The Sad Truth About Art

Apparently there seems this ideal, prevalent among artists, of some space or time where they could safely pursue their creativity. Melville called, “The Calm” or something like that. Well there is a problem with this, that I shall demonstrate simply with these words, “With no sand, the oyster makes no pearl.

According to my understanding, a pearl is made inside an oyster when a grain of sand gets in, causing the pearl to secrete a substance around it, which over time (I have no idea how long) becomes a pearl. I assume the more time it spends in the oyster, and the older the oyster gets, the more beautiful the pearl.

There is one rule relevant to the artist, and I advise you write this down: “Art does not exist in a vacuum.” In other words, the irritants in the world and, more specifically, in your life, are those things that, when worked over and smoothed through art, become the masterpieces all artists secretly long to create.

Also there is no perfect way, technology currently notwithstanding, to draw from your head the exact, beautiful ideal you have in your mind. All you can do is tease it out as best you can, and you have to try, or it will come to life, take a few breaths, then die right there inside your noggin’.

So toss out both of these foolish ideals. There is no artist’s heaven in our sometimes heavily censored and materialistic modern society. Even though wonderful things like Netflix and YouTube exist because of artists, how the world works is generally without acknowledgement or appreciation of our work. Why do you think you encounter so many wonderful musicians along the sidewalks, standing or sitting as they preform with an opened instrument case or upturned hat close by?

So stop looking for that perfect space in which to create – even if you were to find it no creativity would be possible inside it. Likewise quit seeking to support yourself with your creativity. It is antithetical to all muses to be the provider in the relationship. That, unfortunately, is your job! But be thankful, because your annoying boss or coworker are just more grist for the mill. Turn everything you dislike or outright hate into a beautiful pearl!

I am not just writing this advise for you. I am writing it for myself also. I have struggled with writing, specifically having no interest in being a “professional writer”, despite my gifted understanding and use of the English language. In other words, I am a Poet and a Writer, but I would rather play video games and make content for YouTube.

Also I hate the “daily grind”, even the idea of it, even more passionately than most. But it has become clear to me that it is time to embrace this unwanted part of myself, and in order to pursue writing in any form, I will have to find a way to earn some money to clothe and feed myself. That is just how it is. I can wish all I want that it would be different or easier. But, as they say, “It Is What It Is.

Embrace the irritants, the negativity and the struggle. Acknowledge it, come to terms with it, make peace with it, accept it. Don’t try to spit the particle of sand out, or you will never make a beautiful pearl! Work it in your mind, secrete your secret desires and longings around it. Express yourself in whatever creative medium that most draws you. Create and transform all your undesirable experiences or situations into beautiful works of art. You can do it, I know you can.

Believe in yourself.


A song plays, and I remember
what I consider to be my greatest work.
A masterpiece, born of passion, born of love.

An ember in my heart burns bright, flames anew, flickers, dies,
leaving this warm afterglow deep inside me,
leaving a yearning, a desire to create this again!

The highway continues on, seeming forever,
I am carried forward, always moving on,
I have not yet reached my destination.

The Ego, The Present Moment and Some Unexpected Revelations!

More and more I think Eckhart Tolle is right. I think there is definitely something good, a worthy practice or pursuit, in staying in the present moment. As I continue to plow through ACIM and learn about the intricacies of the ego, I am coming to understand some things, some past experiences.

I first “met” or encountered or even experienced Tolle I think back when I was living in my grandma’s attic. Man I really miss those days! There I was, all this space to myself, places where I could go outside and do yoga or meditate, and I never really appreciated it! I guess the fact that my mother and my grandmother were constantly arguing, and I felt like I had to play referee may have contributed to my not seeing the blessings I had been given. Also I was far away from town and other people – no social opportunities. But I had a bed, my own relatively warm room (warmer than the RV anyway!) and plenty of space and time to do something with my life. If I had been intelligent at all I would have started to be serious about YouTube, back in 2009, BEFORE all their restrictions and censorship. Who knows? Maybe if I had I would now have my own huge channel and thousands of subscribers, enough that I could relocate anywhere I like.

In any case, some folks were going to repair our bathroom and remove mold, so my grandmother’s insurance company moved us all out into hotels until everything was finished. While I enjoyed my time at the Staybridge, I read Tolle, Basho and Ryokan. That’s when I started to write these shorter, Haiku-like poems. It just fit me, felt right. In immersing myself in Tolle’s teachings, I found myself in that space where poetry flows effortlessly through me. It is the exact same space I am in when I am in the natural flow of my life instead of struggling against the current. One way you, the readers, know that I am not in the present moment, not in the flow, is that there are no new poems being shared here. The few I have shared these last few months were written last year, or during some brief time when I was in a happier state. When I am angry, depressed or suffering from cabin fever, like now, the stream of poetry finds no access through me, and I can no longer be a channel for it. Or anything of a loving or spiritual nature. I am sure you can see that from the things I have written these last few months.

I think I understand a few things about this now… It occurs to me that a truly enlightened person is permanently focused on the present moment. They have to be, and this is important because, the ego does not have any influence or power in the present moment. I am certain this is true. Nobody who is fully aware, fully present, gets caught up in other people’s BS. This must be how I was able to stay at my brother’s the last time I was there, and when he blew up, I did not engage. I was able to just walk away. I am sure I wrote about this here some years ago. When you are fully aware, fully present, fully IN your present moment experience, you are happier, you are more inspired, you are more loving and you are more of a conduit for true spiritual energy, that might manifest through you in the form of writing, or art, or some other creative endeavor. In other words, if you are blocked creatively, it seems to me the most effortless fix would be to find a way to get into the present moment. Meditate, accept your feelings about your art as they are, embracing them, feeling through them, then releasing them and letting them go. If you can get into the present moment, and practice staying there even for a few days, my guess is that the ability to create will come flowing back.

