Santa Claus Is Real – An After-Christmas Report

This year I have no choice but to consider that Santa Claus may, in fact, be real, as a number of my long-held wishes, some of which I actually did write to him about, have been granted.

But let’s consider Santa Claus as a human, anthropomorphic representation of Christmas, the spirit of giving, and a Universe of Abundance manifesting as the various things we have asked for.

Basically, The Universe is Santa Claus. Or Santa Claus is the Universe. Or something like that.

I wrote about how I wanted a Home Alone 2 style Christmas. I think this was really an extension of a long-held, and long-suppressed, wish I had to have a Christmas like my cousin Chris used to talk about when we were young. He was always talking about Ty’s, how he got this and that from Ty, how they (him, his brother Shadow and my uncle Warren) were going to, “…go over to Ty’s…”

I wanted to experience a Christmas like that. One with lots of presents, without any hindrance of budgetary or financial constraints. One where I had a chance at getting the truly nice (and expensive) things I wanted. Until this Christmas, I don’t think I have ever experienced that. I have always keep the costs of my items down, setting some sort of budget, just as I did this year. I mean if I knew I could ask for anything I wanted you would see things like my own house, a Telsa car, a gaming laptop, etc. on it. Not sure even Trump’s kids get to have a Christmas like that though.

The point is I have never, to my recollection, listed the more expensive things I wanted or needed. I would probably never list a house or a Tesla car. That’s just silly. I could create a list and send that to Santa Claus, c/o the Universe. For those really expensive, cost-prohibitive items, or the less tangible things like our family’s getting back together again (or world peace. Has anyone ever really asked for this?)

So I would list a gaming laptop if budget and financial constraints were no obstacles. I would list a bicycle, fitted to me. Probably a few other things like that. Nothing I would consider unreasonable. But I have never been able to do this. Only Santa has ever seen these items on my list, unless I included them on some of my birthday/Christmas list in the past, but if I did, I probably didn’t really expect these items.

Well not one, or two, but four (possibly more as I think about this) items have been granted to me this year. In short they are:

  1. A tree with lots of presents under it for me.
  2. Christmas at Ty’s.
  3. A clear sign I am on the right track.
  4. The families getting back together.

As I may have mentioned earlier, this year, around Thanksgiving, Warren, Shadow and Chris invited us over to Ty’s for Thanksgiving. First time we have been really been together in a long time. A long-held wish of mine. I have been trying to get mom and dad to go up the hill, to talk to Warren, for a long time now. But, as far as I know, Warren didn’t want to talk to us, and my parents didn’t want to talk to him. I was pushing a large rock up a hill. But deep inside, I wanted us to come together again. Now Warren had started talking to us before Thanksgiving this year, then we got together for Thanksgiving, and we got together again for Christmas. A long-standing wish of mine has been granted. Our family’s are back together again.

But even better, my brother, who I would not expect to have done this or work so hard at it, was working with my cousin Chris and my uncle Warren to put this Christmas together. That took me completely by surprise. The amount of effort and work he put into this, not to mention working with other people – I am still amazed. I gladly give the credit to him, Chris and Warren for us getting together for Christmas this year. Maybe my desire created the football, but they ran with it and scored a touchdown!

So strike two items off a long held and, until recently, never really talked about list.

Then there is an issue I have been struggling with, and wrote about here. After being a Christian for approximately 20 years, trying the whole prayer and religion thing, and finding it didn’t work, I started walking my own spiritual path. But I always wondered if this was the right path, or if I still didn’t have it right. I didn’t want to go through another non-working system again. Didn’t want a repeat of when I was a Christian. I wanted to get it right this time.

I found, or was found by, the manifestation teachings of Abraham and others. I started to work on less tangible things, like frequency, vibration and how the inside reflects the outside. A lot of intellectual knowledge, but little experiential knowing. I even went to a 10-day meditation “retreat.” I have been ruthlessly excavating myself, and getting frustrated at all the things I needed to do, all the hoops I had to jump through, when it seemed nobody else needed to do any of that. They (family and friends) were off getting married and starting families. I felt left behind.

