Another Issue with Taking The Victim Role

So as I am sure I have mentioned before I am working my way through ACIM (A Course In Miracles.) Today I read something that, essentially, said that when we take any sort of victim stance (excluded, rejected, hurt, offended, etc.) we make our brother, also referred to as the son of God, guilty of doing that to us. It is an attempt to mix two dissimilar things – I can’t quite recall their names. I am still working this out in my mind. Anyway that is what the ego does. It attempts to make what is unreal or illusory real.

The fact is that your brother (this meaning any other fellow human) is a Son of God and is as innocent as you are. Any attempt to make them guilty of anything also, inevitably, makes you guilty as well. It occurs to me that the other problem with taking a victim stance is that not only are you playing the role of a victim, which disempowers you, you are also victimizing the one or ones you are making the victimizers. Because, like you, they are actually innocent.

I know this is hard to grasp, but I will try to paint the picture another way. To be excluded, left out or rejected takes, at a minimum, two parties. You, the excluded, left out and rejected one, and the others who have, in the reality you are making, excluded, left out or rejected you. They become guilty, you become innocent, so it seems in your perception. The same if you are beaten, robbed or raped. The same if you are cursed at or given the cold shoulder. Any treatment you deem undesirable that you receive requires two parties, one party will perpetuate the act, the other the act is perpetuated on.

Now this will disturb you, but even when we are talking about genocidal acts – the Jews being killed en masse by the Nazis – the Jewish people had their part in creating the atrocities they experienced The Jewish people placed the Nazis in the role of the victimizers, making the Nazis guilty and the Jewish people innocent. But the truth, at a soul level, the truth beyond the ego and the body it thinks of as itself, is that all are innocent, pure Sons of God, and to put anyone in the role of a victimizer is to victimize them.

When you play the part of the victim you disempower yourself, and you disempower those who are playing the roles of your victimizers. Both states, victim and victimizer, exist only in perception. There is a silent, unstated mutual agreement here. You put on the mask of the victim, they put on the mask of the victimizer, but these are only masks, not the true individual underneath. At any time you could take off your victim mask and put on a victimizer mask. Likely you already have, many times. And your victimizere can take off their victimizer masks and become the victims. But as I said, these are only masks, only roles we play, NOT The true actors.

An example drawn from my own life… I am working very hard at becoming a successful YouTuber, and my main work is in playing Minecraft, creating videos for it. But I see now I have fallen into a trap of my own making. Because I have placed YouTube in the role of the victimizer – making it hard for poor me, a struggling YouTuber, to succeed. And I have placed players I enjoy watching, players I respect, into victimizer roles, making me the excluded, ignore and left out one. When I realized this I also realized I didn’t want to do that. As I said I respect these guys – I want to be their friend – I do not want them to be my enemy.

The truth of the matter, at least as far as this server I wish to be a part of is concerned. is that these guys have little if any knowledge of me. How can I blame them for excluding or ignoring me when they likely do not even know I exist? This drama exists only in my head. It is coming directly from the ego, I am sure. If I want to be a part of this server, if I want to become friends with these guys, then I have to climb up to their level, not drag them down to mine. I have to keep working hard at Minecraft and become the best builder and YouTuber I can. If any opportunities come to collaborate or join others in the Minecraft community on a project, I need to jump in there. The question is, “How can I contribute? What can I do?” instead of “What can they do for me?”

I need to do this with my whole heart, even if I am never noticed, even if I never get to be a part of this server. Make that my goal, my intention, work towards reaching it in whatever ways it flows into my life to do so, but let go of any expectations – any idea or thought that anyone owes me anything. I have to be unattached from the outcome. Let go of any demanded or expected result. Just enjoy myself – that is the biggest key. If Minecraft (and making videos for it) is my passion, then pursue that relentlessly. If it isn’t, find what is my passion and go after that. The burden and responsibility for whatever I think of as success lies solely on me – nobody else. It is time for me to stop making myself the victim, and to stop making others the victimizers. It is time for me to stop disempowering myself, and in so doing, disempower others.

I am not sure exactly how to go about all of this. I don’t know how things will play out. I am struggling with my mindset every day. There is a lot of work I need to do internally, and in applying myself to whatever my passion is, which in this case seems to be Minecraft. I can’t let things get me down as I have before. I can’t keep telling myself disempowering, unsupportive stories like, “YouTube is flooded with Minecrafters” or “You aren’t good enough” or “You came into Minecraft too late” or” All the OG Minecrafters have either left or don’t care about you” or “You’re too old”, etc. My focus has to be on doing what I enjoy and am passionate about. I need to have a dream, a vision, I am working toward, but I also have to be able to freely let go of it as needed. And I also have to trust that the Universe will provide me with what I have envisioned, its equivalent, or something better.

