Message to the Monster

You use darkness
to persecute that which
you call darkness,
because you are unable
to face the darkness
deep within yourself.

You try to control
everything outside you
because you are unable
to control yourself.

You are weak,
but want to appear strong,
you think that strength
comes from power,
that if you can force your will
on others you must be powerful,
but you are weak
because true strength
comes from inside.

Deep inside, deep down inside
you are rotten and corrupted,
you look for demons outside you,
but you are the real demon
and with your every act,
your every evil deed,
you feed the demon
and make it stronger.

You are not merely a flawed human,
you are a flaw, dressed as a human.
You are not worth saving,
Your only value lies in your death,
so that your stinking frame
will no longer haunt this world.

We will all be better off
without you here,
the day you die
will be the happiest,
most joyous day
in human history.

A Vital Aspect of Working Through Feelings

I learned something, a long time ago, after years of trying to play the referee for my parents whenever they were fighting. I tried for so long to keep them together, trying to problem solve, inserting myself into their arguments, trying to calm everyone down. But something happened (the details elude me) and I learned that I need to let them work it out. That I was not doing them any favors by inserting myself between them. Or for that matter, myself.

There are so many hard lessons to learn and this is one of the most difficult, especially if you are a problem solver or have mediator tendencies. Sometimes, maybe most of the time, it is better to step back and stay out of it. Sometimes a problem is not yours to solve, or an argument is not yours to mediate. You will not be operating from a state of love when you step in, it will be a state of fear that drives you, way down deep below your conscious motives. It will only seem loving, like you care, on the surface. But deep down there is a fear of loss driving you.

Or if you are a problem solver, like me, you may come to believe or feel that you have to solve every problem that comes your way, and it almost becomes like an obligation. I can’t trace the fear roots right now. But I can tell it is not love, not if it feels like an obligation. Or maybe the thing driving you is the sense of accomplishment you feel when you successfully solve a problem. But that tracks down to a fear that you have little or no value. That fear I know all too well. If you do not have a lot, or any, self-confidence, or feel worthless, or maybe even feel powerless, solving a problem may help alleviate these feelings.

In any case the rule remain roughly the same as the ones for working through your feelings. You have to acknowledge, allow, feel what needs to be felt, then release and let go. You have to face the feelings and work them, and another side to this is that you have to be willing to let others face their feelings and work them. You must not interfere with another individual’s process, especially if you profess to care about them! You may be feeling real pain, watching them go through whatever it is they are going through, but the absolute best thing you can do is just be there for them. Just love them and support them, lend a listening ear or a warm embrace when it is asked for. If you are a truly good listener, you will be able to ask questions that support them and help them clarify things for themselves. This is invaluable!

Nothing in all creation has more valuable than your loving, supportive presence. Not trying to fix anything, not trying to diminish anything, not trying to change anything. You are allowing the feelings to be there for this other person, and you are allowing them to work through them. They might stumble and fall, you are there with a hand, but only if they ask for it. And if they get lost in their feelings, unable to work through them, and end up hurting themselves or others, it is not your fault. You have done all you can do, and done it the best way it can be done. If you have truly been there for them, loving and supporting them, allowing them to work through things without interfering, then you have done the best you could. There is nothing to feel guilty about. You will need to work through your own feelings around what happens, then forgive them and yourself as needed.

So not only is the best course of action is for you to work through your own feelings, acknowledging they are there, allowing them to be there without trying to change them, embracing them with acceptance and love, feeling them as long as you need to feel them, and only then releasing them and letting them go, you ALSO must be willing to let others do the same with their own feelings!

On top of that, you need to learn to care about yourself enough, to love and value yourself enough, that you stop inserting yourself into situations where you are essentially sacrificing some aspect of yourself. It could be that you are not honoring your own needs and instead are throwing yourself into providing the needs of others. Or it could be that you need space away from people, but you are inserting yourself in the middle of them.

It all boils down to disregarding your needs in some way. You need to learn to step back and give yourself what you need, first and foremost, before jumping in to help others. You may even see that the way in which you were going to help was not the best way to help at all. It did not honor the needs of those you wanted to help or your own. At best was a distraction, at worse an interference.

The good news is that as you learn to pause and take a step back before you do something, and as you learn to attend to your needs first, you will find yourself in a better position to see the best way to help, or if you even should help. You will gain a little clarity with a little distance. Operating from that place of clarity, after addressing your own needs, will make you more effective if you decide to step in and help. It will also allow you to help in ways that are loving an supportive instead of interfering.

