Another Issue with Taking The Victim Role

So as I am sure I have mentioned before I am working my way through ACIM (A Course In Miracles.) Today I read something that, essentially, said that when we take any sort of victim stance (excluded, rejected, hurt, offended, etc.) we make our brother, also referred to as the son of God, guilty of doing that to us. It is an attempt to mix two dissimilar things – I can’t quite recall their names. I am still working this out in my mind. Anyway that is what the ego does. It attempts to make what is unreal or illusory real.

The fact is that your brother (this meaning any other fellow human) is a Son of God and is as innocent as you are. Any attempt to make them guilty of anything also, inevitably, makes you guilty as well. It occurs to me that the other problem with taking a victim stance is that not only are you playing the role of a victim, which disempowers you, you are also victimizing the one or ones you are making the victimizers. Because, like you, they are actually innocent.

I know this is hard to grasp, but I will try to paint the picture another way. To be excluded, left out or rejected takes, at a minimum, two parties. You, the excluded, left out and rejected one, and the others who have, in the reality you are making, excluded, left out or rejected you. They become guilty, you become innocent, so it seems in your perception. The same if you are beaten, robbed or raped. The same if you are cursed at or given the cold shoulder. Any treatment you deem undesirable that you receive requires two parties, one party will perpetuate the act, the other the act is perpetuated on.

Now this will disturb you, but even when we are talking about genocidal acts – the Jews being killed en masse by the Nazis – the Jewish people had their part in creating the atrocities they experienced The Jewish people placed the Nazis in the role of the victimizers, making the Nazis guilty and the Jewish people innocent. But the truth, at a soul level, the truth beyond the ego and the body it thinks of as itself, is that all are innocent, pure Sons of God, and to put anyone in the role of a victimizer is to victimize them.

When you play the part of the victim you disempower yourself, and you disempower those who are playing the roles of your victimizers. Both states, victim and victimizer, exist only in perception. There is a silent, unstated mutual agreement here. You put on the mask of the victim, they put on the mask of the victimizer, but these are only masks, not the true individual underneath. At any time you could take off your victim mask and put on a victimizer mask. Likely you already have, many times. And your victimizere can take off their victimizer masks and become the victims. But as I said, these are only masks, only roles we play, NOT The true actors.

An example drawn from my own life… I am working very hard at becoming a successful YouTuber, and my main work is in playing Minecraft, creating videos for it. But I see now I have fallen into a trap of my own making. Because I have placed YouTube in the role of the victimizer – making it hard for poor me, a struggling YouTuber, to succeed. And I have placed players I enjoy watching, players I respect, into victimizer roles, making me the excluded, ignore and left out one. When I realized this I also realized I didn’t want to do that. As I said I respect these guys – I want to be their friend – I do not want them to be my enemy.

The truth of the matter, at least as far as this server I wish to be a part of is concerned. is that these guys have little if any knowledge of me. How can I blame them for excluding or ignoring me when they likely do not even know I exist? This drama exists only in my head. It is coming directly from the ego, I am sure. If I want to be a part of this server, if I want to become friends with these guys, then I have to climb up to their level, not drag them down to mine. I have to keep working hard at Minecraft and become the best builder and YouTuber I can. If any opportunities come to collaborate or join others in the Minecraft community on a project, I need to jump in there. The question is, “How can I contribute? What can I do?” instead of “What can they do for me?”

I need to do this with my whole heart, even if I am never noticed, even if I never get to be a part of this server. Make that my goal, my intention, work towards reaching it in whatever ways it flows into my life to do so, but let go of any expectations – any idea or thought that anyone owes me anything. I have to be unattached from the outcome. Let go of any demanded or expected result. Just enjoy myself – that is the biggest key. If Minecraft (and making videos for it) is my passion, then pursue that relentlessly. If it isn’t, find what is my passion and go after that. The burden and responsibility for whatever I think of as success lies solely on me – nobody else. It is time for me to stop making myself the victim, and to stop making others the victimizers. It is time for me to stop disempowering myself, and in so doing, disempower others.

I am not sure exactly how to go about all of this. I don’t know how things will play out. I am struggling with my mindset every day. There is a lot of work I need to do internally, and in applying myself to whatever my passion is, which in this case seems to be Minecraft. I can’t let things get me down as I have before. I can’t keep telling myself disempowering, unsupportive stories like, “YouTube is flooded with Minecrafters” or “You aren’t good enough” or “You came into Minecraft too late” or” All the OG Minecrafters have either left or don’t care about you” or “You’re too old”, etc. My focus has to be on doing what I enjoy and am passionate about. I need to have a dream, a vision, I am working toward, but I also have to be able to freely let go of it as needed. And I also have to trust that the Universe will provide me with what I have envisioned, its equivalent, or something better.

So… How about you? Is there anyone you need to release from the victimizer role? Do it now. By freeing them you also free yourself.

Criticizing and Judging VS Acceptance and Allowing

So I have taken up typing again in an attempt to learn a new keyboard. In an effort to diagnose any issues with my connectivity, I wanted to take a moment and write something here.

I was taking care of the dog, and I caught myself in the act of criticizing and judging. I realized that there is no difference between me and another person who lives here. She is overtly critical and judgmental, I am covertly that way. I realized the reason this person is in my life is because that is the frequency or vibration I have been operating at. I have been critical and judgmental, just not aware of it, not really. Maybe there have been previous moments of lucidity, of awareness. But maybe this was the first time I had become truly aware of my hidden (from conscious awareness) critical and judgmental nature.

The reason these people are in my life is because of the way I am, and even going over this is more criticism and judgment, towards them and myself. Then I realized something else, what criticism and judgment actually is. It is a “pushing away from.” It is a way to distance, segregate, and separate. But when we do that, we are not accepting or allowing. We can not accept ourselves if we are constantly criticizing and judging ourselves,. We are not accepting others if we are criticizing and judging them. To accept someone is the opposite of criticizing or judging them.

Now think how this applies to other areas of your life. In what other areas are you criticizing and judging? Money perhaps? Do you have criticisms towards money, or judgments about it? If you do, then you are not accepting money, and if you are not accepting money, you are not allowing it into your life. The energy of it is blocked for you, so the physical form (currency) is not showing up. At least not like you want it to. You are working very hard to get something that you are pushing away! Any hunter will tell you that chasing after your prey will all but assure you will never catch it.

So how do we stop criticizing and judging? Simple. We become aware that we are doing it. We can practice being aware of when we are about to criticize or judge, and with practice, we can choose not to criticize or judge. What we need to do is not that complicated. But even though it is simple, it remains very difficult, because your egoic self will try very hard to lull you back into autopilot so it can retain control. You have been sleeping at the wheel for a long time, and your ego has been driving your life. Is your life something you are happy with? I know mine isn’t. So I want to start taking the wheel and see where it will end up if I am driving. But this takes one more thing, and that is being present.

