Our Mindsets Are Our Greatest Obstacles To Our Abundance

In a little over a month my parents and I will be homeless. Today I learned that one of the families staying here has found a place. I celebrated this, and shared it with my dad. I thought it would encourage him. I mean, if they could find a place, so can we. But he is stuck in a mindset that you have to have money to buy a house. The fact that this couple had money enough to purchase this place seems to confirm that for him. He has no money set aside. I tell him about Downpayment Assistance, but it is like he doesn’t hear me. He usually starts in with his other mind-rut – his credit history.

As we travel around the area I see houses being built. I see subdevelopments that are filled with occupied houses. And I know that statistically speaking, not all of these people had money enough for a down payment. I know of one man who is renting a place, without a job, without any known income, and with a drinking/substance abuse problem. HE has a roof over his head. I point this out to my dad, but it goes right OVER his head. If it isn’t the chestnut, the same old saw, of this man having money from the sale of a house its this man has better credit.

It occurs to me that the people all around us are in a variety of monetary situations. Some have no money at all and no employment. But some of those folk are living happily in their own houses, while others from this same group are living in a homeless camp somewhere. On the other side of the coin there are those with plenty of money and/or a good paying job, who are living on the side of the road, even as some of that same group are enjoying nice new houses. The only thing separating these people is their mindset – the set of their minds. What they allow themselves to have and what they believe they deserve. That’s it.

I honestly don’t think money plays as big a role in getting a house as we are generally programmed from childhood to believe. There are people living in penthouses in New York who do little if any work, and it isn’t because they have a trust fund or come from money. Just as their are artists, dancers and singers working two jobs as they try to get their foot in the door. I am certain that as long as my dad doesn’t honestly and truly believe that he deserves a house, as long as he doesn’t allow himself to have one at any level in his mind, he will not be able to get a house. His fate, and by proxy, mine, is sealed, were I to cast my lot in with his.

I can’t do that anymore. I honestly believe I deserve my own house, my own space. I have worked hard all my life, and if that was any real metric whereby eligibility were granted, the scales would have to be tipped in my favor. I also want one, and am doing my damn best to allow myself to have one. Even without any income – only the future possibility of becoming a well-paid YouTuber, the goal I am working towards right now. The problem is I am infected by the same mind-virus, the same meme, as my father. I contracted the fucking thing from him. I caught myself later in the day, just a little earlier this evening, thinking about how I lost a subscriber at YouTube and doubting that I will ever make it as a YouTuber.

I realized it then and I see it very clearly now that as long as I do not allow myself to “have” success at YouTube, as long as a doubt myself and do not feel I deserve it, or am worthy of it, I will never have it. Ever. I am doomed to fail – in fact I failed before I even got started! I was advised to start a GoFundMe for my folks. Try to raise money to get them a house. I see now that it is useless for me to do so if I continue to think, basically that, “well I can put it up but I don’t think it will do any good.” If I put it up with that mindset, that belief, it will not succeed. That’s all there is to it. I am sabotaging myself and my parents.

I won’t belabor this but to put it bluntly I don’t think I will survive this. I have been fighting this bullshit for a long time now. I can’t seem to get out on the other side. I can’t seem to cure myself of this disease, free myself from this thing that both holds me down and keeps me back. But there is one thing I can do, maybe the only thing of any value I have ever done, and that is to warn you. Buying into the beliefs that were programmed into you since childhood by your authority figures, parents and religion is a dead-end road. You are marching a straight and narrow road from the cradle to the grave. You will have been born only to live a miserable life and then die. It doesn’t have to be that way, but must be as long as you believe it.

Now this may not be a belief you are consciously aware of. How often have you listened to the things you tell yourself? I mean REALLY LISTENED? Is your self-talk supportive or not? Friend or foe or frenemy (foe in disguise.) Are you allowing yourself to do the things you care about or have a passion for? Are you of the mindset that there is only so much to go around and you have to get yours before someone else does, or do you believe in an abundant universe? What are you allowing yourself to experience and to have? A house? A happy marriage? Work that speaks to you or that you can at least tolerate? Do you have money enough to live the kind of life you want to have? How do you feel when you look at something you want and say, “I now allow myself to have this, or something like it.” What kind of people have you surrounded yourself with? If you express some risk you want to take, do they support you or try to stop you?