It is time to put away the magnifying lens and referee’s whistle. Time to not “… just do something, stand there.” Take a minute, become aware of your own feelings and needs, then attend to these first. Fill up your cup. You can’t fill another’s cup of yours is empty. So fill it up, then take a step back to look at the situation. What is the best way you can show your love and support here? Is this something the person, or the people, need to work out for themselves, or among themselves? If so, leave it alone. Just be there for those you care about.

As far as working through feelings goes, I will have an ebook available soon which I will be giving away for free. It goes over a lot of what I have said these last few years. Look for a link soon!

On Consciences, Psychopaths and Sociopaths

I have had some questions in the back of my mind for some time now, regarding this thing called a conscience and those who are said to have been born without it. Something I read not too long ago led me to believe that a conscience is not natural at all. Nobody is born with it. The more I think about it, the more I am certain a conscience is a lot like software. It is conditioning, and for most humans the conditioning or programming takes. But for a few it does not.

This brings up an important question… Is every human being who does not accept the social conditioning or programming of a conscience become sociopathic or psychotic? Is the fact that someone sees no difference between bad or good, right or wrong, and feels no empathy towards others, a guarantee that they are going to go around killing people? Is it true that someone without  conscience has no feelings at all? Or is our society, through our media, trying to convince us that anyone who doesn’t have a conscience is bad, or broken, or a monster?

The conscience is yet another control mechanism, installed in children by those who raise them. Our society is obsessed with controlling the behavior of others. Once you have a conscience installed, the next step is to install a religion. Between these two most folk can be depended on to behave in ways that society finds acceptable. The few “bad apples” can be thrown out.

But what if I don’t want to install a conscience or a religion into my children? What if I want to raise them knowing that there is, in fact, no such thing as good or bad, right or wrong? What if I want to raise them to listen to the hearts, their inner voices, and to turn inwards instead of trying to control things from the outside? If I were to succeed in this, would I be raising monsters? Incapable of living among other humans, likely killing at first by accident then on purpose, not knowing why everyone tells them killing is wrong, not even understanding what the word wrong means?

Or would they simply not have the desire to kill? Maybe the desire or drive to kill is separate from not having a conscience or any empathy towards others.

What are your thoughts on this?

I may have more to say later…

Status Report – A Few Insights and Truths To Share

This will be one of those unpolished blog entries I seem to do every now and again. Going through a lot of stuff, working through it, learning a lot. Getting lost in a game or sleeping or whatever even when I have an idea of something to write about, failing to honor my inner writer this last week or so when he popped up with something to write about. The result is a bunch of fragments that I share in the hopes that they will still be of use to you. This is also my belated attempt to honor my inner writer. I am learning to embrace him, accept him, his truth, and ultimately be one of the things I am – a writer.

So to start with I have been dealing with anger. I found Teal Swan as a result of looking for material on this after breaking my phone. I have learned that rage, such as what I displayed when I destroyed my phone over my knee before Christmas, is actually a cover or mask for powerlessness. Anyone who has ever read anything of mine posted here probably is aware that I certainly feel powerless a large portion of the time.

One of the insights I had about this, and the memory is faded now, has to do with water. Water flows down a channel, and it never gets angry when the channel is blocked by an obstacle. Instead it flows over, around, or under it. If it is unable to flow around it, it builds up, gathering strength, until it pushes it out of the way or flows over the top of it.

This is how I need to be with the things, the obstacles in my life, that cause me to get angry. They are what they are, and part of the process I have been practicing these last few years is to accept that. Accept what is, acknowledge it and stop resisting it. Resistance comes in the form of trying to change it or wishing it would be something else. My anger, in short, is resistance to the way a thing is. Or to sum it up – anger is resistance to isness.

Instead of resisting, being attached to the outcome in this way, wanting things to be other than what they are, I need to be like water. No emotion, no attachment to outcome. Just flow around, under or over the thing, accepting it as it is. If I am unable to move past it, then I have to be willing to be with it, gathering my strength, until I am able to move past it.

I had a far more eloquent way of stating these things when I first thought of this. But I have since lost that because I did not sit down to write. When we avoid things, when we fail to honor something, some aspect of ourselves, well we are not honoring ourselves, or this aspect. We are not loving and accepting ourselves. The end result will, without fail, not be our best work. Learn from my failure here. If you have an urge to draw something, or write something, or do something – put your awareness into that, acknowledge it, accept it, and then express it however it needs, no matter what others think. Be true to yourself, all aspects of yourself.