So yes, you will have to find a way to practice being present. You can’t sharpen your awareness and weaken the ego’s grasp without it. The ego’s power comes from you staying asleep, always dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. BTW, this is why all “manifestation teachings” instruct that you don’t worry about the how. That is just a form of worrying about the future, meaning that you are identified with the ego and under its power. As long as you are under the sway of the ego, your natural state of abundance remains blocked.

It is only in the present moment is the ego’s power weakened, and you have a chance to regain control. A typical form of practicing presence is known as meditation. I know you have heard of that by now. But ANYTHING you can do, where you can focus on your body, whatever it is doing, whatever position it is in, whatever breathing is occurring – if you can do something and just tune in, that can become a away to practice presence and sharpen your awareness. You could do this while washing dishes. Or writing. Or a myriad of other task you may do throughout your day.

If you are struggling to manifest money, this may be the one thing holding you back. Discover your real feelings and thoughts towards money. Free write or stream of consciousness write about it. No editing, no holding back. Get real with yourself. If you see anything there that is not simple acceptance and allowing, you are closed in those areas, in those ways, to money, and the only way to bring money into your experience is to open up. As I have said before, every flower opens in faith that the bee will come. It is only in opening that a flower can receive. It is also in only in opening that the flower can share its beauty with the world.

The sun is shining.

It is time to open.

The Ego, The Present Moment and Some Unexpected Revelations!

More and more I think Eckhart Tolle is right. I think there is definitely something good, a worthy practice or pursuit, in staying in the present moment. As I continue to plow through ACIM and learn about the intricacies of the ego, I am coming to understand some things, some past experiences.

I first “met” or encountered or even experienced Tolle I think back when I was living in my grandma’s attic. Man I really miss those days! There I was, all this space to myself, places where I could go outside and do yoga or meditate, and I never really appreciated it! I guess the fact that my mother and my grandmother were constantly arguing, and I felt like I had to play referee may have contributed to my not seeing the blessings I had been given. Also I was far away from town and other people – no social opportunities. But I had a bed, my own relatively warm room (warmer than the RV anyway!) and plenty of space and time to do something with my life. If I had been intelligent at all I would have started to be serious about YouTube, back in 2009, BEFORE all their restrictions and censorship. Who knows? Maybe if I had I would now have my own huge channel and thousands of subscribers, enough that I could relocate anywhere I like.

In any case, some folks were going to repair our bathroom and remove mold, so my grandmother’s insurance company moved us all out into hotels until everything was finished. While I enjoyed my time at the Staybridge, I read Tolle, Basho and Ryokan. That’s when I started to write these shorter, Haiku-like poems. It just fit me, felt right. In immersing myself in Tolle’s teachings, I found myself in that space where poetry flows effortlessly through me. It is the exact same space I am in when I am in the natural flow of my life instead of struggling against the current. One way you, the readers, know that I am not in the present moment, not in the flow, is that there are no new poems being shared here. The few I have shared these last few months were written last year, or during some brief time when I was in a happier state. When I am angry, depressed or suffering from cabin fever, like now, the stream of poetry finds no access through me, and I can no longer be a channel for it. Or anything of a loving or spiritual nature. I am sure you can see that from the things I have written these last few months.

I think I understand a few things about this now… It occurs to me that a truly enlightened person is permanently focused on the present moment. They have to be, and this is important because, the ego does not have any influence or power in the present moment. I am certain this is true. Nobody who is fully aware, fully present, gets caught up in other people’s BS. This must be how I was able to stay at my brother’s the last time I was there, and when he blew up, I did not engage. I was able to just walk away. I am sure I wrote about this here some years ago. When you are fully aware, fully present, fully IN your present moment experience, you are happier, you are more inspired, you are more loving and you are more of a conduit for true spiritual energy, that might manifest through you in the form of writing, or art, or some other creative endeavor. In other words, if you are blocked creatively, it seems to me the most effortless fix would be to find a way to get into the present moment. Meditate, accept your feelings about your art as they are, embracing them, feeling through them, then releasing them and letting them go. If you can get into the present moment, and practice staying there even for a few days, my guess is that the ability to create will come flowing back.

From what I can understand of ACIM, the ego is past-focused, and it uses the past as a reference for the future. But it NEVER, EVER dwells in the present moment. Someone in the sway of their ego will find themselves easily caught up in the ego BS of others around them. They are easily influenced by the actions of others. They experience anger, discontent, frustration, unhappiness, stress and a host of other negative emotions. Why is that? Lost a train of thought here, but will type in in faith and knowing the words will come if important…

Why is it that someone being driven or influenced by their ego is unable to experience more joyful, spiritual states? Simple… Because there is this idea (I guess it comes from the ego) that the present moment experience should be something other than what it is. It is that simple. It really is. If you are angry it is because you are in denial of how things are. You want things to be different, you believe and really feel they should be different. But reality doesn’t bend to your will like that. Actually, as long as you are angry and struggling against reality, you will continue to create a reality that seems to be fighting against you, that seems to be in some struggle with you. It’s that rowing against the current state. Caught up in your ego, you never realize, it never occurs to you, that you can simply accept reality as it is, get back into the current, and determine to create a better experience for yourself.

You see YOU create the current of your life! How’s that for mind-blowing? All the energy you have focused and invested in whatever or wherever you have focused or invested it over the years you have been alive has created a stream, a natural state, in which your life flows. The only way to change that flow is to place all your energy and focus in the new direction you wish to go. And you start RIGHT NOW, in this moment. Then you practice placing your energy and focus in this new direction, every day, until the new current is established. Then you flow in that direction. The current CURRENT you’re are in is very powerful. Or at least it seems to be very powerful, and in your perception it is very strong. You have put YEARS of energy and focus into it. So don’t expect overnight miracles. They can happen – “Anything Is Possible, All Possibilities Exist” (the author), but it is more likely you will have to continue to ride them as you slowly shift things and change their direction.

What does this entail? ACCEPTING THINGS AS THEY ARE, IN THIS MOMENT! Yup, that is what you have to do. The ego has likely influenced the current flow of your life, and that is why your life sucks big, giant hairy goat balls right now! The ego does not have your best interests at heart, only its own. It doesn’t care about you at all. In fact it hates you. That is essentially what ACIM says, and for all I know it is true. The good news is that each moment brings a chance for you to change where you put your energy and focus, an opportunity to begin the most likely (but not necessarily) slow, tedious process of creating a better present moment experience for yourself. But you always, ALWAYS, have to accept the present moment experience as it is. You made it after all! It is YOUR creation!

Teal swan has several videos on anger, and I forget now what she said to do. Something about asking yourself what needs are not being met? In any case, if you are angry, I would perhaps follow her advice, because if nothing else that causes you to pause. It is a good interrupt. You need an interrupt so you can become aware and initiate any change. The next thing I advise is asking yourself, what is it you are denying? What is it you are attempting to deny the reality of in this moment? What is it you feel should not have happened, or should be different? What is the “should story” running in the background here? You need the interrupt to get a chance to become aware of that “should story.” Once you have become aware of it, THEN you have to accept it.