Don’t wait until it is too late, until those old mindsets, those old habitual patterns, are so deeply engraved that you just can’t find a way out. Break free, rock the boat, shake yourself loose. Stop following everyone single-file to the cemetery. Stop doing what others tell you, stop doing what others want you to do, stop living for others. I have said it before that if you do not fill your cup, you will have nothing to give anyone else. You gotta find your path, and you will know when you are on it, because your old beliefs, your old ways of thinking, will just fall away. You will find real and lasting happiness there. Your life is not something meant to be endured. It is meant to be enjoyed. You are here to experience life and all the Universe has to offer joyfully. Open yourself up to that idea.

The only thing standing between you and something you want are your beliefs and mindset – the habitual way you think. Change your mind and you change your life. Different ways of thinking open up different experiences and options. What are you allowing yourself to experience and to have? Is it what you really want, deep down inside? Take a moment and listen to what that still small voice inside is whispering. The sooner you get started, the easier it will be to choose a way of thinking that supports you and opens you up to new possibilities. You know what happens when you stay entrenched? Literally in a trench? You will either starve to death or you get taken out by enemy fire. Nobody who has ever stayed in a trench, never leaving, has survived.

I fucked up. I tried and quit piano, though I enjoyed it. I tried and quit singing, even though deep inside I want to sing, I want to free my voice without fear or shame. I tried drawing, and despite the fact I have proof I can draw, I still don’t consider myself to be any good at it. I tried mapping for games I enjoyed playing, and quit when I compared my work to others and came up short. I tried programming and couldn’t stick with it. I keep picking up writing and dropping it again. I start a story and quit a couple of chapters in. I tried to meet someone to share my life with, and have long since given up. In fact I went through my entire time at college without really socializing at all – or even trying. I am running hell-bent at YouTube because it is my last hope, and I think it actually might be.

DO NOT follow my example! DO BETTER! Your happiness, your life, literally depends on it!

Santa Claus Is Real – An After-Christmas Report

This year I have no choice but to consider that Santa Claus may, in fact, be real, as a number of my long-held wishes, some of which I actually did write to him about, have been granted.

But let’s consider Santa Claus as a human, anthropomorphic representation of Christmas, the spirit of giving, and a Universe of Abundance manifesting as the various things we have asked for.

Basically, The Universe is Santa Claus. Or Santa Claus is the Universe. Or something like that.

I wrote about how I wanted a Home Alone 2 style Christmas. I think this was really an extension of a long-held, and long-suppressed, wish I had to have a Christmas like my cousin Chris used to talk about when we were young. He was always talking about Ty’s, how he got this and that from Ty, how they (him, his brother Shadow and my uncle Warren) were going to, “…go over to Ty’s…”

I wanted to experience a Christmas like that. One with lots of presents, without any hindrance of budgetary or financial constraints. One where I had a chance at getting the truly nice (and expensive) things I wanted. Until this Christmas, I don’t think I have ever experienced that. I have always keep the costs of my items down, setting some sort of budget, just as I did this year. I mean if I knew I could ask for anything I wanted you would see things like my own house, a Telsa car, a gaming laptop, etc. on it. Not sure even Trump’s kids get to have a Christmas like that though.

The point is I have never, to my recollection, listed the more expensive things I wanted or needed. I would probably never list a house or a Tesla car. That’s just silly. I could create a list and send that to Santa Claus, c/o the Universe. For those really expensive, cost-prohibitive items, or the less tangible things like our family’s getting back together again (or world peace. Has anyone ever really asked for this?)

So I would list a gaming laptop if budget and financial constraints were no obstacles. I would list a bicycle, fitted to me. Probably a few other things like that. Nothing I would consider unreasonable. But I have never been able to do this. Only Santa has ever seen these items on my list, unless I included them on some of my birthday/Christmas list in the past, but if I did, I probably didn’t really expect these items.

Well not one, or two, but four (possibly more as I think about this) items have been granted to me this year. In short they are:

  1. A tree with lots of presents under it for me.
  2. Christmas at Ty’s.
  3. A clear sign I am on the right track.
  4. The families getting back together.