From what I can understand of ACIM, the ego is past-focused, and it uses the past as a reference for the future. But it NEVER, EVER dwells in the present moment. Someone in the sway of their ego will find themselves easily caught up in the ego BS of others around them. They are easily influenced by the actions of others. They experience anger, discontent, frustration, unhappiness, stress and a host of other negative emotions. Why is that? Lost a train of thought here, but will type in in faith and knowing the words will come if important…

Why is it that someone being driven or influenced by their ego is unable to experience more joyful, spiritual states? Simple… Because there is this idea (I guess it comes from the ego) that the present moment experience should be something other than what it is. It is that simple. It really is. If you are angry it is because you are in denial of how things are. You want things to be different, you believe and really feel they should be different. But reality doesn’t bend to your will like that. Actually, as long as you are angry and struggling against reality, you will continue to create a reality that seems to be fighting against you, that seems to be in some struggle with you. It’s that rowing against the current state. Caught up in your ego, you never realize, it never occurs to you, that you can simply accept reality as it is, get back into the current, and determine to create a better experience for yourself.

You see YOU create the current of your life! How’s that for mind-blowing? All the energy you have focused and invested in whatever or wherever you have focused or invested it over the years you have been alive has created a stream, a natural state, in which your life flows. The only way to change that flow is to place all your energy and focus in the new direction you wish to go. And you start RIGHT NOW, in this moment. Then you practice placing your energy and focus in this new direction, every day, until the new current is established. Then you flow in that direction. The current CURRENT you’re are in is very powerful. Or at least it seems to be very powerful, and in your perception it is very strong. You have put YEARS of energy and focus into it. So don’t expect overnight miracles. They can happen – “Anything Is Possible, All Possibilities Exist” (the author), but it is more likely you will have to continue to ride them as you slowly shift things and change their direction.

What does this entail? ACCEPTING THINGS AS THEY ARE, IN THIS MOMENT! Yup, that is what you have to do. The ego has likely influenced the current flow of your life, and that is why your life sucks big, giant hairy goat balls right now! The ego does not have your best interests at heart, only its own. It doesn’t care about you at all. In fact it hates you. That is essentially what ACIM says, and for all I know it is true. The good news is that each moment brings a chance for you to change where you put your energy and focus, an opportunity to begin the most likely (but not necessarily) slow, tedious process of creating a better present moment experience for yourself. But you always, ALWAYS, have to accept the present moment experience as it is. You made it after all! It is YOUR creation!

Teal swan has several videos on anger, and I forget now what she said to do. Something about asking yourself what needs are not being met? In any case, if you are angry, I would perhaps follow her advice, because if nothing else that causes you to pause. It is a good interrupt. You need an interrupt so you can become aware and initiate any change. The next thing I advise is asking yourself, what is it you are denying? What is it you are attempting to deny the reality of in this moment? What is it you feel should not have happened, or should be different? What is the “should story” running in the background here? You need the interrupt to get a chance to become aware of that “should story.” Once you have become aware of it, THEN you have to accept it.

That first step, BTW, I think of as ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, AKA, “It is what it is.” That leads, naturally to acceptance, because it is how it is. It will not change by you being angry at it. Actually, your anger will ensure you keep reliving that same state, over and over again. You will keep having that undesirable and unwanted present moment experience. ALL RESISTANCE EMPOWERS (gives power to) WHATEVER YOU ARE RESISTING! I am sure I have said this before, and that is what I mean. Your denial, your “should story”, is a form of resistance, and you resistance provides the power that creates, drives and perpetuates the experience making you angry. So you have to ACCEPT it, because it is there, you can’t deny it away.

Next you have to feel your way through it. This is where Susan Jeffers, “Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway” comes in. You have to feel what you feel. You have to allow yourself to feel. You have to embrace these feelings, allow yourself to feel them as long as you need to feel them, then when you are ready, you have to release them and let them go. LETTING GO is another egoless state. LETTING GO is antithetical to the ego, just as acknowledgement and acceptance of things the way they are is. These things are directly opposite to the egoic state.

The ego wants to retain. It wants to be angry, it wants to hold grudges, it wants to hate, it wants to be bitter, it wants to be resentful. So it drives you, as long as you are under is influence, held in its sway, to be angry, bitter, hateful and resentful. If you think you are a religious or spiritual person, and yet you have any energy invested in, or focus invested on, any of these states, anything that is the opposite, at its root, to love, you are not truly religious or spiritual. Because a truly religious or spiritual state is one where the individual is influenced by love, not their ego, PERIOD. There are no exceptions!

Any investment in your identity as a religious or spiritual person – as Christian and part of the Christian group, or a Muslim and part of the Muslim group, or a Buddhist and part of the Buddhist group or even as a spiritual, not religious person (this is me) – this is a sure sign the ego is behind the wheel of your life. I am in the same boat as the rest of you in this. Anything we would make as part of identity, and invest all our energy and focus into who we believe, feel or think we are (BLM, LGBTQ – I am looking at you!) is sheer ego. And as long as our egos are in control, there will be war, there will be disease, death and destruction, because our egos hate us, and want to destroy us. It seems odd and counter-intuitive, because once we are dead, our ego is also dead. But our egos are insane. You can not apply logic to insanity. You can not apply reason to the unreasonable.

Your beliefs, religious, spiritual, scientific or anything else, your racial identity, your gender, your sexual preferences – all of this BS does not go with you when you die. Understand that. It all dies with your physical body and your ego. Who you really are is none of that shit. To get more in tune with who you really are, hold your beliefs loosely, let them go when they no longer serve you, and practice being in the present moment. Accept things as they are, and if you want a better present moment experience, invest the energy, effort and focus in the direction you wish to go. But always say in the flow, in a state of acknowledgement, acceptance, allowing then releasing and letting go. If you want to be happy, if you want to be effortlessly creative, that is the state you need to be in, If you want to experience true joy, that is the state you have to be in, and I suspect, that if you want to manifest desirable, wonderful things in your life, that is the state you have to be in. You have to let all the other BS go.