That first step, BTW, I think of as ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, AKA, “It is what it is.” That leads, naturally to acceptance, because it is how it is. It will not change by you being angry at it. Actually, your anger will ensure you keep reliving that same state, over and over again. You will keep having that undesirable and unwanted present moment experience. ALL RESISTANCE EMPOWERS (gives power to) WHATEVER YOU ARE RESISTING! I am sure I have said this before, and that is what I mean. Your denial, your “should story”, is a form of resistance, and you resistance provides the power that creates, drives and perpetuates the experience making you angry. So you have to ACCEPT it, because it is there, you can’t deny it away.

Next you have to feel your way through it. This is where Susan Jeffers, “Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway” comes in. You have to feel what you feel. You have to allow yourself to feel. You have to embrace these feelings, allow yourself to feel them as long as you need to feel them, then when you are ready, you have to release them and let them go. LETTING GO is another egoless state. LETTING GO is antithetical to the ego, just as acknowledgement and acceptance of things the way they are is. These things are directly opposite to the egoic state.

The ego wants to retain. It wants to be angry, it wants to hold grudges, it wants to hate, it wants to be bitter, it wants to be resentful. So it drives you, as long as you are under is influence, held in its sway, to be angry, bitter, hateful and resentful. If you think you are a religious or spiritual person, and yet you have any energy invested in, or focus invested on, any of these states, anything that is the opposite, at its root, to love, you are not truly religious or spiritual. Because a truly religious or spiritual state is one where the individual is influenced by love, not their ego, PERIOD. There are no exceptions!

Any investment in your identity as a religious or spiritual person – as Christian and part of the Christian group, or a Muslim and part of the Muslim group, or a Buddhist and part of the Buddhist group or even as a spiritual, not religious person (this is me) – this is a sure sign the ego is behind the wheel of your life. I am in the same boat as the rest of you in this. Anything we would make as part of identity, and invest all our energy and focus into who we believe, feel or think we are (BLM, LGBTQ – I am looking at you!) is sheer ego. And as long as our egos are in control, there will be war, there will be disease, death and destruction, because our egos hate us, and want to destroy us. It seems odd and counter-intuitive, because once we are dead, our ego is also dead. But our egos are insane. You can not apply logic to insanity. You can not apply reason to the unreasonable.

Your beliefs, religious, spiritual, scientific or anything else, your racial identity, your gender, your sexual preferences – all of this BS does not go with you when you die. Understand that. It all dies with your physical body and your ego. Who you really are is none of that shit. To get more in tune with who you really are, hold your beliefs loosely, let them go when they no longer serve you, and practice being in the present moment. Accept things as they are, and if you want a better present moment experience, invest the energy, effort and focus in the direction you wish to go. But always say in the flow, in a state of acknowledgement, acceptance, allowing then releasing and letting go. If you want to be happy, if you want to be effortlessly creative, that is the state you need to be in, If you want to experience true joy, that is the state you have to be in, and I suspect, that if you want to manifest desirable, wonderful things in your life, that is the state you have to be in. You have to let all the other BS go.

Somehow, someway, I am determined to change the current course of my life to one of abundance and joy. I will get out from under the influence of the ego and get into the present moment, with full awareness. And I will practice staying there, until it becomes the natural current of my life. And I will know I am in that state when all my creative endeavors flow effortlessly through me, just as they did when I dipped my toe into the waters of this experience all those years ago. I keep forgetting all the things I have learned. All the lessons I went through. It is not easy to create such a drastic change in one’s nature, ones state or natural way of being. Or at least it seems as if there is a lot that gets in between me and the intention to change. Thankfully this is a journey we can take together, we can support each other and help each other. Actually I have created a place for that here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/M_A_S_T/

I think change seems difficult, seems hard, because so much energy and focus has created a current state that seems to resist change. The current is very strong, if it has been created while under the influence of our ego. We have invested a lot of energy and focus into our current life experience. But ACIM may be right, this may all be an illusion, “albeit a very strong, persistent one.” (Albert Einstein) The ego is just an illusion. It is not real. It’s like we put the VR glasses on, and now are struggling to take them off. But they can easily come off, allowing us to see things as they really are. We just have to raise up are arms and take them off. It seems harder than it really is. Maybe there is no current dragging us along at all, maybe the currents are just our beliefs, and when we let them go, we come to see that we are not being carried or driven anywhere. We can just start walking in whatever direction we choose. Maybe that’s how things really are. I don’t know, but I will apply and remember what I have learned, and shared with you here.

Here’s to making our experience of this world exactly what we want it to be!

“Hello beastie.”

When I was a little boy I used to look up at the clouds and imagine being up there. I wanted to travel up there. I wanted to explore the landscape of the clouds. I wanted to get away, I think, from things down here on the ground. I don’t think that desire has ever really left me.

I realized today that, like the character Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of Caribbean movies, I have my own “beastie” to face. I truly believe that if it had a real, physical form, that somehow it would be easier to face it and defeat it. I tell myself that I would have no trouble facing down the creature. That I would be brave enough or courageous enough.

It seems to me that because my “beastie” has no physical form that it somehow makes things more difficult. There is nothing definite I can go after, no creature I can defeat that will somehow make everything right. In other words, it is easier to jump into the mouth of a real, living monster than it is to jump into the mouth of some ephemeral, intelligible thing.

If all my troubles would just take a physical form, I could vanquish them, quickly and easily. I am sure of it. I am no warrior, no swordsman, but if I had something physical in front of me that I needed to destroy, which by vanquishing it would free some aspect of myself, then I could, and would, kill it.

Anyone can swing a sword or point a gun. I don’t have to be terribly good at either. If my monster somehow defeated me, ending my life, that would be OK. I would have fought and died for something that had value to me, namely my freedom from it.

But I am certain that the fight would end with me standing victorious. Maybe bloody, probably injured, but I could tap into years of rage to give me extra strength to defeat my opponent. I know I would succeed, that I would win. I know it.

But since my “beastie” is not physical, since it has no definite form, it is able to strike me from where I am weakest. My mind and emotions. It can hide, lurking in the shadows, strike out and then fade away. It can do this tirelessly, for years and years, wearing me down, weakening my spirit, and it has.

Just when I think I have a lead, I have its location pegged, just when I am about to strike, it moves away, unnoticed, unseen. Even when I do manage to hurt it, it seems another monster, another aspect of myself that must be faced, pops up. It is like a hydra, cut off one head, one aspect, another takes its place. It just never ends. I am weary with the constant changes to myself I must make.

Worse still I don’t know exactly what effect any of of this is having. I see no outward improvement in my physical circumstances or situation. I can’t be sure that the changes I have made in myself, to this point, have had any effect on anything that matters to me.

I am still pretty much as I was, in the circumstances and situations of my life. Inside I may have changed, but what good is inward change if it doesn’t lead to the desired outward change? It is a waste of time and energy, as far as I am concerned. I am exhausted.

Even my minor victories, if they can be called that, are made moot by the simple fact that I find myself constantly slipping into old patterns of thought. I find myself with the same unwanted habits. The record of my life keeps skipping over the same part, endlessly, and nothing I have done so far has changed this.

