a policeman, a scientist or a doctor?” I vigorously nodded my small head no and again said, “When I grow up I want to be someone who runs barefoot through the grass and watches the clouds.”

Time and childhood passed quickly, as it often does, and I found I had become a young man. As a young man I liked to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I wasn’t doing any of those things I still found myself running barefoot through the grass and watching the clouds. When an adult asked me, “What do you want to do with your life?” I said, “I want to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I am not doing those things I want to run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds.”

My answer seemed to disappoint the adult. They asked, “Don’t you want to do anything with your life?” Repeating myself I said, “I just want to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I am not doing those things I want to run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds.”

More time passed and soon I found I had become an adult. As an adult I liked to read books, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I was not doing those things I was either going to college or going to work. I had no time to play video games, run barefoot through the grass or watch the clouds. As each day passed I found myself less and less happy.

I got married, had a family and soon my sketchbook lay abandoned, the books I read were only to instruct, my computer was used only used to keep track of the finances and I only saw cartoons on the TV. One day my wife jokingly asked me, “What do you want to do with your life?” I said, “I want to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook and make things on my computer. When I am not doing those things I want to hold your hand, walk barefoot through the grass, and watch the clouds.”

My answer seemed to confuse my wife. She didn’t understand what I was trying to say. So she asked, “Don’t you love the children and I? Don’t you want to take care of us?” I said, “Of course I love you and the children, and I will always take care of you. But I miss watching the shows I like on TV. I miss having time to read a book that interests me. I really miss playing video games, drawing in my sketchbook, and making things on my computer. But most of all I miss walking barefoot through the grass and watching the clouds. What I am doing with my life is not what I want to do with my life. Please try to understand.”

Later that same day my little boy came to me and I asked him, “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” My little boy replied, “I like to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook, sing and make things on my computer. When I am not doing those things I like running barefoot through the grass and watching the clouds. I also like to sit and watch the stars whenever you and mommy let me stay up late. When I grow up I want to be someone who does those things.”

I remembered what the adult had said to me so many years ago. So I smiled lovingly at my little boy, embraced him tightly and said, “If that is what you want to do with your life, then that is what you will do. You will watch TV, play video games, draw in your sketchbook, sing and make things on your computer. When you are not doing those things you will run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds. Also from now on, you can sit and watch the stars for a little each night before you go to bed. Your mother and I love you, and we will support you in whatever you choose to do.”

My little boy gave me the biggest, brightest smile I had ever seen. I hugged him again, then after I released him I looked him straight in the eye and added, “… and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you have to do anything else with your life. Listen to your heart, follow your dreams and do what makes you happy.”

Then I took my little boy up to the attic, where I pulled out a big and dusty old box. I opened it up and took out the books I used to like to read, the video games I used to like to play, and the sketchbook in which I used to draw. I showed these things to my little boy and said, “When I was your age all I wanted to do is run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds. When I grew a little older I wanted to watch TV, play video games, draw in my sketchbook, read and make things on my computer. When I was not doing those things I still liked to run barefoot through the grass and watch the clouds.”

“But when I became an adult I listened to what others said I should do and I did those things instead. I packed away all the things I loved to do into this box, where they have sat until this moment. Remember what I have shown you here today.” My little boy smiled, then ran downstairs to play.

Time passed, and I found I had become an old man. I no longer had to work and my children had left the house to start lives of their own. Now I had all the time I wanted, to do whatever I wanted. But my body was old, stiff and store. At best I could only walk slowly through the grass, wearing shoes. I could only stand outside so long before I had to sit down, and I could only sit down so long before I had to stand again. And I was always cold, so I could never stay outside very long, or I would get a painful cough.

I spent most of my time inside, reading books I could not remember I had read, trying to draw in my sketchbook with short, jerky movements and hands that always trembled. I had no interest in TV, video games or computers. One day my wife jokingly asked me, “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” My answer, and my very last words to her, were, “I just want to be myself.”

This little story came to me as I stepped outside this evening to watch the sunset. I asked myself a question, “What if all I wanted to do with my life is watch the clouds?”

