4-27-2020 – The Whole “Be Here Now” Thing

I keep running across this teaching from some of our best spiritual teachers. Ram Das wrote, “Be Here Now” and Eckhart Tolle only writes about the present moment. Even The Barefoot Doctor, in his “Tao of Manifestation“, in my reading today, has instructed me that the present moment is the only moment that exists. But I would like to challenge this viewpoint…

To begin with, your present moment experience is built upon the choices you made in an earlier present moment. Everything you are experiencing now has its roots in past choices you have made, whether you made them with full awareness or not it does not matter. Every future present moment experience will have its roots in the decisions you are making right now.

In other words, you are creating the future right here, right now, in this present moment. On a moment-by-moment basis, everything you do, everything you say, everything you feel, everything you think – all of it is the stuff out of which tomorrow’s present moment experience will be made. The future does indeed exist right now, but it is not tangible, it is in flux. It is constantly morphing and changing, affected by factors happening right now.

Likewise the past exists as I guess a sort of ghost. It is intangible, just like the future, but unlike the future, the past is set, its form has been realized and is a part of the structure of your present-moment timeline. This structure to the past is why folks say, “you can’t change the past.” That’s not strictly true. If you figured out the means you could go back in the past and do something different. But all this would do is create another timeline, and in returning to the future, you would still be in your original timeline, with its original past. Maybe someday humans will figure out how to travel between timelines, but for now, as far as I know, we can’t.

Interestingly this means that all other potential present moments and their pasts exist intangibly, in flux, just like the future. They are in flux, non-rigid, to you in your present moment timeline. But the past that created them is intangible, yet fixed in the present moment timelines of any other you. In other words, each version of you (and there are likely an infinite amount of them) has their own timeline different than yours only in the sense that this other version of you made a different decision in their past.

Every choice you could ever make, and all the ways it interacts and intersects; it all exists as potential to you, and reality to each of the other yous. You get to navigate along the map however you wish. You will never know, see or understand the map – it is beyond physical comprehension. The map exists, and you are free to travel it in any way you wish. It has no borders or limits, so you are never limited.

I take comfort in this. I know that somewhere, out there, is another me who is living their absolute best life, having not made the decisions that I have made which I criticize and judge by calling mistakes. In reality there are no mistakes and there is nothing you can do either right or wrong, bad or good. There are simply choices you make and the results of those choices. This other me has made much better choices and is enjoying much better results. So at least one version of me is happy!

In any case, to wander back to the subject at hand, to manifest something you want at some point in your future, you have to work not only with the stuff of this present moment, you also have to work with the stuff of the future present moment you want to experience. This is my understanding, so I am confused with folks like the Barefoot Doctor instruct me to, for example, envision the house I want in the future by overlaying it on the house I am living in now. Yes, I can spend time envisioning the house I want, and I have, but I am still living in my current house. That makes it hard to see the house I want in the future. It becomes hard work and very tiring to keep myself focused on the house I want, in the face of the house I currently live at.

I am offering a slight twist on manifesting something, like the house in my example… I reach into the future and affirm, “I WILL have the house of my dreams!” I say this with authority, I mean it. I use visualization to imagine what this house will look like. But I don’t spend any time looking at the current house trying to superimpose some future house on it. I have reached into the future potential and have used that energy to create a future present moment experience of where I am living in the house of my dreams. The rest is flow, openness and receptivity. I do not try to force anything to happen. I have simply told the map what my future destination will be, and as I operate in the natural flow of my life, I will be brought to it.

I think this is a better way of looking at manifestation. Yes, this present moment is the only moment you will ever experience. But it exists as part of a a fixed yet intangible past, made up of previous present moment actions and choices. At the same time it exists as malleable, yet intangible future present moment experiences, that come into being, moment by moment, based on the choices you make. Use the past only as a guide you can learn from in determining what sort of future you want. Use the present moment to create that future, by using its potential to create your desired future present moment experiences.

This stuff is kinda hard to talk about or grasp, huh? Lemme know if I need to explain anything here. Also I have presented this authoritatively, based on my own ever-evolving experiences. Scientifically perhaps they would not stand up – no proof. Consider all I teach here to be my thoughts, what I think, based on my experience, or my realizations. Instead of worrying about whether or not anything can be scientifically proven, test things out for yourself, and note the results you get. Whatever works for you – do that. Whatever doesn’t work, decide to try again or find another way. Question everything, test everything, try everything and figure out what works for you. Then come in here and share your experience, OK?

4-20-2020 – Hey! It’s 4-20 Man! Someone Pass Me A Joint…

Bet that title hooked you, didn’t it? No, this won’t be about drugs or anything… I just noticed today’s date and had to say something. But if you are feeling generous you can certainly mail me some marijuana. I mean it is legal now in this state… Contact me using my Contact Page if you want my mailing address. And yes, I am serious about that! I do enjoy the stuff, but it’s a luxury for me so I haven’t bought any in a long time. Need to get myself a good vaporizer too someday…

Moving on… I had a few things I wanted to write about these last few days, and have been taking notes so I do not forget. But the result is going to be somewhat fragmented, somewhat patchwork. So please bear with me…

Something else I have realized that has likely contributed to my issues manifesting things is that I have been discrediting myself, or the manifestations themselves. I have to thank Bryan Hutchinson, author of, “Writer’s Doubt“, for the lead here. He says, “It [doubt] can affect you to the point that you not only underestimate your abilities, you discredit them.” (Bryan Hutchinson, Writer’s Doubt, page 80)

I started thinking about this… In what other ways have I discredited myself, made important things smaller or in some way less important? I immediately thought of finding the hatchet. Man I have been going round and around on this! Maybe someone just set it there… Maybe one of the girls ran off with it, returned it, and wasn’t careful about where they put it… On and on until i forget the significance and importance of the event!