Somehow, someway, I am determined to change the current course of my life to one of abundance and joy. I will get out from under the influence of the ego and get into the present moment, with full awareness. And I will practice staying there, until it becomes the natural current of my life. And I will know I am in that state when all my creative endeavors flow effortlessly through me, just as they did when I dipped my toe into the waters of this experience all those years ago. I keep forgetting all the things I have learned. All the lessons I went through. It is not easy to create such a drastic change in one’s nature, ones state or natural way of being. Or at least it seems as if there is a lot that gets in between me and the intention to change. Thankfully this is a journey we can take together, we can support each other and help each other. Actually I have created a place for that here:

I think change seems difficult, seems hard, because so much energy and focus has created a current state that seems to resist change. The current is very strong, if it has been created while under the influence of our ego. We have invested a lot of energy and focus into our current life experience. But ACIM may be right, this may all be an illusion, “albeit a very strong, persistent one.” (Albert Einstein) The ego is just an illusion. It is not real. It’s like we put the VR glasses on, and now are struggling to take them off. But they can easily come off, allowing us to see things as they really are. We just have to raise up are arms and take them off. It seems harder than it really is. Maybe there is no current dragging us along at all, maybe the currents are just our beliefs, and when we let them go, we come to see that we are not being carried or driven anywhere. We can just start walking in whatever direction we choose. Maybe that’s how things really are. I don’t know, but I will apply and remember what I have learned, and shared with you here.

Here’s to making our experience of this world exactly what we want it to be!


I used to make things on this computer,
things for Minecraft and other games,
short stories and video tutorials,
but the passion for this has left me,
and I remain stuck, staring at the screen.

What would it take to rekindle my passion?
Is there any way I could find the desire,
the strength to sit here, typing away,
building things and learning new things again?
Will I ever return to my natural creative state?

Because the part of me that enjoys making,
that little child in me, is laying in his bed
on top of his Legos, afraid to move or make a sound
because if he does, his parents will come punish him.
I have to stop letting fear control my life.

Unfortunately, I have little time left with my laptop,
as I had so little time with the computer I built before.
Soon I will leave here, and I can’t take it with me,
so how will I express myself creatively then?
So many answers on Google, none to this question.

No Man Can Serve Two Masters

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; Or else he will hold to the one and despise the other.” – Matthew 6:24 (KJV)

“And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years, And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse, When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague. And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes? And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me? And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing. But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth. And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.” – Mark 5:25-34 (KJV)

I find it interesting that for the first time since I left my former Christian faith that I am returning to the Bible. In fact even before I left my faith I had the Bible stashed away in a box, angry at God, disappointed in my faith. I hadn’t read it in a very long time. But there was a time I read and studied the Word, as they call it daily. In fact I had even read the Bible cover to cover several times. I really do know it by heart. All of its teachings are still there in my memory.

I bring this up because it is as a former Christian I wish to address Christians tonight. I just watched an episode of Paranormal Witness entitled, “Deliver Us From Evil.” It was about a Christian, Baptist man and his family in Indiana. They had just moved into a new home, could not afford to leave, and the impression I got from my third-hand perspective, which may not be accurate, is that this man’s faith was a major part of his identity. Through what happened in that house it sounds like he went through something Bruce Moen calls a “Belief System Crash.” He had a priest from his church bless the house. He read his Bible. He prayed for his family. But he came to the realization that his faith did not have all the answers, and it was not strong enough to deal with what they called a demon (on the show) in the house.

I felt for this man. I could see myself in him. I too had made my faith a part of my identity. I too experienced a “Belief Systems Crash.” It was very hard to separate myself from something I considered to be a part of who I was. I would often say, “I am a Christian.” Christians are taught to say that, to think like that. It is one of many flaws in this religion, or any religion for matter. How many terrorists have exclaimed, “I am a Muslim!” with some note of pride. Even Buddhists and Hindus do this. Maybe this is human nature. We come to believe or feel that our beliefs are who we are, that they define us.

As I watched this episode, reliving some of the things I experienced when I was a child, which were nowhere near as bad but just as terrifying, this though came to me. Another fly in the Christian ointment. Jesus, the founder of the faith, says right here that “No man can serve two masters…” but this is exactly what Christians do! Other religions as well for that matter.

In the Christian faith there is God and Satan. Good VS Evil. In the non-denominational Christian faith my parents raised me God has certain powers. He is omnipresent, meaning He can be and is everywhere at once. He created everything, He is all powerful. I use the capital H’s here out of respect. I write here only out of love and purest intention. Which is why it troubles me to have to say the following…

In the Christian faith Satan is ascribed the same powers. Before you start arguing or leave this page, please read on. It is never said this way of course. But think about it. Satan can tempt any Christian to sin. So theoretically, if he were tempting you right now, and someone else on the other side of the planet, what else could he be but omnipresent? You may argue that its his demons, the fallen angels that are doing the tempting on his behalf. OK, I have said this before, but 1/3 of the angels fell, presumably to become demons (fallen angels.) That’s a set amount. That means that maybe this could have worked a thousand years ago or so. But the human population is in the billions now. It has been increasing over time. Sooner or later the ratio of demons to humans will be too little to cover everyone, if it isn’t already.

But lets say there are 100 billion demons. Maybe the end times will come before there aren’t enough demons to cover everyone, or maybe the demons only go after Christians. Well there will still have to be an amazing communications network going on, between Satan giving orders and these orders reaching a particular demon attacking a particular family. But let me ask you this. Do you want to ascribe creative powers to Satan? Probably not. I would say that Satan, being the antithesis of God, is destructive in nature, whereas God is creative in nature. So lets theorize again. If you are destructive in nature, even if you managed to make something, wouldn’t you eventually destroy it? Wouldn’t you be incapable of creating anything that lasts because your very nature affects what you make as well as how you interact with it? Do you see the problem here?

However this is not my main concern or reason for posting. I am not here to cause you to doubt. I want you to think for yourself. My main concern here is simply this. It is your belief that gives a thing power. As a recall Jesus said as much, many different times in the New Testament. I remember the story of the woman who believed, and understand, this wasn’t just a mental exercise. She felt this too, even though the scriptures do not say so. She had to have felt this in every fiber in her being. It was more of a knowing, that if she just reached out and touched the hem of Jesus’s robe, she would be healed. What happened? She was healed of course. What did Jesus say to her? As I recall, “It is your faith that has made you well.” If I got that word for word please note I did not look that up. That was directly from memory. I want to stress how well I know and understand the Bible. I want you to understand how much I truly did struggle with my eventual decision, to leave the Christian faith and risk eternal damnation. Hours of study, thought, introspection, contemplation, more likely hundreds of hours, went into my decision.