So… How about you? Is there anyone you need to release from the victimizer role? Do it now. By freeing them you also free yourself.

Our Mindsets Are Our Greatest Obstacles To Our Abundance

In a little over a month my parents and I will be homeless. Today I learned that one of the families staying here has found a place. I celebrated this, and shared it with my dad. I thought it would encourage him. I mean, if they could find a place, so can we. But he is stuck in a mindset that you have to have money to buy a house. The fact that this couple had money enough to purchase this place seems to confirm that for him. He has no money set aside. I tell him about Downpayment Assistance, but it is like he doesn’t hear me. He usually starts in with his other mind-rut – his credit history.

As we travel around the area I see houses being built. I see subdevelopments that are filled with occupied houses. And I know that statistically speaking, not all of these people had money enough for a down payment. I know of one man who is renting a place, without a job, without any known income, and with a drinking/substance abuse problem. HE has a roof over his head. I point this out to my dad, but it goes right OVER his head. If it isn’t the chestnut, the same old saw, of this man having money from the sale of a house its this man has better credit.

It occurs to me that the people all around us are in a variety of monetary situations. Some have no money at all and no employment. But some of those folk are living happily in their own houses, while others from this same group are living in a homeless camp somewhere. On the other side of the coin there are those with plenty of money and/or a good paying job, who are living on the side of the road, even as some of that same group are enjoying nice new houses. The only thing separating these people is their mindset – the set of their minds. What they allow themselves to have and what they believe they deserve. That’s it.

I honestly don’t think money plays as big a role in getting a house as we are generally programmed from childhood to believe. There are people living in penthouses in New York who do little if any work, and it isn’t because they have a trust fund or come from money. Just as their are artists, dancers and singers working two jobs as they try to get their foot in the door. I am certain that as long as my dad doesn’t honestly and truly believe that he deserves a house, as long as he doesn’t allow himself to have one at any level in his mind, he will not be able to get a house. His fate, and by proxy, mine, is sealed, were I to cast my lot in with his.

I can’t do that anymore. I honestly believe I deserve my own house, my own space. I have worked hard all my life, and if that was any real metric whereby eligibility were granted, the scales would have to be tipped in my favor. I also want one, and am doing my damn best to allow myself to have one. Even without any income – only the future possibility of becoming a well-paid YouTuber, the goal I am working towards right now. The problem is I am infected by the same mind-virus, the same meme, as my father. I contracted the fucking thing from him. I caught myself later in the day, just a little earlier this evening, thinking about how I lost a subscriber at YouTube and doubting that I will ever make it as a YouTuber.

I realized it then and I see it very clearly now that as long as I do not allow myself to “have” success at YouTube, as long as a doubt myself and do not feel I deserve it, or am worthy of it, I will never have it. Ever. I am doomed to fail – in fact I failed before I even got started! I was advised to start a GoFundMe for my folks. Try to raise money to get them a house. I see now that it is useless for me to do so if I continue to think, basically that, “well I can put it up but I don’t think it will do any good.” If I put it up with that mindset, that belief, it will not succeed. That’s all there is to it. I am sabotaging myself and my parents.

I won’t belabor this but to put it bluntly I don’t think I will survive this. I have been fighting this bullshit for a long time now. I can’t seem to get out on the other side. I can’t seem to cure myself of this disease, free myself from this thing that both holds me down and keeps me back. But there is one thing I can do, maybe the only thing of any value I have ever done, and that is to warn you. Buying into the beliefs that were programmed into you since childhood by your authority figures, parents and religion is a dead-end road. You are marching a straight and narrow road from the cradle to the grave. You will have been born only to live a miserable life and then die. It doesn’t have to be that way, but must be as long as you believe it.

Now this may not be a belief you are consciously aware of. How often have you listened to the things you tell yourself? I mean REALLY LISTENED? Is your self-talk supportive or not? Friend or foe or frenemy (foe in disguise.) Are you allowing yourself to do the things you care about or have a passion for? Are you of the mindset that there is only so much to go around and you have to get yours before someone else does, or do you believe in an abundant universe? What are you allowing yourself to experience and to have? A house? A happy marriage? Work that speaks to you or that you can at least tolerate? Do you have money enough to live the kind of life you want to have? How do you feel when you look at something you want and say, “I now allow myself to have this, or something like it.” What kind of people have you surrounded yourself with? If you express some risk you want to take, do they support you or try to stop you?