We Don’t Have To Accept What’s Offered

After my bout of self-pity, leading to my previous post, I realized some things today. It partly comes from this statement by Abraham, through Esther Hicks, “When you understand that unwanted things cannot assert themselves into your experience, but that everything is invited to you and by you through thought, you never again feel threatened by what others may be choosing to live, even if they are very close by – for the cannot be a part of your experience.” (from The Law of Attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks)

So others are offering a version of “reality” for those in my financial position who are interested in the BAGD program at Digipen. There are layers to their version of reality: It is expensive. The degree is useless from a professional standpoint. The college is very hard and has an extremely heavy workload. The housing situation is terrible.

OK, so someone or some group of someones has constructed this experience that is the commonly accepted definition of “reality” at Digipen. What I forgot is that just because someone offers me something, that doesn’t mean I have to take it. I have long known at some deep inner level that the only power anyone has over me is the power I have given them. I may forget this from time to time. Their power over me may appear to be absolute. But the truth is it only lasts as long as I accept it.

Our society is comprised of a great majority of individuals who willing bend their backs to accept the yoke others would put on them. It’s just easier to believe in the most convincing illusion instead of anything we can visualize. It’s like going to McDonald’s for some fast food instead of the produce place for some organic ingredients we would have to cook into some far superior dish.

The reality that others offer us, the way others tell us things are, is just easier to accept. Not many of us are willing to ask why things are the way they are. Not many of us are willing to challenge the way things are. I guess in that sense Rosa Parks truly is a hero. Maybe all she did is get on a bus and sit down (forgive any inaccuracies of my historical account here), but ultimately what she was doing was challenging how things are.

Like so many others in the human race I was all set to give up on Digipen and accept the reality I had been offered. But now I see I can free myself of those constraints at any time, and I have done so. The only thing I need to do is decide, once and for all, if I truly want to go to Digipen. Knowing what I want, being decisive and firm about it, that is the first step in the manifestation process. Something else I have forgotten.

It does appear to matter to me. When I, at a mental level, closed the door to Digipen It knocked me down for a while. It hurt. If it matters that much, then maybe I really do want to go. Once I am sure, once I am ready to commit, I can begin the process of creating the reality I want to experience.

The beautiful thing about this is that there is no resistance here. I can act out of love. I think maybe a good definition of love is, “Wanting the best for others and myself.” I can, in a figurative if not actual way, simply nod my head, thank those who have presented me with the common “reality” of the experience at Digipen, and turn away from their gift. I can so so while wishing the absolute best for them. That when they are ready for a better, more constructive, positive and supportive experience at Digipen they can have it.

There is no anger here. No bitterness. No us VS them. It frankly does not matter what they, whoever they are, have done, are doing or will do. Yes, they can paint some very convincing versions of reality, and the majority that buy into it will become its missionaries, so it has been, is and will continue to be a very convincing illusion. But the key is that it is all illusion. There is no such thing as “reality” out there. No hard and fast laws in the universe. Absolutely none. Another belief I have long held is that the only reason gravity has any power over us is because we believe it does.

Nothing is set in stone in a cosmic, universal sense. No destiny, no fate, unless you accept it. Maybe the law of love remains constant. But ultimately we are free to create the reality we want to experience, regardless of how things appear to be.

The way I see it now, once I am sure I want to go to Digipen, then my work is to begin the application process. There is a portfolio to build, essays to write. I can work with the funds I have, and when I have more, I can pay the application fee. I already am certain that I will be accepted. I am absolutely certain of that. Digipen wants students like me, passionate about their areas of study with high GPAs. We make them look good, and they get rich off us.

But I don’t have to think or worry about any of that. About what others are doing, about what Digipen is or is not doing. About what my prospective employers will do. It is all irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that I focus on what I want to do, and the experience I want to have. Briefly it is this: I am effortlessly completing all assignments. I am enjoying my classes and instructors. The money is there to pay for all my needs, and some of the things I want. I have the absolute best place for me to stay.

