The Ego, The Present Moment and Some Unexpected Revelations!

More and more I think Eckhart Tolle is right. I think there is definitely something good, a worthy practice or pursuit, in staying in the present moment. As I continue to plow through ACIM and learn about the intricacies of the ego, I am coming to understand some things, some past experiences.

I first “met” or encountered or even experienced Tolle I think back when I was living in my grandma’s attic. Man I really miss those days! There I was, all this space to myself, places where I could go outside and do yoga or meditate, and I never really appreciated it! I guess the fact that my mother and my grandmother were constantly arguing, and I felt like I had to play referee may have contributed to my not seeing the blessings I had been given. Also I was far away from town and other people – no social opportunities. But I had a bed, my own relatively warm room (warmer than the RV anyway!) and plenty of space and time to do something with my life. If I had been intelligent at all I would have started to be serious about YouTube, back in 2009, BEFORE all their restrictions and censorship. Who knows? Maybe if I had I would now have my own huge channel and thousands of subscribers, enough that I could relocate anywhere I like.

In any case, some folks were going to repair our bathroom and remove mold, so my grandmother’s insurance company moved us all out into hotels until everything was finished. While I enjoyed my time at the Staybridge, I read Tolle, Basho and Ryokan. That’s when I started to write these shorter, Haiku-like poems. It just fit me, felt right. In immersing myself in Tolle’s teachings, I found myself in that space where poetry flows effortlessly through me. It is the exact same space I am in when I am in the natural flow of my life instead of struggling against the current. One way you, the readers, know that I am not in the present moment, not in the flow, is that there are no new poems being shared here. The few I have shared these last few months were written last year, or during some brief time when I was in a happier state. When I am angry, depressed or suffering from cabin fever, like now, the stream of poetry finds no access through me, and I can no longer be a channel for it. Or anything of a loving or spiritual nature. I am sure you can see that from the things I have written these last few months.

I think I understand a few things about this now… It occurs to me that a truly enlightened person is permanently focused on the present moment. They have to be, and this is important because, the ego does not have any influence or power in the present moment. I am certain this is true. Nobody who is fully aware, fully present, gets caught up in other people’s BS. This must be how I was able to stay at my brother’s the last time I was there, and when he blew up, I did not engage. I was able to just walk away. I am sure I wrote about this here some years ago. When you are fully aware, fully present, fully IN your present moment experience, you are happier, you are more inspired, you are more loving and you are more of a conduit for true spiritual energy, that might manifest through you in the form of writing, or art, or some other creative endeavor. In other words, if you are blocked creatively, it seems to me the most effortless fix would be to find a way to get into the present moment. Meditate, accept your feelings about your art as they are, embracing them, feeling through them, then releasing them and letting them go. If you can get into the present moment, and practice staying there even for a few days, my guess is that the ability to create will come flowing back.

From what I can understand of ACIM, the ego is past-focused, and it uses the past as a reference for the future. But it NEVER, EVER dwells in the present moment. Someone in the sway of their ego will find themselves easily caught up in the ego BS of others around them. They are easily influenced by the actions of others. They experience anger, discontent, frustration, unhappiness, stress and a host of other negative emotions. Why is that? Lost a train of thought here, but will type in in faith and knowing the words will come if important…

Why is it that someone being driven or influenced by their ego is unable to experience more joyful, spiritual states? Simple… Because there is this idea (I guess it comes from the ego) that the present moment experience should be something other than what it is. It is that simple. It really is. If you are angry it is because you are in denial of how things are. You want things to be different, you believe and really feel they should be different. But reality doesn’t bend to your will like that. Actually, as long as you are angry and struggling against reality, you will continue to create a reality that seems to be fighting against you, that seems to be in some struggle with you. It’s that rowing against the current state. Caught up in your ego, you never realize, it never occurs to you, that you can simply accept reality as it is, get back into the current, and determine to create a better experience for yourself.

You see YOU create the current of your life! How’s that for mind-blowing? All the energy you have focused and invested in whatever or wherever you have focused or invested it over the years you have been alive has created a stream, a natural state, in which your life flows. The only way to change that flow is to place all your energy and focus in the new direction you wish to go. And you start RIGHT NOW, in this moment. Then you practice placing your energy and focus in this new direction, every day, until the new current is established. Then you flow in that direction. The current CURRENT you’re are in is very powerful. Or at least it seems to be very powerful, and in your perception it is very strong. You have put YEARS of energy and focus into it. So don’t expect overnight miracles. They can happen – “Anything Is Possible, All Possibilities Exist” (the author), but it is more likely you will have to continue to ride them as you slowly shift things and change their direction.

What does this entail? ACCEPTING THINGS AS THEY ARE, IN THIS MOMENT! Yup, that is what you have to do. The ego has likely influenced the current flow of your life, and that is why your life sucks big, giant hairy goat balls right now! The ego does not have your best interests at heart, only its own. It doesn’t care about you at all. In fact it hates you. That is essentially what ACIM says, and for all I know it is true. The good news is that each moment brings a chance for you to change where you put your energy and focus, an opportunity to begin the most likely (but not necessarily) slow, tedious process of creating a better present moment experience for yourself. But you always, ALWAYS, have to accept the present moment experience as it is. You made it after all! It is YOUR creation!