Thankfully the other thought still has some freshness to it. I have been reading Narnia, and have just read through the chapter where the Tisroc is having a secret meeting with his son and vizier. In their conversation the Tisroc reveals how he feels about the free country of Narnia, how he essentially wishes to control it. I wondered what would drive a man, or rather a person, to feel that way. What is the point here?

I ran through a few things and finally settled on this… The Tisroc has a set of beliefs about how the world should be. The Narnians represent a challenge to those beliefs. As a result he finds himself wanting to control them, to not only protect his beliefs but also to, by controlling outer circumstances, but ultimately to be happy. As it stands he could not be described as happy, because there is this Narnia country near his borders that is not conforming to his vision of how things should be.

I wonder if this is the same for military-minded conquers throughout history. I know the fanaticism of some in religions circles (this includes science) is driven by similar beliefs, feelings, ideology, etc. Ultimately the desire to feel in control by controlling outer circumstances. Just something I was thinking about it. I wanted to know why the Tisroc wanted to control Narnia. There is a little more to it than that, again I did wait a little long to honor my inner writer so this is a little rough.

I guess the last thing I want to talk about is fear. Just yesterday my mom was talking to me about these two AI that argued and ultimately decided the solution was to destroy the human race. I heard or read something about that. Maybe you know what I am referring to. Also how some people in some country somewhere have received chips in themselves, and use these chips to pay for things. The whole, “Mark of the Beast” that Christians fear.

I wanted to say this to her, but have not brought myself to do so. I wanted to point out to her that fear is how they control us. It is through fear, after the 9/11 attacks that we now have to go through a bunch of security protocols if we want to fly anywhere, and guess what? According to Adam Ruins Everything (a show on Netflix you need to watch) they really don’t do anything other than take away our freedom and cause us inconvenience.

It is through fear of masturbation and sex that the Puritans decided to slice off the foreskins of their male children (you don’t want to know what they planned to do to women) and we still do this in America today even though there is no reason to do so.

They use fear through the media, through the news, through fear-mongering to stir us up, cause us to panic, and then we accept whatever the hell they want to do. We would sacrifice the freedom our forefathers bled and died for on the alter of safety and security, just so we could feel safe and secure. It is through fear that the Nazis controlled the German people and it is through fear that German soldiers were able to do what they did.

Ultimately this drive to control us is also powered by fear, a quest for happiness by seeking to control exterior circumstances. Of course those doing this wouldn’t phrase it like that. Instead, for example, if someone like myself were to challenge the laws of society one of these people, or anyone else under the controlling thumb of fear, would counter by asking, “Well what’s the alternative, chaos?” Yes, exactly. That which is not controlled is perceived to be chaotic. But there is nothing wrong with that. There is an assumption here that chaos is somehow bad, and control is somehow good. But the opposite its true.

Are your feelings ordered, logical? No, they are chaotic. Yet you have to be with them, feel them, and let them be what they are. They are your compass to your truth. In your attempt to stuff them down you disconnect yourself from your truth. Which means you are living a lie. Which means you are not heading in the best direction for you, which your feelings, if you would have allowed yourself to feel them, would have taken you.

I propose something radical, and I want you to be with it. Feel whatever you feel as I state this. Do not run away from your feelings. Be honest and true to yourself, all aspects if yourself.

Imagine a society without rules. No religion or science to control everyone. No laws or law makers. No consequences. Everyone can do whatever the heck they want. At first yes, there would be chaos and violence. Because everyone has been in a pressure cooker of laws, religion, rules and science. You can’t take the lid off without expect it to blow up a little. But then things will settle. Stress will vanish. Peace will take over. Why?

Because all the terrible things men and women have done to each other over the years is a DIRECT RESULT of them not honoring their personal truth, and being constrained by laws, religion, rules and science telling them how they should behave, be or feel. Trying to control them. So the individual strikes out, sometimes violently, and is punished. They are like a sore thumb sticking out that must be put back in its place. Yet nobody knows or has ever known anyone else’s “place.” Nobody, not even parents, know what is best for anyone else. It all boils down to control again. trying to make people and things fit, even when they do not, and if they do not, constraining them, punishing them, hammering them in until they do.

You think America is a free country? WRONG! Look at all the laws and rules, all the “societal norms” and all the other mechanisms in place to control you. Look at what happens when you challenge any of these laws and rules, or break them. The pressure of the court and jail systems is to make you conform, and if you will not conform, you risk being imprisoned for life or killed. Or living in this country will be very hard for you, and there will be a lack of support.