Don’t wait until it is too late, until those old mindsets, those old habitual patterns, are so deeply engraved that you just can’t find a way out. Break free, rock the boat, shake yourself loose. Stop following everyone single-file to the cemetery. Stop doing what others tell you, stop doing what others want you to do, stop living for others. I have said it before that if you do not fill your cup, you will have nothing to give anyone else. You gotta find your path, and you will know when you are on it, because your old beliefs, your old ways of thinking, will just fall away. You will find real and lasting happiness there. Your life is not something meant to be endured. It is meant to be enjoyed. You are here to experience life and all the Universe has to offer joyfully. Open yourself up to that idea.

The only thing standing between you and something you want are your beliefs and mindset – the habitual way you think. Change your mind and you change your life. Different ways of thinking open up different experiences and options. What are you allowing yourself to experience and to have? Is it what you really want, deep down inside? Take a moment and listen to what that still small voice inside is whispering. The sooner you get started, the easier it will be to choose a way of thinking that supports you and opens you up to new possibilities. You know what happens when you stay entrenched? Literally in a trench? You will either starve to death or you get taken out by enemy fire. Nobody who has ever stayed in a trench, never leaving, has survived.

I fucked up. I tried and quit piano, though I enjoyed it. I tried and quit singing, even though deep inside I want to sing, I want to free my voice without fear or shame. I tried drawing, and despite the fact I have proof I can draw, I still don’t consider myself to be any good at it. I tried mapping for games I enjoyed playing, and quit when I compared my work to others and came up short. I tried programming and couldn’t stick with it. I keep picking up writing and dropping it again. I start a story and quit a couple of chapters in. I tried to meet someone to share my life with, and have long since given up. In fact I went through my entire time at college without really socializing at all – or even trying. I am running hell-bent at YouTube because it is my last hope, and I think it actually might be.

DO NOT follow my example! DO BETTER! Your happiness, your life, literally depends on it!

The Ego, The Present Moment and Some Unexpected Revelations!

More and more I think Eckhart Tolle is right. I think there is definitely something good, a worthy practice or pursuit, in staying in the present moment. As I continue to plow through ACIM and learn about the intricacies of the ego, I am coming to understand some things, some past experiences.

I first “met” or encountered or even experienced Tolle I think back when I was living in my grandma’s attic. Man I really miss those days! There I was, all this space to myself, places where I could go outside and do yoga or meditate, and I never really appreciated it! I guess the fact that my mother and my grandmother were constantly arguing, and I felt like I had to play referee may have contributed to my not seeing the blessings I had been given. Also I was far away from town and other people – no social opportunities. But I had a bed, my own relatively warm room (warmer than the RV anyway!) and plenty of space and time to do something with my life. If I had been intelligent at all I would have started to be serious about YouTube, back in 2009, BEFORE all their restrictions and censorship. Who knows? Maybe if I had I would now have my own huge channel and thousands of subscribers, enough that I could relocate anywhere I like.

In any case, some folks were going to repair our bathroom and remove mold, so my grandmother’s insurance company moved us all out into hotels until everything was finished. While I enjoyed my time at the Staybridge, I read Tolle, Basho and Ryokan. That’s when I started to write these shorter, Haiku-like poems. It just fit me, felt right. In immersing myself in Tolle’s teachings, I found myself in that space where poetry flows effortlessly through me. It is the exact same space I am in when I am in the natural flow of my life instead of struggling against the current. One way you, the readers, know that I am not in the present moment, not in the flow, is that there are no new poems being shared here. The few I have shared these last few months were written last year, or during some brief time when I was in a happier state. When I am angry, depressed or suffering from cabin fever, like now, the stream of poetry finds no access through me, and I can no longer be a channel for it. Or anything of a loving or spiritual nature. I am sure you can see that from the things I have written these last few months.

I think I understand a few things about this now… It occurs to me that a truly enlightened person is permanently focused on the present moment. They have to be, and this is important because, the ego does not have any influence or power in the present moment. I am certain this is true. Nobody who is fully aware, fully present, gets caught up in other people’s BS. This must be how I was able to stay at my brother’s the last time I was there, and when he blew up, I did not engage. I was able to just walk away. I am sure I wrote about this here some years ago. When you are fully aware, fully present, fully IN your present moment experience, you are happier, you are more inspired, you are more loving and you are more of a conduit for true spiritual energy, that might manifest through you in the form of writing, or art, or some other creative endeavor. In other words, if you are blocked creatively, it seems to me the most effortless fix would be to find a way to get into the present moment. Meditate, accept your feelings about your art as they are, embracing them, feeling through them, then releasing them and letting them go. If you can get into the present moment, and practice staying there even for a few days, my guess is that the ability to create will come flowing back.