Teal swan has several videos on anger, and I forget now what she said to do. Something about asking yourself what needs are not being met? In any case, if you are angry, I would perhaps follow her advice, because if nothing else that causes you to pause. It is a good interrupt. You need an interrupt so you can become aware and initiate any change. The next thing I advise is asking yourself, what is it you are denying? What is it you are attempting to deny the reality of in this moment? What is it you feel should not have happened, or should be different? What is the “should story” running in the background here? You need the interrupt to get a chance to become aware of that “should story.” Once you have become aware of it, THEN you have to accept it.

That first step, BTW, I think of as ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, AKA, “It is what it is.” That leads, naturally to acceptance, because it is how it is. It will not change by you being angry at it. Actually, your anger will ensure you keep reliving that same state, over and over again. You will keep having that undesirable and unwanted present moment experience. ALL RESISTANCE EMPOWERS (gives power to) WHATEVER YOU ARE RESISTING! I am sure I have said this before, and that is what I mean. Your denial, your “should story”, is a form of resistance, and you resistance provides the power that creates, drives and perpetuates the experience making you angry. So you have to ACCEPT it, because it is there, you can’t deny it away.

Next you have to feel your way through it. This is where Susan Jeffers, “Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway” comes in. You have to feel what you feel. You have to allow yourself to feel. You have to embrace these feelings, allow yourself to feel them as long as you need to feel them, then when you are ready, you have to release them and let them go. LETTING GO is another egoless state. LETTING GO is antithetical to the ego, just as acknowledgement and acceptance of things the way they are is. These things are directly opposite to the egoic state.

The ego wants to retain. It wants to be angry, it wants to hold grudges, it wants to hate, it wants to be bitter, it wants to be resentful. So it drives you, as long as you are under is influence, held in its sway, to be angry, bitter, hateful and resentful. If you think you are a religious or spiritual person, and yet you have any energy invested in, or focus invested on, any of these states, anything that is the opposite, at its root, to love, you are not truly religious or spiritual. Because a truly religious or spiritual state is one where the individual is influenced by love, not their ego, PERIOD. There are no exceptions!

Any investment in your identity as a religious or spiritual person – as Christian and part of the Christian group, or a Muslim and part of the Muslim group, or a Buddhist and part of the Buddhist group or even as a spiritual, not religious person (this is me) – this is a sure sign the ego is behind the wheel of your life. I am in the same boat as the rest of you in this. Anything we would make as part of identity, and invest all our energy and focus into who we believe, feel or think we are (BLM, LGBTQ – I am looking at you!) is sheer ego. And as long as our egos are in control, there will be war, there will be disease, death and destruction, because our egos hate us, and want to destroy us. It seems odd and counter-intuitive, because once we are dead, our ego is also dead. But our egos are insane. You can not apply logic to insanity. You can not apply reason to the unreasonable.

Your beliefs, religious, spiritual, scientific or anything else, your racial identity, your gender, your sexual preferences – all of this BS does not go with you when you die. Understand that. It all dies with your physical body and your ego. Who you really are is none of that shit. To get more in tune with who you really are, hold your beliefs loosely, let them go when they no longer serve you, and practice being in the present moment. Accept things as they are, and if you want a better present moment experience, invest the energy, effort and focus in the direction you wish to go. But always say in the flow, in a state of acknowledgement, acceptance, allowing then releasing and letting go. If you want to be happy, if you want to be effortlessly creative, that is the state you need to be in, If you want to experience true joy, that is the state you have to be in, and I suspect, that if you want to manifest desirable, wonderful things in your life, that is the state you have to be in. You have to let all the other BS go.

Somehow, someway, I am determined to change the current course of my life to one of abundance and joy. I will get out from under the influence of the ego and get into the present moment, with full awareness. And I will practice staying there, until it becomes the natural current of my life. And I will know I am in that state when all my creative endeavors flow effortlessly through me, just as they did when I dipped my toe into the waters of this experience all those years ago. I keep forgetting all the things I have learned. All the lessons I went through. It is not easy to create such a drastic change in one’s nature, ones state or natural way of being. Or at least it seems as if there is a lot that gets in between me and the intention to change. Thankfully this is a journey we can take together, we can support each other and help each other. Actually I have created a place for that here:

I think change seems difficult, seems hard, because so much energy and focus has created a current state that seems to resist change. The current is very strong, if it has been created while under the influence of our ego. We have invested a lot of energy and focus into our current life experience. But ACIM may be right, this may all be an illusion, “albeit a very strong, persistent one.” (Albert Einstein) The ego is just an illusion. It is not real. It’s like we put the VR glasses on, and now are struggling to take them off. But they can easily come off, allowing us to see things as they really are. We just have to raise up are arms and take them off. It seems harder than it really is. Maybe there is no current dragging us along at all, maybe the currents are just our beliefs, and when we let them go, we come to see that we are not being carried or driven anywhere. We can just start walking in whatever direction we choose. Maybe that’s how things really are. I don’t know, but I will apply and remember what I have learned, and shared with you here.

