8-14-2020 – What EXACTLY Do I Do Now?

I mentioned in my last post how I renounced suicide and committed fully to life. One of the things keeping me from getting over that final hurdle was the thought that if I came out on the other side of this and nothing changed, what do I do? Because now I would be stuck, and there would be nothing else I could do. Nothing else I know of to change or address.

Well I have been wandering around the land on the other side of the fence for a few days now, and nothing has changed. Nothing has gotten any clearer. Nothing of the things I need or want has come to me. About all I can say is that maybe I am a littler happier, a little lighter. I don’t seem to be carrying as much around with me. I guess on the other side, where I was, I was lugging around a lot of stuff. Not to mention the seeming possibility of Underworld Spirits glommed onto me.

Living on this side of the fence has been like freeing myself of a lot of extra stuff, like shedding layers of clothes I no longer need. It feels like I am dragging a lot less stuff around with me. But I am still without resources in my life. No money, no friends in physical proximity, no space of my own – none of the things I think I had been pushing away from me all these years. I thought all that good would come crashing onto and into me, but no, it’s still out there, just out of reach.

I have to do a vlog and I have no idea what I will talk about. Do I attempt to come right out and confess that, until a couple of days ago, I was considering suicide? I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to share that, but the purpose of a vlog is to share. You are giving people an intimate glimpse into your life. And they say confession is good for the soul, though I doubt anyone that ever said that confessed anything.

I feel this pressure, or maybe its more like a push, to get a job. I know I am doing this to myself, but watching the oldest daughter get ready for work early this morning made me feel guilty somehow. As far as everyone is concerned, even if they don’t say it, I should be out there working too. All men under the age of 60 should be put there working. Isn’t that what everyone believes? Or is it just my own beliefs adopted from my parents speaking up here?

I am not even sure it is about getting a job, or getting money. I think it might be more about doing something. I feel as if I am sitting around here with my writing and YouTubing and somehow, no matter how much work I put into these, I am not doing enough. I am lazy. Unless I am out there, sweating under fluorescent lights somewhere, I am not doing enough.

There is one thing I think I like about this new scenery though. I seem to somehow have become more focused on building my absolute best life. I have changed from the “…life I want to live” suicidal mentality to “…my absolute best life.” Things seem like they just need definition, lists. I have a job to do, I just need direction, and I can build whatever it is I want to build. It didn’t even seem plausible on the other side of the fence.

So I started a new journal, listed the things I will no longer tolerate, and followed up with a list of things I must to, to build and create my best life. 5 things for each list. Seems doable. On this side of the fence I feel like I can do it. It’s just a matter of getting to work, and I have been doing that. It’s something like when I wanted to make a village in the trees for Morrowind. I wanted a staircase that went around the trunks. I just sat down in Blender and built it. Or did I use 3DS Max? In any case, it feels like that. Like I know what I want to build now, and I can see it, and I just need to keep constructing it.

But this is conflicting with the reality, which has not changed, that I have no income. No way to support myself or stand on my own. I feel like unless I am doing something to bring in the income, I am somehow failing, or not doing enough. There are so many things I need, and a lot of things I want, and I can’t tend to any of that. In that sense, nothing has changed from then to now. All I have working for me is this subtle idea in the back of my mind that it is possible, I just have to build it. Just have to create it. I am grateful to have this.

I guess I can also say that some subtle changes have come into my writing and YouTube work as well. It seems easier somehow to sit here and write. And my YouTube work is still enjoyable, but it has now become almost effortless. I am not struggling in these creative endeavors any longer. I am really enjoying this aspect of being here, on this side of the fence, as well. I really do appreciate these subtle positive changes. But I really want some big positive changes to show up, and soon.

As the Starks used to say, “Winter Is Coming.”

And I am still sleeping in the RV.

8-11-2020 – The Road Ahead

At my other blog I talk more about this subject. I wanted to keep the focus at this blog more spiritual, more positive, of a higher frequency or vibration. But what kind of music has absolutely no low notes? How long would you want to listen to something with that thumping base, or the lower registers sung by a soulful voice?

For some of you this will be no surprise. You have perhaps gleaned it from a few things that snuck into this blog, that I wrote here before I transferred them, maybe even a few things that are still here and not yet moved. I have been through a lot and my life has not been pleasant. I have no room for complaints however. As bad as things have been, compared to some others, they pale in comparison. But I have still felt pain, the sting of rejection, the chiding voice of failure, the stern voices of my dad and his dad back through time telling me to work hard, stop complaining, etc.