From what I can understand of ACIM, the ego is past-focused, and it uses the past as a reference for the future. But it NEVER, EVER dwells in the present moment. Someone in the sway of their ego will find themselves easily caught up in the ego BS of others around them. They are easily influenced by the actions of others. They experience anger, discontent, frustration, unhappiness, stress and a host of other negative emotions. Why is that? Lost a train of thought here, but will type in in faith and knowing the words will come if important…

Why is it that someone being driven or influenced by their ego is unable to experience more joyful, spiritual states? Simple… Because there is this idea (I guess it comes from the ego) that the present moment experience should be something other than what it is. It is that simple. It really is. If you are angry it is because you are in denial of how things are. You want things to be different, you believe and really feel they should be different. But reality doesn’t bend to your will like that. Actually, as long as you are angry and struggling against reality, you will continue to create a reality that seems to be fighting against you, that seems to be in some struggle with you. It’s that rowing against the current state. Caught up in your ego, you never realize, it never occurs to you, that you can simply accept reality as it is, get back into the current, and determine to create a better experience for yourself.

You see YOU create the current of your life! How’s that for mind-blowing? All the energy you have focused and invested in whatever or wherever you have focused or invested it over the years you have been alive has created a stream, a natural state, in which your life flows. The only way to change that flow is to place all your energy and focus in the new direction you wish to go. And you start RIGHT NOW, in this moment. Then you practice placing your energy and focus in this new direction, every day, until the new current is established. Then you flow in that direction. The current CURRENT you’re are in is very powerful. Or at least it seems to be very powerful, and in your perception it is very strong. You have put YEARS of energy and focus into it. So don’t expect overnight miracles. They can happen – “Anything Is Possible, All Possibilities Exist” (the author), but it is more likely you will have to continue to ride them as you slowly shift things and change their direction.

What does this entail? ACCEPTING THINGS AS THEY ARE, IN THIS MOMENT! Yup, that is what you have to do. The ego has likely influenced the current flow of your life, and that is why your life sucks big, giant hairy goat balls right now! The ego does not have your best interests at heart, only its own. It doesn’t care about you at all. In fact it hates you. That is essentially what ACIM says, and for all I know it is true. The good news is that each moment brings a chance for you to change where you put your energy and focus, an opportunity to begin the most likely (but not necessarily) slow, tedious process of creating a better present moment experience for yourself. But you always, ALWAYS, have to accept the present moment experience as it is. You made it after all! It is YOUR creation!

Teal swan has several videos on anger, and I forget now what she said to do. Something about asking yourself what needs are not being met? In any case, if you are angry, I would perhaps follow her advice, because if nothing else that causes you to pause. It is a good interrupt. You need an interrupt so you can become aware and initiate any change. The next thing I advise is asking yourself, what is it you are denying? What is it you are attempting to deny the reality of in this moment? What is it you feel should not have happened, or should be different? What is the “should story” running in the background here? You need the interrupt to get a chance to become aware of that “should story.” Once you have become aware of it, THEN you have to accept it.

That first step, BTW, I think of as ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, AKA, “It is what it is.” That leads, naturally to acceptance, because it is how it is. It will not change by you being angry at it. Actually, your anger will ensure you keep reliving that same state, over and over again. You will keep having that undesirable and unwanted present moment experience. ALL RESISTANCE EMPOWERS (gives power to) WHATEVER YOU ARE RESISTING! I am sure I have said this before, and that is what I mean. Your denial, your “should story”, is a form of resistance, and you resistance provides the power that creates, drives and perpetuates the experience making you angry. So you have to ACCEPT it, because it is there, you can’t deny it away.

Next you have to feel your way through it. This is where Susan Jeffers, “Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway” comes in. You have to feel what you feel. You have to allow yourself to feel. You have to embrace these feelings, allow yourself to feel them as long as you need to feel them, then when you are ready, you have to release them and let them go. LETTING GO is another egoless state. LETTING GO is antithetical to the ego, just as acknowledgement and acceptance of things the way they are is. These things are directly opposite to the egoic state.

The ego wants to retain. It wants to be angry, it wants to hold grudges, it wants to hate, it wants to be bitter, it wants to be resentful. So it drives you, as long as you are under is influence, held in its sway, to be angry, bitter, hateful and resentful. If you think you are a religious or spiritual person, and yet you have any energy invested in, or focus invested on, any of these states, anything that is the opposite, at its root, to love, you are not truly religious or spiritual. Because a truly religious or spiritual state is one where the individual is influenced by love, not their ego, PERIOD. There are no exceptions!

Any investment in your identity as a religious or spiritual person – as Christian and part of the Christian group, or a Muslim and part of the Muslim group, or a Buddhist and part of the Buddhist group or even as a spiritual, not religious person (this is me) – this is a sure sign the ego is behind the wheel of your life. I am in the same boat as the rest of you in this. Anything we would make as part of identity, and invest all our energy and focus into who we believe, feel or think we are (BLM, LGBTQ – I am looking at you!) is sheer ego. And as long as our egos are in control, there will be war, there will be disease, death and destruction, because our egos hate us, and want to destroy us. It seems odd and counter-intuitive, because once we are dead, our ego is also dead. But our egos are insane. You can not apply logic to insanity. You can not apply reason to the unreasonable.