Then I thought about the “I Am Light” conference I managed to scrape together enough money to attend. I make it sound like it was so hard, don’t I? And yes, there was work involved. But it was not nearly as hard as I make it sound, and I did better than just manifesting the funds to go. I manifested what I needed to travel there, to pay for a nice lunch at Red Robbins, and even to consider buying some materials, thought they did not have what I went back to buy. That is not nothing! That’s a lot of money for me to get together towards this goal!

I was constantly berating myself afterwards, that my energy was not right, I was not operating at the best or highest frequency, that my attitude was not quite right, that if I had been in the right place with my attitude and mentality I would have had a better experience, and it never stops! Once I got onto that train I never figured out how to jump off the damn thing! Well until now perhaps…

I think I have been discrediting myself, and worse, discrediting these important (to me) manifestations. Now the Universe isn’t going to have hurt feelings or anything. But it is like winning a marksmanship contest with a bow and arrow, hitting almost dead center, then afterwards complaining about how it was a millimeter or so off! How can you possibly enjoy your victory, and celebrate how well you have done, if you are nitpicking everything all the time? No, ultimately by doing this you hurt only yourself.

Fucking doubt or whatever the hell it is that causes this! I wish I had a genie in a lamp, so I could make one of my wishes that all my internal negativity would become physical, and that I would have the power I needed to just slay these beasts and be done with them, once and for all! I have talked about this before. But somehow I think that it would be easier if my opponents were tangible so I could more easily defeat them. Plus I would love the anger and stress therapy that comes from justifiably beating the hell out of something that is definitely deserves it, something that is definitely a villain, something that my world at least would be better off without!

But no, I have to fight these inner demons in weird, unintuitive ways such as accepting them acknowledging them, embracing them, not resisting them, creating space around them for change, etc. BAH! Can’t just be a knight slaying the evil dragon. Nooo, that would be TOO easy!

So yeah… To add to all the tips I have given you about manifestation over the years, remember to honor your successes! I don’t care how poorly you think you have done, observe those feelings, those thoughts, acknowledge them, accept them, embrace them and then release them and let them go. Focus on the fact that you succeeded. How you succeeded is immaterial – it simply does not matter. Hell, the HOW almost always, if not always, just doesn’t matter! All that matters is that you arrived. You wrote the book. You manifested the funds. You got that shit DONE! Pat yourself on the back! Give credit where credit is due, show appreciation and give thanks.

This is your work… First you have something you desire, so you do a little gardening and plant the seeds using affirmations or whatever. Then you step back and let nature take its course. Even if you need this plant to sprout and mature in a limited time frame, you let it go and leave it to the Universe. While you let the Universe do its thing you keep in mind what it is you want. You stay focused on the desired outcome. You might glance over, see how the plant is growing. But that’s it, you don’t spend a second worrying about it.

After it sprouts, grows and bears fruit you’r job is to just enjoy it. You show appreciation and thanks, and you give credit wherever it is due. Then you leave it at that. Don’t allow yourself to look back and start to question if you did this right, or that. Don’t start thinking about how you could have done this or that better. It is DONE. It is FINISHED. Your job is to plant the seed and enjoy the fruit, that is it!

Now you may have noticed a few old posts showing up in Twitter and Facebook, as well as the subreddit. I wanted to talk a little about something I forgot about, and that is creating space. I go into a lot of detail about it here. I guess I got this from Eckhart Tolle’s, “A New Earth.” As I think about it now, I think this ties in with the releasing and letting go part of the manifestation process, and maybe even with positive reinforcement when it comes to something you want to do, like writing.

There is work you have to do in order to manifest something. You gotta be clear on what you want. You gotta take any steps that present themselves, in the natural flow of your life, to take. But you never try to make something happen. You never try to force it into existence. If you do the end result will not be the absolute best for you and all those involved. No farmer tills the land, digs the trenches, mixes in the fertilizer, plants the seeds, waters them, and then each and ever day comes out to dig every one of the seeds up to pry open its shell.

No, the farmer may continue to water, but other than that he leaves the seeds alone. His work is finished, until the seeds sprout and begin to grow. Then there is weeding and harvesting and all that stuff. But there is a point, between planting the seeds and coming back to work on the plants where the farmer simply walks away, leaving it to nature, God’s will or whatever. It is EXACTLY the same for manifestation!

The seeds in our example are being given space in which to grow. Physical space in the form of loose soil around them. Nobody drives a steamroller over their freshly planted seeds! They need that loose soil, that combination of space (air), soil and water. Now maybe this part of my example is a little weak. Perhaps some seeds will grow just fine in a compacted block of soil. But for our example we’ll assume that they need that little bit of space for optimal growing.

When you dwell on what you did wrong, or what you could have done better, when you discredit yourself or doubt yourself, you begin to compact the soil, as it were. It makes it harder for your manifestation seeds to grow. If you do this after successfully manifesting something, you create rockier, harder soil for your future manifestations to take root in.  Your future manifestation success may be scatter-shot at best, and the plants that come up will be hard, scraggly things not even close to what you wanted.