My work is simply to focus on what I want, do my own thing, and let others do theirs. I have no enemies outside of those to which I allow myself to feel enmity. There is no battle, no war. I get to choose the version of reality I buy into, and the only reality that has any power over me is the one I buy into. At first I bought into the version of reality at Digipen offered to me by others, but now I am not. That reality is not constructive, positive or supportive, so I am now creating one that is.

If I fail, if the money does not show up, I am still getting a worthy education in creating my own reality instead of buying into the version of reality offered by others. And I get to work towards something that matters to me. Something that makes me feel good. Definitely worth it!

What Anger, Bitterness and Hatred Do To Us

I have become a willing inmate,
In my own prison of hate.

I keep messing up. I have these things to write about, in the heat of the moment, but the timing isn’t right. I have other things to do. I want to go to bed. I want to play a little Minecraft. The hot fire of passion flares up briefly, then dies. So it has happened to this post. But I will stir the coals and do my best to revive the flames.

I watched something a day or so ago – it might have been one of the new episodes of Father Brown on Netflix. I felt this incredible anger against this character. I wanted to see them suffer. I wanted to see them hurt. But on the heels of these emotions I realized something. The person feeling this way, the person that would act on these feelings, would become exactly like the person they were acting against.

A day or so later, in a moment of clarity, I said to my mom that the only way any offense she has taken can stay alive is in her memory. In her remembering it, she relives it. She perpetuates the offense. I am not explaining it nearly as clearly now as I did then. Still the truth should be easy to discern here.

Then today I watched, “The Secret In Their Eyes.” I don’t want to give away any spoilers. But one of the characters did something, and in doing what she did, she put herself in the exact same position as the person she was doing it to.

All the emotional and mental pain we feel, all our hurt is kept alive by our revisiting it on our memory. I have said much of this before. The past is only a memory, the future does not exist. The only thing that exists is this moment, right now. We can not determine what lies ahead for us by looking back. Just because something happened in the past does not mean it will happen in the future.

All offenses are given, and like anything given, it is up to us to decide to take them, to receive them. We can also choose, just as easily, to refuse them. True freedom lies in releasing and letting go of all our attachments to any negative belief, feeling or mindset. If we continually relieve negative things from the past, we give those who, in our perception, did these things to us power over us. They continue to do what we say they did to use years after they originally did it.

If we refuse to forgive, to let go, to release, if we remain attached to those things that make us feel bad, that do not feel good, it will change us. It will age us. It will affect our health. We are literally poisoning ourselves. We are literally feeding ourselves a steady dose of poison, until it becomes a tumor, a heart condition, a stroke or some other physical issue within us, that either kills us or makes us a prisoner in our own bodies.

Don’t do this to yourself. If you have some mental list of all perceived offenses, burn it. Visualize it in you mind being set ablaze, then release it to the four winds. Free yourself. It is the harder path. Some of the things we have drawn into our experience are horrific. But they can only continue to affect us as long as we allow them to.

Problem Solving VS Solution Discovery

In the wake of a realization I am in the habit of posting an article at my blog:
https://blisswriter.wordpress.com/

This helps me to work things out, share what I learn and, ideally, help others at the same time. I can get things off my chest, in other words.

Well I had a realization the other day, and though I am not remembering its source I want to share it with you. Last quarter one of my “classes” was CTEC 290, if I recall the number correctly. Working at the Penguin Help Desk, a service of free technical support and computer repair that the college provides the community. I had a lot of credits that quarter and I remember I was constantly exhausted. Looking back I think I see part of the reason why.

It has become my recently adopted belief that, to quote Abraham through Esther Hicks, “We get what we ask for whether we want it or not.” Our asking comes from our focus. Where we are putting our energy. If our energy and focus is on something we do not want, such as cancer, we will bring cancer into our lives in some way. If instead we put our energy and focus on something we want, such as perfect health, we bring perfect health into our lives.

There is a time delay as our request comes into the physical world. So if we catch ourselves we can consciously choose to focus on what we want instead of what we don’t want, and change what we are drawing to us.

Let me give you an example from my personal life… When I worked PHD last quarter we were overwhelmed with laptops that had software issues. Not only that, many of the laptops had the same issues and were even the same model! Naturally there was a lot of complaining about this. None of us wanted to be fixing laptops, especially laptops with software issues. We all wanted to be doing something more interesting, like upgrading computers.