Your beliefs, religious, spiritual, scientific or anything else, your racial identity, your gender, your sexual preferences – all of this BS does not go with you when you die. Understand that. It all dies with your physical body and your ego. Who you really are is none of that shit. To get more in tune with who you really are, hold your beliefs loosely, let them go when they no longer serve you, and practice being in the present moment. Accept things as they are, and if you want a better present moment experience, invest the energy, effort and focus in the direction you wish to go. But always say in the flow, in a state of acknowledgement, acceptance, allowing then releasing and letting go. If you want to be happy, if you want to be effortlessly creative, that is the state you need to be in, If you want to experience true joy, that is the state you have to be in, and I suspect, that if you want to manifest desirable, wonderful things in your life, that is the state you have to be in. You have to let all the other BS go.

Somehow, someway, I am determined to change the current course of my life to one of abundance and joy. I will get out from under the influence of the ego and get into the present moment, with full awareness. And I will practice staying there, until it becomes the natural current of my life. And I will know I am in that state when all my creative endeavors flow effortlessly through me, just as they did when I dipped my toe into the waters of this experience all those years ago. I keep forgetting all the things I have learned. All the lessons I went through. It is not easy to create such a drastic change in one’s nature, ones state or natural way of being. Or at least it seems as if there is a lot that gets in between me and the intention to change. Thankfully this is a journey we can take together, we can support each other and help each other. Actually I have created a place for that here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/M_A_S_T/

I think change seems difficult, seems hard, because so much energy and focus has created a current state that seems to resist change. The current is very strong, if it has been created while under the influence of our ego. We have invested a lot of energy and focus into our current life experience. But ACIM may be right, this may all be an illusion, “albeit a very strong, persistent one.” (Albert Einstein) The ego is just an illusion. It is not real. It’s like we put the VR glasses on, and now are struggling to take them off. But they can easily come off, allowing us to see things as they really are. We just have to raise up are arms and take them off. It seems harder than it really is. Maybe there is no current dragging us along at all, maybe the currents are just our beliefs, and when we let them go, we come to see that we are not being carried or driven anywhere. We can just start walking in whatever direction we choose. Maybe that’s how things really are. I don’t know, but I will apply and remember what I have learned, and shared with you here.

Here’s to making our experience of this world exactly what we want it to be!

The Storm

I enter.

My mom starts talking about
how great and good God is,
the way that tree fell.

I feel such a surge
of hatred, anger and maybe
even a little bitterness.

But I choke back my words,
and say nothing at all because
I don’t want to hurt her.

I exit.

I have come to feel
that everyone is entitled
to their beliefs.

I just wish they would
stop shoving them down,
my throat, smothering me.

Is it too much to ask
that you respect my right
to believe as I wish???

I am doing that for you,
though your unquestioning,
sheep-like behavior wounds me.

When will humanity evolve
past the need to define God
and simply accept things as they are?

When will they let go
of the old, the outdated,
beliefs of others, long dead?

Will they ever learn
to define God for themselves
and respect each person’s experience?

The wind rages, trees fall,
limbs are blown across the lawn,
reflecting the storm within my soul.

Embracing All You Have Refused To Accept – Running Towards All You Have Been Running Away From

Longest… Title… Ever… As I sat down and asked myself, “Is there anything I want to write here?” Is the blog due another post?” it occurred to me that I have not written a teaching type article in a while. Not sure how long, but I am fairly certain that it has been some time. I wondered what I could teach you, and one of the things that came to mind was I could talk about what I am learning.

Time and again it has been told to me that I was avoiding, running away from, playing small, trying to be invisible, etc. I have been instructed to embrace my calling (which appears to be writing), to embrace my fear, to stop playing small, to stop running away from hurt, pain and rejection. I have been told that I have… Not sure the right words… Avoided success because I didn’t want to fail, or failed initially because I didn’t want t fail in a big way, as in after I had succeeded.

Until I was told these things I thought I was being responsible and facing my fears. But somehow I have been in continuous avoidance, running away and playing small all these years. All of this taking place I guess outside my conscious awareness. All of this taking place without me being aware of it at all. I wonder what kind of experiences I must have had as a child to essentially ask for help running away so I could stay invisible and not have to be hurt. I always thought I had a high tolerance for pain. Maybe physically, but inside, emotionally, I must be like that character Glass that Samuel Jackson plays. I must have been unable to tolerate it.

The path ahead of me is clear. I must embrace my calling, my fear, and everything I have been running away from. I must embrace failure, pain, success and everything else I may experience as I do what I came here to do, which is apparently to write, although what I do not know. I twisted things up inside so much that I couldn’t recognize writing as my calling – I am still not seeing it. I lost most of my enjoyment for it and all of my passion. I also have to stop playing small and making myself invisible. It isn’t serving anyone, especially me. I must embrace success and any sort of roller coaster ride of emotion that may come with it.

Don’t fuck things up like I have. I messed myself up so badly… All these things I was doing to distract myself, and because I also hated myself, hated my body and could not accept it. I did not know how deep the rot went.

So if there is something that, deep down inside, you know you must do, DO IT. Immediately! If there is anything you have been running away from, it is time to turn around and face it. Stop running, stop playing small, stop trying to make yourself invisible. Just stop. Find a way to love and accept yourself as you are, all of you as you are, every aspect that you think of as you. The longer you run away, the harder it will be to stop running. The more ingrained all the bad habits will be ingrained, and the stronger the spell of forgetfulness that you have cast on yourself.

If you are sitting there, reading this, wondering what the hell to do with your life, you have wandered too far from your calling. You are lost, and you have to find your way back. You have to remember that thing you used to do, maybe you still do, that used to bring you joy, that used to make you happy, that you used to get lost in doing for long stretches of time. Stop running away and allowing yourself to get distracted. Make the time and do that thing you are called to do.

I don’t have any sort of guaranteed process or any steps for you to go through. I am pointing towards the moon, but you have to find your own way there. I know the processes that have helped me to get to the place where I am waking up and starting to disentangle myself, and I will share all of that with you. But that process may not resonate or be the best for you. One thing you can do is to state your pain. State, out loud, that thing causing your pain, or that you are struggling with. Make yourself aware of it, write it down. That will be the first step in working through it.

You can do this. Embrace your power, take responsibility for the life you are experiencing. If you are not happy, it is time to change it.

You can do this.

Believe it!

4-27-2020 – The Whole “Be Here Now” Thing

I keep running across this teaching from some of our best spiritual teachers. Ram Das wrote, “Be Here Now” and Eckhart Tolle only writes about the present moment. Even The Barefoot Doctor, in his “Tao of Manifestation“, in my reading today, has instructed me that the present moment is the only moment that exists. But I would like to challenge this viewpoint…

To begin with, your present moment experience is built upon the choices you made in an earlier present moment. Everything you are experiencing now has its roots in past choices you have made, whether you made them with full awareness or not it does not matter. Every future present moment experience will have its roots in the decisions you are making right now.

In other words, you are creating the future right here, right now, in this present moment. On a moment-by-moment basis, everything you do, everything you say, everything you feel, everything you think – all of it is the stuff out of which tomorrow’s present moment experience will be made. The future does indeed exist right now, but it is not tangible, it is in flux. It is constantly morphing and changing, affected by factors happening right now.

Likewise the past exists as I guess a sort of ghost. It is intangible, just like the future, but unlike the future, the past is set, its form has been realized and is a part of the structure of your present-moment timeline. This structure to the past is why folks say, “you can’t change the past.” That’s not strictly true. If you figured out the means you could go back in the past and do something different. But all this would do is create another timeline, and in returning to the future, you would still be in your original timeline, with its original past. Maybe someday humans will figure out how to travel between timelines, but for now, as far as I know, we can’t.

Interestingly this means that all other potential present moments and their pasts exist intangibly, in flux, just like the future. They are in flux, non-rigid, to you in your present moment timeline. But the past that created them is intangible, yet fixed in the present moment timelines of any other you. In other words, each version of you (and there are likely an infinite amount of them) has their own timeline different than yours only in the sense that this other version of you made a different decision in their past.

Every choice you could ever make, and all the ways it interacts and intersects; it all exists as potential to you, and reality to each of the other yous. You get to navigate along the map however you wish. You will never know, see or understand the map – it is beyond physical comprehension. The map exists, and you are free to travel it in any way you wish. It has no borders or limits, so you are never limited.

I take comfort in this. I know that somewhere, out there, is another me who is living their absolute best life, having not made the decisions that I have made which I criticize and judge by calling mistakes. In reality there are no mistakes and there is nothing you can do either right or wrong, bad or good. There are simply choices you make and the results of those choices. This other me has made much better choices and is enjoying much better results. So at least one version of me is happy!

In any case, to wander back to the subject at hand, to manifest something you want at some point in your future, you have to work not only with the stuff of this present moment, you also have to work with the stuff of the future present moment you want to experience. This is my understanding, so I am confused with folks like the Barefoot Doctor instruct me to, for example, envision the house I want in the future by overlaying it on the house I am living in now. Yes, I can spend time envisioning the house I want, and I have, but I am still living in my current house. That makes it hard to see the house I want in the future. It becomes hard work and very tiring to keep myself focused on the house I want, in the face of the house I currently live at.