In real-life terms, because you have discredited and doubted yourself in previous manifestations, you manage to finally manifest a home for you and your family. But it is barely big enough for all of you, the roof needs to be replaced, and there are a lot of repairs to do. If you had practice a little more faith and trust in yourself, as well as in the Universe (or God if you prefer), you might have gotten that nice 5 bedroom mansion down the road you have been dreaming about.

In order to get the best results in your manifestations, you have to be light and loose about it. You have to operate in the natural flow of your life. You have to be aware, open and receptive. And you have to stay that way. When doubt starts whispering in your ear, you have to acknowledge it, accept it, release it and let it go. That’s where the awareness comes in, why you need it. Otherwise you won’t even be able to tell when you are undermining yourself.

I think the work of manifesting may ultimately be about the same as any artistic endeavor, any work that requires a lot of creative energy. It seems the world is putting a lot of effort into keeping you from creating the life and the things you want. There are a lot of distractions, and if you are not aware, you will not recognize the negative voices like doubt when they begin to whisper to you. They use familiar voices, familiar language. They may even seem like old friends. But they are not your friends, they are the enemy of your creative work, and you must be on guard against at all times. You must keep your focus on what you want, and once you have it, you must never look back except in an attitude of appreciation and thanks to all parties involved.

Santa Claus Is Real – An After-Christmas Report

This year I have no choice but to consider that Santa Claus may, in fact, be real, as a number of my long-held wishes, some of which I actually did write to him about, have been granted.

But let’s consider Santa Claus as a human, anthropomorphic representation of Christmas, the spirit of giving, and a Universe of Abundance manifesting as the various things we have asked for.

Basically, The Universe is Santa Claus. Or Santa Claus is the Universe. Or something like that.

I wrote about how I wanted a Home Alone 2 style Christmas. I think this was really an extension of a long-held, and long-suppressed, wish I had to have a Christmas like my cousin Chris used to talk about when we were young. He was always talking about Ty’s, how he got this and that from Ty, how they (him, his brother Shadow and my uncle Warren) were going to, “…go over to Ty’s…”

I wanted to experience a Christmas like that. One with lots of presents, without any hindrance of budgetary or financial constraints. One where I had a chance at getting the truly nice (and expensive) things I wanted. Until this Christmas, I don’t think I have ever experienced that. I have always keep the costs of my items down, setting some sort of budget, just as I did this year. I mean if I knew I could ask for anything I wanted you would see things like my own house, a Telsa car, a gaming laptop, etc. on it. Not sure even Trump’s kids get to have a Christmas like that though.

The point is I have never, to my recollection, listed the more expensive things I wanted or needed. I would probably never list a house or a Tesla car. That’s just silly. I could create a list and send that to Santa Claus, c/o the Universe. For those really expensive, cost-prohibitive items, or the less tangible things like our family’s getting back together again (or world peace. Has anyone ever really asked for this?)

So I would list a gaming laptop if budget and financial constraints were no obstacles. I would list a bicycle, fitted to me. Probably a few other things like that. Nothing I would consider unreasonable. But I have never been able to do this. Only Santa has ever seen these items on my list, unless I included them on some of my birthday/Christmas list in the past, but if I did, I probably didn’t really expect these items.

Well not one, or two, but four (possibly more as I think about this) items have been granted to me this year. In short they are:

  1. A tree with lots of presents under it for me.
  2. Christmas at Ty’s.
  3. A clear sign I am on the right track.
  4. The families getting back together.

As I may have mentioned earlier, this year, around Thanksgiving, Warren, Shadow and Chris invited us over to Ty’s for Thanksgiving. First time we have been really been together in a long time. A long-held wish of mine. I have been trying to get mom and dad to go up the hill, to talk to Warren, for a long time now. But, as far as I know, Warren didn’t want to talk to us, and my parents didn’t want to talk to him. I was pushing a large rock up a hill. But deep inside, I wanted us to come together again. Now Warren had started talking to us before Thanksgiving this year, then we got together for Thanksgiving, and we got together again for Christmas. A long-standing wish of mine has been granted. Our family’s are back together again.

But even better, my brother, who I would not expect to have done this or work so hard at it, was working with my cousin Chris and my uncle Warren to put this Christmas together. That took me completely by surprise. The amount of effort and work he put into this, not to mention working with other people – I am still amazed. I gladly give the credit to him, Chris and Warren for us getting together for Christmas this year. Maybe my desire created the football, but they ran with it and scored a touchdown!

So strike two items off a long held and, until recently, never really talked about list.

Then there is an issue I have been struggling with, and wrote about here. After being a Christian for approximately 20 years, trying the whole prayer and religion thing, and finding it didn’t work, I started walking my own spiritual path. But I always wondered if this was the right path, or if I still didn’t have it right. I didn’t want to go through another non-working system again. Didn’t want a repeat of when I was a Christian. I wanted to get it right this time.

I found, or was found by, the manifestation teachings of Abraham and others. I started to work on less tangible things, like frequency, vibration and how the inside reflects the outside. A lot of intellectual knowledge, but little experiential knowing. I even went to a 10-day meditation “retreat.” I have been ruthlessly excavating myself, and getting frustrated at all the things I needed to do, all the hoops I had to jump through, when it seemed nobody else needed to do any of that. They (family and friends) were off getting married and starting families. I felt left behind.

