The Circle 25 – Talking to the Voice Inside

The Voice Inside

Hello and Welcome! In this episode of the Circle I will present a method for asking questions and getting answers from anything that ever has, does or will exist.

We are also going to participate in an experiment which I think may be the first of its kind, where we will collectively ask the same or similar question, then share the answers we receive.

The recommend books are:

Creative Visualization

Living In The Light

The Voice For Love

Unveiled Mysteries

Introducing The Circle

I have posted about this before I am sure. For a while you may have noticed a link to The Circle in the menu at the top of the page. I have now changed this to a category, so that I may make individual posts for each new episode I release. But the purpose of this post is to speak to you about the series.

When I first started The Circle so many years ago, I envisioned something like a large group of people, come together from all around the world, seated in a circle. I would present that evening’s topic, and the others around me would continue it. They would add their own insights, points of view, opinions… And in doing this they would add to it.

Because one guy’s opinion, one man’s Truth, may not be the same for others. By sharing it with others, a core truth may be revealed. At the root of every personal experience, I am certain there is something Universal, common and shared by all.

But sadly, my vision has not yet been realized. I have talked about sex, masturbation, energy, manifestation, suicide, and, in one of my latest episodes, how to talk to The Voice Inside. No subject is off-limits. We need to speak of these things of which society would have us seal our lips. I can not explain how important I feel this is.

So here is my latest attempt to gain your attention, and, hopefully, hear your voice, in this video series I have started which I have called The Circle. Please say whatever comes into your heart, like, comment, subscribe – you know the routine. Also let me know of any subject you would like me to speak on.

There is no leader here, no followers. This is a circle. King Arthur’s round table. All seated here are equal, no matter our stations in life, no matter our age, experiences or the things we know. Together we are defying an unspoken taboo, and in the process, gaining experience, healing and knowledge.

Here is a link to the playlist for The Circle:


These words
do not flow easily
from my pen,
or the fingers
that hold it.

Poetry requires
some energy or force,
which draws you
to the page and
compels you to write.

If you try
to make it happen,
the result is jittery,
rough and full
of sharp edges.

You can not
draw the page to you
and make a poem come out.
The result sounds a lot
like what I have done here.

Poetry must flow
out of you,
just as water
flows over
smooth stones.

Poetry requires
a certain lightness
and openness.
It will not flow through
a preoccupied mind.

Poetry loves
to sneak up on you
when you are
doing anything else
but being a poet.

You have to learn
to stop what you are
doing and write down
the words you have
been given.

Poetry will not
come when called,
at least not willingly,
and it absolutely hates
keeping to a schedule.

If you want
to be a poet,
you must have
pen and paper
easily to hand.

You must write
the moment words come.
You must also be open,
receptive and filled
with a lightness of spirit.

Once you get to know her,
poetry is a constant friend,
a reliable companion
and a direct channel
from your heart to the world.

Poetry is an exterior manifestation
of the inward seeking expression.

Perceptions and Vibrations

I think tonight I have realized some of the missing elements from my previous post, “The Truth About Balance.” I have been reading Doreen Virtu’s, “Divine Magic” which is essentially the Kyballion with the author’s thoughts. I have just read Sacred Principle Number Three – The Principle of Vibration.

I have said before, and others have written the same, that there are higher and lower vibration states. I have said, and others have written, that these vibration levels are not so much stacked on on top of the other but all together in one place. However since each one is of a progressively higher vibration frequency we only experience the reality of the one that matches our own vibratory rate. That means here on earth, possible the lowest vibration, we experience a world of seemingly solid objects, senses, etc.

This all appears to be supported and taught in the Kyballion. But I had to wonder, how does this tie in with where we put our energy, with ideas of positive and negative? The answer, these are all human constructs, based on human perceptions, and are therefore of lower vibratory rate! In other words, there is no good, evil, bad, good, law, lawless, desirable, undesirable, love, hate or anything else! These things are not a part of the world as it is, and if we see it in the world around us it is, once again, because of our perceptions!