I can not speak for my co-workers, only give you my response. I would sit down with a laptop for hours at a time, focusing on the issue or problem it had, trying to fix it. I put an enormous amount of energy into this, and I am convinced now that is part of the reason why I was so exhausted by the time I went home I literally passed out on the bus almost as soon as I sat down. I fought with some sort of sickness all quarter and sometimes couldn’t even walk straight.

Because I put so much effort, energy and focus into problem solving, which I used to say I specialized in, I received more laptops with software problems, and in my cases the same issues with new twists that I had to solve. To put it simply, I complained about how high the mountain was at the same time I was dumping millions of tons of additional material on it. I kept climbing to the top and never reached the summit!

I realize my mistake now. I identified myself as a problem solver. I saw this as something I enjoy doing, and I do. But the tendency is to focus, in minute detail, on the problem, instead its solution. Additionally if you are someone who likes to problem solve, whenever a problem arises, you habitually seek to fix it. One thing I had learned before last quarter is that I can not fix everyone’s problems. For every one I fix, there will be another.

This is mostly in reference to my parents and our living situation. Nobody at college knows this as I don’t talk about it, but I live in a 40′ motorhome with my parents parked on some land about an hour from the campus. We have no hot water, as the hot water heater died. The toilet broke so that had to be replaced. The sink broke so that had to be replaced. The front heater is broken and has to be replaced, and the rear heater may soon follow. Also we have no direct access to sewage hookup, and water gets to us through a hose, which can and did freeze occasionally during the winter. As for the sewage, we take it by bucket to a dumping access pipe by the house of the people whose land we stay on.

Of course the problems don’t end with the RV. There are bills to pay, phones that must be upgraded (no room left in their internal memory) and general arguments between my parents. I used to play mediator and referee. But I came to understand something. That my parents have their own lives to live, and have to work their own shit out, pardon the swearing. But the word is apt in this case.

As I have lived in this situation I have also come to see that no matter how much money I give them for bills, or how many bills I help cover, or how many things I get fixed on the RV, more things will crop up. Because it is not about me. These are things my parents have put their energy and focus into. The bills. The RV. So they have to work things out for themselves, learn what they put themselves into this situation to learn, and I have to do the same.

Now, in addition to this, I see that in problem solving, the focus is on a problem that must be solved. In troubleshooting the focus is on trouble that is being avoided. Through my work at PHD I was far too focused on the problems that had to be solved. I put all my energy and focus into them. Instead I should have been focused on solutions. Solution focused, not problem focused. Solution oriented, not problem oriented. I must be, and am now practicing and training myself to be, a “Solution Finder” or “Solution Discoverer” instead of a problem solver. I like the phrase “Solution Discovery” best. From now on, when listing my interests and strengths, I will use solution discovery instead of problem solving.

There is a lot of resistance to the idea in New Thought and Law of Attraction teachings of focusing on what you want, what you desire, what makes you feel good. Either people think this is lazy or selfish. Here is what I am convinced is true… Had I been focused on the solution for each computer that came into PHD, accepting each one as it came to me, but visualizing in my mind’s eye it working perfectly and the customer happily picking it up, there would have been few laptops with software issues coming my way, and I would not have worn myself out trying to fix an almost never-ending mountain of problems

Furthermore, if I had visualized customers coming to the help desk asking us to upgrade or build computers for them, we would have had more computers to build and upgrade. But most important of all, I would have felt better. Even if things were exactly the same, if my attitude and mindset, my energy and focus, had been on the solution or desired outcome, as well as my desired experience, I would have felt better. You can’t put a price on that. Let others think what they will. I will use the opportunities I have to practice new ways of thinking, because as far as I am concerned the old ways of thinking are not to my benefit, and they do not work.

But unfortunately, probably much like the others, my thought process every time I saw a laptop come in was something like, “Oh no! Another laptop with software issues!” I was a good worker and am a good student. I put my nose on that grindstone and left it there until there was nothing left. But that sucked a lot of enjoyment out of the experience and left me emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted and weak. I almost wish I could take the class again and, this time, get it right.