Then I found this video:

I found her initially when looking for information on anger. I had broken my phone in a fit of rage and I wanted to address the issue. Then I found this video, related to the man she is talking to, and learned about this tug-o-war between the aspect of me that cares only for intimacy and connection, and this other part of me that wants to be wealthy, to support myself and stand on my own. As I shared in an episode of The Circle:

I used the same process for talking to my Inner Voice to talk to this aspect of me that desired connection and intimacy . I listed to it. I acknowledged and honored it. I then did as it asked of me. I embraced it, took it inside me, and got on the same page with it. That is all it wanted. That is all I needed to do. I just needed to love it as a little child, because really that’s what this aspect of me was. It likely reflected the age I separated from it. By integrating it I take a step towards healing and wholeness. As far as actually connecting to people, I think I leave this to the Universe. For now my job is simply to remain open and willing.

I know this stuff may seem a little strange or “woo-woo” to some of you. That’s OK. It’s a little strange and woo-woo to me. But I have tried everything else I know to try. I tried to channel the anger through a visualization. But I since learned that this may not have been the best course of action. All that we do must tend towards healing and wholeness if we wish to create complete and drastic change in our lives. If this is the way for that to happen, it is no use arguing. You take the road that leads you were you want to go. Christianity didn’t go there for me. Science doesn’t go there either. No religion has ever or will ever lead there for me. Only these things I have done have shown any sign of taking me in the direction I wish to go.

I walked outside the other night, remembering to think about the day and what I have to be thankful for. I reasoned that if Teal Swan was right, if I was in a tug-of-war between the part of me that wanted to have money so he could step out on his own and support himself, and this other part of me that wanted connection and intimacy, that wanted to have real, true friends and was tried of being alone, well if I got on the same page with this aspect of me that desired connection and intimacy, the tug-of-war would lesson or stop. Of course there may be other aspects of me at odds with this aspect of me that desires money. But one less tugging against me should manifest in my life as something I have had seen very little of these last few months – money. Of course money is simply a physical manifestation of abundance. It is a distinct lack of abundance I had been experiencing.

Then I walk into Ty’s yesterday, and there is the first “real” Christmas tree I had seen since 2016 (at home, or in a place where my family had gathered.) Not only that but the thing was surrounded by a huge pile of presents. Then I go through my presents, and suffice it to say that Abundance had shown up in a variety of forms, including money. It was the best Christmas, in memory, that I have ever had. Not just because of finally having a Christmas at Ty’s, or because or family’s were getting together for Christmas for the first time in years, or because of the amazing presents, but because of all the energy and effort that had been put into this, and the validation (if you will) of what I had done. It was as if the Universe was saying to me, “Finally! You got it right! BAM!” Probably the Universe sounds more loving than that.

So many steps to get me here. Will I see Abundance continuing to show up in the months to come? Likely my journey is not complete. Life is a learning process. It is our classroom. I have probably just completed one assignment. Who knows what else I have to learn! But I sincerely hope that I see more money flowing to me, and that I create lasting, lifelong friendships along the way. Because that aspect of me that desires connection and intimacy is right. What good is all the money in the world if you are disconnected from the world and those in it? Better to be connected to the world, and those around you, so you can enjoy the money you receive. Any maybe, just maybe, the more connected you are, the more Abundance will show up, in a variety of surprising ways, not just as money!

So yeah, Santa Claus is real. Maybe not as a jolly fat man with a beard, wearing a red suit. But more likely as a Universe of energy, that has its own intelligence, its own sense of humor, and it is just waiting to give you everything you have ever wanted, but you have to get on the same page with yourself and open yourself to it.

Over the next few months I will be playing with this. I may talk to other aspects of me that are ready to be integrated and integrate with them. I will see what shows up next month, when I need money for a few things. And I will surly report back here. Because I want you to succeed in realizing your desires and dreams as well. I hope you Christmas has been just as amazing as mine, and if it hasn’t, I hope you experience many blessings and amazing things in the months to come. Maybe the things I have posted here will help you find the road that will take you where you want to go.

Love is the Answer

No, I am not going to start singing some old song like, “Love is all you need…” This post isn’t about the mushy stuff or the head-in-the-clouds stuff. Although why so many of us want to run screaming from the room whenever the subject of love comes up should be examined…

No, this is about some things I have picked up since reading some more of Rhonda Byrne’s, “The Power.” You need to read this book. Seriously. Just set aside your opinions about “New Age” or “New Thought” or the teacher herself. She is only a channel, one way this information is coming into our world. And I don’t mean in a mediumistic sense. I mean in the sense like a channel of water. Consider this teacher’s work to be one channel, flowing from Source, bringing us some important pieces of the overall spiritual puzzle.

There’s a bit in there about love, and after reading it, I spent some time just writing down the things I appreciate and love about my life. My focus on just these two feelings. What do I truly love in my love? What do I appreciate in my life? I felt compelled to do this because I was experiencing some sort of flu-like sickness, had a terrible headache and wanted to feel better. Strangely enough, after doing this simple exercise, I did.

It ties together with bits and pieces I have gleaned from other spiritual texts. There’s the Law of Attraction stuff from Abraham, teaching me that what I focus on is what I draw to me, and what I give out I receive. A lot of the other stuff I can’t seem to get a handle on. I mean I understand it, but nothing really clicked, until I read that bit in Byrne’s book and then things began to click.