The cure here is two-fold. First you need to question everything. And I mean everything. Second you must not give into fear. No matter what others tell you, what you hear on the news, what you see on TV, what you read in the paper – doesn’t matter. The instant you allow yourself to yield to fear, you yield to those who presented you with it and you give them control over you. A better response when presented with something that is obviously meant to inspire fear is to question it. Honor whatever you are feeling, release and let these feelings go when you are ready, but do not act on your feelings of fear. Do not let your feelings of fear drive you.

Only when you are not afraid, are you are truly free.

Never Born

How easy it has become
to turn away from pain
to set my face as stone!

I have kept all my pain inside
I have held back all the tears
that wanted to be cried.

I have not given myself
any space in which to cry,
given up, wanted to die.

But now I am releasing
all that I have been holding,
inside my heart and spine.

Because if there is no release
physical issues will manifest
and there will never be peace.

So today I give myself all
the space I need to mourn
every dream never born.

Meditation and Manifestation

I have been thinking about this a little today. In the past I have a few examples I can recall where I visualized something I wanted and I fought tooth and nail to keep the image of what I wanted in mind. The results were never satisfactory; even when I succeeded it infected and darkened the experience of getting what I wanted.

I thought, for some reason, about meditation. How you gently keep coming back to the “object of your attention.” I realized that the same process applies to manifestation! You just gently keep coming back to the visualization of whatever it is you want to manifest in your life. But you aren’t the one manifesting anything.

There are two indicators here… If in visualizing something you want you feel like you are clenching your fists, if you feel any sort of stress or tightness about it, then you are putting in too much effort. You are attached to a particular outcome. As Abraham teaches through Esther Hicks, how you feel is your indicator.

The other indicator is, if in talking or writing about what you want, the phrase, “trying to manifest” comes up in any form. If it does, once again, you are putting in too much effort. You are trying to make something happen. You are attached to a particular outcome. As I said it feels like clenched fists, or clenched teeth, or some sort of tightness in your body.

There is the initial effort required, at least at first, to keep bringing your focus back to the object of your attention, the visualization in some way of the thing you want. So it is not completely effortless as I may have stated before. It does require a minimum amount of effort to practice awareness and to bring your focus back to your object of attention. But that’s all the effort you need, no more.

The phrase I came up with is to be, “firmly relaxed” about whatever it is you want. In my case I want $40.00 in my back account. So I see the $40.00, in bold, as if I were looking at it through my bank’s web page. I was initially afraid that I was doing it wrong again. I remember when I was picturing a nice place to stay once for my my parents and I, how hard it was, how much stress it caused, and we did not get a nice place.

But I see that my feelings then were more “clench fists” then. Right now, whenever my mind wanders back to the subject of my bank account, I just see this image of $40.00 in bold. I don’t hold it there, don’t do anything with it. Just a gentle process of bringing it back to the object of my attention. I am definitely not attached to this, and am firmly relaxed about it.

So if you are familiar with the process of meditation, apply it to the process of manifestation. Practice being firmly relaxed about it. Keep bringing your focus back to the object of your attention, in this case some sort of image, in your mind or maybe a picture on your wall that brings it to mind. In visualizing it bring in as much of the five physical senses as possible. Think about what it will be like to have it. As much as you can, feel what you would feel once you have it.

Understand that in our society it is not natural or normal to think in this way. That is not how we are raised as children, as a general rule. So for most of us we have to practice being firmly relaxed, until we have that inner knowing, that trust which is more than belief, that the thing we are envisioning will show up in our lives, exactly as we want it and exactly when we need it. Once we have that inner knowing trust it will be natural for us to be firmly relaxed. We will be free of all fear-based feeling, which includes doubt and worry.

For now, for most of us, we just have to practice holding loosely, or being firmly relaxed, with whatever it is we are visualizing. I don’t think the manifestation teachings cover this very well, but it is important and vital to the process. I will let you know how my own experience goes. I will be applying everything I have said here to the process.

Reflections

Reflections clash with reflections
clashing with reality,
No way to tell what is real
or meant to be,
Through this confusion
I must chart my course,
Following in the natural current
of my life and not using force.

I can not tell you what is right or wrong,

I can only point out these reflections
are here, then gone,
No way to pick
the right or wrong one,
You make a choice
and then you’re done,
So go with your feelings
and choose the best-feeling one.