Some years back I experienced such a large amount of pain that I began to entertain the though of killing myself. I continued to entertain this thought, as a way to be free, a way to escape, way out of a life I do not want to live, all the way until two days ago. For a variety of reasons I had been leaning towards renouncing suicide, which means I would be committing fully to life. But I was unable to find the impetus or drive, as I had when I was finally able to renounce my former Christian faith. But I have been reading Shaman Durek’s book, “Spirit Hacking“, and one of this hacks instructs how to bring underworld spirits into the light.

Now when I renounced my former faith I also turned my back on ideas of heaven, hell and purgatory. I came to believe that the afterlife is a vast place, and you will experience exactly what you expect to experience when you get there. I also believe that spiritual things are simple, not complicated, no need for ceremonies or rituals or anything like that. This teaching of Shaman Durek, about an Underworld we (human beings) have created, the exists in the Darkness, and which it is our responsibility to clean up, did not resonate with me at all. Furthermore that there are these Underworld Spirits (U.S.) that are the negative voices whispering in our minds, and we must bring them into the light.

I wasn’t buying it, and I am not sure I am buying it now. But I addressed the U.S. whispering thoughts of suicide, and I release it into the light, along with 2 other U.S. and after doing so, I was able to decide that I was going to renounce suicide and commit fully to life. Something had changed in me. I tried to do a video for The Circle talking about all of this. But it seems as if I had another U.S. that was causing me to feel irritable, slightly angry, giving me headaches and making me tired. Its task was to help me play small, to avoid my calling and to avoid getting hurt. Since releasing this spirit into the light I have had the desire and ability to write, this and a few other things.

I do not know what the future holds. I will continue to work with these Underworld Spirits, bringing them to the light, and at the same time I will continue to doubt their existence and the existence of this Underworld. I am just not sold on something that reminds me of those Christian beliefs I held so long ago. Maybe I an throwing the baby out with the bathwater here. I accept that I may need to re-evaluate certain things. And I accept that everything Shaman Durek teaches may be for real, and true. That this Underworld could very well exist, and could very well be populated by Underworld Spirits, who whisper negative things into my head.

Why are they doing that? I need to re-read the passage, as I do not thing the shaman speaks of this. He also misses that some folks, like myself, are psychic and can interact in all three ways (Audio, Visual, Kinesthetic.) I usually hear a voice in my head, not my own, not really heard as it is more telepathic rather than going through my ears. Sometimes I get images too. And I am definitely talking about I feel this or that. In any case it is my theory that these U.S. are the Universe answering our requests. These requests are typically unspoken and we are unaware of making them. Something happens, an event occurs or we experience something, and this brings about a desire in us that we typically never speak of. The U.S. comes as an answer to that request, to empower it and to give you what you asked for.

In my case the Underworld Spirit was helping me avoid getting hurt and experiencing pain, by helping me to play small and avoid my calling, to the point that I do not even really know what my calling may be. I just know that I am a builder and creator, and that I love to build and make things. I also enjoy taking things apart and learning how they work. I think at one point I wanted to be a singer, or a musician of some sort, and at the same time I was afraid of it for some reason, so I stuffed that desire down until it was extinguished. In the case of the U.S. that was whispering suicide, it was trying to make it easier for me to do this, supporting me in my desire to be free, to just run away.

I am sure that there is more work to be done. I must also open myself, and be receptive to, all the good I had been pushing away from myself, because I felt like I was unworthy, worthless, without value. The Underword Spirit whispering suicide was causing these feelings in me as well, as it would be very hard for me to kill myself if I felt things like hope, worthiness, self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. I still have a fear in me that this change, monumental as it may be, will not be enough to “fix” things in my life experience. Strangely I didn’t even think about this fear when I committed filly to living. But it was there, holding me back, initially.

I don’t know what the future holds. I have no idea if the road ahead will continue to be rough and full of potholes, or if it will finally, finally smooth out. I only know that I will have to keep going on it, to its end, its natural conclusion. I have no other choice or option to consider now. I am left to figure out what I will do next. Things will likely change over the next few months. I am just going to try to flow, not force, my way along. Not going to try to make any particular thing happen. Just give myself some room to adjust, course correct and change as needed.