Here’s to making our experience of this world exactly what we want it to be!

The Storm

I enter.

My mom starts talking about
how great and good God is,
the way that tree fell.

I feel such a surge
of hatred, anger and maybe
even a little bitterness.

But I choke back my words,
and say nothing at all because
I don’t want to hurt her.

I exit.

I have come to feel
that everyone is entitled
to their beliefs.

I just wish they would
stop shoving them down,
my throat, smothering me.

Is it too much to ask
that you respect my right
to believe as I wish???

I am doing that for you,
though your unquestioning,
sheep-like behavior wounds me.

When will humanity evolve
past the need to define God
and simply accept things as they are?

When will they let go
of the old, the outdated,
beliefs of others, long dead?

Will they ever learn
to define God for themselves
and respect each person’s experience?

The wind rages, trees fall,
limbs are blown across the lawn,
reflecting the storm within my soul.

Sex, Virginity, “Saving Yourself for Marriage” and all that other bullshit…

BE WARNED! I am going to seriously stomp on some toes here! So if you can’t dance, you better leave the dance floor – OK?

So I just watched Purity tonight – one of those Hulu/Blumhouse movies. And I remembered hearing a lot of that same trash when I was a Christian. There was even a similar sort of grouping with Bill Gothard – I want to say Advanced Youth Principles or something like that. I remember a LOT of the teens in our little community church got sucked into that. One of them was Karen Piguet or Piquet – I may not have the last name right. I saw her once, YEARS ago, sometime after this program. She was still living in Clatskanie – the same area she was born and raised in.

I wish I had not been such a coward. I was interested in Karen, and intrigued by her wilder sister, Tina. As I write about them I also remember the Coonies – April, Jill, Annie and I can not remember the youngest. I tried to express my feelings to April and failed. And I really wanted to get somewhere with Annie and failed. I bet they too are still living in the same area where they were raised.

Let me make this clear to all Christian mothers and fathers out there – THIS IS NOT LOVE!!! Let me repeat that – THIS IS NOT LOVE!!! The sort of “protection” you are driven to use on your sons, and ESPECIALLY your daughters, is motivated by FEAR, not LOVE! You fear loosing your little girl. You fear her sexuality and sexual expression. You fear the loss of your identity if she is no longer yours. As if your sons and daughters are some sort of fucking possession!

It is out of this fear you fathers, ESPECIALLY you Christian fathers, are driven to things like vows of chastity and purity contracts and all the other shit you bind your children in, like chains weighing them down. What kind of parent would abuse their child like that? Force their religion on them? Force them to be ashamed of their naked body? Force them to be ashamed of a natural act like masturbation or sex?

And don’t give me any crap about what God wants, because you don’t have the first fucking clue what God wants! You only know what your pastor and the elders of your church tell you God wants! You only know what an improperly translated ancient book for ANOTHER RACE OF FUCKING PEOPLE tells you that God wants! God has NEVER, and will NEVER, speak to you and tell you what He wants, and if you are hearing such voices you better go get an MRI and psyche evaluation!

I am not condemning those who hear voices, to be clear. One of my friends, years ago, killed herself because she heard voices in her head. As I recall, she felt she could not control them, or God could not love her because of them, or something like that. She had a loving man in her life that took her all over the world but it was not enough. Because she saw this as some sort of curse, she committed suicide. But I can assure you, God did not love her any more or less because of these voices, and He/She/It did not want her to kill herself over them.

How many children will you sacrifice on the alter of your misguided, unquestioned beliefs? How many times will you lay your beloved son or daughter on the alter, like Abraham, to sacrifice them because you think God commanded it, and then, unlike Abraham, continue to destroy them – their identity and sense of self, by all these burdens you place on them? Do you honestly believe that God wanted Jill, April, Annie, Mary-Anne, Karen, Tina and so many others, to live and die in a 10 mile radius of where they were raised, to never see the world or do anything with their lives? Are you really that blind and stupid?

There is no such thing as virginity. It is a myth. They hymen inside a woman’s vagina already has holes in it, is already broken, and if sex is done the right way, it will not be torn any further. There is no such thing as childhood. It is a myth. The moment any average boy or girl grows pubic hair they are ready to mate. If they are not ready mentally for this, or emotionally, or in any other way, that is the fault of you and the society in which they live.

You expend so much energy into protecting this mythical construction of yours called childhood. Within various cultures and religions you expend still more into protecting this mythical state called innocence. Then you spend even more energy defining what is considered physically beautiful or desirable. Your children suffer the consequences, and have for years, decades, centuries now. They try to live up to all your expectations for them. They try to be beautiful, desirable. They try to wait until some unknown and indefinable “right time” for sex. I know. I speak from personal experience. I can rightfully declare myself an authority on this.