I have posted before about how alien and isolated I feel. I realized today, and it’s been developing over the last few days, that I have created this experience for myself. I created it because I have been pushing people away. I realized that when I look at someone, I am immediately, unconsciously until today looking at what I perceive to be their flaws, basically trying to find a reason not to like them. Not with everyone, but with many of the people I encounter.

The issue is that the energy I emanate when I look at someone with non-acceptance brings into my life the experience of non-acceptance. I am not as open and accepting as I thought myself to be. I have been subtly pushing people away, giving out the energy of pushing away, and receiving the energy of being pushed away in return.

So you see, I have been isolating myself, by constantly finding reasons to push people away. They may not consciously feel that energy from me, but everyone is responding to it. Everything and everyone we perceive to be outside of us and separate from us is consistently and constantly responding to us, to whatever it is we are giving out, and whatever we are giving out, that is what we are receiving.

Criminals don’t get caught because they are stupid, and the police overall aren’t exceptionally intelligent. Criminals get caught because they literally draw or magnetize those circumstances, events and people to them that will catch them. Their overriding thought is, “I don’t want to get caught.” The focus is on catching, or being caught. The Universe responds by arranging and orienting everything in their lives to match catching or being caught.

If you could somehow rob a bank without a lack or limitation mindset, and with no fear or guilt, you will never be caught. But the instant you start feeling guilty, or worrying about the police catching up to you, the snare is set, and you are stuck in it. Eventually you will be caught, if you continue to feel fear or guilt. If you continually practice letting go of your fear and guilt however, you will remain uncaught.

If you entertain any sort of lack or limitation mindset, thinking that there is not enough to go around,m or you don;’t have enough, etc., you will find yourself needing to steal again, because the money you have stolen will have seemed to fly away from you. This is another trap, and it is unlikely you would steal in the first place without this way of thinking. You have to stop thinking in that way if you want the money to last, to be enough.

The longer you feel fear the closer and quicker that which you fear comes to you. The longer you feel guilty the closer and quicker the inevitable punishment comes to you. The more you think there is not enough the more not enough you experience. The more you find yourself, or others, lacking, the more you and others will be found lacking in your own perception.

This last was my trap. I realized I need to find things I truly appreciated or loved about everyone I encountered. I had to stop pushing people away because I was not interested, or they were too fat, or I didn’t like how they looked, etc. Yesterday I came to understand that to attract “the one I am with” into my life I had to think about all the things she has that I love about her. Her long hair, beautiful smile, graceful movements, lithe body, etc. Though I have not yet met this person in the flesh, my positive focus in this way is ever drawing her into my life.

I don’t have to force myself to say, “Hi” to everyone I meet. I don’t have to throw myself into uncomfortable social situations. I don’t have to game anyone. I don’t have to work hard at anything. I just need to be myself and think about what I want instead of what I don’t want. I just need a positive focus on what I want, and I get that by thinking about all the things I love or appreciate about something, whether it is real or just something I envision in my mind’s eye.

I have practiced my whole life a way of acting, being and thinking that criticizes and judges others, that pushes those I perceive to be not wanted or not acceptable away. It’s so easy to do, and I think we all do it to some extent. Who wants to have any thoughts of acceptance or love for the dirty, wrinkly, disgusting looking (and smelling) person a few seats from you on the bus? But somehow, in some way, we have to find something about them we appreciate it, and practice appreciation and love instead of criticism and judgment. Otherwise we will remain depressed, friendless, isolated and lonely. We don’t have to talk to this person. We just have to practice a different way of reacting to and thinking about them.

Thinking about the things we desire, the things we want, isn’t as simple as just thinking about them. That’s one place I got stuck. It turns out we need to have a positive energy towards the things we desire. We have to have a positive focus in order to draw these things to us. So now matter how much we think about our desire for friends, now matter how much we may visualize being in our idea friendships, if in our daily lives we are criticizing and judging those we encounter, we will never have the friendships for which we long.

Is it falling into place for you now? Making sense? I hope so. That is my intention here. It helps me to share these things I have realized, to work them out here. In giving understanding I receive understanding. That’s why some teachers are constantly earnings new things as they teach. You give knowledge you receive knowledge. But don’t forget that to make a clear path from Source into your life experience you must have positive energy and focus, and this is easy to practice just by focusing on what you appreciate or love.

Folding The String

I just feel I have to write something in my blog today. Share some important realizations and get a few things off my chest…

Imagine an ant travelling along a very long string. Where I used to live I could see the bigger carpenter ants using the power lines from a tree to the house. It was not a fast journey. It will take the ant a long time.

Now imagine folding the sting, bringing the two ends together. The ant can now walk from one end to the other, and when the string is stretched back out the ant has crossed the entire distance in a fraction of the time.

This isn’t just some sort of science or physics lesson. It isn’t really about ants and strings. Or power lines. It’s just that I realized something important on the bus the other day.

The theory, still not entirely accepted or proven by science, is that everything, when you zoom in far enough, is energy. Everything is made of energy, everything is connected to everything and everyone else. We experience things as being separate, but that just has something to do our beliefs, perceptions and our unique vibratory frequency.