I know there is a difference in what happened when I was at the PHD and what is happening now. They have far less computers at PHD right now. Some would likely say that it’s the quarter, that it is just slow. But I see a definite difference in the types of things happening in the help desk now than from when I worked there. Different people, different energy and focus, different experiences. End of story.

As I have been given the opportunity to sort of supervise the help desk, I will, from this moment on, focus on the solution or desired outcome for anything that comes my way. I am no longer putting any energy or focus on problems. I am now directing all my energy and effort toward solutions and desired outcomes. On whatever it is that makes me feel better when I think about it. If whatever I am thinking about does not make me feel good, I am, from now on, stopping and choosing to change my thoughts about the subject to what feels good.

It will be interesting to see what effect this has, not only on me, but also for those currently working the help desk.

 

Death and Sickness

This post should be considered a sort of work in progress. Thoughts in development, inspired by the chapter, “Immortality in the Flesh” in Prentice Mulford’s, “Thoughts Are Things.”

Now I don’t know about you, but whenever I get sick the mentality is that there is something wrong. I am not super negative about it. But I assume that physical dis-ease is a symptom of an energetic cause. In other words, there is something inside of me that is focused in the wrong direction, and I have drawn sickness into my experience.

If you study a lost of books on cancer, and obsess about cancer, and collect all sorts if medical information in cancer; if you basically fear either yourself or someone you love getting cancer, cancer will likely come into your life experience.

This happens, according to the teachings of Abraham (and others), because when you focus on something – anything at all – that is essentially the same as asking for it. So if you focus on what is not wanted, if what you are dwelling on and thinking about doesn’t make you feel good, if you are trying to push something away out of fear, as far as the Universe is concerned you are requesting it. You can’t ask to be healthy if you are always feeling sick or worried about being sick. Your focused is on sickness, not on health.

It is those things to which you direct the largest amount of energy or focus that you draw to you. The more you don’t want something, the more energy or focus you have on that thing you do not want. It’s like you have shone a spotlight on it, and the Universe, constantly searching for the things you want, sees that and immediately sets to work bringing that to you.

But there is a time delay, because the energy of whatever you have drawn to you has to come into the physical world, so you can, when you realize you don’t feel good about whatever it is you were dwelling on or thinking about it, direct your attention to something that feels better. Just whatever feels even slightly better than whatever it is you were dwelling on and thinking about, and in this way, bit by bit, you can move that spotlight onto you something you feel good about, that you truly want.

I hope I am making this clear enough… OK, so there are some things you are shining a spotlight on without thinking about them at all. You short of adopt or inherit these things. One of these things is the belief that all things must and will die. That to not die is somehow abhorrent, evil, unnatural or wrong. Also that everything gets sick, and getting sick is this awful, bad terrible thing.

But let’s set that aside for a moment and say that both of these are untrue. Let’s say that death is actually not natural. Let’s go a step further and say there is no death. Bear with me. Let’s also say that sickness may be natural, but is actually a good thing. Turn both of these beliefs on their ear.

Even if both of these ideas are proven to be wrong, it is good practice for you to challenge everything you assume to be the truth. Instead of accepting things unquestioningly, maybe we should learn to question more and accept less. Why exactly are we so attached to these adopted and inherited beliefs, that we most likely never sat down for a moment and took the time to think about whether or not we wanted to accept them in the first place?

Still with me? Good. So let’s just acknowledge, accept, embrace, release then let go of all our former beliefs about death, dying and sickness. We can always pick them back up again later, if we decide we really want to. And this is good practice as well. Now you are making a conscious decision as to what you will accept as the truth, what you will believe.

Maybe sickness is actually a sort of cleansing process. Maybe there are things in you at an energetic level that you are shedding, for lack of a better word. Just as you shed dead skin, hair and other “physical” material, maybe you shed energetic material too. Like a tree shedding its winter leaves before new spring growth. That is one illustration that Prentice Mulford uses.