I am offering a slight twist on manifesting something, like the house in my example… I reach into the future and affirm, “I WILL have the house of my dreams!” I say this with authority, I mean it. I use visualization to imagine what this house will look like. But I don’t spend any time looking at the current house trying to superimpose some future house on it. I have reached into the future potential and have used that energy to create a future present moment experience of where I am living in the house of my dreams. The rest is flow, openness and receptivity. I do not try to force anything to happen. I have simply told the map what my future destination will be, and as I operate in the natural flow of my life, I will be brought to it.

I think this is a better way of looking at manifestation. Yes, this present moment is the only moment you will ever experience. But it exists as part of a a fixed yet intangible past, made up of previous present moment actions and choices. At the same time it exists as malleable, yet intangible future present moment experiences, that come into being, moment by moment, based on the choices you make. Use the past only as a guide you can learn from in determining what sort of future you want. Use the present moment to create that future, by using its potential to create your desired future present moment experiences.

This stuff is kinda hard to talk about or grasp, huh? Lemme know if I need to explain anything here. Also I have presented this authoritatively, based on my own ever-evolving experiences. Scientifically perhaps they would not stand up – no proof. Consider all I teach here to be my thoughts, what I think, based on my experience, or my realizations. Instead of worrying about whether or not anything can be scientifically proven, test things out for yourself, and note the results you get. Whatever works for you – do that. Whatever doesn’t work, decide to try again or find another way. Question everything, test everything, try everything and figure out what works for you. Then come in here and share your experience, OK?

4-20-2020 – Hey! It’s 4-20 Man! Someone Pass Me A Joint…

Bet that title hooked you, didn’t it? No, this won’t be about drugs or anything… I just noticed today’s date and had to say something. But if you are feeling generous you can certainly mail me some marijuana. I mean it is legal now in this state… Contact me using my Contact Page if you want my mailing address. And yes, I am serious about that! I do enjoy the stuff, but it’s a luxury for me so I haven’t bought any in a long time. Need to get myself a good vaporizer too someday…

Moving on… I had a few things I wanted to write about these last few days, and have been taking notes so I do not forget. But the result is going to be somewhat fragmented, somewhat patchwork. So please bear with me…

Something else I have realized that has likely contributed to my issues manifesting things is that I have been discrediting myself, or the manifestations themselves. I have to thank Bryan Hutchinson, author of, “Writer’s Doubt“, for the lead here. He says, “It [doubt] can affect you to the point that you not only underestimate your abilities, you discredit them.” (Bryan Hutchinson, Writer’s Doubt, page 80)

I started thinking about this… In what other ways have I discredited myself, made important things smaller or in some way less important? I immediately thought of finding the hatchet. Man I have been going round and around on this! Maybe someone just set it there… Maybe one of the girls ran off with it, returned it, and wasn’t careful about where they put it… On and on until i forget the significance and importance of the event!

Then I thought about the “I Am Light” conference I managed to scrape together enough money to attend. I make it sound like it was so hard, don’t I? And yes, there was work involved. But it was not nearly as hard as I make it sound, and I did better than just manifesting the funds to go. I manifested what I needed to travel there, to pay for a nice lunch at Red Robbins, and even to consider buying some materials, thought they did not have what I went back to buy. That is not nothing! That’s a lot of money for me to get together towards this goal!

I was constantly berating myself afterwards, that my energy was not right, I was not operating at the best or highest frequency, that my attitude was not quite right, that if I had been in the right place with my attitude and mentality I would have had a better experience, and it never stops! Once I got onto that train I never figured out how to jump off the damn thing! Well until now perhaps…

I think I have been discrediting myself, and worse, discrediting these important (to me) manifestations. Now the Universe isn’t going to have hurt feelings or anything. But it is like winning a marksmanship contest with a bow and arrow, hitting almost dead center, then afterwards complaining about how it was a millimeter or so off! How can you possibly enjoy your victory, and celebrate how well you have done, if you are nitpicking everything all the time? No, ultimately by doing this you hurt only yourself.

Fucking doubt or whatever the hell it is that causes this! I wish I had a genie in a lamp, so I could make one of my wishes that all my internal negativity would become physical, and that I would have the power I needed to just slay these beasts and be done with them, once and for all! I have talked about this before. But somehow I think that it would be easier if my opponents were tangible so I could more easily defeat them. Plus I would love the anger and stress therapy that comes from justifiably beating the hell out of something that is definitely deserves it, something that is definitely a villain, something that my world at least would be better off without!