I realized that if this theory is true, then there is no separation between intellectually knowing something and having direct experience of it. I was thinking about how I felt there was a sort of block between knowing what I need to do in regard to the subject I was thinking about, and actually doing it. Something holding me back I have to resolve or work through.

But the energy behind the knowledge and its application or experience is exactly the same energy. There is no difference. There is no block. Physical distances, all physical constraints, do not exist outside the physical. Heck they may not even really exist inside it!

If I know something it is the same as applying it and the same as experiencing it. The string is already folded, the ends are already brought together. Any distance between me and my desire exists only in my imagination. Why not use my imagination to remove that distance?

Of course this is all built on the theory that everything is made of energy and connected. That there is only one energy. An analogy I like from the 30-day Meditation Project uses a glass bowl and sunlight. The light in the bowl is the same as the light from the sun. It just appears separate. The thickness of the glass represents the ego, or our sense of separation.

If this theory is true, and it seems to me that it is, then that explains how imagining something to be real in my life that is not yet physically apparent works. In reality the energy of my desiring and the thing I desire are exactly the same, even though I can’t see it at the moment, any more than an ant would be able to grasp something bringing two ends of a long string together. The ant just continues along, from where it was to where it wants to be.

In other words, if I desire something, then, at an energetic level, I already have it. Because everything is, at its core, energy. I just have to find a way to make this true for myself. Which is probably way books like, “The Secret” and “The Power” go into great detail about acting as if you already have something you want. I read these stuff and it just annoys me. But assuming it works, this is likely why.

I have to convince myself that the instant I desire anything I have it, even if it has not shown up in any sort of tangible form that I can experience or interact with. I have to somehow stop looking at the distance between me and my desires, and instead see my desire as existing here and now. All I have to do is accept it and I am there, where I want to be. Just like folding the string and bringing the ends together, stepping from one end to the other.

Maybe the ant, by the very act of desiring it, caused the two ends of the string to come together. Maybe I, by the very act of desiring it, can do something similar, bringing me and my desires together, eliminating the distance I currently perceive to be between us. The ant doesn’t spend any time at all thinking about how far away it is from its desire. It has its desire, and it moves towards it, causing the universe to set things in motion.

If an ant can do that, than I can do that, and you can do it too.

I Am Not Here

This is not my reality
even though it is what I
taste, touch, smell and see.

While my body is here,
my True Self is elsewhere.

I now have a dream,
I now have a purpose,
I now have a reason,
a goal I wish to attain.

I will realize my dreams,
I will live the life I want.

Every day brings me one step closer
to everything I have already become.


Meditation and Manifestation

I have been thinking about this a little today. In the past I have a few examples I can recall where I visualized something I wanted and I fought tooth and nail to keep the image of what I wanted in mind. The results were never satisfactory; even when I succeeded it infected and darkened the experience of getting what I wanted.

I thought, for some reason, about meditation. How you gently keep coming back to the “object of your attention.” I realized that the same process applies to manifestation! You just gently keep coming back to the visualization of whatever it is you want to manifest in your life. But you aren’t the one manifesting anything.

There are two indicators here… If in visualizing something you want you feel like you are clenching your fists, if you feel any sort of stress or tightness about it, then you are putting in too much effort. You are attached to a particular outcome. As Abraham teaches through Esther Hicks, how you feel is your indicator.

The other indicator is, if in talking or writing about what you want, the phrase, “trying to manifest” comes up in any form. If it does, once again, you are putting in too much effort. You are trying to make something happen. You are attached to a particular outcome. As I said it feels like clenched fists, or clenched teeth, or some sort of tightness in your body.

There is the initial effort required, at least at first, to keep bringing your focus back to the object of your attention, the visualization in some way of the thing you want. So it is not completely effortless as I may have stated before. It does require a minimum amount of effort to practice awareness and to bring your focus back to your object of attention. But that’s all the effort you need, no more.

The phrase I came up with is to be, “firmly relaxed” about whatever it is you want. In my case I want $40.00 in my back account. So I see the $40.00, in bold, as if I were looking at it through my bank’s web page. I was initially afraid that I was doing it wrong again. I remember when I was picturing a nice place to stay once for my my parents and I, how hard it was, how much stress it caused, and we did not get a nice place.

But I see that my feelings then were more “clench fists” then. Right now, whenever my mind wanders back to the subject of my bank account, I just see this image of $40.00 in bold. I don’t hold it there, don’t do anything with it. Just a gentle process of bringing it back to the object of my attention. I am definitely not attached to this, and am firmly relaxed about it.

So if you are familiar with the process of meditation, apply it to the process of manifestation. Practice being firmly relaxed about it. Keep bringing your focus back to the object of your attention, in this case some sort of image, in your mind or maybe a picture on your wall that brings it to mind. In visualizing it bring in as much of the five physical senses as possible. Think about what it will be like to have it. As much as you can, feel what you would feel once you have it.

Understand that in our society it is not natural or normal to think in this way. That is not how we are raised as children, as a general rule. So for most of us we have to practice being firmly relaxed, until we have that inner knowing, that trust which is more than belief, that the thing we are envisioning will show up in our lives, exactly as we want it and exactly when we need it. Once we have that inner knowing trust it will be natural for us to be firmly relaxed. We will be free of all fear-based feeling, which includes doubt and worry.

For now, for most of us, we just have to practice holding loosely, or being firmly relaxed, with whatever it is we are visualizing. I don’t think the manifestation teachings cover this very well, but it is important and vital to the process. I will let you know how my own experience goes. I will be applying everything I have said here to the process.