Raised as a Christian, I was made to feel ashamed for my natural body functions, for masturbating. I was told I had to wait for the “right time”, the “right woman.” She never came. My only outlet for my sexual urges was masturbation. While everyone I knew and many of the members of my family were getting laid and getting married (in whatever order they did this) I was alone. The hard truth is I will likely die alone. Because the female that is the best for me has to be a match to whatever frequency I am on, and I have t be a match to her. She has to be on my radio dial, as it were, and I have to be on hers. Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that I was born with a frequency that no female has had or ever will have. I am a dud, a one-off.

But if this ever changes, if I ever have kids, my love and I will raise them to love and accept themselves as they are. To be comfortable in their own skin – they will not be ashamed to be naked or of the acts masturbation or sex. We will talk openly about sex – as much as they choose to. But ultimately, their sexual activities are their business, not ours. We will be there for them. We will give them the best information we have. But when they are ready to fly on their own, we will let them. We will be there to mend wings as needed. But our children will be free to live their lives in whatever way they desire. That is true love. The ability to gently guide and direct, as long as needed, and then to be able to release and let go.

Our children will never be ashamed of their bodies or concerned with how they look. They will not be brainwashed into any religion – no indoctrination will occur. If they find a religion they want to be a part of, we will provide information, advice as needed or desired, but then leave them to decide for themselves. Because our children will define God for themselves. They will not live and die in the same 10 mile radius unless that is what they really, truly desire. They will explore the world, experience life, think for themselves and question everything – even the things we have taught them. No belief system or societal construct will be safe. No religion or set of beliefs either.

I see now what I did not see clearly then. It always bothered me, this Bill Gothard special youth program. And now I know why. It is the epitome of creepiness for a father to give his daughter a ring, especially something like a purity ring. It is creepy for a father to dance with their daughters, in the kind of context I saw tonight in this movie – not for a little girl to step on he dad’s shoes and dance around, or for her to choose to dance with him at her wedding. But a group of fathers dancing with their daughters all dressed up – CREEPY! And it is creepy for a father to be concerned with what is going into or out of his daughter’s vagina – or any other orifice – end of story.

All sexual matters are the daughter’s business – when she is exploring this the father needs to butt the hell out. If he has done his job right, she will only have sex when she is ready. The same for sons. Both parents, when possible, should be there for their children, if they choose to and want to talk about these things. It should never, ever, under any circumstances be forced. And if a daughter gets pregnant, or a son gets a girl pregnant, the parents need to support their children – not criticize, condemn or judge them. Ultimately you need to stop trying to control your children through religion or tradition.

Let’s throw out these archaic belief systems and ways of thinking that have no place here in modern society. Let’s talk more openly about sex and stop trying to suppress it. Let’s be motivated by real love for our children, not fear under the guise of protecting them. And let’s just throw out all cultural practices (like gender mutilation through female and male circumcision) and all religious practices that are not, at their core, motivated by love. If you can not honestly say your son or daughter will be better for it, why the hell would you do it to them?

America’s Darkest Hour

There is a sign just down the road from where I recently resided. It tells drivers who pass by that marijuana is a dangerous drug. It isn’t. This is fear-mongering and an outright lie. I asked my Higher Self, my Source, all Agencies and Entities with my Highest Best Interests at Heart, Ramtha and those known as Paul Selig’s Guides (AKA Melchizedek) how I could address the energy that has placed this sign there. I want to remove the sign, I want to tear it down. And I will. But removing the sign does not address the energy that caused the sign to be put there in the first place. That energy is my true target.

In a strange twist I started to watch The Darkest Hour with Gary Oldman tonight. I watched as all all these people in positions of power, with a terrible enemy at their doorstep, hemmed and hawed and kept trying to push peace, which is the thing that got the prime minister before Winston Churchill kicked out by the opposition in the first place. I watched as Churchill declared war, and the room was silent after he was finished speaking. I realized something, that sometimes physical action has to take place first in order to change the energy that has caused an unwanted thing to manifest.

For Churchill, the action to take was war. England had to go through war to find peace. In my case, I have to remove this sign to start the process of changing the energy that placed it there in the first place. Some group of people somewhere had the belief that if only they could eliminate drugs, they would be happy. Only they likely used words like safety (especially citing the safety of our children) and security. Drugs, and those who use them, have been made a scapegoat. Those who believe that eliminating them will fix things focus on drugs so they don’t have to address real, far more difficult issues. The same thing applies to guns.

The problem is that making drugs and guns illegal creates crime, it does not eliminate it. Anytime you make something illegal for which there is a demand, you create opportunities (and lucrative ones) for those willing to meet the demand. In the 20s it was liquor. Sometime during Nixon’s presidency it became drugs. In our time it’s guns. Now we have drug runners and arms dealers, making vast amount of money, because they are meeting the demand of those who need or want drugs or guns.

Why do people want guns? For the average person, it’s because they want to feel safe. They want to feel empowered. With home break-ins on the rise, is it any wonder people want to have guns? Why do people want drugs? Because life, not to put too fine a point on it, sucks for the majority of Americans. They work hard at crappy jobs, and they just want to escape. They just want to feel good. For those who are addicted, they are meeting the demands of their bodies. A few of us, like me, are seeking spiritual experiences.