So then, what does it mean to vibrate high or low? Nothing. I mean that there is no consequence, no judgement, no punishment, etc. Vibration simply is. You vibrate at a particular level, and you can raise or lower it at will. What appears to be consequence is merely something like a magnet attracting metal filings. When you vibrate lower by putting your energies into earthy matters you attract things that vibrate at the same frequency. If you vibrate sexual activity and are actively seeking females to couple with, then you will attract females who are also actively seeking sexual activity. Replace sexual activity with drugs, video games, hatred, love, whatever you like.

But if you vibrate at a higher frequency, focusing your energy on higher matters such as spiritual concerns, love for yourself and your fellow humans, healing for yourself or others, so on and so forth, well then you attract things into your life of that same vibratory rate.

So how does positive or negative come into this? Intention. It all comes back to Intention! Your Intention drives/directs/focuses the energy you are sending based on the the frequency at which you are vibrating, and we are not talking about your body’s vibration here but your energetic (mental, spiritual, etc.) vibrations. It’s your Intention or Motivation here that determines where your energy goes.

If you seek to think only positive thoughts because you don’t want to think negative ones, you may be vibrating at a higher level but your are giving energy into both. Not sure how exactly this works, but at some point you will be vibrating lower because of your motivation or intention to not be negative, a focus on what you do not want. This is how you give power to things in society that you may not want to give power to. This is the actual trap I think.

But if you seek to think only positive thoughts simply because you want to vibrate at a higher level, without judgment or criticizing, without any negative focus on anything behind it, then you will give your full energy into the higher vibratory state and attract things of that state into your life.

I don’t know how to make this clearer, I hope I have explained it well enough. I once said something about Hammer, Nail and Structure in regards to Belief, Intention and something else. Well the force that drives the hammer is your Motivation or Intention. Not sure which word works best here or if I’m fitting them in the right spot. Still have a lot of thinking to do on this subject. Just remember that your motivation for vibrating at a higher rate will determine where your energy is invested. So the wrong motivation will give energy to things that you don’t want, or are negatively focused on. To avoid this you have to be purely motivated, without judgment or bias.

If I think of anything more I will post it.

The Truth About Balance

I have a realization today that was sobering, and which I still don’t fully understand. The picture below is the easiest way I can think to depict this:

True Balance

True Balance

Essentially what this is meant to display is the fact that what most call balance can only exist if there is also an imbalance. The image, tentatively entitled, “True Balance”, shows that true balance is not a balance at all. It is a state of acceptance. This is acceptance of all, everything in your awareness, its “isness” if you will.

I never really understood until how what exactly was meant when certain books taught that good and bad are the same thing. My mind balked at this idea. Now I’m beginning to see just how this is. I have used a sort of battery icon to demonstrate this. Each battery in the illustration is of a commonly held and cherished societal belief. These are only the most commonly known ones, from the top of my head. there are many more.

Many religions teach this idea of good and evil. Some religions worship good, some worship evil. Here’s the thing, no matter which side you consciously give your energy to, your energy also travels to the other end of the spectrum. It has to. In a belief such as good VS evil good can not exist without evil, nor evil without good. By believing and worshiping one extreme or the other you give equal amounts of energy to both, because you are powering the entire belief. True Balance is found in the center, accepting the world and its inhabitants as they are. Here’s the truth, nobody is good or evil, and the world is neither good nor evil. A tree is beautiful to look at. It gives us oxygen to breathe. But it can still kill you by falling on you in some way, you falling from it, lighting striking you while you are under it, fire from its wood burning down your house, etc.

A tree simply is. People simply are. Sin only exists because certain religions believe it does. Likewise bad people only exist because others, including themselves, believe them to be bad. But you were born in the center, you were born as neither. Not perfect. Perfection implies imperfection. Perfection is stagnation in that you are always good enough, imperfection implies devolution in that you never are good enough. You just simply were. As you grew up, based on others beliefs of you, and the ones you took on for yourself, you started to go to one end of the scale or the other. You can only get back to the center by a conscious act of will.