I wish I could face my ego and all its attendant crap man to man in physical combat to the death. I wish I could just rip the damn thing out of me, along with anything else I don’t want to be a part of me. I wouldn’t even care what kind of damage it may do to me as a person. If I could just rip all this bullshit out, I may be insane, or I may die, but for a few moments at least, I would have peace.

I can’t live as I have anymore. I learned this when I left grandma’s house and started my bicycle journey. Sometimes I wish I had just stayed away. Stayed out there. But I had nowhere to stay, no way to support myself. I also had some more lessons I needed to learn. I learned what I needed from that trip.

I am impatient with the holding pattern and ruts of my life, my current life experience. I have to get away from my parents, from my family, and establish myself. I have to face this “beastie” of mine in the one definite way I know how, and that is to begin then complete a novel of publishable length.

Not because that will fix all my problems. Not because I will become a millionaire. But simply because this is one monster I have been avoiding, and in facing it I face all the things that created it and set it before me. I will push through, and in some important area of my life I will have succeeded.

Any major success I can achieve will have magical, transformation powers on me. I know this! Until then I am just going through the emotions of living, running away, cowering before my “beastie,” unable and unwilling to face it and jump in, sword swinging.

Do not make my mistake! Face your beastie, whoever, whatever it is. Whatever form or non-form it may take. Tangible or intangible. Find a way, somehow, to follow your heart, that voice inside, guiding you. Ignore the voices in your head, or the voices of others that do not support your quest.

You must not fail! Your quest is just as important as Frodo’s quest to destroy the ring, and Jack Sparrow’s facing his “beastie,” and in doing so, save others, even if he was not initially willing. In order for you to live the life you came here to live, some parts of you have to die.

It will be painful. It will hurt. It may shatter you, leaving you to put yourself back together again. Beliefs systems may be challenged, questioned and ultimately shattered. Pull through, tear down the walls you have built around yourself, break the chains with which you have bound yourself, unlock and destroy any cage in which you have locked yourself.

Free yourself to be who you came here to be, to live the live you came here to live. You have to follow that dream, or risk living a nightmare. For your sake, and the sake of all you will touch in a meaningful, profound way, you must not fail!

Even as I say these words to you, I am saying them to myself. I don’t know how to tell when its time to give up. I am sure there is some point in a life where continuing to struggle is meaningless. Sometimes I think I am nearing that point. Other times I understand there are still more things I can and should do. There are options I must explore, just a few more things to try.

All I know for sure is that I am not ready to quit just yet. So I will be right there, fighting right alongside you, in similar battles of my own. Sometimes the fight isn’t really resistance and fighting at all. Sometimes it is just being still and letting go. It is just release. It is non-action.

We must always keep in mind that since our enemies are mostly non-physical, the rules for defeating them are not the same as the rules of the physical world. In the physical world you take action. In the non-physical world, you allow. You flow. Because resistance to a thing makes it stronger. Fighting a thing reinforces its reality, makes it become real. The more we give our attention to something we do not want, the more we attract what we do not want.

So the terms of battle make little sense sometimes. We have to keep in mind the things we want for ourselves, for others. We have to visualize them to draw them into our life experience. We have to acknowledge our monsters, then release them and let them go, freeing ourselves of them. We just continue to keep our eyes on the prize, whatever it is we desire.

It isn’t about positive or negative thinking. We have to embrace both. Its about staying focused on what we want. It’s about not responding when someone does something we normally respond to, staying on our “high flying disc,” remaining at our higher frequency or vibration.

It’s about allowing ourselves to be as we are, even as we allow others to be as they are. We don’t try to force change. It is about flow, not force. Flow is downstream, to what we desire. Force is upstream, away from what we desire.

It seems counter-intuitive and it doesn’t make a lot of sense. And I can’t be sure that even this is the “right path” or the “truth.” It seems to me, at this point in my life, that it is. It seems to me that this is the right battle plan for the opponents I now face. But only my own personal experience will reveal to me, in time, if I have chosen correctly. If I have finally found any sort of answer. It will be the same for you.

We all have to find our way and figure out this thing called life. We all have to find our own path. So if these words ring true with you, if they resonate with you, listen to them. Follow them and your own heart. If they do not, don’t. Just follow your heart until you find what does.

Remember you are not alone. We are all in this together, we are all facing our individual “beasties,” the absolute best thing we can do for each other is love and accept ourselves so we can love and accept each other. To respond with love, letting peace and love rule our hearts. To follow our dreams and our hearts, encouraging others to do the same and supporting them while they do.

I will meet you on the fields of battle, and later, we shall drink in the halls of Valhalla, with all the other mighty warriors who have come before us!

Purpose

I have made such a big deal of this thing called purpose. Feeling it’s absence in my life, or simply having forgotten it, or having suppressed it – whatever the case may be – has left me feeling like something was missing in my life. That there was something wrong with me.

I defined purpose, when I started to look for one, as that thing I came to this world to do or to learn. But I am beginning to suspect I have bought into yet another illusion. Yet another belief structure of humanity and society.

If I do not believe in fate or destiny, what room could there be for a purpose? If I would not want to be confined to fate or destiny, why would I allow myself to wear the shackles of purpose? What if there is no purpose? No fate, no destiny – nothing.

Or what if the reason I am here, call it destiny, fate or purpose, is beyond physical understanding? Something I can only translate into insufficient physical terms, like Christians trying to define God, trying to stuff the creator of the entire fucking Universe into a box. Futile, pointless and potentially harmful. Certainly shortsighted.

Eckhart Tolle teaches me that this thing called purpose only exists in the future. It is a favorite ego fantasy. That my purpose is whatever I am doing in this moment, now. To put all my attention and awareness into whatever I am doing.

I just finished Millman’s “Peaceful Warrior.” The main character in that story learns a lesson so hard it literally kills him. Not sure how that works, the mind can not distinguish between an image it holds or something the physical body sees. He has a vision of his own death. Only I think it was more than  that. But ultimately, even that character found a purpose, to be a Warrior, a Teacher.

I am troubled by this, because if I go by what Tolle says, my purpose is to be here, living with my parents in their motorhome. To have no money, nobody to share my life with. To ultimately have no future. I see nothing on this path that leads me to believe it will carry me to a life I actually want to live. And I am to embrace this, accept it, and live each moment of this life as if whatever I am doing in that moment is my purpose.

Am I not allowed to define my life for myself? To choose a purpose the appeals to me and live that? Must I just accept things as they are, whether I like them or not? On the other hand, what good does it do me to complain, fight and struggle? To, as the Bible says,  “Kick against the goads?”

If I can not embrace my life as it is in this moment, if I can not accept it as it is, then I will suffer. Do I really want to add more suffering to a life that I consider to be far less than I want? No. So I will practice this, embracing each moment, accepting it, not wanting it to change or be anything else. I will continue to train myself through ACIM so that I may see things as they are. I will accept them a they are and see them as they are. This is my intention.