3-4-2017 – Status Update

It has been a long time since I came in here and said anything. I just published my first poem in I am not even sure how long. I noticed that in the title it said peace-2, and it linked, at the bottom, to an old article I had written entitled, “Peace.” I just read this article, but it was strange, like someone else had written it. I think I had forgotten these old truths I had realized at that time. I find I still agree with what I said. It is still in alignment to what I currently believe and feel. Not like a religious belief, more like this is how something seems to me, what I think is true about it right now. I want to keep all my beliefs transitory. I want to be able to release them and let them go easily and freely, if they are no longer truth for me.

So a bit of a status update… Just about two weeks ago now, the Sunday before last, I was driving home after working for a neighbor lady I may have mentioned before, in the 2001 Lexus ES 300 that I had just purchased maybe a month or so before, and I decided to take a back road. I might have been trying to change the radio station. something caused me to not pay as much attention as I needed to, and this was not a road I took a lot, so I took a corner too wide, a little too fast, and maybe my steering gave out, it seemed to me the car was not responding, or maybe I froze up.

Whatever the case may have been, I slammed into a pole at probably 30-40 miles an hour, destroying the front driver’s side of the car, shattering the pole at its base and moving it foot or so in the wet, muddy, possibly clay ground in which it had been recently set. I hit the pole, the airbags deployed, solving the mystery once and for all about the 2001 Lexus ES 300 airbags, no, they are not the kind with shrapnel in them that have been recalled for Toyotas, else I would not be writing this, at least not in physical form.

It banged up my physical form a little but nothing major. Sometimes, strangely, I can still smell the airbags in the area of my nose where I felt pain afterwards. My left knee, which neither of my knees have ever really been free of pain or injury, hurts and doesn’t feel right. Nothing that feels like a broken bone. I have a huge bruise on my chest that showed up a few days later and is still there.

No the main thing injured in this accident was my spirit. I found my heart broken and my spirit crushed. I found I could not keep from reliving the scene in my head over and over again, wondering why I didn’t just slam on the brakes or drive out into the open field to my left. I was not under the influence. Just going too fast and not paying enough attention. I was not driving responsibly. I am so thankful that it didn’t happen a few moments earlier or later, that I did not hit anyone else.

I have since paid for this, may times over. First the police officer lied to me, not once but twice. Telling me I could get a deferment and may not have to pay anything for the infraction he gave me It was $180.00+, and with the deferment, even though I have nothing on my record, no tickets, no violations, I still have to pay $150.00 in what they call an “Administrative Fee.”

Second the towing company stole my car. Legally, through strong-arm tactics, but the result is the same as if someone pulled a gun on you, threw you out of your car on the road, and took off. There is no difference in the end result, just one process is considered bad or illegal, and apparently the other is considered acceptable and legal. For anyone in my area who wants to know what towing company to avoid, it is Chuck’s Towing in Washougal. Don’t use them, no matter what. When the officer asked me what towing company to call, insisting the car had to be removed, I told him to pick what he thought was the best one.

Big mistake. The police here in Camas must be very much like the police over in Longview, working in conjunction with the towing companies. In Longview they have something going with Bob’s Towing. I mentioned this before, years ago when my Honda was stolen out from under the apartment where I lived. Yet even though it was two streets off the main drag, the Longview police could not find it, and the towing company never reported it.

Anyhow the lady at Chucks told me that if I got them paid they would drop the additional fees from Friday-Monday, so I spent an hour working with my insurance company getting payment to them. She told me she would offer me $50.00 for the title, and I was trying to get Pick N Pull to get the car, but the lady at Chucks said they could not move my car, they would not park it on the street for pickup, even if I got permission, and when I resigned myself to selling it to her, she reneged, went back on what she had said earlier, and said no, what she would do is charge me $120.00 instead of $170.00. She would take $50.00 off the bill. She didn’t have $50.00 to just give me. So finally I brought my title, and, while recording our conversation, asked her to verify that if I signed it would she would not charge me for those extra days the insurance company did not cover. She said she wouldn’t, I signed it without uttering a word and left.

Thirdly this whole thing affected my schoolwork. As some of you may know I have been attending Clark College the last two quarters, I am wrapping up my second quarter. I have transferred over all usable credits from Lower Columbia College and am on my way to a 2-year Computer Support degree. Well after this happened my grades began to go down. It’s not that I can’t bike/bus there as I started to do originally. It is hard to explain, but having a car, having that freedom, then having it taken away, I don’t want to go back. Even though I can and have gotten by with the bike/bus travel, I just don’t want to do that anymore.

Anyway the poem I have just shared here was written just a few days ago, as I was waiting for the bus. I am starting to pull up out of the nose-dive I found myself in. I got my hands on a book; I was placing holds on my titles, seeking comfort, and this was one of them, “Taking The Leap” by Gay Hendricks. It talks about something called an “Upper Limit Problem.” Reading it made me realize some very important things.

First of all I never really believed I deserved the car. I never really took ownership of it. It came to me via a friend of my mom’s, who has also become my friend, almost even family. Her husband wanted to sell the car and had already purchased her a new one. I won’t go into the details why, but she had offered it to me for $500.00 even though it was woth easily six times that. Then the money manifested for it, and I got some work at the college so I could pay for gas and insurance. It all just came together. But I never really owned any of this.