I partook in Ayahuasca for my spiritual development and growth. I tried shrooms, and they actually helped me to be less depressed than I was. I took a legal variant of DMT because I wanted to see past the physical to the energetic and spiritual. I took marijuana to share experiences with my friends and my brother, and again, to feel good. To not feel so alone. To ease the aches and pains of the hard work I was doing at the time. I am still working hard, but am without the kind of friends or money that would allow me to use marijuana. But if I had the cash, I would buy a big bag of it and a vaporizer, because I am in serious pain through the work I do and from which I am not recovering.

Marijuana is better for you than aspirin, acetaminophen, and any other man-created pharmaceutical drugs. It is far healthier and more relaxing than cigarettes, and has no long term health consequences. In fact, you would be better off using marijuana and cocaine in the correct ways to alleviate the aches and pains you deal with on a daily basis.

Here’s a question for you… WHY are Ayahuasca, DMT, LSD and Peyote illegal? Have you ever bothered to ask yourself this? No, you likely haven’t. There is no reason these substances should be illegal. They have no side effects, they don’t cause any physical damage, and they are not addictive for most people. Ask a police officer or the FBI some time. See if they can give you a decent, relevant answer that doesn’t sound like a script they memorized.

To have a society free of drugs and weapons (especially guns) you need a society where everyone is easily and effortlessly meeting their needs and at least some of their wants. A society free of the control of the law and religion. You have to address the system that causes people to need or want drugs and guns, and until you do, drugs and guns will exist. Also, as long as we live in a society that attempts to control the behavior of others through laws, regulations, rules and religion, drugs and guns will exist.

Do me a favor and the next time you see an anti-drug or anti-gun sign, tear it down, OK? Because we have to focus on the real issues in our society, and stop getting distracted by the scapegoats and straw men of our politicians and those in positions of power. How about we make it illegal for homes to be taken away? Or to be fired from a job simply because of a merger, or the bosses trimming the fat? How about we make it illegal for anyone to benefit from others being in jail? And how about we make it illegal to be in jail without an easily accessible and usable way for all inmates to reform, through programs, training, etc.?

It’s time to face the truth of the REAL issues, and to focus all our effort and energy on them.

What Is The Truth?

This post should actually be a new episode of The Circle or cast as a video in some other way. But I do not have the equipment I want and feel I need to continue any more videos. So this text format will have to do. I think this might be one of my most important posts. I will do my best to get everything out as clearly as possible.

I will be quoting from Ramtha – The White Book by J.Z. Knight for this. Whatever your opinion of the lady, or Ramtha, or channeled entities, what I recently read felt right to me and it made sense. It made things clearer. I am claiming it as my Truth for now. If you own this book turn to Chapter 12, Nothing But Truth. If you don’t you will find an Amazon link to it at the end of this post.

In this chapter a student is talking to Ramtha. They have questions about truth. We will start with page 154, where Ramtha is addressing this student:

“Do you know what the truth is? That there is none. There being none means everything is.

Everything is true, master. There is nothing untrue, for all things are derived from thought, which is God. And God is not one formulated thought; he is the reality of all thoughts.

Everything is real, for everything has been given credence through thought and has purpose in being. What you term imagination and fantasy are certainly real, for they are constituted of purposeful thought.”

Spend a few minutes absorbing this, then continue to page 155:

“Truth is only what an individual perceives truth to be. Truth is an opinion, an attitude, a belief about something that has become an absolute in creative thought.”

“So whatever you read or hear from a teacher is perceived truth; how he sees it, how he has learned it, how he has created it, how he is experiencing it. Thus if you studied under ten teachers you would certainly be in great confusion, for each one’s truth will be different.”

Moving to page 156:

“What you must decide is to what degree you wish to become a particular truth, for whatever truth you accept will become an experienced reality in your life.”

“There is truth in everything, master, but there is also refinement in all things, for each moment refines truth. That is why God is not in a state of perfection but rather a state of becoming. Each entity continually progresses in his understanding to encompass more unlimited truth. And whatever his understanding is, moment to moment to moment, it will be the truth as he sees it, as he knows it.”

“Any teachings that you hear or read from a source that teaches of laws – or limits man, or divides the Isness into good or evil, or says that God is a singular entity rather than the Isness of all that is – any teachings like that are coming from entities who simply have accepted that to be their truth and are compelled to give it to the world. That is their truth, master, and they are not wrong. But a greater, more refined truth is that anyone who teaches that life is in any way limited has not progressed in his understanding as greatly as others have. For is God limited? If he were, master, life would not be ongoing and you would not even have the option to be confused.”

There is a LOT here to absorb, dwell on and think about. Take as much time as you need. I am going to use the passages I have quoted here and other passages from this chapter to work a few things out, clearing it up for myself and perhaps also you. In other words I will share my truth, as it stands in the moment of me writing this.