I am not sure if I believe this yet, but I will state it as fact and let it be weighed on the scales of personal experience. When you were born, it was without destiny, fate, karma or even purpose. Nobody was born to be a dancer, painter, teacher, or even a Warrior. You come into the world not only naked physically but also naked in every other aspect.

Does that mean your life is meaningless? Does your life have to have meaning? It seems to me that this is heavy burden to carry. If you have not found any meaning in your life, you will feel somehow lacking or missing something. I am not so sure things have to have meaning, and whatever meaning we assign them is a limited definition at best.

You were not born with a meaning, any more than you were born with clothes, or a destiny, fate, karma, purpose or sin. Yet you were born complete and perfect. Whatever your physical condition, you came into the world complete. It may not look that way on the surface, but every human comes into the world a complete package, lacking nothing and yet having nothing more than a physical body and that energy that gives it life, call it what you will.

Maybe this is a tough pill to swallow. But I am right there with you, trying to choke it down. Because I have come to understand that of all the things I understand, I know little, and all the things I know I understand little. But I am learning and coming to know these things that have, so far, remained merely intellectual constructs.

Embrace Uncertainty, Question Everything.

 

12-06-2014

After reading Tolle again this morning I realized something. I am even getting glimpses from my dreams last night, so whatever this is I probably dreamed about it as well. I realized that I am angry, resentful, towards my parents and what I perceive to be, what I think will be, the circumstances of my birthday and Christmas. That I will not be able to go anywhere special or do anything special, and that my parents will not do anything or make even a reasonable effort to shop for gifts.

As a result, in this present moment, I am unhappy. I can almost smell the toxic fumes from my disappointment, resentment, anger, bitterness or whatever else is there. As a result I will experience exactly that I have faith that I will experience. I expect I will do nothing special and go nowhere interesting. It is a groove recorded into my psyche. I have more faith in an undesirable future than a desirable one.

All previous Christmases and Birthdays that I have experienced where I do nothing special and go nowhere interesting are a collective result of one birthday or Christmas in the past where this non-happening happened, and the next birthday and Christmas I assumed would be like the last, and so it has gone on until right now, in this present moment.

It is a residual haunting, repeating over and over and over again. All these negative emotions and mental states sap my energy,drain my ambition, making it hard to think, making it hard to do anything different, making it all but impossible to create another groove that could repeat over an over and over again, this one of a birthday and Christmas where I am completely aware. Where I am abundant, accepting, open and receptive.

Maybe I create a new groove where I always go somewhere special and do something interesting on my birthday and Christmas. Or maybe I do one better, and create this state of such openness, that anything could happen, each year, year after year, and it’s a sort of present I give to myself. Maybe one year I do something or go somewhere. Maybe another I just stay home and enjoy spending time with my family. But as I am fully aware, fully present, the external circumstances will have no effect on my internal state, which will be filled with joy and wonder, which is the idea state for one’s birthday and Christmas, right?

I can not get there from here, unless right here, right now, in this present moment, I release all these emotions I perceive to be bad or negative. That humans generally apply these labels to. That includes anger, bitterness, depression, frustration and resentment. These states are not aware. They are not open. These states close you off. They weave a story about you. Your suffering, what you didn’t get,or what you got that you didn’t want. You you you.

But that is not really you. It is your ego, your story of who you are. The stuff you say to someone when you meet them for the first time. You start with a name and you may follow up with your age, your job, or your religion. None of that is you at all. That is not who you are, and introducing yourself this way is a lie, because you are not telling that person who you really are. You are telling that person who you identify yourself as. You are telling them about you, they are not experiencing the truth of who you are.

The next time you meet someone say, “I identify myself as (my name here). As a part of that identity I enjoy (insert things this identity enjoys) and I work at (insert job here.) Or something like that.

I see what I need to release and let go. I am not entirely sure how to do that. But if I continue as I have been feeling I will create a toxic environment around me and others around me. I will reinforce an outcome I have grown weary of, and in that outcome I will be so totally identified with my ego that I think these things that I perceive to be bad or negative are happening to me, when they are not, they are happening to my ego, the one wearing my name with its own back story.

When I am no longer identified with my ego, as this story of who I am, I will be aware and practicing awareness. I will be free to let anything happen, free to experience the possibility of anything happening. Free of labeling happenings as either negative or positive, good or bad, right or wrong.

If I can accept that what is happening is perfect, just a I am perfect, just as this world is perfect, just the way it is, my circumstances can have no effect on me. I can enjoy that which resonates with this state, and because that state will only attract more circumstances like it, I will naturally, effortlessly flow into circumstances that from the outside, to any observer looking on, are positive, uplifting. It will appear as if there are no limits to the positive experiences I am having, to how wonderfully things are working out for me. But inside that state there is no ego, so there is no comparing/contrasting or criticism/judgment. That state is the freedom to be unaffected by circumstance, which is the ultimate way to attract circumstances that, were you able to form an opinion within in, you would want in the first place.

Now if i focus on this future I perceive to be more desirable, I fall into another trap. I cement myself, once more, in time. Mind and ego are cemented in time. Ego is always looking back at how things were better, or ahead at how things will be better. When teh ego is not looking back at how things were better, it is looking back at how tings were worse, and it is projected into the future who things will be like they have been.

You don’t get to that place, that state, by involving the ego. You get there by not going there. You attain that state by not trying to attain it. You move forward by staying still, right here, right now, in this present moment. You practice awareness now, moment by moment, and through that practice you find you are there. But it all starts, right here, right now. It all starts with practicing awareness, in this moment, moment by moment.

Dealing With The Funk…

It Is Not Hopeless

Someone said the other day that they were going through a time where they felt hopeless and stuck. They were writing songs about it, but getting tired of the same old theme coming out. I recognized this landscape as one I once walked through.

I know these feelings. Not too long ago I also felt like I was in a rut. I had this image in mind of an old power line access road my brother and I used to explore when we were younger. These deep ruts, filled with mud. Any vehicle, barring heavy machinery or military equipment, would get stuck in those ruts. This image I associated with those feelings.

I asked myself today if I feel hopeless. If I feel stuck. Maybe those feelings are there, but I do not seem to be aware of them. I can not say that I am still traveling through that landscape or not, although it seems unlikely. Lately I seem to be more identified with feeling lost, confused, uncertain. “I don’t know” has become my catchphrase, not “I am stuck.”

After reading some of Adyashanti’s, “Falling Into Grace” this morning I noticed some things I was not aware of before. So I wanted to write about it, in case these words would help this person, or anyone else who may need them. Unfortunately I provided the wrong address to my blog, so I am unsure of this person will ever see them. But that’s OK. Getting into this state of OK is what I am going to talk about.

Adyashanti writes of a “vortex of suffering” we get pulled into while we are in an “egoic trance.” In other words, as long as we are living in a state of separation within our minds we are ruled by the ego, and are in this trance state. This “vortex of suffering” pulls is in when we fight, resist or struggle, because in doing so we identify even more closely with our ego.