I realized this was true when I remembered that I had never even read the manual. I know that whenever I go out and buy an electronic device or game, I always read the manual before I begin ti operate it. That is how I take ownership of something. The car was new to me, yet I never really looked at the owner’s manual. That was one side of this, the other is that I kept thinking how lucky I was to have this $3,000 car for which I had only paid $500.00. Like I didn’t believe I deserved it, which was exactly the case I think.

I think I hit what Hendricks calls my Upper Limit Problem. I Upper-Limited myself. I don’t know how or even if this ties in with the teachings of Abraham, but I remember I was not consciously unhappy or anything driving home. I was not giving thought to being in a accident, to wrecking my car. It seemed to happen out of the blue, I could find nothing on my thoughts that would have drawn it to me. But later I could see how I felt I did not deserve the car. Essentially I was sabotaging myself.

I have decided two main things since this happened. First, I will find and abolish any and all upper limits, any limitations of any kind, that I have accepted for or imposed on myself. I will tell myself I deserve to be happy, I deserve nice things, I deserve to succeed, I deserve to make love to a beautiful, long red-haired, virgin, young woman, I deserve to succeed in all my endeavors, until I believe it. I will completely reprogram myself, and I will start by working through this book.

Second, I will not play the role of a victim. I am struggling with this, as you can plainly see in this post. But I will continue to work at not seeing myself as a victim or as having been victimized. I will forgive all these people, I will release all the foul energy around this situation and free myself from it entirely, I will release and let go of all attachment and negative, undesired feeling. Ultimately I will learn from my mistakes and get right back up on the horse again. I will seek out another car that even better meets my needs or, I will move out into a place of my own near the campus, in reasonable bus/walking/bicycling distance.

Lexi, as I called her, has been, is and will continue to be one of my greatest teachers. She kept me alive and safe, just as she was designed to do, and now I will, and am, learning from the loss of her. I will turn this negative into a positive, this curse into a gift. I will transform it’s energy into something that will cause inner growth, and release any negative or undesirable energy back to the universe. And somehow, in some way, I will find my desire to continue going to college, despite my currently inconvenient circumstances, and I will finish this. I can see the finish line. I will continue running, no matter what, until I cross it.

The Cage of Judgement

Since my return many things, including myself, have changed. I remember how I complained, how I looked down on my little room in what I thought of as Grandma’s Attic. I even wrote a short horror story inspired by it.

But since then I have come to understand how valuable space really is. The real estate market, at least here in Washington, has it all wrong. It is not the house that adds value to a property. I would rather live in a tiny cabin on an acre of land than in a mansion jammed in with other fancy houses, with only a strip of grass between each place.

Here, temporarily in my parent’s RV, I have no space, or rather shared space, and its probably smaller than my old bedroom where I lived for the last 8 years. I have few of the things I had then, and I no longer have piles of books I never seem to finish stacked by my bed.

Instead I have a few books that I read daily, and these are currently A Course In Miracles, Dan Millman’s, “The Peaceful Warrior” David Swartz’s, “The Magic of Thinking Big” and a big book of Kahlil Gibran’s poetry. I have a couple Seth books, two books of Japanese poetry, Shatki Gawain’s, “Creative Visualization” and “Psycho Cybernetics”, both of which I have barely cracked. I also have two fiction stories I am struggling with reading. Also Henry David Thoreau’s “Walden.”

For the rest of this month I will be drawing primarily from ACIM and Peaceful Warrior. It is from ACIM I have learned about the Cage of Judgment most of us are trapped in, and it is from “Peaceful Warrior” I have just learned I need something I can immerse myself in to the point of Satori. This is the same space every artist or athlete enters where the “I” or sense of self fades, if not completely disappears, and there is art being created, or movements being performed.

I am in a bit of a quandary when it comes to that thing I can do that would bring me to Satori. Writing should be that for me, but some part of me would prefer to do something visual, like paint. Photography is my next best option, I think that is what Zen Photography may be all about. I don’t know how to deal with this schism in me, so I will pursue painting if I can, and gently, ever so gently, try to do the same with painting.

The Cage of Judgement is much harder to address. It influences the world we see and the reality we experience. To free ourselves of it is to take whatever happens as it is. I think this is what the Advaitist’s  refer to when they say becoming the ocean. It occurred to me that the waves are local, confined to a location and direction. But the ocean is everywhere, all at once. Fear and our judgements act like flotation devices that keep us on top of the water, tossed about by the waves. Releasing judgement means a release of fear, and a sinking into the ocean, to become one with it.

I guess this is what enlightenment must be. Be coming filled with light, free of judgments, able to experience the world as it is, not as it is believed to be. But I ask myself, what about personal preference? For example, will I really be happier seeing a skinny attractive or overweight ugly potential mate the same? Will I really be happier seeing a nice bed in a hotel or another icy cold night in a church side lot the same? There are things I do not understand, and could not understand, until I am in that state. But this is a case of jumping in and hoping there is water, because there is no going back once you have taken that leap.

My last journal entry may have left some of you concerned. But I am not finished yet! Working on getting a job, getting my own space, and if I can’t do that, better equipping myself and heading down the coast. I just hope to have a solid handle on what I want to do, that I have untangled some of the things that made my last trip so unenjoyable. But at the very least I understand some of the things I need to address at this point on my life.