One thing I have realized, just from reading these words again and writing this post, is something I have alluded to before. That if Heaven were a perfect place, it would be stagnant. Perfection, as I understand it, is something that is complete, finished, frozen in time. It no longer adapts or changes. It no longer needs to. But without growth there is only stagnation and death. So perfection is not a desirable state. All things must continually change, perfection is an impossible goal akin to stretching one’s arm to grasp something that is constantly being pulled further and further away.

So we have to define perfection differently, and I think the best way to do that is to state that perfection is in a constant state of growth and development into more and more refined states. Therefore Heaven can not be some place, frozen in time for all eternity. Heaven has to be something more like a state of being rather than a place. And God cannot be at some pinnacle of evolution, because God, being perfect, would have to always be growing and developing, becoming more and more refined. Perfection then, is an infinite process of refinement.

Getting back on track to the original intention of this post… I have been, for some time now, constantly seeking The Truth. After being a Christian and coming to a point where I needed to renounce my faith and forge my own spiritual path, I didn’t want to waste my time with anything that was not true. I wanted to figure out the way to create the life I desire. I wanted the information and sources that would show me exactly what do to, so that in doing it I would manifest all my needs and wants. I didn’t want to waste time with things that did not work. I do not feel I have the time to waste.

But after reading this one chapter, I have come to understand that everything I encounter will be the truth. It may not be my truth, as Christianity is no longer my truth. But it will be the truth for the person who is sharing it, and those who believe the same as that person. So I guess my quest will be for the most refined information on manifestation I can find? It seems that I just have to go with my gut when I am reading something. But Ramtha has given me some good guidelines in my hunt for my truth.

I need to avoid anything that seeks to control or limit, or is divisive in nature. If I am reading something, and it is not speaking to me, or it is not edifying for me, I need to put it down and walk away. That material is not my truth and it will not aid me. Some materials may challenge me or hurt me as I see things I must address, and these I can continue studying.

So what have I learned from all this, besides what I have shared here? Simply put, that the search for the Truth is the same as Don Quixote’s search for windmills. I think a change of focus is needed. I am not sure exactly how to proceed here, but I guess I am looking for the manifestation teachings that work for me, that fit me and speak to me. And I don’t have to worry about going down any dead-ends, because as long as I am aware of the material I am studying and how it is affecting me, everything will either aid me in my journey or reinforce things that have aided me in the past.

Like perfection, truth is, in each individual’s life, infinitely changing. The thing you believe, feel and/or know to be truth right now, in this moment, may no longer be your truth in the days, weeks, years or decades to come. Or maybe it will be. Maybe in your case you have reached the most refined level of truth you will ever reach. And that is OK. The most important thing is to constantly question all the things you currently accept as truth. Keep checking in to make sure it is still your truth, and you are not just going through the motions unthinkingly. As much as possible, be willing to adapt, change, develop and grow.

Always remember that your truth may not be the truth for anyone else, so do not try to force it on anyone else. Share it with those whom you feel compelled to share. But do not seek to control or limit others. You can not fit an infinite God into a finite box of “truth.” You cannot accurately and completely define the indefinable. No one religion or spiritual path has it all figured out, no one religion or spiritual path is the only Truth. All religions, all spiritual paths, are truth in various stages of refinement. If at all possible, do not get stuck in one religion or spiritual path. Instead continually move into the most refined stage that fits you and speaks to you as you progress through your life.

Ramtha – The White Book

On Being Logical, Rational, Scientific or Skeptical

My dad and I used to watch Finding Bigfoot, and I remember how the group’s skeptic came across. I got a glimpse into how the mind of someone like that thinks.

Last night we watched an episode of Chills on YouTube, and I swear, for every unexplained picture or video the narrator told us that, “…most think this is a camera malfunction…” Now I am going to cut this whole thing off at the knees. Modern cameras rarely, if ever, malfunction!

I have taken literally hundreds, if not thousands, of photos, at all times of day, using everything from 35mm cameras, to ancient digital cameras, to modern digital cameras, to a number of different phone cameras. As far as I know I have never caught anything paranormal. Except maybe some orbs. But I have also never caught any glitches or camera errors – even when I messed with the settings to produce various effects.

I am certain my experience is the same as the average photographer’s experience, hobbyist or professional. If you put your finger over the lens, you know it. If your cord goes over the lens, you know it. If you take pictures over an old roll, you know it. For the record I have done this too – no ghosting or anything like that. It just looks like two pictures on top of each other.

If we are going to be completely logical, rational, scientific and skeptical about this, then we have to conclude it is unlikely that every single unexplained picture or video is due to a camera malfunction. Camera errors or glitches may have happened pre-1970 or 1980. But for the last 30 years at least, and probably a lot longer, this has been a non-issue.

Which leaves us with the other common statement, “…some believe this to be a hoax…” Again taking a logical, rational, scientific and skeptical approach we have to realize that people, on average, are honest, and that the dishonest ones are, on average, creatively lazy. In other words few people are going to go to all the trouble and work to create a hoax. There will be the exception to the rule, certainly, and the occasional class project or student film. But it is just as unlikely that every unexplained picture or video is a hoax as it is that it is due to a camera malfunction. Certainly nowhere near to happening enough in either case to cover every photo or video with unexplained content.