Our ego, as I understand it, is our self-image, our story of our self, our story of, “my life.” It is that which causes us to separate ourselves from others around us. That is them, this is me. That is theirs, this is mine. Us VS them. They are Christians, I am an atheist. They are atheists, I am an agnostic. They are sports fans, I like to watch movies. All of this is driven by the ego, examples of people in this “egoic trance.”

My understanding here is limited. I do not know how I can become one with God and still be myself. I do not know how I can wake up from the egoic trance, or what they would mean. I am not even sure I have the ideas of ego and struggle correct. But I have found a few connections that may prove useful to understanding this.

In an earlier blog post I talked about trying. How trying implied effort, so anything we try to do implies, by our very act of trying, that these things must be hard to do. Also that if we set anything on a pedestal, make anything important to us, we risk putting it out of reach.

Well this fits in with struggle as well. If I am trying not to think certain thoughts I have labeled as unwanted, then I am struggling to only think the thoughts I have labeled as wanted, which gives the unwanted thoughts more power over me, and which places me deeper under the control of my ego. If there are wanted thoughts, there must be unwanted thoughts. Freedom comes when we see a thought as simply a thought, without attaching any sort of label or meaning to it, without criticizing or judging it.

Whenever we view anything as difficult or hard we give it power over us. We may also give it power over whatever we call God. This is something we should not do. That energy or force which we call God must always remain more powerful than anything in our experience during our lives. Otherwise we block the flow of this energy or force between us, and restrict what we can receive. I have written about this earlier too.

So let’s come back to hopelessness. What is this experience? It is a feeling. What is a feeling? It is a thought. In other words we have had an experience. We had a thought about that experience. We then, based on that thought, had a feeling based on that experience. Through the whole process it was our choice. We decided, whether consciously or not, what we were going to feel by what we chose to think about it. More so the specific thoughts we chose to latch onto, to attach ourselves to and to identify with.

Perception plays a role here. Where one person may feel stuck, another may feel secure or stable. Or one person may view being stuck as a bad thing, and wallow in the virtual mud pit, while another may enjoy playing in the mud, and view it as a challenge to get out, and still another may feel they are drowning and thrash around, sinking deeper. But the reality is there is no mud pit. There is only a thought and a feeling, filtered through the glasses of perception.

If I understand Adyashanti correctly, they key is to stop fighting. Just allow this hopeless feeling, this state you believe you are in. Just stop. Admit your feelings, observe your thoughts. But just stop, Release and let go. Embrace this experience, and in doing so, you take the first steps to freeing yourself from “egoic trance” and the situation itself.

The ego apparently needs struggle to enforce division. It needs to fight and resist. So when we stop fighting, resisting and struggling, we begin to free ourselves of the ego. All we have to do is accept whatever we are experiencing. Accept it, admit it, allow it and just let go. No fighting, resistance or struggle. No matter how horrible things might be from the perception of our bodies, no matter what is happening to us on a physical level. We simply allow ourselves to feel whatever we are feeling, and we stop fighting, resisting or struggling.

Does that mean we don’t fight back to save our physical bodies, if threatened, or the physical bodies of others? No, I don’t think so. But we have to realize that our physical bodies are only physical manifestations of our separation from our Source, whatever we call this energy or force. We are not our physical bodies, what happens to them does not affect who we truly are. It seems like it does, but that is because our egos are attached to our bodies. Body, ego and mind are all things that keep us separate from God.

I think that’s how things are, but as I said, my understanding is limited here. What it comes down to can be summed up by a simple example. In “Falling Into Grace” the author uses the example of a loved pet, a treasured companion, being buried. They allow themselves to feel that grief, and in that allowing the experience, not fighting it, a pinprick of light is seen in their heart, and inside of that is a smile. So that, even in the experience of grief, they are OK. There is love and light. I forget the actual words they used.

Most of us “fight back the tears.” Especially if we are male. We are supposed to be strong, to not cry. So if we go through an experience of grief, maybe a few tears escape, but we choke them back. We do not allow ourselves to just stop. Feel what we are feeling. Allow the feelings to flow and move freely within us. We resist, and ultimately we thrust ourselves deeper into the “egoic trance.” We give the grief power over us, because we make it to be hard to go through. Our experience of grief becomes exactly what we believe it to be by the thoughts we latch onto about it and the feelings we feel about it. The belief we have about the experience comes from our perception of grief. So its perception, thoughts, feelings and finally belief.

To wake from “egoic trance” we need to release and let go of all our beliefs. We need to change our perceptions. We need to let thoughts come and go without attaching ourselves to them. We need to allow ourselves to feel, without judgment, whatever it is we are feeling at any given moment. That is how we can be OK, no matter what is going in the world around us, and no matter what we may be experiencing.

So the first step in coming out of feelings of hopelessness and being stuck is to stop fighting, resisting and struggling. To admit that these feelings are there and allow yourself to feel them. To accept them, embrace them even. Be OK with feeling hopeless and stuck. Be OK with writing poetry or songs about it. Just stop and be OK with all that we formerly had labeled undesirable or unwanted. No criticism or judgment. No attachment or aversion. Just still, stopped, OK.

Then you are free to change your perceptions about this state. You can see it differently, then think about it differently, and then feel about it differently. You can accept whatever is happening in the present moment. You can stop giving what you call undesirable power over you by fighting against it or calling it hard. You can stop labeling your experiences at all and just let them be whatever they are. It is then that you can awaken from “egoic trance.” They way out is not found by fighting, resisting and struggling through, but by stopping, then accepting, admitting and allowing.

These concepts may be hard to understand. It helps to use an example. I was thinking about where in my own life I am fighting, resisting or struggling. For me it is where I live. I am located over two miles from a small town, predominantly Christian, with little or no social or spiritual opportunities. Also little or no work. I feel isolated, alone. I have few friends, and none are in this area. I am single, coming up on 40, and I have nobody to share my life with. I live in the house with my grandmother and my parents, who live in an RV on the property. My grandmother, my aunt, my uncle, my parents – all the people I am usually around – are all Christians. This is the current story of “my life.”

I do not want to be here. I feel stiffed, suffocated. But I can not leave. Where will I go? With no money, no transportation other than a bicycle, where can I go? I feel, and as far as I am concerned I know, that this is not my True Place. There is my right place, which is where I am now, where I put myself, and my True Place, which is, essentially, what others would call fate or destiny. I think of it as the place where I am doing what I love to do, and am able to support myself as well as a family, and of course in this place I am also serving others.

The point of all this is that I have been fighting, resisting and struggling being here. Which gives this place power over me, makes it hard to live here because I am, “trying to do my best in this situation…” and places me deeper under “egoic trance.”

So to apply what I have learned, I need to stop. To let go and release. To accept, admit and allow. A part of how I do that is to treat this place as if it were my True Place. How would I act if this were the absolute best life I could live on this planet while in my physical body? Obviously there would be no fighting, resistance or struggle. This also changes my perception of this place, freeing me to think other thoughts and have other feelings about it.