But I digress… The woman believed (had faith) that she would be healed, and she was. Christians believe in God, and they believe in Satan as well. Therefore they give power to both entities, and are serving two masters. Think about this. Really, truly and honestly think about this. This Christian Baptist man, through his strong faith, was giving power not only to God, but Satan as well. Other Christians of lesser faith never battle what they perceive as demons in their house. They are what some call “Sunday Christians.” They go to church, read the Bible, probably were “saved” and baptized, but you can’t tell them apart from anyone else in the world, as Christians call it, except on Sunday.

Real true devout followers of the Christian faith struggle with temptation., and in extreme circumstances, things that seem to possess their house. This man created his own suffering for himself and his family. He didn’t know any better. He was a man of faith, and it was so strong it energized all that he believed in, and of course being Baptist as I believe I have been told there is a special emphasis on hell and the devil.

This is why it is so dangerous and unhealthy for yourself and others around you to identify so heavily with your belief systems, whatever they are. Terrorists believe so strongly in their causes that they can strap bombs to themselves and blow themselves up. Their faith is just as strong as this man’s must have been, and just as devastating for both of them. Terrorists do not realize that they give power to America and all they perceive it to be by their faith, just as this man did not realize that he was giving power to what he perceived to be his enemy, Satan. Do you see it?

By adopting a belief system into your identity you automatically create an us VS them situation, as I have said before. Christians VS Muslims. Christians VS Satan. Muslims VS America. Christians VS The World. Good VS Evil. It really comes down to this. You believe yourself to be of the “good” faction. You believe the other is of the “evil” faction. So we have the rare person battling what they perceive to be a demon in their house, or in lesser cases a ghosts. We have certain Muslims strapping bombs to their chest to kill people. We have Christians saying things like, “This is not our home…” and in the case of my own father, whenever we talk about old age, “I don’t think I (or we) will be around that long…” in reference to the Second Coming.

I have asked this before but let me ask it again. How can we love each other when we perceive some to be with “us” and others to be with “them?” How can we love our home, earth, if we believe it is coming to an end and it is not our home? Have any of you Christians out there ever noticed how many times in the last 20 years we have been told it is the “End Times?” I remember one time, early in my faith, and I think there has been 2 or 3 since. Why don’t you notice these things? Why don’t you question?

For the same reason when you look at yourself in the mirror you don’t question if you are male or female (with a few rare exceptions I am sure.) This too is a part of your identity. Your body is one type or the other. You were born one way or the other. You have been raised according to your body type and whatever that means in your society/culture/religion. If you faith is a part of your identity you generally do not question it. Unless a “crises of faith” happens and you find yourself asking, “How could God do that?” or “How could this be Allah’s will?” Then your friends and family within your faith are quick to come in and reassure you. They have the best intentions in mind, but are really harming you. Because at such a time you are free to ask questions of your faith, of all you have believed, and come to your own conclusions, and these may be truly surprising.

Unless you are super strong and have been struggling with your faith for many years, it is unlikely you will pull yourself out into this questioning position on your own. Had I been 10-20 years younger at the time I made my choice chances are my family would still have had great influence on me and I would have remained a Christian. I am so happy that I was able to extricate myself from my faith and turn my back on it for good. This may not make sense to other Christians. They may shake their heads sadly or make the sign of the cross on their chest. And that, more than anything, is what makes me sad.

You go to your church or your mosque and you go through the usual rituals. But to my experience in the church nobody ever stands up and challenges the pastor. Nobody asks the hard questions. Nobody points out the inconsistencies in the Bible like how Satan was supposed to cross an “Uncrossable Chasm” to come before God and ask permission to tempt Job, much less why God would allow it. Look it up. There is supposed to be a gulf between Heaven and Hell. But maybe you have a ready answer for that one. OK, how about this. If Heaven is a perfect place, where did Lucifer get sin from? As I recall I asked these questions of a local pastor here at my parent’s church via email. He has never replied.

I don’t usually mention these and the other equally disturbing questions I have about my own former faith. I believe that everyone has a right to their beliefs. I choose to love and accept everyone, no matter what their faith is, or even if they have one. I don’t want to cause Christians to doubt their faith. I don’t feel I have the right to do that to anyone. I am not sure what the right approach here is. So the most I usually try to do is help people think for themselves. Let them come to their own conclusions, make their own decisions.

In this case my purpose is to help Christians realize, especially those who perceive themselves to be under attack, that perhaps their belief in the power of Satan and his minions over them, as their enemy, is what allows such attacks to continue. That they need to somehow come to a place in their faith where they ascribe all power to God and God alone.

Emmett Fox, in reference to the 10 Commandments, interprets the phase, “Thou Shalt Not Have Any Other Gods…” and “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery…” as the same thing. Idolatry. You have given a thing, in the case of the Israelites, a graven image (the Golden Calf) power. But you should only give God power. I don’t know how you can do this in the Christian religion. Some factions of Christianity deny Satan. The other factions condemn them for this. Maybe the best approach here is to simply acknowledge the existence of Satan, but give complete control and power over to God. Realize that Satan is unable to touch you without God’s permission.

I went through much of my life with that sort of thought/belief. I would say things to myself like, “I don’t have to worry about being killed because I will only die when it is God’s will that I die…” It worked for me, and I went through a situation where the second house I lived in, from the age of 5 to 16 or so, was what I would have perceived as”haunted” at that time. I saw a horrific face in the window that glowed with a color I have never seen on this earth. I saw a black dog, saw through it rather, its glowing red eyes on me. I saw my stuffed bunny, facing away from me, turn its head around 180 degrees and stare at me with glowing red eyes. I even experienced something I later determined to be an out of body experience (apparently children have them a lot) where I was taken in a tomato box through my closet and it was darkness and flames. The feeling, what I experienced, I can’t describe. My mom’s faith was strong enough to send me a nightmare about the end times, venturing out of my house and finding body parts laying around. She wanted to scare me securely into my Christian faith.

It worked for me to simply ask God for a “hedge of thorns and hand of protection… Peaceful, restful sleep…” for years before I went to bed. I had few nightmares, despite all I experienced as a child. My parents, to my knowledge, were never attacked by what they would perceive as demons. What I would have perceived as demonic attacks also stopped. But you know what? I haven’t prayed like that since I left my faith, and I still have no nightmares. Now I go to sleep with a deep knowledge that there is no evil, or good in the world. I have come to understand that both of these are creations of man. Manifestations of man’s belief. But I no longer subscribe to such beliefs. Which is why I shy away from anything ritual or that says there is good and evil. To my mind these things are not real. They are what others believe to be reality, but they are not truly real.