One last thing… If we set out to look at an unexplained video or photo expecting to call it faked or a camera glitch we are being biased, and that is not logical, rational or scientific. It is, in short, being closed-minded, AKA skeptical. You have come into this expecting a certain result. I would go so far to say that you want it to be fake or a camera glitch, you might even need it to be. Because if it is real, then you have to question all those beliefs of yours.

A belief can be defined as, “…a thought I trust is true.” (Spencer Johnson) People get angry at me when I tell them that science is a religion. But that is what it has become. Scientists fight to defend their “scientific facts” just as hard as Christians and Muslims fight to protect their “religious beliefs.” Scientists have many theories, which are just thoughts they feel are true, which they have tested with that expectation.

Sooner or later science is going to have to come out the 1700 or 1800s when the majority of our current methods were established and realize that there is more than you can measure in a lab or experience with your physical sense. Everything you call a “scientific fact” today may very well be, at best, thought of as cute and antiquated 100 years from now, just as we currently think of many “scientific facts” from hundreds of years ago today.

Trade in your skepticism for logic and being rational minded, because a skeptic must be closed minded, or somewhat against whatever they are skeptical about, by nature. A truly logical, rational minded person doesn’t come into a situation expecting anything. They are completely open-minded. They are there to observe and record what they observe. Try looking for Bigfoot and the paranormal this way.

Coincidentally, this is also the truest definition for a scientist. Someone who doesn’t carry around their scientific tomes like they are the holy scriptures, who instead sets out to discover something, leaving all biases, opinions, skepticism and close-mindedness behind.

Our world would be a much better place if we just stopped adopting the experiences and words of others and instead went out to experience, as much as possible, whatever it is we are interested in for ourselves, be that God, bigfoot or the paranormal. Question everything including the Bible, the Quran, the latest science textbook and The Origin of the Species. Use the words written by others as mere guidelines to prepare yourself for your own search. Stop blindly following what other people say simply because they wear the label of “an authority on the subject” or “teacher” or “pastor.”


God Be With You

I have no more use
for this doubt and fear.
While I appreciate your truth,
your truth may not be my own.

Maybe these things I read,
Maybe these things I study,
Maybe these things I believe
are all wrong, and I am wasting my time.

Maybe they are not the Truth,
Maybe I am being mislead,
but I will not give in to fear.

Maybe I have to go
in the wrong direction
to find the right one.

Maybe these things
will lead me, circuitously,
to my own Truth.

I will study what you recommend,
I will take with me what speaks to me,
I will leave the rest of it right here,
with all this fear and doubt.

I no longer want it,
I no longer need it.
I must believe in myself,
that even if I get lost
I will once again find my way.

I must be patient.
I must trust.
I must keep going
wherever this path takes me.

Thank you for caring enough
to try to help me,
to try to correct me.

Go on peace,
and God be with you.

Status Report – A Few Insights and Truths To Share

This will be one of those unpolished blog entries I seem to do every now and again. Going through a lot of stuff, working through it, learning a lot. Getting lost in a game or sleeping or whatever even when I have an idea of something to write about, failing to honor my inner writer this last week or so when he popped up with something to write about. The result is a bunch of fragments that I share in the hopes that they will still be of use to you. This is also my belated attempt to honor my inner writer. I am learning to embrace him, accept him, his truth, and ultimately be one of the things I am – a writer.

So to start with I have been dealing with anger. I found Teal Swan as a result of looking for material on this after breaking my phone. I have learned that rage, such as what I displayed when I destroyed my phone over my knee before Christmas, is actually a cover or mask for powerlessness. Anyone who has ever read anything of mine posted here probably is aware that I certainly feel powerless a large portion of the time.

One of the insights I had about this, and the memory is faded now, has to do with water. Water flows down a channel, and it never gets angry when the channel is blocked by an obstacle. Instead it flows over, around, or under it. If it is unable to flow around it, it builds up, gathering strength, until it pushes it out of the way or flows over the top of it.

This is how I need to be with the things, the obstacles in my life, that cause me to get angry. They are what they are, and part of the process I have been practicing these last few years is to accept that. Accept what is, acknowledge it and stop resisting it. Resistance comes in the form of trying to change it or wishing it would be something else. My anger, in short, is resistance to the way a thing is. Or to sum it up – anger is resistance to isness.

Instead of resisting, being attached to the outcome in this way, wanting things to be other than what they are, I need to be like water. No emotion, no attachment to outcome. Just flow around, under or over the thing, accepting it as it is. If I am unable to move past it, then I have to be willing to be with it, gathering my strength, until I am able to move past it.

I had a far more eloquent way of stating these things when I first thought of this. But I have since lost that because I did not sit down to write. When we avoid things, when we fail to honor something, some aspect of ourselves, well we are not honoring ourselves, or this aspect. We are not loving and accepting ourselves. The end result will, without fail, not be our best work. Learn from my failure here. If you have an urge to draw something, or write something, or do something – put your awareness into that, acknowledge it, accept it, and then express it however it needs, no matter what others think. Be true to yourself, all aspects of yourself.

Thankfully the other thought still has some freshness to it. I have been reading Narnia, and have just read through the chapter where the Tisroc is having a secret meeting with his son and vizier. In their conversation the Tisroc reveals how he feels about the free country of Narnia, how he essentially wishes to control it. I wondered what would drive a man, or rather a person, to feel that way. What is the point here?

I ran through a few things and finally settled on this… The Tisroc has a set of beliefs about how the world should be. The Narnians represent a challenge to those beliefs. As a result he finds himself wanting to control them, to not only protect his beliefs but also to, by controlling outer circumstances, but ultimately to be happy. As it stands he could not be described as happy, because there is this Narnia country near his borders that is not conforming to his vision of how things should be.

I wonder if this is the same for military-minded conquers throughout history. I know the fanaticism of some in religions circles (this includes science) is driven by similar beliefs, feelings, ideology, etc. Ultimately the desire to feel in control by controlling outer circumstances. Just something I was thinking about it. I wanted to know why the Tisroc wanted to control Narnia. There is a little more to it than that, again I did wait a little long to honor my inner writer so this is a little rough.

I guess the last thing I want to talk about is fear. Just yesterday my mom was talking to me about these two AI that argued and ultimately decided the solution was to destroy the human race. I heard or read something about that. Maybe you know what I am referring to. Also how some people in some country somewhere have received chips in themselves, and use these chips to pay for things. The whole, “Mark of the Beast” that Christians fear.

I wanted to say this to her, but have not brought myself to do so. I wanted to point out to her that fear is how they control us. It is through fear, after the 9/11 attacks that we now have to go through a bunch of security protocols if we want to fly anywhere, and guess what? According to Adam Ruins Everything (a show on Netflix you need to watch) they really don’t do anything other than take away our freedom and cause us inconvenience.

It is through fear of masturbation and sex that the Puritans decided to slice off the foreskins of their male children (you don’t want to know what they planned to do to women) and we still do this in America today even though there is no reason to do so.

They use fear through the media, through the news, through fear-mongering to stir us up, cause us to panic, and then we accept whatever the hell they want to do. We would sacrifice the freedom our forefathers bled and died for on the alter of safety and security, just so we could feel safe and secure. It is through fear that the Nazis controlled the German people and it is through fear that German soldiers were able to do what they did.

Ultimately this drive to control us is also powered by fear, a quest for happiness by seeking to control exterior circumstances. Of course those doing this wouldn’t phrase it like that. Instead, for example, if someone like myself were to challenge the laws of society one of these people, or anyone else under the controlling thumb of fear, would counter by asking, “Well what’s the alternative, chaos?” Yes, exactly. That which is not controlled is perceived to be chaotic. But there is nothing wrong with that. There is an assumption here that chaos is somehow bad, and control is somehow good. But the opposite its true.

Are your feelings ordered, logical? No, they are chaotic. Yet you have to be with them, feel them, and let them be what they are. They are your compass to your truth. In your attempt to stuff them down you disconnect yourself from your truth. Which means you are living a lie. Which means you are not heading in the best direction for you, which your feelings, if you would have allowed yourself to feel them, would have taken you.

I propose something radical, and I want you to be with it. Feel whatever you feel as I state this. Do not run away from your feelings. Be honest and true to yourself, all aspects if yourself.

Imagine a society without rules. No religion or science to control everyone. No laws or law makers. No consequences. Everyone can do whatever the heck they want. At first yes, there would be chaos and violence. Because everyone has been in a pressure cooker of laws, religion, rules and science. You can’t take the lid off without expect it to blow up a little. But then things will settle. Stress will vanish. Peace will take over. Why?

Because all the terrible things men and women have done to each other over the years is a DIRECT RESULT of them not honoring their personal truth, and being constrained by laws, religion, rules and science telling them how they should behave, be or feel. Trying to control them. So the individual strikes out, sometimes violently, and is punished. They are like a sore thumb sticking out that must be put back in its place. Yet nobody knows or has ever known anyone else’s “place.” Nobody, not even parents, know what is best for anyone else. It all boils down to control again. trying to make people and things fit, even when they do not, and if they do not, constraining them, punishing them, hammering them in until they do.

You think America is a free country? WRONG! Look at all the laws and rules, all the “societal norms” and all the other mechanisms in place to control you. Look at what happens when you challenge any of these laws and rules, or break them. The pressure of the court and jail systems is to make you conform, and if you will not conform, you risk being imprisoned for life or killed. Or living in this country will be very hard for you, and there will be a lack of support.

The cure here is two-fold. First you need to question everything. And I mean everything.┬áSecond you must not give into fear. No matter what others tell you, what you hear on the news, what you see on TV, what you read in the paper – doesn’t matter. The instant you allow yourself to yield to fear, you yield to those who presented you with it and you give them control over you. A better response when presented with something that is obviously meant to inspire fear is to question it. Honor whatever you are feeling, release and let these feelings go when you are ready, but do not act on your feelings of fear. Do not let your feelings of fear drive you.

Only when you are not afraid, are you are truly free.