Maybe as we grow and develop as human beings, we shed old beliefs, old ways of thinking, old thought patterns. Maybe as we grow as people there are growing pains, and these translate physically as various illnesses. If this is so then my current belief, that I have consciously chosen to adopt for now, is correct. That belief is, as I have stated before, that all physical symptoms have an energetic cause.

So our first step is to take this new belief for a test drive. The next time we experience illness, we immediately think of it as a cleansing or growing process. We are shedding something, getting rid of something, and making room for something new. Sickness is not something we will ever desire to seek out, but when it happens we know that it is a good thing. It is not to be feared, there is no need to fight or resist it (that would make it stronger), and we can’t run away from it (it stays with you.)

Instead we do the same with the sickness as we do for everything we feel. This has become one of my practices. When I have a bunch of things I am feeling that I need to work through I Acknowledge them, accept them, embrace them then release them and let them go. I allow myself to feel them as long as I need to feel them, then I release those feelings and let them go. I retain no negative feelings or any feelings that feel bad.

When we are sick we can do exactly the same thing. Acknowledge the sickness, accept it, embrace it, release it then let it go. Let ourselves be sick as long as we need to be sick, then release the sickness and let it go. Our focus, our spotlight, is on feeling energetic, good and strong. There is no thought of dis-ease, illness or sickness. If such thoughts come we follow the steps already outlined: A.A.E.R.L.G. Acknowledge. Accept. Embrace. Release. Let Go.

Now let’s take this a stet further… Let’s use this same process whenever we think of death. Whether we are thinking of someone we love dying or our own death. A.A.E.R.L.G. The same with any beliefs we have about aging, death, dying. Toss them out with the rest of the trash. A.A.E.R.L.G. anytime they come up. From this moment on, I make this commitment, and you can make it with me:

“I no longer believe that aging, death or dying is is inevitable or natural. No matter what I see around me or in the mirror. Despite any evidence to the contrary. No matter what anyone does or says. As far as I am concerned, here and now, in this moment, my physical body can be as energetic, healthy, strong and young as I wish it to me. No matter how many times it has orbited around the sun. I will leave this world only when I am good and ready. It could be tomorrow, it could be 100 tomorrows from now. Against all my former beliefs to the contrary, I choose when I will leave this world, and I choose how my body functions and looks while I am here.”

Print this out, sign your name underneath. Whenever the old beliefs come up, refer back to it. Those beliefs are like a groove in a record. It is very easy for you to play them over and over again, as you have played them for years. With what we have done here we have created a new groove, and that will have to be played over and over, until it is natural for them to play instead of the old groove.

Unlike a record, where the grooves are essentially permanent, the belief-grooves in our mind correspond to pathways in our brain. As we play this new groove, as it gets deeper and more firmly impressed, the old groove fades away, and the mental pathways in the mind and brain change and re-route to this new way of thinking. You are, figuratively and literally, changing your mind about aging, death and dying, as well as dis-ease, illness and sickness.

On being born you we kind of like an etch-a-sketch. Those who raised you sketched out an idea of who you would be. As you grew older you adopted and inherited many of their beliefs and “mind grooves.” After all they could only play for you, through the entirely of how they raised you, the grooves they had in their own minds. Once you grew old enough to start creating your own “mind grooves”, the responsibility remained with you to shake that etch-a-sketch up and sketch out a design for yourself of who you would be. But most if not all of us have simply accepted the sketch from those who raised us. A few of us have tried to draw your own sketch over it. But far too few, if any of us, have simply erased the old sketch and drawn something new.

With what I have shared here you can now do that, in regards to your thoughts concerning dis-ease, illness, sickness as well as aging, death and dying.

Love is the Answer

No, I am not going to start singing some old song like, “Love is all you need…” This post isn’t about the mushy stuff or the head-in-the-clouds stuff. Although why so many of us want to run screaming from the room whenever the subject of love comes up should be examined…

No, this is about some things I have picked up since reading some more of Rhonda Byrne’s, “The Power.” You need to read this book. Seriously. Just set aside your opinions about “New Age” or “New Thought” or the teacher herself. She is only a channel, one way this information is coming into our world. And I don’t mean in a mediumistic sense. I mean in the sense like a channel of water. Consider this teacher’s work to be one channel, flowing from Source, bringing us some important pieces of the overall spiritual puzzle.