I asked myself, just before I sat down to write this, how I would handle going into a house that someone perceived to be haunted or possessed. Or outside of the Christian faith, what about a place that author Meg Blackburn Losey would perceive to have a portal between worlds in it? These are all manifestations of belief. That is they exist because people believe they exist. What is the truth of reality then? I don’t know. But I am open and receptive to whatever it is, without making any judgments, forming any opinions, or investing any belief. Ultimately I think this is the place everyone has to get to if they wish to be truly free.

So if you are under attack and are a Christian stop giving your perceived enemy power. Realize this attacking force only exists because you and other Christians believe it does. Treat it like a thought during meditation. Acknowledge it, but do not attach yourself to it or become adverse to it, just let it be without forming any opinions and thoughts on it at all. Ascribe all power to God.

For your Muslims stop worrying about America corrupting your country. It’s time to step out of the dark ages. You have brought your own suffering on yourselves. Even if you were to nuke the entire continent and send it to the bottom of the sea, you would eventually find fault with Japan or Russia or Sweden or some other country. Do you really want to fight the entire world? Ascribe all power to Allah, what you perceive of as God. Acknowledge the presence of America and American people, as well as the new ideas and beliefs that they represent. But leave it with Allah. He (I assume Allah is a He?) is powerful enough to protect you if that is His will, you would not dare say He is not strong enough, would you? But your actions, by attacking others, reflect your collective thoughts, don’t they?

If you truly believe Allah as strong enough to protect you then you would not be strapping on bombs to sacrifice yourselves while killing others. You are trying to fix things and not trusting what you perceive of as God to be able to do it for you. And as long as you do that you will always have another target, another enemy. You will never win. You will only bring endless war and suffering to yourself and your loved ones. Just as this Christian Baptist man did to his wife and family. Stop giving power to your enemies through your beliefs, and they will stop having power over you. Open yourself to change, accept it, life is change, it is inevitable, and you can not win the fight against it, no matter how long you struggle. Study how it went for China, I believe it was China, that closed itself off for thousands of years. You can learn a lot by studying history.

You Christians too must also stop giving power to things like your own county, other faiths, etc. Worrying about “The Mark of the Beast” and recently “Chrislam” as well as everything else. Your beliefs will only manifest the very thing you don’t want. Exactly what is happening to the Muslims and others. You are not really trusting your God if you are not ascribing Him full power to protect you and your loved ones. You are acting just like the Muslims if you go out and try to fix things yourself. These circumstances that both faiths do not want only exist because of all the belief power, through bloodshed especially, that has been poured into them. The instant you both stop dwelling on what you don’t want it will cease to exist, effortless and easily, without you having to do or be anything. To all religions, give full power to whatever you call God, and leave everything in Its/Her/His hands.

That is serving only one master. As long as you give power to what you perceive of as God and this other thing, whatever it is, you are serving two masters. You are at war with the unwanted, undesired, thing. All the while you are giving it power over you, instead of simply giving it to what you perceive of as God. The blood you shed in your fight, the energy you expend focused against it, only strengthens it. You, by your very though process and your resulting actions, manifest it and make it real. Your beliefs create your reality. It really is as simple as that. Just let it go, give it to what you call God, and trust this entity to take care of it. Serve what you perceive of as God, and nothing else. Serve only one master. Focus all your energy and power on that.

If you want to manifest something in your life (make something real) focus on what you want, and ask your God for it. Then leave it with It/Her/Him, believing, the same way that woman believed, that if she just touched the hem of Jesus’s robe she would be healed, have that belief towards what you perceive as God manifesting (making real) whatever it is you want, and it happens. Instantly, even before you have spoke a single word. Notice the woman never said anything either. She didn’t she fall on her face weeping and begging God for it. She didn’t sit there and worry about how her healing might affect anyone else, or whether or not she would be healed. I assure you that in her mind’s eye she only say herself healed, that’s it. She simply believed, reached out (openness) and touched (acceptance) the hem of Jesus’s robe. Not His flesh, nor did she need Him to utter any words, nor did she seek confirmation, she merely reached out and touched, and what she wanted to manifest (make real), her healing (she was bleeding constantly as I recall) happened. This is the example that all peoples of all faiths should follow whenever they approach what they perceive of as God. If they do that then their request is granted.

Serve one master. Go to whatever or whoever you call God with your request, knowing it is granted before you even say a word. In fact words are unnecessary. Go with your heart yearning for whatever it is, your mind picturing it manifesting in your life (becoming real.) Ascribe all power to a single master, this entity you have come before. Then leave it there. Go so far as to thank this entity for granting your request and leave knowing and feeling with every fiber of your being that it has been granted. If you can master this, you can be healed just as this woman was healed, and more importantly, if you ascribe all power to whatever or whoever you perceive of as God, you can heal exactly like Jesus healed.

Think about that for a minute. What did Jesus always say? “It is not I but my Father in me…” or something like that. Jesus served one master. He gave power only to His father, and as a result he was able to heal and cast out demons. He must have known, in the same way that woman knew, that he would receive whatever he asked of His father before he even asked it. If you are a Christian you should follow this example. If you are not a Christian you should read the Bible to gain another perspective about this process. It will aid you in your own faith. Even someone like me, who is not a Christian at all, can benefit from reading the Bible, because there is much there to help us understand important truths like how we create our own realities by our beliefs.

Here’s a great secret about the Bible, and probably any other “Holy” text as well. There is more to what is being said than what you read in the words. The surface meaning is merely that, just what the words mean if interpreted directly as written. But there is much in these texts beyond the words. There is more to the teachings than what you hear in church, the mosque or the temple. There are as many ways of interpreting and applying the truths in these writings as there are people reading and studying them – maybe even more.