Whatever may lie ahead, may I embrace it, may I walk the Path of Light and Love to the best of my abilities, during my time here. May the future be bright, filled with hope and promise. May I fully embrace my calling, whatever it may be, and may I exhaustively explore the depths of my creativity, in whatever ways it wishes to express itself.

7-27-2020 – What Will I Do, Going Forward?

So I took part of the Life in a Day project over at YouTube. But over the last few days I have been struggling with a lot of things. I came to see how my motivation, my mindset, towards doing YouTube is not the best. I have heard it said by many YouTubers that you have to do videos about whatever it is you are passionate about. As I thought about this, defining passion as the desire to do something even if you are not earning money, or getting views or subscribers, I realized that I have nothing I am doing at YouTube that fits that description.

That and the other day the lady I worked for basically implied and said I was spoiled. She talked about some time, a few years back, we went out to eat and how I didn’t tip correctly. I hate it when people do this, because I can not properly recall the entire context and details of the time. So I am left doubting myself and feeling worthless. Up to that point I though I had done well. She said I picked the most expensive item on the menu. I thought I had done well to find an item on the menu with a price within my budget that I was interested in. I didn’t pick the place afterall.

After doing my videos for Life in a Day, and these experiences with the lady I work for, I felt really down, and now I am looking at everything I have done for YouTube recently and wondering if I should just quit it all, because none of it am I doing out of any feeling of love or passion. I have no idea what I love or am passionate about, that I could make videos about, and could consistently upload to YouTube at least once every week. I tried to think about this last night before I was too exhausted and fell asleep. I do like making video tutorials and helping people. Also I could do some Minecraft building videos, or Creativerse. I dunno.

I think doing the vlogs is doing some good though, as it is developing more self-confidence in me. I am finding it easier and easier to talk to the camera. I think that is a good thing. Been toying with the idea of writing short stories again, and maybe I will submit some to this new site called Storyfire. Need to send a text to my friend, let him know I am struggling. Recently picked yp a hold from the local library entitled, “Writing To Awaken” by Mark Matousek. It looks promising. But how many books will I go through until something shifts in some meaningful and substantial way inside me, helping to create lasting, positive change in my life? Again I dunno.

Going to try to focus back on my writing, now that much of my YouTube organizing is done. Just a few things to wrap up. I let my YouTube work break my writing habit, and now I have to re-establish it, and find time for both things, and SpreadShirt, AND a little fun. Because I am doing nothing at all this summer and that sucks. Man I miss going to the theater!

More later…

Message to the Monster

You use darkness
to persecute that which
you call darkness,
because you are unable
to face the darkness
deep within yourself.

You try to control
everything outside you
because you are unable
to control yourself.

You are weak,
but want to appear strong,
you think that strength
comes from power,
that if you can force your will
on others you must be powerful,
but you are weak
because true strength
comes from inside.

Deep inside, deep down inside
you are rotten and corrupted,
you look for demons outside you,
but you are the real demon
and with your every act,
your every evil deed,
you feed the demon
and make it stronger.

You are not merely a flawed human,
you are a flaw, dressed as a human.
You are not worth saving,
Your only value lies in your death,
so that your stinking frame
will no longer haunt this world.

We will all be better off
without you here,
the day you die
will be the happiest,
most joyous day
in human history.

7-20-2020 – Has It Really Been That Long?

Sheesh! I come home, look at the clock, and decide I should do some writing, as YouTube and work have taken over. Seriously. The last week has been many days spent outside doing various things for a lady I work for occasionally. When I wasn’t doing that I was working on YouTube.

Well a couple of items of good news… I guess from being more active I have dropped about 10 pounds. I was around 300, now I am in the early 290s. But before you go and congratulate me, note that this is a gain from my normal weight these last few years of 280. I will stop worrying about my weight when I start rocking a chest area I can walk around shirtless with and not feel ashamed, and when I am in the 250 pound range and stay there.

The other good news is I have done a new tech video for BlissTech, and I have been really pushing out the Vlogs and RAID videos. I have also dived into Randonautica and had my first adventure. It took me to a field in the middle of nowhere where I found… Something… You will have to watch the video to see what:

Planning on going out to find Neowise tonight, and may check out a few nearby Randonautica points I have pinned. The work continues on BlissVlog and DreamBliss at YouTube, moving things to their new homes. Trying to save as many of the comments as I can. Well I just thought of how to do it, and am doing that now.