Then I found this video:

I found her initially when looking for information on anger. I had broken my phone in a fit of rage and I wanted to address the issue. Then I found this video, related to the man she is talking to, and learned about this tug-o-war between the aspect of me that cares only for intimacy and connection, and this other part of me that wants to be wealthy, to support myself and stand on my own. As I shared in an episode of The Circle:

I used the same process for talking to my Inner Voice to talk to this aspect of me that desired connection and intimacy . I listed to it. I acknowledged and honored it. I then did as it asked of me. I embraced it, took it inside me, and got on the same page with it. That is all it wanted. That is all I needed to do. I just needed to love it as a little child, because really that’s what this aspect of me was. It likely reflected the age I separated from it. By integrating it I take a step towards healing and wholeness. As far as actually connecting to people, I think I leave this to the Universe. For now my job is simply to remain open and willing.

I know this stuff may seem a little strange or “woo-woo” to some of you. That’s OK. It’s a little strange and woo-woo to me. But I have tried everything else I know to try. I tried to channel the anger through a visualization. But I since learned that this may not have been the best course of action. All that we do must tend towards healing and wholeness if we wish to create complete and drastic change in our lives. If this is the way for that to happen, it is no use arguing. You take the road that leads you were you want to go. Christianity didn’t go there for me. Science doesn’t go there either. No religion has ever or will ever lead there for me. Only these things I have done have shown any sign of taking me in the direction I wish to go.

I walked outside the other night, remembering to think about the day and what I have to be thankful for. I reasoned that if Teal Swan was right, if I was in a tug-of-war between the part of me that wanted to have money so he could step out on his own and support himself, and this other part of me that wanted connection and intimacy, that wanted to have real, true friends and was tried of being alone, well if I got on the same page with this aspect of me that desired connection and intimacy, the tug-of-war would lesson or stop. Of course there may be other aspects of me at odds with this aspect of me that desires money. But one less tugging against me should manifest in my life as something I have had seen very little of these last few months – money. Of course money is simply a physical manifestation of abundance. It is a distinct lack of abundance I had been experiencing.

Then I walk into Ty’s yesterday, and there is the first “real” Christmas tree I had seen since 2016 (at home, or in a place where my family had gathered.) Not only that but the thing was surrounded by a huge pile of presents. Then I go through my presents, and suffice it to say that Abundance had shown up in a variety of forms, including money. It was the best Christmas, in memory, that I have ever had. Not just because of finally having a Christmas at Ty’s, or because or family’s were getting together for Christmas for the first time in years, or because of the amazing presents, but because of all the energy and effort that had been put into this, and the validation (if you will) of what I had done. It was as if the Universe was saying to me, “Finally! You got it right! BAM!” Probably the Universe sounds more loving than that.

So many steps to get me here. Will I see Abundance continuing to show up in the months to come? Likely my journey is not complete. Life is a learning process. It is our classroom. I have probably just completed one assignment. Who knows what else I have to learn! But I sincerely hope that I see more money flowing to me, and that I create lasting, lifelong friendships along the way. Because that aspect of me that desires connection and intimacy is right. What good is all the money in the world if you are disconnected from the world and those in it? Better to be connected to the world, and those around you, so you can enjoy the money you receive. Any maybe, just maybe, the more connected you are, the more Abundance will show up, in a variety of surprising ways, not just as money!

So yeah, Santa Claus is real. Maybe not as a jolly fat man with a beard, wearing a red suit. But more likely as a Universe of energy, that has its own intelligence, its own sense of humor, and it is just waiting to give you everything you have ever wanted, but you have to get on the same page with yourself and open yourself to it.

Over the next few months I will be playing with this. I may talk to other aspects of me that are ready to be integrated and integrate with them. I will see what shows up next month, when I need money for a few things. And I will surly report back here. Because I want you to succeed in realizing your desires and dreams as well. I hope you Christmas has been just as amazing as mine, and if it hasn’t, I hope you experience many blessings and amazing things in the months to come. Maybe the things I have posted here will help you find the road that will take you where you want to go.