As long as I perceive, as long as I see this place, as something undesirable, with all the thoughts and feelings attached to that label, then that is what this place will be for me. When I stop seeing it this way, I can see it as something different. I can use this experience to wake myself up from my “egoic trance.” So this place becomes a place of transformation for me, not stagnation.

How can you change the way you perceive your current circumstances, experiences, or life? Take the first step. Stop fighting, resisting and struggling. Stop giving it power over you with words like “try” or “hard.” Allow yourself to experience whatever is happening, right now, in this moment. Just think whatever you are thinking, and feel whatever you are feeling. Change how you look at you current circumstances, experiences or life.

Beyond this I have no knowledge. I know what to do, but am in the process of taking the first step myself. Once I have taken that first step I will certainly share my experiences, and if the second step is apparent, I will point it out.

There is no such thing as hopelessness or being stuck. There is only your belief in these states. When you have released and let go of your beliefs about these states, you will simply no longer be in them. The only things that can have power over you are what you give power over you. Everything else simply is, and it is up to us to simply accept, admit and allow that.

When you say, “I am hopeless” or “I am stuck” you are lying. What you are is beyond hopeful or hopeless, stuck or unstuck. This is, as I understand it, what spiritual teachers call duality. Good and bad, right and wrong, hate and love. The existence of one state means the likely existence of its opposite.

What you are is beyond that. Who you really are is both that and not that, at the same time. Not beyond as if it were something above. There is no physical locality. It is both and neither and at the same time. It allows both hopeful and not hopeful, but does not criticize, judge or label. Ultimately, in a way I still do not understand, all of these pairs of opposites, these sets of duality, are all the same. They all come from the same place, and it is humans who have divided, separated, and labeled it.

I guess its sort of like being in quicksand. You want to struggle to free yourself, but doing so makes you sink faster. We have to change our thoughts and resulting feelings about giving up, letting go, acceptance, admitting what is happening (being honest with ourselves) and allowing, in other words not trying to change things for something we perceive of as better but to simply allow things to be as they are.

So it’s like being a sieve water travels through. Or a limb of a tree under snow. Whatever is happening flows through and can not affect us, because we are not resisting it, or latching onto it. If the branch does not bend under the weight of the snow, releasing the extra weight, it will break. For example, when someone makes being a victim a part of their identity, they are latching on to whatever happened to them. The weight of this experience could break them. It is only through forgiveness, which is an act of releasing, they they keep from breaking under the strain.

As long as we fight, resist and struggle, we sink deeper into “egoic trance” and ultimately we suffer more. When we stop and wake from the trance, our suffering ceases.

It is not hopeless. This may be what you call your circumstances, experience or situation. But hopelessness is not real. It is an illusion. It only exists in your mind. It is not an actual thing. It is only hopeless in your perception, based on your feelings, which came from your thoughts.

Admit to yourself that you feel hopeless. Allow yourself to express how you feel for as long as you have the feelings. Do not criticize or judge. Stop, release, let go. Question this. Ask yourself, “Is this situation really is hopeless?” Is there anything in this experience that gives even the faintest glimmer of hope? Look hard enough and you will find it.

But even if you don’t, to quote a movie I loved years ago, “It can’t rain all the time.” No experience is set in stone. The only things that are real are those things that never change. So this experience is not real, because it can, and will, change. If you can find hope in nothing else, you can find hope there. You can believe, have faith (by acting like you have it), that things will get better. If anything gives you hope in this apparently hopeless situation, the whole thing crumbles. It can’t be hopeless if any hope at all exists. Remember that!

Change Begins Inside

Just the other day I had a revelation. It occurred to me that praying for healing for someone, or sending them healing energy, implies that healing is needed. So it creates or reinforces a state of sickness. It is also critical and judgmental, in that you have decided someone needs healing.

It is so different from how we usually think. We hear someone is sick, or witness it ourselves, and immediately we pray, ask for healing, or send healing energy. But I think a better approach is to refuse to give any ground to the sickness. See the person as well, as perfectly healthy – not in need of any healing. This creates the reality of them healthy and healed, even if their state initially was not one of health or wellness.

Maybe this is another of those ego traps. This idea that we have to do something. That we have to fight something. That we have to resist something. We go to war against a virus, cancer or some sort of physical damage. Or we try to center someone emotionally. Or we send them to someone to get their mind right.

But that gives power to the unwanted condition, doesn’t it? Shouldn’t we instead give power to whatever we call God, which is greater than anything in what we call reality, and refuse to create or reinforce any reality of the unwanted state, seeing instead the individual as healthy at all levels, physical, spiritual and mental?

Another ego trap, loosely related, is one I recently fell into. I kept saying that I want to have the faith of that woman who reached out and touched Jesus’s robe. Who, on touching it, was healed. I kept saying my faith isn’t that strong. But on the heels of this first realization came another. That I am only created or reinforcing a reality where my faith is not that strong by saying that.

This is very confusing and hard to think through clearly. What I should have been doing (and yet another trap is perilously close here, dwelling on should haves) was saying to myself that I have the faith of that woman. That I have the faith of Jesus’s disciples, That I have the faith of Jesus himself. This then creates or reinforces a reality of great faith in me, whatever my initial state of faith may have been.

It all comes down to focus. We need to focus on what we want, not what we don’t want. We need to focus on what we have in the reality we wish to create or reinforce, not what we are lacking. No guru, no truly spiritual teacher, not even Jesus himself ever spent even a moment of time thinking about what they did not have, what they were lacking, what they were missing or gave any consideration to what others called reality. At a wedding Jesus didn’t see a barrel of water. He saw a barrel of wine. He didn’t see Lazarus as dead, He spoke to him as if he was alive and merely taking a nap. He didn’t worry that he only had a few pieces of fish and a few loaves of bread. He had already created a feast for everyone around him.

We can debate whether or not these things actually happened. Or rather you can try to debate it with me if you like, but I will not spend energy trying to defend anything. Whether or not these things happened is not relevant. What is relevant is the glimpse of the mindset of Jesus and his disciples, and people like that woman, which we can see between the lines and in the background of the text. This is an important clue in our own affairs. It shows us the mindset we need to have in order to manifest a reality we desire to manifest. Or to create or reinforce a state we want to create or reinforce.

So if you are sick your best bet is probably not to ask for healing. If you go to a doctor you should do so out of a sense of responsibility for the body you have been blessed with. But you should not go there with a mindset you need healing. Neither should you ask some guru or teacher for healing. Your energies will probably be better spent envisioning and imagining yourself as completely healthy, well, whole. Image yourself in the state you wish to be in, whatever that is, feel all the things you would feel in your desired state, spare no thought as to whether or not the state will manifest (another ego trap.) Just live and act your normal routine as if that state were the reality, and not whatever reality you are experiencing right now.