Drawing on Jesus’s example again, as this is what I am familiar with. Does Jesus ever identity himself as a Christian? No. In fact I am not even sure he ever called himself God’s son, although I could be wrong on that. He always said ,”My father…” and “I and my Father are one…” but notice how Jesus’s faith was never a part of His identity. This is the example you should follow if you are a Christian. This is the example you should follow if you are of some other faith. Don’t make your belief systems a part of your identity. Serve one master, ascribe all power to what you perceive of as God, not a belief system. Because if a belief is wrong and you come to a place where you have outgrown it, or it is coming between you and your master, then you have to let it go, and if it is a part of your identity this could be very difficult for you to do. By being open and receptive in your beliefs you dissolve any us VS them mentality. And this allows you to love and accept others. Jesus did not identify himself with one group or another. There was no us VS them in his mentality. He helped Samaritans, a prostitute and tax collectors. He simply ascribed all power to his Father, not His belief in His Father. Do you see the difference? The Pharisees ascribed power to the law, so they served two masters. Why do you think Jesus came down so hard on them?

So accept what appears to be reality in outer circumstances. But leave it to whatever or whoever you call God. Do not ascribe power to external circumstances. These can change. A saying I like is, “It is only real if it never changes.” Your God is real, because that entity is unchanging. The circumstances of your life are not real because they are changing constantly. If the circumstances are undesirable, change them. Come before what you perceive of s God with your request and ascribing It/Her/Him power by leaving it with them. Believe that your request is granted, with every bit of your being, and your request is granted, without you having to utter a single word.

It has nothing to do, by itself, with your belief systems. It has everything to do with your focus, where you ascribe power. That power is channeled through whatever you believe, and that creates what you perceive of as reality. It’s your beliefs that make it your reality. If you have ascribed all power to your God, simply by believing that your God is more powerful than whatever has brought you before It/Her/Him, then you have given your God all the power It/She/He needs to manifest (make real) whatever it is you are asking for.

This is how you serve one master.

God and Satan Are Both Tulpas!

If you are new to this blog then you may not be aware of the unique experience I had last year. To sum up, I manifested and fell in love with a Tulpa. Back then then I had a blog entitled, “Romance Beyond Reality.” It detailed my experiences during this time.

A Tulpa is in overly simplified terms a thought form. But it is really much more than that. As I understand it, anytime you believe strongly enough in something, to the point you would or actually do shed blood for it, and you put your feelings into it, such as the common feeling that your belief is right, you create a Tulpa. The more people who share your beliefs, feel strongly in them, and are hurt and killed for them, the more powerful and established the Tulpa becomes.

Tulpas are manifested energetically. Not sure how they are given life, so it is more accurate to say they are manifested. In general they are not tangible to what you call reality, what you think of as the real world around you. The Tulpa exists in your mind, or as a feeling, a sense of connection, an impression of something other, something like that.

Some Tulpas can and do briefly manifest in physical form. Bigfoot and many, if not all, alien encounters are examples of these. Ghosts and the paranormal may be more. But chief among them are any God or gods or goddess or goddesses, any being given some idea of form that humans worship.

Think about this a moment… Christians believe in God, and it seems natural to assume and believe that if God exists so does Satan. Satan is the Christian scape goat. The cause of all suffering, the root of sin. Humans are infected creature, imperfect, powerless, not divine in any way shape or form. We must be saved, must ask forgiveness of our sins, must repent, in order to be “saved.”

Here’s the problem… Satan would have to be like Santa Claus (another Tulpa.) Somehow he would have to be omniscient and omnipotent to travel between billions of humans and tempt them to sin. Now maybe you would argue that this isn’t how it works. It’s the fallen angels doing his bidding. OK, this could be true, but it is unlikely. Because Satan is God’s opposite, right? Imperfect, in fact perfectly imperfect, destructive, in fact perfectly destructive. How can an imperfect, destructive being create a perfect network that instantly tempts people all over the world, somehow knows when to tempt them, and does everything else it would have to do to make this work? How could a destructive being create anything, much less keep from destroying it, because remember he is destructive by nature.

How powerful is Satan anyhow? As powerful as God? How? Why would God give Satan that power? If God didn’t give it to him, then Satan, as Lucifer, was already as powerful as God, so why would he seek more power or even desire it? While we’re on that note, as Lucifer was in Heaven, a perfect place, where did sin come from? Don’t like that question do you? It is impossible to have imperfection in perfection. So Heaven is either perfect, or it is not. True or false.

Let’s not forget everything else Christians call Satanic. Astral Projection. Out of Body Experiences. Near Death Experiences. The Astral Planes. Lucid Dreams. On and on. Did Satan create all these? Perhaps he stole control from God, maybe God created these. But if God is all powerful then nobody could take anything away from Him. Again true or false. So perhaps God have Satan power over all these realms. Well then if God created them, they aren’t Satan’s, so they aren’t evil, and that means roughly 50% of all New Age literature is discussing other parts of God creation. Satan is just the unfortunate boss. But why would God give him that power?

Furthermore why did God send Satan here, to earth? God knows everything, right? So He would know that Satan would tempt Eve and ultimately cause the fall of man. Why not cast Satan elsewhere, to another world? For that matter, if we all got on a colony ship, no books, no cloths, our minds wiped, where generations later all memory of our religions and beliefs would be gone by the time we reached an alien world, would sin still exist there? Is Satan’s power limited only to earth, to the solar system, to the galaxy, or the entire universe? Again how powerful is he?

Listen up and listen well. God and Satan exist, because thousands of Christians have bled and died for their belief that they do. This has created two very powerful Tulpas. Jesus could also be one. He may have originally just been a teacher trying to help people. But we turned him into a Tulpa. Or he could have been created by the beliefs of the Jewish people in a savior, which would also mean he could be God’s son. The point is that all these religions icons in Christianity are Tulpas. Not necessarily the men or the prophets. But certainly God. Heaven, Jesus, The Holy Spirit, Satan, Hell and the Lake of Fire. The likelihood that Jesus will return is slim, but if he does it will be because of Christian belief. Most importantly of all however, is that sin is also a Tulpa. It does not exist.

Buddha had his idea of what causes sufferings. Christians believe it is sin. Here is the truth. You are a sinner only if you believe you are, and you are suffering only if you believe you are. Granted, if someone ties you to a chair and tortures you this brings you suffering. But ultimately you are the one, whether you were aware of it or not, that put you in that place. Oh yeah and while I’m on this note, fate, destiny and karma also all exist simply because people believe in them.