But no, I have to fight these inner demons in weird, unintuitive ways such as accepting them acknowledging them, embracing them, not resisting them, creating space around them for change, etc. BAH! Can’t just be a knight slaying the evil dragon. Nooo, that would be TOO easy!

So yeah… To add to all the tips I have given you about manifestation over the years, remember to honor your successes! I don’t care how poorly you think you have done, observe those feelings, those thoughts, acknowledge them, accept them, embrace them and then release them and let them go. Focus on the fact that you succeeded. How you succeeded is immaterial – it simply does not matter. Hell, the HOW almost always, if not always, just doesn’t matter! All that matters is that you arrived. You wrote the book. You manifested the funds. You got that shit DONE! Pat yourself on the back! Give credit where credit is due, show appreciation and give thanks.

This is your work… First you have something you desire, so you do a little gardening and plant the seeds using affirmations or whatever. Then you step back and let nature take its course. Even if you need this plant to sprout and mature in a limited time frame, you let it go and leave it to the Universe. While you let the Universe do its thing you keep in mind what it is you want. You stay focused on the desired outcome. You might glance over, see how the plant is growing. But that’s it, you don’t spend a second worrying about it.

After it sprouts, grows and bears fruit you’r job is to just enjoy it. You show appreciation and thanks, and you give credit wherever it is due. Then you leave it at that. Don’t allow yourself to look back and start to question if you did this right, or that. Don’t start thinking about how you could have done this or that better. It is DONE. It is FINISHED. Your job is to plant the seed and enjoy the fruit, that is it!

Now you may have noticed a few old posts showing up in Twitter and Facebook, as well as the subreddit. I wanted to talk a little about something I forgot about, and that is creating space. I go into a lot of detail about it here. I guess I got this from Eckhart Tolle’s, “A New Earth.” As I think about it now, I think this ties in with the releasing and letting go part of the manifestation process, and maybe even with positive reinforcement when it comes to something you want to do, like writing.

There is work you have to do in order to manifest something. You gotta be clear on what you want. You gotta take any steps that present themselves, in the natural flow of your life, to take. But you never try to make something happen. You never try to force it into existence. If you do the end result will not be the absolute best for you and all those involved. No farmer tills the land, digs the trenches, mixes in the fertilizer, plants the seeds, waters them, and then each and ever day comes out to dig every one of the seeds up to pry open its shell.

No, the farmer may continue to water, but other than that he leaves the seeds alone. His work is finished, until the seeds sprout and begin to grow. Then there is weeding and harvesting and all that stuff. But there is a point, between planting the seeds and coming back to work on the plants where the farmer simply walks away, leaving it to nature, God’s will or whatever. It is EXACTLY the same for manifestation!

The seeds in our example are being given space in which to grow. Physical space in the form of loose soil around them. Nobody drives a steamroller over their freshly planted seeds! They need that loose soil, that combination of space (air), soil and water. Now maybe this part of my example is a little weak. Perhaps some seeds will grow just fine in a compacted block of soil. But for our example we’ll assume that they need that little bit of space for optimal growing.

When you dwell on what you did wrong, or what you could have done better, when you discredit yourself or doubt yourself, you begin to compact the soil, as it were. It makes it harder for your manifestation seeds to grow. If you do this after successfully manifesting something, you create rockier, harder soil for your future manifestations to take root in.  Your future manifestation success may be scatter-shot at best, and the plants that come up will be hard, scraggly things not even close to what you wanted.

In real-life terms, because you have discredited and doubted yourself in previous manifestations, you manage to finally manifest a home for you and your family. But it is barely big enough for all of you, the roof needs to be replaced, and there are a lot of repairs to do. If you had practice a little more faith and trust in yourself, as well as in the Universe (or God if you prefer), you might have gotten that nice 5 bedroom mansion down the road you have been dreaming about.

In order to get the best results in your manifestations, you have to be light and loose about it. You have to operate in the natural flow of your life. You have to be aware, open and receptive. And you have to stay that way. When doubt starts whispering in your ear, you have to acknowledge it, accept it, release it and let it go. That’s where the awareness comes in, why you need it. Otherwise you won’t even be able to tell when you are undermining yourself.

I think the work of manifesting may ultimately be about the same as any artistic endeavor, any work that requires a lot of creative energy. It seems the world is putting a lot of effort into keeping you from creating the life and the things you want. There are a lot of distractions, and if you are not aware, you will not recognize the negative voices like doubt when they begin to whisper to you. They use familiar voices, familiar language. They may even seem like old friends. But they are not your friends, they are the enemy of your creative work, and you must be on guard against at all times. You must keep your focus on what you want, and once you have it, you must never look back except in an attitude of appreciation and thanks to all parties involved.