The same applies for positive VS negative. Just as I was led into the trap of Christianity, where I chose to stay until recently, so I fill into this trap. Always training my parents to think positively. Sounds great huh? Nothing wrong with looking on the brighter side, right? Wrong.

By investing energy into the positive you are also investing an equal amount of energy into the existence of the negative. This can have long-lasting detrimental effects. Imagine if your parents constantly taught you to think positively, ingraining that thought system into you. It became your religion. What happens when you think a negative thought? This can happen because all possibilities exist, both positive and negative, and you could experience either one. Well when that negative though comes in you are likely to criticize and judge yourself, investing still more energy into the negative even as you try to claw your way to the positive. In the end you fail to accept yourself as you are, and how can you love yourself if you do not accept yourself? How can you love others if you do not love yourself?

So the idea here is to remain neutral, neither positive or negative. You accept yourself as you are, you accept others as they are. But here is where I’m currently stuck. How can you improve yourself when you are constantly thinking negative things? Because that’s where I was before I found books, before I embarked on my journey of spiritual growth, that taught me to think positively? Will the simple act of loving and accepting yourself as you are change your mind from negative thought patterns? Some research has to be done here.

Before you start going all 1960s on me about love, even though its not on that chart, that’s another trap. Do you know when one of the worst racist periods was in America? In the 1960s, right there with the huge love movement. That’s because, you guessed it, believing and worshiping love also gives energy to hatred. Love is not the key, as I have already said, acceptance is. If you worship love and aren’t feeling you are loving enough, what do you do? You begin to criticize and judge, to hate yourself. That’s right, hatred comes in. Likewise if you are a racist, hating others because of the color of their skin, what happens? You find yourself in uncomfortable loving situations. Maybe someone you were persecuting looked at you with pure love and forgiveness. Not sure how it works here at the other end of the scale, so more research should be done there as well.

Then there is the Buddhist teaching of, “No Attachment, No Aversion.” Well, unlike the other things in the image, the Buddhist perspective plants you solidly in the center, right where you need to be.

OK, so how about those who may not have religion? Scientists, government types, etc.? Well they do have a religion believe it or not. They all collectively believe in and worship laws or rules. Most scientific people insists on these things in the process of their work. Most government types believe a society without laws and rules would be lawless. Do you know how many jails we have here in America? Did you ever wonder how come Gotham City got worse after Batman stepped in?

By creating laws and rules we create those who abide by them and those who do not. Those who do not follow rules and laws begin to believe that they are the criminals or rule breakers everyone seems to see them as. In another couple of years Obama Care will become law. You will have to buy health insurance. This will be a law, a rule. So are you a criminal if you can’t afford to purchase health care, and decide to go without it? What happens if your job, which you have held onto by the skin of your teeth (not through any fault of your own) is taken away because your employers require that you have insurance, and they find out you don’t? They’re happy to throw you out, they’ve been trying to get rid of you for years but so far have found no reason to be able to do so. Now you have no job. But let’s say you have a family at home, a couple of children. Rents coming due, one of them needs medicine, you all need food. You try to find legal work and can’t. Can’t sell yourself on the street either. So you fall in with what others call a bad crowd, and get involved in stealing some money. Or maybe you just walk into a bank and hold it up. Now you are officially a criminal, a rule breaker. Once they take away your children, you may start to believe you are the bad person everyone says you are. Things continue to spiral down this way. I have a hunch that this story is all-to-common in our society.

But until we learn to accept ourselves and each other as we are, developing natural love through acceptance, it may be very hard to throw out the rules. Only a people that accept each other and themselves will have the respect needed to live together peaceably without rules or laws.

Oh and let’s not forget another truth here – you can’t force anyone to change. So police officers, trying to force people to abide by laws and rules, only causes people to go the other way and break laws and rules. Because police officers do not, in general, accept people as they are. To a cop you are a law abiding citizen or you are a criminal. Once you have been labeled a criminal you remain one for the rest of your life. When cops enforce stupid rules like mandatory health care, they increase the injustice the citizenry feel and create more criminals.

The idea place to be here is, once again, neutral. Neither law-abiding nor a criminal. But how one can go about doing that is beyond my ken at this point!

Lastly we have desirable VS undesirable. The theme and way this works is the same as all others. Belief in any one extreme creates the other. You can apply this to like VS dislike as well. This is yet another trap that I have only recently fell into.

So I have a future I want, the absolute best life for me. Well if there is an absolute best life then there is a absolute worst life, isn’t there? I am not accepting life as it is, moment by moment. But here is a puzzle for me. We humans have been gifted, as far as I know, with the ability to create the reality we want. So how can we use this gift and at the same time accept life as it is? I don’t know. I could create the reality where I do know, and say something like, “I learn how”, but this also creates the reality where I don’t know.

My working theory right now, unless hypothesis is a better word, is that by accepting life as it is, you will naturally fall into the best life for yourself. Because you invest energy equally in the possibility of either side, without choosing one or the other, the two energies cancel each other out, or purify each other, or Truly Balance each other, and this energy comes back to you in whatever area it applies to. So by simply accepting others as they are, accepting myself as I am, the energy comes to me naturally to purely and truly love others and myself, and this pure, genuine love, this love of pure acceptance, without bias, prejudice, expectation or anything else, well it affects others I interact with as well, making a change in them as they begin to believe in themselves to love and accept themselves, then others, and the cycle continues. This is how we change the world. It starts with one person, then takes off exponentially.

The good news is that this process already started. Thousands of years ago with people like Jesus and Buddha. It is continuing today with people all over the world. Someday this world will be at peace, it will be centered and Truly Balanced, all people will love and accept themselves and others. There will be little or no illness or sickness. We will live as one with our home. We may be vastly technologically advanced. Because once we love and accept ourselves and others, integration can occur. Right now there are bits of it, resulting in the advances we have had. But everyone on earth has the potential to contribute in some way to some advance or other, and when we are integrated, or what others call one (seems very scary to our ego driven need to be unique and individual), well then all the resources will be there to create whatever is needed or wanted.

Of course this vision of mine of the future is not made from a truly centered or neutral perception, so it is not of the highest ideal. But it should help those who read this post to see the potentiality in mankind, and in themselves.

An Important Realization

I have just started reading Louise L Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life.” This morning, when I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, I was reading and encountered her mentioning some of the things she does with her patients. To begin with, she had them title a page with, “I should” then have them list all the things that come to mind. So I did this. Not only does she have them write these things out, she also asks them to say each item out loud. So I did that too. Then as they read each statement aloud she would ask, “Why?” So, lacking anyone to answer to, I wrote down and said aloud all of my whys. Finally she would have them go through the list, and with each item replace “I should” with, “If I really wanted to, I could.” For this list, as each item is read aloud, she asks, “Why haven’t you?” So I finished my work by going through most of my very extensive list and answering this for every item I now listed as, “If I really wanted to I could.” I made some substitutions here. For past things I would add a “have” or maybe answer with, “why don’t I?” By the time I had come to a stopping point in these exercises, I had realized a few important things about myself of which I had not previously been, consciously at least, aware.

I found 5 negative feelings cropping up. In order from greatest to least they were: Guilt, Hatred, Fear, Anger and Bitterness. I also discovered some deeply embedded beliefs. As of this morning, I have begun the process on working on these inner issues.

Guilt is the biggest issue for me. In fact I believe guilt has manifested, in physical form, on my body, in the form of a skin yeast infection. It makes sense because last year, through the holidays, I add a lot of sugary, starchy foods, and I had been working very hard all year to limit my intake of these. So when I ate these foods I didn’t just eat the food in a physical sense, I was also eating guilt in an energetic sense. My body, in an attempt to make me aware of the issue, manifested this irritating, itchy, bloody (and spreading) yeast infection. I should note that I knew better. This statement, about eating the negative emotion with the food, is not my own. I learned it last year from something I had read. But, like so many truths I have learned, it slipped away into the cracks of my memory and I did not recall it.

Hatred was next. It is very specifically directed. Following that was fear, also very specific. Tied in with the hatred were anger and bitterness. I will not go into specific examples or great detail here. These are personal, inner issues. with this post I am acknowledging their existence as a first step to dealing with them.

What I will reveal however is that many of these negative emotions, if not all of them, have a common root. I think I was a little shocked to learn that in the case of someone I knew, who had recently killed herself, that I simply did not care. Ultimately she had hurt me by rejecting me, my advances, so many years ago, so anger and bitterness have kept me from loving or caring for her.

Because of that rejection and a few other examples I think I have come out of it feeling as if I am unattractive, unwanted, unlovable, undesirable – perhaps a few other uns. Tied in with some circumstances in my life surrounding my relationship with my mother, at some point I stopped loving myself, stopped caring about myself. Unfortunately it is very hard to care for or love others if you do not love yourself. This I think is the main issue, the main root of all the other issues.

I have to stop seeing myself as these uns, and instead see myself as loving, lovable, desirable, attractive, wanted, etc. I have to change my perception of myself. I have to let go of any bitterness, anger – any negative emotion I have towards others or myself. I have to forgive others and myself for any perceived wrong. I have to spend time reprogramming myself, loving myself, until the words manifest as a reality of love for myself, and at that point, or perhaps during this process, I will find that I love and care about others. Of course caring for myself, forgiving myself, will release the guilt I have been harboring, and allow this skin yeast infection to heal and clear up.

So this morning I closed my eyes and tried to visualize Katie, the girl who killed herself and who was once my friend. I only saw a sort of silhouette or white outline, I think have it one of her distinctive features when I knew her, really short hair. I also added the weight she seemed to have put on. Or maybe these things were already there, not sure. Then I started to talk to this idea or image or whatever of Katie. I will not go into details here, very personal. But I talked to her frankly and left nothing out about my feelings, what I wanted – laid it all out. I told her she had no right to kill herself. But that I loved her, cared for her, that I forgave her and hoped she was at peace. I told her that if she was a Christian when she died, and as a result ended up in hell, that she could free herself anytime she wanted. Hell was only real for her as long as she believed in it. While I did not get any specific impressions of her circumstances, or even that I was actually talking to anyone, much less Katie, for some reason I don’t feel she is in hell, and as I had now completely forgiven her I did not want her to be in any such place.

Much work lies ahead. I have to go over these notes, all these questions, ask any others that come to mind, write everything out, and suss out all these deep seated inner issues. The person I am now has nothing to do with the person I was. I have turned my back on my former Christian faith. Last night I told my parents that I was no longer a Christian. I know it must have hurt them. But I had to be clear on this, to not build up any more guilt by not telling them. So I am, in essence, reborn. I need to clean off the rest of embryonic sack from my old self and move on. I am very grateful to the universe, the Source, whoever or whatever is in charge, Hermetics call this force, “The All”, that I have been granted this extremely rare opportunity to recover from past abuse and rejection. It seems to me that too few people are able to do this, to break out of this particularity nasty trap.

When we are abused and rejected as children or teenagers we can, over time, come to a point where we hate ourselves and others. One of the especially disturbing things I discovered about myself is that I felt, at the time I wrote it (saying felt instead of feel because I am no longer spending energy in the reality of these negative feelings), in answer to, “If I really wanted to, I could love myself. Why haven’t I”, was: I was worthless, stupid, hating myself, hating life, I gave up, I quit, fuck it, I’m done, why should I, I should die, life sucks and I don’t want to. When you see these things pour out of yourself, its a real eye opener for sure! I get to spend time later asking why to these other, “I shoulds” that have cropped up. So, to say the least, there is much inner work ahead of me. But how many people actually get a chance to confront this stuff inside themselves, and furthermore, have clear direction as to what to do about it?