As I may have mentioned earlier, this year, around Thanksgiving, Warren, Shadow and Chris invited us over to Ty’s for Thanksgiving. First time we have been really been together in a long time. A long-held wish of mine. I have been trying to get mom and dad to go up the hill, to talk to Warren, for a long time now. But, as far as I know, Warren didn’t want to talk to us, and my parents didn’t want to talk to him. I was pushing a large rock up a hill. But deep inside, I wanted us to come together again. Now Warren had started talking to us before Thanksgiving this year, then we got together for Thanksgiving, and we got together again for Christmas. A long-standing wish of mine has been granted. Our family’s are back together again.

But even better, my brother, who I would not expect to have done this or work so hard at it, was working with my cousin Chris and my uncle Warren to put this Christmas together. That took me completely by surprise. The amount of effort and work he put into this, not to mention working with other people – I am still amazed. I gladly give the credit to him, Chris and Warren for us getting together for Christmas this year. Maybe my desire created the football, but they ran with it and scored a touchdown!

So strike two items off a long held and, until recently, never really talked about list.

Then there is an issue I have been struggling with, and wrote about here. After being a Christian for approximately 20 years, trying the whole prayer and religion thing, and finding it didn’t work, I started walking my own spiritual path. But I always wondered if this was the right path, or if I still didn’t have it right. I didn’t want to go through another non-working system again. Didn’t want a repeat of when I was a Christian. I wanted to get it right this time.

I found, or was found by, the manifestation teachings of Abraham and others. I started to work on less tangible things, like frequency, vibration and how the inside reflects the outside. A lot of intellectual knowledge, but little experiential knowing. I even went to a 10-day meditation “retreat.” I have been ruthlessly excavating myself, and getting frustrated at all the things I needed to do, all the hoops I had to jump through, when it seemed nobody else needed to do any of that. They (family and friends) were off getting married and starting families. I felt left behind.

Then I found this video:

I found her initially when looking for information on anger. I had broken my phone in a fit of rage and I wanted to address the issue. Then I found this video, related to the man she is talking to, and learned about this tug-o-war between the aspect of me that cares only for intimacy and connection, and this other part of me that wants to be wealthy, to support myself and stand on my own. As I shared in an episode of The Circle:

I used the same process for talking to my Inner Voice to talk to this aspect of me that desired connection and intimacy . I listed to it. I acknowledged and honored it. I then did as it asked of me. I embraced it, took it inside me, and got on the same page with it. That is all it wanted. That is all I needed to do. I just needed to love it as a little child, because really that’s what this aspect of me was. It likely reflected the age I separated from it. By integrating it I take a step towards healing and wholeness. As far as actually connecting to people, I think I leave this to the Universe. For now my job is simply to remain open and willing.

I know this stuff may seem a little strange or “woo-woo” to some of you. That’s OK. It’s a little strange and woo-woo to me. But I have tried everything else I know to try. I tried to channel the anger through a visualization. But I since learned that this may not have been the best course of action. All that we do must tend towards healing and wholeness if we wish to create complete and drastic change in our lives. If this is the way for that to happen, it is no use arguing. You take the road that leads you were you want to go. Christianity didn’t go there for me. Science doesn’t go there either. No religion has ever or will ever lead there for me. Only these things I have done have shown any sign of taking me in the direction I wish to go.

I walked outside the other night, remembering to think about the day and what I have to be thankful for. I reasoned that if Teal Swan was right, if I was in a tug-of-war between the part of me that wanted to have money so he could step out on his own and support himself, and this other part of me that wanted connection and intimacy, that wanted to have real, true friends and was tried of being alone, well if I got on the same page with this aspect of me that desired connection and intimacy, the tug-of-war would lesson or stop. Of course there may be other aspects of me at odds with this aspect of me that desires money. But one less tugging against me should manifest in my life as something I have had seen very little of these last few months – money. Of course money is simply a physical manifestation of abundance. It is a distinct lack of abundance I had been experiencing.

Then I walk into Ty’s yesterday, and there is the first “real” Christmas tree I had seen since 2016 (at home, or in a place where my family had gathered.) Not only that but the thing was surrounded by a huge pile of presents. Then I go through my presents, and suffice it to say that Abundance had shown up in a variety of forms, including money. It was the best Christmas, in memory, that I have ever had. Not just because of finally having a Christmas at Ty’s, or because or family’s were getting together for Christmas for the first time in years, or because of the amazing presents, but because of all the energy and effort that had been put into this, and the validation (if you will) of what I had done. It was as if the Universe was saying to me, “Finally! You got it right! BAM!” Probably the Universe sounds more loving than that.