The truth is simply this, as I have said before. We create our reality. Or to be more accurate, we manifest our reality. Not sure how the creative forces work, but if you invest the energy in the forms of sex, believe, and feeling (love) to manifest the reality for yourself and your spouse of a child (assuming opposite sex couple here), then you will have a child. But you didn’t create the child or give it life. You manifested its reality. Some other force is behind the scenes here. I call it The Source. But I am a former Christian and I have to be careful not to start some new religion or create any new Tulpas. It is possible for a former member of a religion to fall into old patterns.

I don’t know who or what this Source is but I think I have a glimmer of an idea as to what it wants. First off this source is not driven by human concerns (another flaw of the Tulpas in the Christian faith.) It seems to be creative by nature, but for unknown reasons. It does not get jealous, it gave humans the ability to have their own religions and manifest their own figureheads. It gamely gave God and Satan life

Secondly while the Source can’t be said to want anything (implying it has lack), it is not good for us to dishonor or abuse the gifts it has given us. When we give our power over to some other agency, call it God, Fate, Destiny or The Ascended Masters, we dishonor our nature and make our lives harder for ourselves.

On the other hand when we accept our natural gifts, to manifest for ourselves what we want, we honor the Source. We make our lives easier for ourselves. We are happier. We have the opportunity to experience the absolute best life for ourselves.

So thirdly its probably a safe bet the the Source is loving. It cares for us and wants the best for us. But not in any sort of human, attached way that brings suffering or implies lack or need or powerlessness. Not sure how this works, all that can be surmised is that creation by nature is positive. Not good or bad – no judgements here. Positive. Positivity comes more easily, naturally and freely than negativity. But as the Source does not discriminated, the same natural gifts we have can be twisted by others and ourselves to a negative experience of reality. The universe, the mechanisms that run everything, do not discriminate. They give you whatever you ask for, even if you didn’t say a word. They go by what you feel the most, believe in the most – in short put the most energy into.

Oh and fourthly, it’s safe to say the Source is not perfect, nor imperfect. It simply is. Where there is perfection there is no room for growth. Where there is imperfection there is negativity. Where either of these exist judgment must also exist. But the Source does not judge or discriminate. It simple exists, creates and loves, without any attachment, bias or discrimination. These are my perceptions of it.

So lets change gears here and talk about the world, how imperfect, evil or cold it may seem to you. The world, reality, is, more than likely, very much like the Source, or could even be the same thing. In other words it is positive by nature, loving and creative. That is the real world out there you are in interacting with. The world is not against you, nothing is. But you create that reality for yourself, consciously or subconsciously.

An example… A man, a father, beats his wife and his son, abuses his daughter. We collectively look at the man and what do we feel? Hate. Strong hate, strong feelings. What do we say? He is a monster. Inside the man’s head what is happening? He sees himself as a drunk, a failure, worthless or maybe even a monster. He created this reality for himself, and we enforced the creation of this reality. We helped to manifest this monster.

The man’s son is thinking that when he grows up he will never be like his dad. Again strong feelings, hate, shame, injustice and more. The Source does not discriminate. It doesn’t respond to words as much as feelings, beliefs. Right now the boy is feeling worthless, shame, guilt. He is hating, investing strong feelings. The boy grows up, gets married, beats his child and his spouse, the cycle continues. Because the boy investing his feelings in a negative reality, not a positive one.

How could the cycle have been broken? By imagining his father sober, talking to his wife, getting help, being happy, investing in that. Feeling forgiveness instead of hate, thinking about what his father must be thinking, how he must feel about himself, and through understanding find a way to love his father. To smile at him even as his dad strikes him. To continue to see this beautiful reality he has manifested for his father, for his mom, his sister, his family. No matter how bad things got, to be able to hold on to that, unshakable. Very difficult. But it will affect the needed change and break the cycle of abuse. It will also help the young man. Because abuse can twist or break a person, especially if it comes from a trusted person, a loved one. Most if not all of humanity’s issues can be traced back to twisted, broken people.

The point I am making here is very simple, as all profound statements probably are. Sin only exists for Christians because they believe it does. You are not a sinner by nature. Nobody is born a sinner. Nobody needs saving. You are only powerless because you believe you can’t change anything. I know because I used to hold this belief. I used to say, “What can I do about it? Nothing. Maybe someday if I have enough money…” Bullshit. You can do something about it, right now. But it will require effort, energy, dedication and hard work. Worried about all the homeless in America? Use your imagination to create, thereby manifesting, a reality where everyone has a home, occupation of some sort, food, all needs met. etc. Believe it, feel it. Get others together and share your vision. Collectively believe it. Feel it. Even if you grow old and die together, never seeing what you imagined manifest in your reality, never, ever doubt. Trust and believe, know that the reality you envisioned does exist, did the instant you imagined it, and is, over some undetermined amount of time, manifesting, bit by bit, in this reality.

There are factors at play here I don’t fully understand. Perhaps there are more people envisioning an opposite reality? If there are a dozen of you manifesting a positive reality of no homelessness, and a million homeless who believe and feel that this state is their reality, you are going against the flow, pushing up hill. The instructions have been sent and will execute, long after you and everyone who invested their energy in your reality have turned to dust, so you may never live to see it, but it is created the instant you imagine it, and is from that moment on manifesting in some time frame beyond human understanding.

One of the main issues we as humans have to deal with is our religions telling us we are sinners, thereby creating sin and the existence of evil and negativity in our world. Truly Christians create their own hell and their own savior to save them from it! But these beliefs infiltrate society and even those who don’t aren’t Christians are affected. That is why the world seems to be getting worse. In truth the world is neither good nor bad, neither for nor against. It is, like the Source is. Good, bad, an anything in between are all created by us. In nay case Christians believe in some sort of final judgement or end time and evil running rampant basically. There are millions of them out there, so they have actually created this reality for everyone on this planet. Everyone that is, except me and anyone else who refuses to invest any energy in it.