The next hurdle is to re-establish my writing habit once my YouTube adjustments are complete. Oh and in case I didn’t mention it, I have another year here, but I was not clearly informed that I have to pay rent this month, so I am $200 behind on that. That is my other pressing concern, and then next month, while I do not have rent to pay, my parents are shouldering the load, and I am not sure they can handle it. So I may have to get a job of some sort. Looking now. If that happens the work here and at YouTube will slow.

You guys check out the comet Neowise yet?

7-7-2020 – A Long Overdue Update

OK, so I am not entirely sure what all I have said here about YouTube. I think I have mentioned that I have committed to being a professional YouTuber, and to that end I have been focusing my efforts on my channels over the last week or so. If you are curious about what I have been up to, here is a brief layout:

BlissVlogs is where I will be uploading a weekly vlog, and it is also the new home of The Circle. In addition to this I have had my first adventure as a Randonaut, and I am putting those videos up there as well. I also have an idea for a video where I will do the “red door, yellow door” game, but using what I know about self-hypnosis as well as my empathic/intuitive abilities. Not sure how that will work out and if it will become a series of some sort or not.

BlissArchives will just be a place I will stash old vidoes that may be soon deleted. I thought I would set them aside for now in case anyone wanted me to keep them up.

BlissClips is where I have stashed a lot of shorter videos, including those in the PSA and Tips ‘n Tricks series. Later I will be using this as a clips channel, where I will put shorter, to-the-point bits from longer videos.

BlissTech will be the home of all my old video tutorials, and perhaps some new ones in the future.

Of course, DreamBliss remains my main channel, and will be focused on videos for RAID Shadow Legends and Minecraft.

This well it’s time to put the nose to the ‘ol grindstone and get back to writing, my primary occupation. I guess I should let you guys know that I did hear back from Analog, where I submitted my story, “XO”, but it was a rejection. Not sure if I mentioned I was submitting this a few months back or not. Well I finally heard back from them a few weeks ago, and as you can imagine, it was a kick to the groin.

THEN the ebook I was writing for the graduations… Well I spent a few hours writing away and lost all that day’s content. I know sort of what I was writing about, but have decided that maybe it was for the best that I lost it, so I won’t try to reconstruct it. But that knocked me down and I haven’t been able to look at the document since.

THEN I watched myself doing the Randonaut video and I realized that I looked like someone with mental issues. Probably talk like that to. I saw that I looked a lot worse than I ever thought I did. I mean I know and was aware that I didn’t look great. But I never realized I looked THAT terrible! That was another kick to the groin.

THEN July 4th happened, and if any of you have been reading this blog over the years, you know how melancholic I get around this time of year. Add to that the need for some sort of exercise regimen because I am in such poor physical condition.

Good news is I am starting to come out of it now, I am at my keyboard, writing again, I will return to my ebook this week, do some last edits, call it finished and submit it. I am thinking about a YouTube release, addressed to the graduates. But maybe I need to find other places to submit it. I really want it to give our young people some information that wouldn’t normally otherwise receive, and probably have never received, which will aid them in the years to come, especially with the challenges we are currently facing.

I have more work to do at YouTube, more artwork to create for end cards and each channel’s background image. I also need to finish organizing and moving things around. I want to write short stories again. Maybe horror, maybe something else. But I think I will preoccupy myself with that. I am also going to figure out what next to submit and where to do so.

Of course I will keep everyone updated here, and I will bring in some more poetry. I just haven’t been in that special place a person has to be in that allows poetry to come out. Also overcoming some more identified obsticals to manifesting things, using Gabriel Berstein’s book, “Super Attractor.” According to her book I am a “manic manifester” with “pusher” tendencies. I am going to have to get this figured out, because I need to talk with my folks about selling the RV. If they want to do that, I will need another place to sleep at night.

If you watch any of my YouTube videos, comment below, let me know you are watching and what you think. If you have an idea for something you would like me to do, let me know.

Next update intended to be in a week or less.

What Is Bliss Writer About?

I just read a section titled, “Serve Your Audience” from Sage Cohen’s, “Fierce on the Page“, while listening to Illenium’s, “Ascend.” Hit The Broken Ones and started to tear up. Not sure what is going on with me. I wasn’t even sure what I would write about today. But it occurred to me that maybe I should tell everyone who comes here what this blog is about. What its intention is.

Bliss Writer comes on the heels of a few other blogs, including Romance Beyond Reality, and a gaming website I tried to keep going called the Nucleus. It is a natural evolution of my own journey, as the years pass and the hard lessons keep coming. Bliss Writer is essentially a journal. But it is also a place where spiritual ideas and insights are shared, as I learn them or come to realize them.

I wanted a place to express myself when I first started out. Now my focus is to maintain the habit of writing as I have since embraced myself as a writer. I started Bliss Writer as I embarked on a new spiritual path, my own spiritual path. I was letting go of old Christian beliefs and finding teachings that resonated with me from a variety of faiths. But now I continue Bliss Writer, still waking my own spiritual path, but now also walking the path of a poet and a writer.

Unfortunately, the spiritual side of things is not always bright and sunny. Or at least it has not been for me. Maybe for some folks it is. But for me I have endured Belief Systems Crash, trying to apply teachings and failing to manifest anything, and at least a few Dark Night of the Souls. It has not been an easy journey. But I did want to keep the darker aspects of myself and my journey away from Bliss Writer, and that is why I felt I had to start another blog and begin the ongoing process of weeding out old posts that do not reflect the image I want to portray here.

I do not want to hide from or ignore the darkness. I just don’t want to dive into it here, splashing it around all over you, the reader. I want to express all that stuff, all the death thoughts, sexual thoughts, excessive swearing, etc. somewhere else. I know I need to embrace it as it is a part of me. It is just not a part that you, my reader, needs to see. I will not hide from you that I have this other side, but I am also determined not to expose you to it. That side I reserve for sharing with my closest friends, or friend in this case, and those who love and support me regardless. Whenever they deign to show up in my life anyway.

So Bliss Writer might get harsh and brush up against the darkness. It is not trying to hide any of that from you. That is part of the spiritual journey. But the energy here must be of a higher frequency, a higher vibration, as much as possible. I would like Bliss Writer to become a support community, for myself and each of my readers, as we all explore our various spiritual paths. I really want it to be a place to share spiritual ideas, insights, revelations, etc. I want it to be a loving, open, receptive, sharing community.

I will share teachings here, journal entries to update you, insights, poetry and other materials as I am inspired to write them. This is what Bliss Writer is about. Someone has to take the first step, to reach out. Someone has to put their arms out, ready to embrace. In this case, at this blog, that is me, and I am still waiting for you, the reader, to accept my open invitation. But I admit to being afraid that things will continue as they have, being one-sided, so it feels to me as if I am talking to the void, with nobody really listening or paying attention. I will set an intention that this change.

Maybe Bliss Writer will have to be retired like my other blogs. Maybe I need to start a Discord server or something. Maybe I need to start a website or a forums. But for now Bliss Writer is the easiest way for me to readily share whatever I have to share, continuing my writing habit, establishing me even more as a writer.

If you have come to this blog and left feeling confused, I apologize. If there are blog entries, sections or anything else that do not seem to fit, please let me know. I want to be sure that when you come in here, you will expect updates, teachings and poetry, and that is what you will find. Also that these materials will be of a certain energy. If I have failed anywhere in either regard, I wish to immediately correct it.

I am here, at Bliss Writer, to tell you that you are not alone. It is hard to leave a faith you have held for many years. Especially if your parents and their parents also hold it. It is hard to believe something so deeply that when it falls apart, it seems like your world is coming down around you. It is hard to find the light, or even remember it is there, when you are caught up struggling through the morass and all around you is darkness. It is really hard being a poet when it seems as if nobody wants anything to do with poetry. Who really wants to stand up proudly and proclaim they are a poet? And it is hard to be a writer, who has written things for decades, and just wants to get something published but has found nothing but rejection letters.

If any of that describes you, then Bliss Writer can be a haven for you. It is a place where someone, going through the same things, continues to plunk away at the keyboard, sharing their ideas, inspirations and thoughts. Such a journey, as the one we are on, is easier if it is taken together.

Welcome to Bliss Writer!

Welcome home.

A Vital Aspect of Working Through Feelings

I learned something, a long time ago, after years of trying to play the referee for my parents whenever they were fighting. I tried for so long to keep them together, trying to problem solve, inserting myself into their arguments, trying to calm everyone down. But something happened (the details elude me) and I learned that I need to let them work it out. That I was not doing them any favors by inserting myself between them. Or for that matter, myself.

There are so many hard lessons to learn and this is one of the most difficult, especially if you are a problem solver or have mediator tendencies. Sometimes, maybe most of the time, it is better to step back and stay out of it. Sometimes a problem is not yours to solve, or an argument is not yours to mediate. You will not be operating from a state of love when you step in, it will be a state of fear that drives you, way down deep below your conscious motives. It will only seem loving, like you care, on the surface. But deep down there is a fear of loss driving you.

Or if you are a problem solver, like me, you may come to believe or feel that you have to solve every problem that comes your way, and it almost becomes like an obligation. I can’t trace the fear roots right now. But I can tell it is not love, not if it feels like an obligation. Or maybe the thing driving you is the sense of accomplishment you feel when you successfully solve a problem. But that tracks down to a fear that you have little or no value. That fear I know all too well. If you do not have a lot, or any, self-confidence, or feel worthless, or maybe even feel powerless, solving a problem may help alleviate these feelings.

In any case the rule remain roughly the same as the ones for working through your feelings. You have to acknowledge, allow, feel what needs to be felt, then release and let go. You have to face the feelings and work them, and another side to this is that you have to be willing to let others face their feelings and work them. You must not interfere with another individual’s process, especially if you profess to care about them! You may be feeling real pain, watching them go through whatever it is they are going through, but the absolute best thing you can do is just be there for them. Just love them and support them, lend a listening ear or a warm embrace when it is asked for. If you are a truly good listener, you will be able to ask questions that support them and help them clarify things for themselves. This is invaluable!

Nothing in all creation has more valuable than your loving, supportive presence. Not trying to fix anything, not trying to diminish anything, not trying to change anything. You are allowing the feelings to be there for this other person, and you are allowing them to work through them. They might stumble and fall, you are there with a hand, but only if they ask for it. And if they get lost in their feelings, unable to work through them, and end up hurting themselves or others, it is not your fault. You have done all you can do, and done it the best way it can be done. If you have truly been there for them, loving and supporting them, allowing them to work through things without interfering, then you have done the best you could. There is nothing to feel guilty about. You will need to work through your own feelings around what happens, then forgive them and yourself as needed.

So not only is the best course of action is for you to work through your own feelings, acknowledging they are there, allowing them to be there without trying to change them, embracing them with acceptance and love, feeling them as long as you need to feel them, and only then releasing them and letting them go, you ALSO must be willing to let others do the same with their own feelings!

On top of that, you need to learn to care about yourself enough, to love and value yourself enough, that you stop inserting yourself into situations where you are essentially sacrificing some aspect of yourself. It could be that you are not honoring your own needs and instead are throwing yourself into providing the needs of others. Or it could be that you need space away from people, but you are inserting yourself in the middle of them.

It all boils down to disregarding your needs in some way. You need to learn to step back and give yourself what you need, first and foremost, before jumping in to help others. You may even see that the way in which you were going to help was not the best way to help at all. It did not honor the needs of those you wanted to help or your own. At best was a distraction, at worse an interference.

The good news is that as you learn to pause and take a step back before you do something, and as you learn to attend to your needs first, you will find yourself in a better position to see the best way to help, or if you even should help. You will gain a little clarity with a little distance. Operating from that place of clarity, after addressing your own needs, will make you more effective if you decide to step in and help. It will also allow you to help in ways that are loving an supportive instead of interfering.

It is time to put away the magnifying lens and referee’s whistle. Time to not “… just do something, stand there.” Take a minute, become aware of your own feelings and needs, then attend to these first. Fill up your cup. You can’t fill another’s cup of yours is empty. So fill it up, then take a step back to look at the situation. What is the best way you can show your love and support here? Is this something the person, or the people, need to work out for themselves, or among themselves? If so, leave it alone. Just be there for those you care about.

As far as working through feelings goes, I will have an ebook available soon which I will be giving away for free. It goes over a lot of what I have said these last few years. Look for a link soon!