So many steps to get me here. Will I see Abundance continuing to show up in the months to come? Likely my journey is not complete. Life is a learning process. It is our classroom. I have probably just completed one assignment. Who knows what else I have to learn! But I sincerely hope that I see more money flowing to me, and that I create lasting, lifelong friendships along the way. Because that aspect of me that desires connection and intimacy is right. What good is all the money in the world if you are disconnected from the world and those in it? Better to be connected to the world, and those around you, so you can enjoy the money you receive. Any maybe, just maybe, the more connected you are, the more Abundance will show up, in a variety of surprising ways, not just as money!

So yeah, Santa Claus is real. Maybe not as a jolly fat man with a beard, wearing a red suit. But more likely as a Universe of energy, that has its own intelligence, its own sense of humor, and it is just waiting to give you everything you have ever wanted, but you have to get on the same page with yourself and open yourself to it.

Over the next few months I will be playing with this. I may talk to other aspects of me that are ready to be integrated and integrate with them. I will see what shows up next month, when I need money for a few things. And I will surly report back here. Because I want you to succeed in realizing your desires and dreams as well. I hope you Christmas has been just as amazing as mine, and if it hasn’t, I hope you experience many blessings and amazing things in the months to come. Maybe the things I have posted here will help you find the road that will take you where you want to go.

The Circle 29 – God’s Will Is Your Will

God’s Will Is Your Will

In this episode of The Circle I share something that blew my mind, that God’s Will is actually Your Will, that they are one and the same.

The materials I am drawing from are Claim Your Power by Mastin Kipp: https://www.amazon.com/Claim-Your-Power-Journey-Dissolve/dp/1401949541/

Also Ramtha, The White Book by JZ Knight: https://www.amazon.com/Ramtha-White-Book/dp/1578730457/

The Circle 25 – Talking to the Voice Inside

The Voice Inside

Hello and Welcome! In this episode of the Circle I will present a method for asking questions and getting answers from anything that ever has, does or will exist.

We are also going to participate in an experiment which I think may be the first of its kind, where we will collectively ask the same or similar question, then share the answers we receive.

The recommend books are:

Creative Visualization
https://www.amazon.com/Creative-Visualization-Power-Imagination-Create/dp/1608684644/

Living In The Light
https://www.amazon.com/Living-Light-Follow-Guidance-Create/dp/1608680487/

The Voice For Love
https://www.amazon.com/Voice-Love-Accessing-Fulfill-Purpose/dp/0976661349/

Unveiled Mysteries
https://www.amazon.com/Unveiled-Mysteries-Godfr%C3%A9-Ray-King/dp/1891396870/

Introducing The Circle

I have posted about this before I am sure. For a while you may have noticed a link to The Circle in the menu at the top of the page. I have now changed this to a category, so that I may make individual posts for each new episode I release. But the purpose of this post is to speak to you about the series.

When I first started The Circle so many years ago, I envisioned something like a large group of people, come together from all around the world, seated in a circle. I would present that evening’s topic, and the others around me would continue it. They would add their own insights, points of view, opinions… And in doing this they would add to it.

Because one guy’s opinion, one man’s Truth, may not be the same for others. By sharing it with others, a core truth may be revealed. At the root of every personal experience, I am certain there is something Universal, common and shared by all.

But sadly, my vision has not yet been realized. I have talked about sex, masturbation, energy, manifestation, suicide, and, in one of my latest episodes, how to talk to The Voice Inside. No subject is off-limits. We need to speak of these things of which society would have us seal our lips. I can not explain how important I feel this is.

So here is my latest attempt to gain your attention, and, hopefully, hear your voice, in this video series I have started which I have called The Circle. Please say whatever comes into your heart, like, comment, subscribe – you know the routine. Also let me know of any subject you would like me to speak on.

There is no leader here, no followers. This is a circle. King Arthur’s round table. All seated here are equal, no matter our stations in life, no matter our age, experiences or the things we know. Together we are defying an unspoken taboo, and in the process, gaining experience, healing and knowledge.

Here is a link to the playlist for The Circle: