Hell

This body
is too old,
this life,
is too long

for this young spirit.

My soul
may be old,
my heart
is lined with scars,

but my spirit is young.

It belongs to a man
who never really enjoyed
his childhood
and the process

of growing older.

I want to carve into
this aging flesh,
let the life-blood flow out
into the ancient earth,

releasing my young spirit.

I want to teach
my soul a lesson,
that pain should never
be inevitable,

that suffering should never
be prolonged,
that by the time the flesh,
has reached its middle years,

some happiness
must have been found,
some enjoyment of life
must have been experienced.

You can not scare me
with threats of hell,
I am in hell,
with every breath I take.

I yearn to be happy,
I yearn to be free.

If i can release this pain
with something sharp,
a blade, a piece of glass,
draining it from me…

Maybe
when it is finished,
I shall finally find
happiness and freedom.

Hope is dream
of the pitiful,
the dirt a starving man eats
to fill his empty belly.

To dream
is to be delusional.
Better to accept
your awful fate

then to fight it.