I think this is the mindset we need to have. There may be more pieces to this puzzle. I have been working at it form the corners since I was made aware that this puzzle even existed. I will freely share anything I learn in my own explorations in this matter. But I think a major piece was figuring out the truth about asking for healing. It ties in how what you give power affects things and reinforces the idea that you have to envision and imaging yourself as already having whatever it is you want, or being in whatever state you want to be in.

May these words make you aware of any ego traps in your own path. May they bless you and may any truth in them take root in you and bear fruit.

Change Begins Inside.

Who Am I?

I would like to invite you to take a few moments and ask yourself this question. “Who Am I?” Now listen to your inner dialogue..

“I Am A Wife” or “I Am A Mother”
“I Am A Christian” or “I Am A Buddhist” or “I Am An Atheist” or “I Am An Agnostic”
“I Am A Man” or “I Am A Woman”
“I Am Gay” or “I Am Straight”
“I Am Jewish” or “I Am English” or “I Am An American”
“I Am A Soldier” or “I Am A Police Officer” or “I Am A Firefighter” or “I Am A Business Person”
“I Am Rich” or “I Am Poor”
“I Am Successful” or “I Am Homeless”
“I Am A Human Being”
“I Am A Racist” or “I Am A Criminal” or “I Am A Good Citizen”

On and on it goes, this list is by no means comprehensive. Notice how your “I Am’s” are followed by a story. We all have a lot of stories we tell ourselves and others about ourselves. In my case I have stories I have shared about being a former Christian, creating and falling in love with a Tulpa. But here is another question to contemplate… Is that really who you are? Are these things I say about myself all I Am?

Let me share something with you that you may find challenging, disagreeable, or offensive. But I think this is the truth. So I will share it, but will not defend it or force it on you. Because I also believe that if it is true, it can defend itself – it doesn’t need me to defend it. So if there is any truth here let it sink it and take root.

I believe the truth is that our egos are made out of the stories we tell about ourselves – the things we identify ourselves with. These are the things that we believe to be true about ourselves. Therefore, our ego is really just another belief. Think about that for a second. When I came to this realization it made some things so clear. Even now as I write this, while listening to Ellie Goulding, I find myself smiling. Why?

Maybe it is realization of a fundamental truth. Or maybe its simply because I have learned how to deal with unwanted beliefs – all those I have outgrown that were never really me in the first place. It is so easy. I just let them go. There is no fight, no struggle, no goal to reach, nothing to accomplish, nothing to do. I just say, “I give this belief to the Source.” That’s it. I don’t say it over and over, just once.  I am willing to let these beliefs go, to free myself of them, and I am open to doing so.

These are just states. A way of Be-ing, not more beliefs to take on and integrate into the ego. It’s tricky here, because it is so easy to say, “I Am Open” or “I Am Receptive.” But these are just weaving some more strands of belief into the ego. Now it is useful to make affirmations of these statements, because this is how we re-program our software. Our mind/ego is merely software, an interface between the energetic and the physical body (the machine) the energetic is experiencing the physical plane through. But once the programming is done then this is the natural state you operate in. So now you see how these states are not who you are.

Various teachers have said this various ways. “Die to Live” and “No Self, No Problem.” One should not see the death of the ego as something to mourn. Because the death of the ego is complete liberation of all belief systems, which is complete freedom. Freedom to be what you really are, not what your parents raised you to believe you are, not what your religion says you are, not what society tells you that you are. No, when your ego dies you are free to be your True Self, whatever or whoever that is.

There is nothing here to fear, the fear is coming from your ego, because the ego does not want to die. Or more accurately, you don’t want to die, and as your identity is your ego, as you associate yourself with your ideas, your stories of who you are, how death may feel like real death. But the truth is ego is not sentient, it just seems that way because you have so closely associated it to yourself that it feels like it is you, and letting it dissolve, letting it die, may seem like killing yourself.

It’s as if you are a child with a stuffed toy that as far as you are concerned is a real, living companion. You don’t want anything to happen to it because as far as you are concerned Teddy is alive! But in reality it is only alive because you have given it an identity and associated that identity closely with the toy.

Of course this all goes back to projection. What we believe about ourselves and our world – our reality – is really the projection of our own beliefs. Freeing ourselves of our ego, by allowing it to dissolve, which frees us of our beliefs, allows us to see ourselves and the world as it really is, not as we believe it is. This is really what is meant when I say, “You Create Your Reality.” You manufacture your own beliefs, or take on the beliefs of others, weave these into your ego, these beliefs become stories you tell about yourself and the world around you (yes you have beliefs in the ego about that as well), and this changes how you perceive yourself and the world around you.

In other words it is time to take of the glasses because your eyesight is perfect and it always has been! The glasses are made of your beliefs, what you see through them is your version of reality for yourself, others and the world around you. By taking them off you free yourself of all beliefs and can see yourself, others and the world around you as it really is. I think the Buddhists all this “Bare Attention.”

So are you ready to shed the familiar cocoon of the ego and emerge as the beautiful butterfly of who you really are? Are you ready to experience the world as it truly is? Then simply let go of these stories you tell yourself and others about yourself. Let them go realizing that these stories are not who you are at all. There are no firefighters in the afterlife. In fact nothing by which you have ever identified yourself with through your ego exists outside the physical realm at all.

It is only in the maintaining and perpetuating of these illusions, these stories we tel about ourselves, our ego, that we suffer. If we tell ourselves all the time that, “I Am Poor” or that “Money Is Tight” we will live in a constant state of limited income, and even if we won the lottery we would find ourselves fairly quickly right back in that state again. Because this has become our reality, based on our perceptions, projected from our ego, based on our beliefs.

I know this to be true because I have lived it. My parents still live it. I am only recently freed of this limiting belief and finding money coming to me much quicker and in greater amounts than it ever has in the past. I am not a millionaire or anything, not yet. But that is not  the point or any sort of goal. That would just be another story – reinforcement of ego.

No the important thing is not the amount, but the successful reprogramming of my software, Learning to see the world differently. Opening myself to abundance. Being receptive. The release of an old, limiting belief that wasn’t even mine, I adopted (maybe you could even say inherited) it from my parents!

“Change your mind, change your life.” Your software, your mind, your ego, this interface between the machine (your body) and  your True Self (the energetic part of you) has been programmed a certain way up to this point in your life. But if can be programmed one way, it can be programmed in another way, regardless of age, intelligence, race, nation, creed, religion ir any other story you identify with. It’s up to you.

People can and do change, but it is their choice. You can change, but that is your choice, and only you can make it. You are responsible for who you are, what you have done so far in your life, and the reality you experience. Nobody can save you. Not even Jesus or Buddha or God Himself can save you. Because you have free will. You created this identity and its associated reality. If you don’t like who you are or the reality you live in it is up to you to change these things. Jesus, Buddha, God, the Source or any great teacher – they can open your eyes and help you see this. But only you can change your mind.

I have made my decision. I Am Dissolving My Ego. Just letting it go, like any of my old, entrapping beliefs. I choose to experience myself as I really am. I choose to experience the world as it really is. I choose to Be who I really am. I choose freedom in a limitless reality, and I invite you to share it with me.