On other thing I made a note of was two distinct mental voices answering my various why questions. One was a little child’s voice. I picture a boy with his arms crossed against his chest, lower lip sticking out after saying, “I don’t want to!” The other was a younger man’s voice, although sometimes I could hear the child in it as well. His was the voice of hatred anger and bitterness. There was more of a maturity to what he said. I could, at the time I wrote it, probably even now, easily tell which answer came from the child and which answer came from the young man. I wonder if perhaps this idea of “soul loss” may be true, and if I might have pieces I have to go fetch from when I was a child and later as a young man. On the off-chance this was true, I invited each to me. I remembered what Robert Moss teaches his readers to do in his books. Figure out something to do that each of them would want. Easy enough. The child wants to have fun, wants to play. The young man wants to go out on a date and have sex.

So I committed myself to this year, when the money I need manifests, or if the opportunity manifests, whichever the case may be, I would go out and surf, maybe snowboard or ski, certainly play some games, maybe even sit down with a game today if I could. This should make both these previously lost aspects of myself happy. I committed to the young man that I would introduce to any female I met, follow the flow of conversation/interaction, let it lead where it will. Trust that if I am rejected, that it is not me. That this female is not the right one for me at that time. Understand that she too must have wrong perceptions and inner issues. Must feel as if she is worthless, undesirable, unlovable, or whatever the case may be. When I understand, when I realize, that others have suffered as I have, I can more easily love them. Ultimately if I am rejected it is my body that is rejected, the inner me is unfazed either way.

In this way I will not worry about age and society’s ideals of right and wrong. I will be with whoever is right for me at that time in my life, trusting that either she has attracted me into her life because this is the reality she has created for herself or what she needs at this time, or that she is the right one for me at that time. Whatever the case may be, if I flow and do not force, then it is the right course of action. I can trust that whatever happens, even if the interaction leads to sex, that this is right by a far higher authority than man’s.

So I made my commitments to each and welcomed them back into myself. Maybe more work is needed here, but for now I trust that I am a more integrated, complete soul than I was when I started these exercises, and certainly more complete then I have been even a few years ago. I have started telling myself, “I love you. You are attractive, desirable, worthy, loving and lovable.” I will continue to do so until the words become the truth of the reality I have created for myself that they represent.

I guess the most interesting thing about all of this is that I didn’t even buy this book for myself! That’s right. I bought it for a friend’s father, really my other best friend’s (I have two) father. Anyhow this man has cancer and is at home in hospice care. I had my dad drive me all the way over there to give him the book. I got a sermon instead. The man is a devout Christian. I respected his beliefs and did not push. But now, apparently, the book has found another purpose, or perhaps this was its true purpose all along.

Ultimately I have created a reality where I am a changed person, spiritually developing. Just like I have been taught in the books I have read, just like what I have personally experienced in other, minor ways, this reality I created seeks to manifest itself, and brings into my path, my life, whatever is needed to do so. Up until last night I never even considered the book as something I needed. How wrong I was! If you ever see this on a shelf somewhere, no matter what you believe, trust me, you should buy it, without hesitation.

I think this book, and perhaps others as well as some teachings, find their way into our lives right when we need them, or when someone else we are connected to needs them. Maybe someday in the near future you will open the book and begin reading. Or perhaps a friend will come over, spot the book, and begin reading. Whatever the case may be, if you see it, buy it, there is a reason its there for you to purchase.

This morning, after doing those exercises and talking to Katie, I was able to shed my first tears for her, since I received the news of her passing. Facing our inner issues and dealing with them may not be easy. We may resist. But if we can face them, let go of these negative emotions twisting us up inside, we ill find true freedom and happiness, no matter what our external circumstances may be.