All I Want for Christmas

In the Bible and the various spiritual teachings I have studied one thing becomes very clear, and that is you have to ask to receive. In other words you have to put it out there about whatever it is you want. It is not enough to simply yearn for something. You have to send a clear signal not only to the Universe but also to your fellow humans that you want something, and what it is.

But that’s not the entire process. After you have done your asking you have to be open to receiving. Someone may offer you a little money, or some item, or something. In some way it will come up that someone will offer you something, and your task is to practice receptivity, gratefully accepting what has been offered, without offering anything in return, or feeling guilty, or feeling obligated, or feeling ashamed, or anything else. Gratitude is the only acceptable thing to feel. Practice this enough and more things will come to you, eventually culminating in the thing you desire. But be aware you may get your answer to your prayer, and it may not be the exact answer you were looking for. However it will be the best answer for you at that time in your life.

I am still developing this in myself. It is very hard for me, because the Universe uses those closest to me to give me things. Those closest to me happen to be my parents, who have very little money. So I have to find a way to gratefully receive what I have asked for when it comes through them, when the Universe uses them as a channel to deliver something to me, and I have to do it without feeling ashamed, or guilty about it, or obligated to them in any way. As you might have guessed, I have not been very successful at this. In fact at this present moment I am not very successful at asking others for help at all. This is an incredibly hard lesson for me, and until I learn it I will experience a lack of abundance of all desired or desirable things.

Thankfully by the simple act of humbly stepping forward and stating what I desire or need, I am practicing the mindset which is required for these things to find their way to me. Also by daily practicing gratitude I am practicing the correct way to feel when things do come to me. I admit it, things have been tough, and as far as I can see, they are only going to get tougher. I have to work on that too, my perception. The ideal state is to acknowledge what is, to not run away from the way things are. But at the same time, to remain focused on what is desired. I am having a lot of success using The Remembering Method, when I approach something I want, visualizing it as it will be, remembering all the things that led up to the fulfillment of my request. Basically seeing it as if it is a present fact, as if it has already happened. I have co-authors Daniel Barret and Joe Vitale to thank for this:

All of this leading up to the main point of this post, letting my fellow humans know what I want for Christmas this year. First you need to know a little bit about me. I love Christmas, I love presents, and it doesn’t matter that I am 42 going very soon on 43. I will ALWAYS love Christmas and presents. When I have children of my own, their birthdays and holidays will be filled with gifts. Not as some sort of substitute for love. I know that a lot of people make things for others, or buy things for others, to show their affection. No, this will be in addition to being the most loving and supportive father I can be.

For me, gift giving is all about the thrill of playing Santa, uncovering something someone wants, and if I have the ability to get it for them, getting it and enjoying their enjoyment of the gift. Also I enjoy spreading the blessings and joy around. When I am experiencing abundance, I want to share it with my loved ones. I live for these things. In fact I often find myself frustrated with my parents, because they don’t want to put in the effort of taking my list (I usually write out a Christmas/Birthday list for everyone) then shopping for any of the items on it. They would rather just give me money.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that they give me anything at all, and I appreciate all the monetary gifts my family has given me over the years, whether its a coupe of bucks from grandma for my birthday (she hasn’t missed one to my recollection) or a $20.00 bill from my uncle, or a gift card. I really am grateful for any presents I get. I go into the end of the year expecting nothing, because nobody in my family is especially well off, and let’s face it, according to society you are supposed to stop getting presents around age 12. I know not everyone agrees with that, but you have to admit there is this mentality out there in people that “you are too old for presents.” Santa Claus is seen as something only little kiddies believe in.

Anyhow it really hurts when my parents don’t want to put in the time and effort to get me something I really needed or wanted. But I understand. I don’t think its that they don’t think I am good enough or special enough or worth it. It’s just they don’t like the crowds, they are worried about getting the wrong thing, and it’s a lot of work when you get down to it. But it still hurts. It means so much to me whens someone thinks enough about me to read my list, go out, get something on it, and give that to me as a present for my Birthday or Christmas.

No, I do not believe in Santa Claus. But I don’t deny the possibility of Santa Claus either. I would love to live in a world with Santa Claus in it. I really would. I would love to live in a world of real magic like that, or like Harry Potter. The idea of an individual reading Christmas letters, working on a naughty and nice list, then delivering presents to everyone is something I love. I have even sent letters to Santa as recent as a few years ago. Because even though I do not think he exists, I really want him to. I want there to be a Mr. and Mrs. Claus somewhere with a bunch of magical elves making presents for everyone. I watch the Polar Express almost every year and I want to be worthy of a Believe punch-out on my ticket. I want to be able to hear the bell until my final days on earth.

Most of all I want to pass all these wonderful feelings, all this stuff I love, onto my children. I want them to be inspired by and love magic too. I want them to look beyond physical reality, at places I have never really been able to go as yet. I want them to explore those places as thoroughly as I explored the land anywhere near my house as a kid. I hiked all over the woods, bicycled everywhere. I want them to go everywhere outside of normal physical perception, and be just as familiar with the worlds that await there as I was with the land around my house. That’s what I want, in the future, when I have children of my own.

However, for this Christmas, for my soon-coming birthday (December 11th), what I want is simply stated, if not as simply given. I want a large, decorated tree, with lots of presents under it for everyone in my family and myself, and I want a house filled with Christmas spirit to put it in. I have always yearned for a Home Alone 2 Christmas, where some kindly, well-off person gives me piles and piles of presents, because I have never experienced this. Never. To my recollection at most I have received 6 presents a year, in total, between my birthday and Christmas. Only once or twice have the presents have been awesome!

I am not saying this to complain. That is not my intention. I appreciate and am thankful for every gift I have ever received. Sometimes the most mundane gift has turned out to be a blessing, one instance I can think of being two pairs of socks my uncle got me I think before grandma sold her house. I had one pair with me when I ended up living with my parents, and wore them out over the years. I just recently found the other pair in storage, and now have a fresh, warm pair of socks to wear on these chilly evenings.

No… I said what I did to emphasize the point that I have never had a pile of presents, and I would like to experience that. I realize that very few people actually get piles of presents for Christmas. I get that. I know that things are rarely if ever like the movies. I get that too. I am just saying I would like that moment, that experience, of coming down the stairs, and BAM! There’s a pile of presents waiting for me. I have wanted this for years. Do you understand what I am trying to say?

In my example here, in my request, the gift is not the presents themselves, but the experience of having a pile of awesome presents. And its not about the tree, but the house. I am currently living in an RV. We have no working heater, no working hot water. Our hot water tank as well as our front and rear heaters have to be serviced, and we have no way of doing so.

We are getting by for now. But if we have a cold year like last year, I am not sure how we will deal. We can dress warm, we can use the electric heaters we have, we can run the propane stove. But we can use very little power, and in these recent cold days we had, which were not anywhere near as cold as we had last year, just a little frosty, it was barely enough. All this besides my having to empty the sewer every 7-10 days, carrying 6-8 buckets of shit to the house. Takes me about 45 minutes, then I have to wash off, because those little droplets of sludge get everywhere and REALLY smell!

So yeah, having a house to live in instead of an RV, where I am warm and no longer have to walk buckets of human waste anywhere, where I can take a hot shower and where I don’t have to put away and make my bed every day – that is what I want. It’s not just a request for me, it is for my parents too. My dad is going in for surgery, and he will be some time recovering. Hiking up and down steps into and out of an RV is not the best thing for him to be doing, and we are nowhere near a hospital if there are any complications.

The huge decorated tree and presents are just long-hold dreams of mine. They would make Christmas and my birthday extra special this year. Failing the manifestation of these, getting the RV fixed and insulated against winter for little or no cost would be next on the list. Even just fixing the front heater and water tank would be a VAST improvement on our situation!

Next up on the list would be a gaming laptop, or a laptop with a separate video card that is not built in to the processor. Used or new I don’t care. Only that it works. I would be happy with a quad-core Intel i7 and 8 gigs of RAM, or the AMD equivalent. I am also looking for something where the touch pad is some distance away from the arrow keys, so if I am using the arrow keys at an angle my hand is nowhere near the touch pad. But I would be ecstatic if I could get that with 16 gigs of RAM and features like a keyboard designed for heavy gaming use. The Acer Predator 17 X is a good example of what I am drooling over:×1080-i7-7820HK/dp/B01N353QOO/

Next up a bicycle fitted to me. I am 6′ tall and have long arms. So I would like a 28″ bicycle that can support my 300 pound weight plus whatever I may be carrying. After that a Galaxy Note 8. My uncle came through, once we re-established communications, and updated my parent’s phones. They are now rocking some Samsung s7s. They needed it. But I would like to upgrade my phone too. The rest of the list would be filled with things like some money in my Steam wallet (username dreambliss various PC games, a PS3 or PS4 or Xbox One or Xbox 360 and a variety of games, a set of quality head buds, a 16 gig MP3 player without bloatware like the Phillips brand similar to my current 8 gig MP3 player.

Also if I didn’t have a house to live in and if the RV wasn’t repaired it would be nice to have a few weekends of free stays at a nice, pet-friendly hotel where my parents and I could have separate bedrooms. So at least we could be warm and enjoy hot showers for a few days during the worst of the winter. We enjoyed our time at Staybridge, and ES suites looked intriguing last time I looked at one of their dual rooms.

Finally there are a vast number of courses, seminars, training, etc, I would like to attend. Silvia Nakkach’s Yoga of the Voice. Abraham’s cruises or workshops. The Silva Method. Anything that would get me astral projecting and lucid dreaming on a regular basis. Also books. Old channeled texts published around 1850-1950. Modern channeled texts – especially the Seth books. A variety of titles I have mentioned at this blog. I would love to get my hands on WoLD’s Preproduction Blueprint video tutorial series. Stuff like that.

These are a lot of the things I would love for Christmas and my birthday, listed in order of preference. Maybe you would like to help but don’t have the funds to get any of these things? Well you could become my Patron at Patreon, subscribing for whatever amount you are comfortable with a month, and you are free to cancel that at any time. Or, if you want to start your own Patreon page, use my referral link. That costs you nothing and nets me a little cash – so we both win! Here are the links:

My Patreon Page:

My Patreon Referral Link:

If nothing else you could send your loving, supportive energy to me and my family, that some or all of these things may come into our lives, or something even better. I would greatly appreciate your loving, supportive thoughts and healing every as my dad faces surgery and we all face the upcoming winter months.

Thank you for reading. May you and your family be truly blessed this holiday season!

The Energy Behind The Gift

I was sitting on the toilet, thinking of the gifts I had received, and why some of these gifts bothered me so much. I think I came to a realization and an understanding.

My grandmother wrapped up, in a paper bag and used USPS box, two iron skillets she had sold, without consulting mom or I, to an antiques dealer that visited a month or so ago. One of the skillets had been mine. The thing about iron skillets is that the new ones are not made as well as the older ones, and as mine was one of the older skillets, it was more valuable than I knew. I only found out after doing some research online. I never knew how much I liked my iron skillet until I no longer had it.

Tonight I asked myself why this bothered me, what was wrong with it, and it’s kind of hard to put my finger on, but the best phrase I could use is, “hollow gift.” What grandma gave my mom and I had no thought to it. No love behind it. She only contacted the people she had sold the skillet to because I asked her. She had asked me how to make it right, she wanted to pay me $20.00, I told her I did not want the money, and to make it right what she could do is try to get the skillet back. But I made no demands and left the choice up to her. So really there was no gift for my mom and I, only a gift to herself, of making the situation right so she could feel better.

It was clearer with my uncle’s gift to me. I had taken the time to print out a list, and I had given a copy to everyone as well as posted it on Facebook (and on this blog.) I listed a shaving brush, with holder, as one of the items. I think I specifically said a horsehair shaving brush and holder, because I had read that horsehair worked well as a shaving brush, and it was free of animal cruelty. My uncle gave me a very cheaply made in China portable grooming kit. Probably not much better quality than what you would find at your local Dollar Tree. It did not contain a shaving brush and holder.

The problem with the gift is not the physical form of it. It is the energy behind how it was given. My uncle’s gift showed either A. A complete disregard for what I wanted or B. An assumption that he knew what would be better for me (assuming he bought this because he knew I planned to bicycle down to California next year.) It shows a lack off care, concern, or love.

We are all sensitive to this. Every meal someone took the time to lovingly make by hand tastes better than anything you will pull out of the freezer isle at your local grocery store. Ever wonder why so much salt and additives like MSG is needed in these processed foods? Because the food is made by machines, which means there is no energy of love in the making of the food.

Along the same lines, if some aunt of ours spends a few months knitting a sweater, because she loves us and wants us to be warm during the winter, chances are that sweater will become our favorite, no matter how ugly we may think it to be. More than likely however, if she takes that much time to make it, the item will be very beautiful and use colors that we either like or work with us. We grimace over the handmade family sweaters, but if they were made with love, we still keep them in our closets and wear them on the holidays!

The physical form of the gift is unimportant. In fact you could say that the physical form of a gift is the physical manifestation of the energy with which it has been given. Whether that gift is clothing, or food, or even a prepaid debit card, if the energy in its giving was careful, caring, concerned, loving or thoughtful, we will receive it warmly, even if we hide it. It will touch us inside. On some level wee know the spirit with which the gift was given.

Likewise if the energy in which something was given is cold, hateful, spiteful or unloving, it will bother us. We won’t want it, no matter what it is. It could be that Ferrari we always asked for. We may even smile and think we are happy with our gift. But deep down we know the truth, and we will either crash the Ferrari, or it will break down or get stolen. Yet the loss of the Ferrari will be a relief, even if we are unaware of it. It does not matter how wonderful the physical form is, that is a manifestation of the energy in which the gift was given, and that is what is important.

Remember this lesson well next Christmas, and on the Birthdays to come! When considering giving someone a gift, no matter the reason, look inside and see what kind of energy you have towards this person at that moment. Do you secretly dislike them? Do you despise them? Do you genuinely care about them? Do you want them to be happy? Do you care about them, or feel you love them? Do they mean little to you, or a lot? Do you want to sleep with them? All of this will become a part of thee item you give them.

For example, if you have sexual fantasies about someone you get a gift for, it could be an innocent teddy bear yet they will know your true feelings. If they are not interested in you they will probably tell you, or reject the gift! If they want to get you into bed you better be ready! Understand that the rejection or acceptance of your gift is not really a rejection or acceptance of you. What is being rejected or accepted is the sexual desire you sent with the gift. They will either be interested and reciprocate, or not interested and reject. Do not take it personally. Take it as a sign of how they feel about you sexually only.

Let me repeat this… The rejection or acceptance of your gift is not really a rejection or acceptance of you. What is being rejected or accepted is the energy you sent with the gift. This is probably why a child you try to buy off with expensive toys will reject your gifts, even if they initially accept them. They will end up broken at some point. Because what they really want is for you to care about them. You are trying to substitute caring with a physical item. Yet if you have no caring to give, whatever the physical form of your gift, it will lack caring. There will be no energy of caring behind the gift!

I bought a DVD player for my brother. I spent a little energy and time looking for exactly what he asked for. He wanted something with 3D capabilities, I did the research and searching, found something well reviewed with 3D and 4K support. The Blu-ray player is not my gift to my brother, nor is the money spent on it. The gift was the energy and effort put into getting what was asked for. I cared enough to pay attention to what my brother had asked for, and not only did I look for that, I also looked for the best choice. The physical manifestation of this caring has taken the form of a 3D Blu-ray player.

That is only half the battle. I also have to work on my criticism and judgment, which unfortunately are also behind the energy of the gift. Based solely on past experience, I know, or feel I know, that this Blu-ray player will end up at a pawn shop, as soon as my brother wants some cash, and I am pretty sure he won’t be able to get it back. It is too high quality of an item, it will be sold before he can get it out of hock, I am certain off this. There are a few things here I have to address in myself, the criticizing and judgment off what my brother may do, because it is really only a possibility, as the past no longer exists, and the future is necessarily constructed of it.

The other thing is to give without any strings attached. Most, if not all of us, attach strings to our gifts. Expectations that the sweater we worked so hard on will be worn. That the toy will make the child happy. I think I was able to put the energy of non-attachment into this gift. Whatever my brother may do with it, I will not be bothered about it. I am giving it to him unconditionally, to do with as he will. I am pretty sure that if I drop by in a month or so and it is gone, and he has some story about it being stolen, or ceasing to work, etc., I will not be angry with him. Because the physical item is unimportant. My real gift to my brother was caring about him enough to listen and put effort intro getting him something he asked for. That can’t be taken to any pawn shop!

What kind of energy was behind the gifts you gave your family, friends and loved ones this holiday season? At the very least you know if that energy was negative or positive. When you gave your gift, did you have any invisible strings attached to it? Now that you are aware of the issues behind these things, can you release your invisible strings, and have the energy of giving freely? Even though it is after Christmas, if you were careless in your gift giving, do you care enough to go out and put the effort into getting at least one thing your friend, family member or loved one asked for? Start a new tradition, like a New year’s gift!

If you have received an item and it bothers you, maybe you can put your finger on it, maybe not, but you know it bothers you, can you forgive the person who gave it to you? That is yet another aspect. If a physical item is the manifestation of negative energy, can you transform it into positive energy? This is what I am trying to figure out right now. How can I transform the energy behind that grooming kit from my uncle? The skillets from my grandmother? I don’t know. I have no answers for that. But I will figure this out!


Been thinking about this, and I think I have a clue as to how to transform the perceived negative energy behind some of these gifts.

Energy is neither bad nor good. Bad and good exist only in our human perception. There is response to a gift that is given, be it conscious or unconscious. Most humans are reaction-based, there is little if any consciousness behind a response.

With my uncle’s gift my unconscious response was a mix of negative feelings. The question, for me, was, can I see this any differently? So I looked at the gift from my uncle’s perspective. He is a former military man, has traveled a lot. In the past he has given gifts that he himself has requested, such as boot socks.

Putting two and two together I deduce that in his traveling, maybe a kit, such as the one he gave me, is the sort of thing he wanted, or having such a kit, appreciated. My uncle knows I intend to travel to California, and I will have to pack light. Maybe in using his experience he figured I would need something compact and portable instead of the items I had asked for.

I have yet to send a thank you to a few family members for the gifts they gave me. Knowing that any thanks I gave my uncle for his gifts would be fake and hollow, and at some level he would sense it (appreciation in any form is also a gift), I knew I needed to find a way to think differently about the items he gave me, and this train off thought helped me to do that.

I am also convinced that my Higher Self or Source or the Universe sees further down the road than me, and maybe I will need those boot socks at some point. This has happened before, where I received a gift that was initially unwanted, yet became a cherished and useful item.

With these things in mind I could think differently about the gifts my uncle gave me. The next step Tolle details in, “A New Earth” in the chapter that talks about creating space. When space is created around something, there is room to choose a response, instead of merely reacting.

I thought of some things that brought me to a neutral place at least for what my grandmother had given me. After I transformed that energy, by changing how I thought about the gifts, I felt lighter, as if a heavy load had been lifted off.

This then is the process, to the best of my understanding. Create space around things if you are at a place in your life where you can do that. Then choose your response. If you are not at such a place, transform the energy of a gift you have been given, by changing how you think about it. Put yourself in the giver’s shoes, and try to find something that brings you to a neural or positive place.

My Birthday Is On December 11th!

If you would like to send me a gift, just send me a message from the Contact Page with, “Birthday” or “Christmas Gift” at the top. Ask for my mailing address, and I will reply back with it. If you like you can send an item from the list below to that address.

You can also send me gift cards (especially Amazon, NewEgg and Olive Garden) or money, which will be much appreciated, and used to get myself a nice gaming keyboard or mouse, as well as some things that I need.

Even if all you send me is your well wishes for my birthday and Christmas, I appreciate them, each and every one of them, especially this year, when things are so hard for me. Please accept my well wishes for you and your loves ones in return.

Thank you –
– Mark

My Birthday/Christmas Wish List (Updated December 10th)

1. Horse Hair or Badger Hair (prefer Horse Hair as the animal is not harmed) shaving brush with holder.

2. A pen with a light in the tip (not shining through the shaft.)

3. Books:
– Bicycling The Pacific Coast
I will need this for when I bicycle down to California next year.
– The Power of Imagination (The Neville Goddard Treasury) by Neville
I really, really, really want this book!
– Any Zen haiku/poetry (Ryokan, Issa, Rumi, David Budbill)
– Dreaming Yourself Awake by B Alan Wallace
– Lucid Dreaming Plain and Simple by Robert Waggoner and Caroline McCready
There are so many good exercises in this!

4. Bookbinding kit with real bone bone folder.

5. Desktop zen garden or fountain.

6. Starbuck’s Gift/Reload card

7. Some sort of electronics or mechanics kit that teaches the basics of electronics, mechanics or both.

Listed in order of preference with no expectation whatsoever.

My Dream List

In an effort to find even the tiniest spark of Christmas Spirit, I thought I would add this section to my Birthday and Christmas wishlist. This part will be as I would have written it when I was a little boy, writing a letter to Santa.

I don’t recall ever doing that, and I while I do not believe in Santa, I do not disbelieve in him either. In fact I think the world would be a far more happy and magical place with jolly old saint nick in it. So if nothing else, I hope he exists.

In the spirit of asking for things without worrying about costs or practicality, I present my dream list. These are things I deeply and truly desire. If even one of these requests were granted, it would be like a miracle for me. Not because it is too much to ask, but because it is more than I believed I would ever receive.

One more thing… You may notice an odd assortment of items on my list. You may question why a soon-to-be 40 year old man still writes a Birthday Christmas list. Part of the joy in the experience for me is when someone gives me a list, and I am able to get the items they have asked for, or help to get them.

But another part of the joy for me is when someone has taken the time to hunt down something for which I have asked. For me that is the biggest part of the gift. The effort, energy and time taken on my behalf. I do not know why that is, but it is important to me, and it does matter to me.

It matters that I make this effort for others, and that they make this effort for me. This is part of the magic of Christmas, and Santa is the personification of that magic. To care about someone just enough to make the effort and take the time to find then give them something for which they have asked.

Here then, if I could ask for anything in the world, are the things for which I would ask:

1. A date with a beautiful woman sometime before my birthday this year. Someone who is the right person for me at this time in my life, and for whom I am the right person at this time in hers. Someone who shares common interests with me, including such things as esoteric and spiritual subjects, playing video games, building or creating things, reading books and poetry, traveling. Someone hard working, intelligent, kind and patient. It would be really nice if she had long, naturally red hair. It would also be nice if she was free of any institutionalized or organized religion.

2. A 5 – 7 day stay for my parents, myself and my brother (if he wants to come) plus any guests we may have this December in Leavenworth, Washington. All expenses paid, luxury accommodations with hot tub and all meals provided. It would be nice to have chiropractic and massage services as a bonus primarily for my parents, although I may also wish to use them.

3. A breakthrough in my efforts to consciously, with full awareness, astral project and lucid dream. Success in entering, being inside of and leaving these states, remembering everything and recording it upon return to the physical or waking. Success in being able to consistently, easily and regularly enter these states from that point on. Success in my lucid dreaming goals, and later, my astral projection goals as I set them.

4. A 60” or larger 1080p LCD TV suitable for gaming (high refresh rate) and as a computer monitor, plus a PS4, PS3, Xbox One and Xbox 360, with all the trimmings (4 controllers each, Motion N Joy etc.), the latest racing, RPG and FPS games including any Halo games released on the Xbox systems, and the best editions of these games (collector’s, limited, etc.)

5. A few good friends, true friends, with whom I could sit down and share this TV, these consoles and these games. People it would be fun to hang out with and play these games. People who would enjoy hanging out and playing games with me. People who, when the game playing is done, would enjoy talking about our shared interests in a variety of esoteric and spiritual subjects. People who could teach me things, like how to program or level design, and who I could teach things, if I had anything of interest or value to share with them.

Again listed in order of preference with no expectation whatsoever.