How this will all play out I have no idea. I can’t force change on anyone. Killing Christians enforces their beliefs, it does not destroy them, and it enforces the negativity that this religion and many others have brought into the human experience. I can only invest energy in manifesting a positive reality for civilization, one where we live in harmony with ourselves and the planet. I can change myself, change the negative self-talk I have programmed myself with, based on what others have told me and I came to accept as truth, since I was little. I can see others as changed. I can honor the Source in this way.

I can see my time here on earth as an adventure and a positive experience. So this is what choose to do. I can look forward to exploring all the realms of the afterlife. I really am excited to see the Halls of Valhalla, the Elysium Fields and Heaven. But I know that these are the creations of man. I have chosen to stay outside of these for my afterlife. I have chosen instead to be free, to go where I will, visit the Source, explore the Astral Planes, spend time in the Inner Library.

I choose to believe that I am an unlimited, powerful being. I can imagine what I want for myself and others and invest my energy in manifesting these realities. So this is what I have chosen to do. To accept the gift I have been given. To create and realize my own dreams. I create and realize my own reality. You know what the funny thing is? The cherry on top? I do those things others see as sin less now, as someone who no longer identifies themselves as a Christian, as someone who is no longer a Christian, than I ever did before. If that’s not proof of the truth I have spoken here I don’t know what is.

Save this blog post. Print it out. Share it. Take back control of yourself and your world. Not by violence, not with judging or condemnation. Simply by changing yourself and how you see the world. By imagining the reality you want to manifest for yourself, your family and the rest of the human race. Doing so out of love born from understanding and with absolute positivity. Those of us who do this are the ones behind the curtain. Our silent revolution manifests a positive, wondrous and beautiful reality for the entire human race.


Well a few things have changed since last year and I thought I would take a moment and update you now that the staff has quickly resolved the issue I was having with logging in (thank you!)

First of all the trip is on the back burner. I would still like to go on a spiritual retreat, perhaps northward to visit a friend or somewhere closer to home. Everything is up in the air right now. This came about due to some opportunities that came to me.

Secondly are those opportunities. Namely I can now take free classes through my library. So DREAM, GCS, that died, came to life again, died again, has some hope of once again being resurrected. Learning C#.

Thirdly my view of life has changed. Maybe not in the way my friend (and former commenter here) would approve. But for, well really the first time, I feel truly free and happy. I mean I felt some of this before with the tulpa I created. Maybe some before that as I started growing spiritually. But it was, I don’t know, like I was standing in the door to happiness, or just a little inside. I hadn’t really fully reprogrammed myself and my thinking. But since then I have been undergoing some major personality code overhaul.

What does this mean anyway? Well I no longer see myself as limited or powerless. I know that anything in the future is possible, that all things are possible, that I can do anything, even create my own experience of life, my own reality, if I believe in it strongly enough. This is exactly what I’m doing.

Before I could study programming and it didn’t really stick. Not some sort of lack or inability at my part. It’s just tough and I guess I couldn’t hack it before or something. Maybe that hasn’t changed. But before I would just quit, feel overwhelmed. Believe I couldn’t do it. Now I’m like someone standing in front of a patient about to perform open bypass surgery. Someone just passed me a scalpel and I’m about to get to work. Never operated on anyone before. But I’m not thinking about that. I have no doubts in my mind that I know exactly what to do, and more so, that I will succeed. So I do. This is sort of what’s going on with this programming business. Everyone in various coding forums would be glad to tell my dreams are unrealistic, that it takes years of training and work to create anything like a GCS, not only that but that it takes teams of people. But I don’t hear them, their words don’t penetrate, and never will. Maybe that reality is true for them, but not for me. I can see the complete program in my mind and I know it exists. I created it, and all I have to do is manifest it, and this is done by learning how to program and going through any other doors that open for me.

In college when I tried to learn programming I hit a wall. I was overwhelmed. But I worked hard. I can now apply that same ethic, and the proper mindset, to my current self-training and succeed. In fact even as I type this I have mastered C# and programming in general. All that’s happening now is that the reality I experience at this moment is playing catch up to that reality.

So head of me lies a future of infinite wondrous possibility., The world is exactly what OI make of it. No more negative self-talk. No more, “I will” or “I want” or “I don’t want.” Now it’s “I AM”, the most powerful two words in human language, whatever language that may be for you. I am excited and looking forward to all the amazing experiences waiting for me this year. I see in my mind’s eye all the things I would like to manifest in my life. Wife. Children. My own house. Me working as an inventor. Me coding some massive program. I think tonight, if I don’t fall asleep too fast, I’ll think about a surf yoga retreat. Or going to see Wayne Dyer on a cruise or in Hawaii. Or maybe a dream workshop with Mr. Moss. Or maybe Afterlife workshop with Bruce Moen. Or maybe a Dharma talk with Thich Nhat Hanh. Or maybe just a meditation retreat in some beautiful location.

I have learned, and am continuing to learn, that life is beautiful. Nothing is out to get me. The universe is not conspiring against me. What others do, what society does, is irrelevant. Nothing can affect me negatively in any way unless I let it. I choose my response, I choose the life I have, and I have chosen to work towards manifesting the absolute best reality for me which I have created.

What reality have you created for yourself?

Create Your Reality! Video Series At YouTube

I have just finished a very long part 2 in the, “Create Your Reality!” video series I have uploaded to YouTube. Here are the links:

So why do I say stuff like, “I am manifesting it right now” or even “I have this” and “I have that” when, if you were to teleport yourself into my room, you would not see these things? What am I talking about when I say, “Sense Determined Reality” or “Non Sense Determined Reality?” Is it all just NonSense? đŸ˜€

In part 1 of, “Create Your Reality!” I explain all of this and more. I show you how to use your imagination to create the reality you want. I tell you how, “Your Beliefs create your reality.” I illustrate how an idea, which is not tangible, always comes before it manifests in physical form here in non sense determined reality. Hopefully this video will clear some things up for you, open your mind, and free you to create the life for yourself that you want.

In part 2 of, “Create Your Reality!” I go more into depth into the workings of what I shared with you in part 1. I show you the flaws in praying for something and saying things like, “I want…” I teach you how to properly pray whatever you religion. With this video I give you the keys to a door that can literally change your life. But walking up to the door, unlocking it, and stepping through is up to you. Watching the, “Create Your Reality!” videos is your first step.