There’s a bit in there about love, and after reading it, I spent some time just writing down the things I appreciate and love about my life. My focus on just these two feelings. What do I truly love in my love? What do I appreciate in my life? I felt compelled to do this because I was experiencing some sort of flu-like sickness, had a terrible headache and wanted to feel better. Strangely enough, after doing this simple exercise, I did.

It ties together with bits and pieces I have gleaned from other spiritual texts. There’s the Law of Attraction stuff from Abraham, teaching me that what I focus on is what I draw to me, and what I give out I receive. A lot of the other stuff I can’t seem to get a handle on. I mean I understand it, but nothing really clicked, until I read that bit in Byrne’s book and then things began to click.

I have posted before about how alien and isolated I feel. I realized today, and it’s been developing over the last few days, that I have created this experience for myself. I created it because I have been pushing people away. I realized that when I look at someone, I am immediately, unconsciously until today looking at what I perceive to be their flaws, basically trying to find a reason not to like them. Not with everyone, but with many of the people I encounter.

The issue is that the energy I emanate when I look at someone with non-acceptance brings into my life the experience of non-acceptance. I am not as open and accepting as I thought myself to be. I have been subtly pushing people away, giving out the energy of pushing away, and receiving the energy of being pushed away in return.

So you see, I have been isolating myself, by constantly finding reasons to push people away. They may not consciously feel that energy from me, but everyone is responding to it. Everything and everyone we perceive to be outside of us and separate from us is consistently and constantly responding to us, to whatever it is we are giving out, and whatever we are giving out, that is what we are receiving.

Criminals don’t get caught because they are stupid, and the police overall aren’t exceptionally intelligent. Criminals get caught because they literally draw or magnetize those circumstances, events and people to them that will catch them. Their overriding thought is, “I don’t want to get caught.” The focus is on catching, or being caught. The Universe responds by arranging and orienting everything in their lives to match catching or being caught.

If you could somehow rob a bank without a lack or limitation mindset, and with no fear or guilt, you will never be caught. But the instant you start feeling guilty, or worrying about the police catching up to you, the snare is set, and you are stuck in it. Eventually you will be caught, if you continue to feel fear or guilt. If you continually practice letting go of your fear and guilt however, you will remain uncaught.

If you entertain any sort of lack or limitation mindset, thinking that there is not enough to go around,m or you don;’t have enough, etc., you will find yourself needing to steal again, because the money you have stolen will have seemed to fly away from you. This is another trap, and it is unlikely you would steal in the first place without this way of thinking. You have to stop thinking in that way if you want the money to last, to be enough.

The longer you feel fear the closer and quicker that which you fear comes to you. The longer you feel guilty the closer and quicker the inevitable punishment comes to you. The more you think there is not enough the more not enough you experience. The more you find yourself, or others, lacking, the more you and others will be found lacking in your own perception.

This last was my trap. I realized I need to find things I truly appreciated or loved about everyone I encountered. I had to stop pushing people away because I was not interested, or they were too fat, or I didn’t like how they looked, etc. Yesterday I came to understand that to attract “the one I am with” into my life I had to think about all the things she has that I love about her. Her long hair, beautiful smile, graceful movements, lithe body, etc. Though I have not yet met this person in the flesh, my positive focus in this way is ever drawing her into my life.

I don’t have to force myself to say, “Hi” to everyone I meet. I don’t have to throw myself into uncomfortable social situations. I don’t have to game anyone. I don’t have to work hard at anything. I just need to be myself and think about what I want instead of what I don’t want. I just need a positive focus on what I want, and I get that by thinking about all the things I love or appreciate about something, whether it is real or just something I envision in my mind’s eye.

I have practiced my whole life a way of acting, being and thinking that criticizes and judges others, that pushes those I perceive to be not wanted or not acceptable away. It’s so easy to do, and I think we all do it to some extent. Who wants to have any thoughts of acceptance or love for the dirty, wrinkly, disgusting looking (and smelling) person a few seats from you on the bus? But somehow, in some way, we have to find something about them we appreciate it, and practice appreciation and love instead of criticism and judgment. Otherwise we will remain depressed, friendless, isolated and lonely. We don’t have to talk to this person. We just have to practice a different way of reacting to and thinking about them.

Thinking about the things we desire, the things we want, isn’t as simple as just thinking about them. That’s one place I got stuck. It turns out we need to have a positive energy towards the things we desire. We have to have a positive focus in order to draw these things to us. So now matter how much we think about our desire for friends, now matter how much we may visualize being in our idea friendships, if in our daily lives we are criticizing and judging those we encounter, we will never have the friendships for which we long.

Is it falling into place for you now? Making sense? I hope so. That is my intention here. It helps me to share these things I have realized, to work them out here. In giving understanding I receive understanding. That’s why some teachers are constantly earnings new things as they teach. You give knowledge you receive knowledge. But don’t forget that to make a clear path from Source into your life experience you must have positive energy and focus, and this is easy to practice just by focusing on what you appreciate or love.

Folding The String

I just feel I have to write something in my blog today. Share some important realizations and get a few things off my chest…

Imagine an ant travelling along a very long string. Where I used to live I could see the bigger carpenter ants using the power lines from a tree to the house. It was not a fast journey. It will take the ant a long time.

Now imagine folding the sting, bringing the two ends together. The ant can now walk from one end to the other, and when the string is stretched back out the ant has crossed the entire distance in a fraction of the time.

This isn’t just some sort of science or physics lesson. It isn’t really about ants and strings. Or power lines. It’s just that I realized something important on the bus the other day.

The theory, still not entirely accepted or proven by science, is that everything, when you zoom in far enough, is energy. Everything is made of energy, everything is connected to everything and everyone else. We experience things as being separate, but that just has something to do our beliefs, perceptions and our unique vibratory frequency.

I realized that if this theory is true, then there is no separation between intellectually knowing something and having direct experience of it. I was thinking about how I felt there was a sort of block between knowing what I need to do in regard to the subject I was thinking about, and actually doing it. Something holding me back I have to resolve or work through.

But the energy behind the knowledge and its application or experience is exactly the same energy. There is no difference. There is no block. Physical distances, all physical constraints, do not exist outside the physical. Heck they may not even really exist inside it!

If I know something it is the same as applying it and the same as experiencing it. The string is already folded, the ends are already brought together. Any distance between me and my desire exists only in my imagination. Why not use my imagination to remove that distance?

Of course this is all built on the theory that everything is made of energy and connected. That there is only one energy. An analogy I like from the 30-day Meditation Project uses a glass bowl and sunlight. The light in the bowl is the same as the light from the sun. It just appears separate. The thickness of the glass represents the ego, or our sense of separation.

If this theory is true, and it seems to me that it is, then that explains how imagining something to be real in my life that is not yet physically apparent works. In reality the energy of my desiring and the thing I desire are exactly the same, even though I can’t see it at the moment, any more than an ant would be able to grasp something bringing two ends of a long string together. The ant just continues along, from where it was to where it wants to be.

In other words, if I desire something, then, at an energetic level, I already have it. Because everything is, at its core, energy. I just have to find a way to make this true for myself. Which is probably way books like, “The Secret” and “The Power” go into great detail about acting as if you already have something you want. I read these stuff and it just annoys me. But assuming it works, this is likely why.

I have to convince myself that the instant I desire anything I have it, even if it has not shown up in any sort of tangible form that I can experience or interact with. I have to somehow stop looking at the distance between me and my desires, and instead see my desire as existing here and now. All I have to do is accept it and I am there, where I want to be. Just like folding the string and bringing the ends together, stepping from one end to the other.

Maybe the ant, by the very act of desiring it, caused the two ends of the string to come together. Maybe I, by the very act of desiring it, can do something similar, bringing me and my desires together, eliminating the distance I currently perceive to be between us. The ant doesn’t spend any time at all thinking about how far away it is from its desire. It has its desire, and it moves towards it, causing the universe to set things in motion.

If an ant can do that, than I can do that, and you can do it too.