7-7-2019 – Independence Day

So July 4th has come and gone. I think back, and still can’t believe I am a 2018 graduate! It seems so long ago, almost like it happened to another person. But no, this was the major event of my life last year.

I have been helping a lady I occasionally work for these last few days. The work itself hasn’t been too hard. But I have worked hard at it, and it has worn me down. I have been paid promptly and well. But so many times I have had to lock my lips shut.

The lady I work for has an, entrenched, viewpoint about the world – how things are and how things work. Some examples:

  • I should never expect anything for free. If I do I am taking advantage. Everything must be paid for – must be an exchange.
  • The world is hard – life is hard.
  • People are not inherently good or nice.

I gotta say I am FUCKING TIRED of people telling me how I am doing something wrong, or am wrong, or am bad, or don’t know something, or don’t understand something, or have no experience, or that my opinion doesn’t matter, etc. etc. etc.

I WILL NOT be browbeat into submission to someone’s viewpoints about humans, society or the world in general and at large. I ADAMANTLY REFUSE to buy into the bullshit so many people in my life keep spewin’! I CLAIM and DEMAND the right to define humanity, society and the world in general and at large as I DAMN WELL PLEASE!!! My beliefs, feelings, opinions, thoughts and viewpoints are just as valid as EVERYONE ELSE’S, regardless of age, creed, experience, genetics, species, race. etc. etc. etc.

Yes, I am not a black man and I can not really know the black man’s struggle. Yes, I am not a woman and can not really know the struggle of women. Yes I have traveled only 43 times around the sun, not 69 or 93 or whatever. But that does not mean, in any way, that I CAN NOT know, at some level, or empathize, or understand, or be sympathetic too, these things which are outside my personal experience.

It also doesn’t mean that my viewpoints are irreverent and/or worthless. I can put myself in the black man’s shoes, the woman’s shoes, the elders’ shoes. And I know things. I do not know how or why I know things, but I have long known and even understood things outside my life experience.

My point is that you can put your GODDAMN box away, because I do not fit inside of it. I am beyond and outside your definition. I am unlike anyone you have ever met or known. I am unique. Not special – unique. I don’t know that I buy into the whole specialness thing. Maybe if I was born with superpowers. But unique – HELL YES! There never has been anyone like me on the earth, and there will never be anyone EXACTLY like me after I leave it. I am the only one. And I have experienced things few other humans in history have.

I am empathetic, sensitive and maybe even a bit telepathic. I have not tried to develop any of these abilities or skills or whatever they are. And it could be that I just have a knack for reading body language, though I doubt that is it. I FEEL things, I practice listening to my gut and intuition, and I advise my parents to do the same. I KNOW things I can not trace back to any previously collected knowledge.

As before I do not say these things to boast. No. I think all I am currently experiencing in my life can be experienced by others. It only requires openness and receptivity to certain things, and I share this constantly.

I have adopted the belief that all humans are inherently good – inherently divine. No matter what someone does, that is just a role they are playing, a mask they are wearing. That is God there, under that mask, acting out that role. I have also adopted the belief that the Universe is ultimately good, that it supports me and that there can be enough for all – that abundance of all good things can be experienced by all.

And I have adopted the belief that when I ask another for something. maybe an exchange will take place, but even if I do not give them anything in return, they receive a chance to serve. The opportunity to serve is an invaluable experience – a gift that we must all be open to giving to others in our lives, especially our loved ones. We are not meant to go it alone. We are all meant to support one another in our various endeavors, in whatever way it comes naturally to use to contribute, in whatever way we desire to contribute, with our whole heart.

Part of what pissed me off these last few days is that this person I work for tells me I should pay for my shower. After all, the lady my parents are renting from likely pays for her water. But as far as I am concerned, my parents are paying part of the rent, so they have equal rights, and those rights pass down to children and grandchildren. Especially as the person they are renting from has her daughters living with her.

But this idea, that I am somehow bad for believing I have the right to drop by and take a shower for free, and that I am taking advantage, contributing nothing for this privilege – as if I should feel guilty about it – well that sets me off. Do either of this lady’s daughters pay for their shower privileges? Are either of them expected to contribute in some way for their mother letting them live there, much less take a shower there? No, absolutely not.

And even if this were one person’s reality, or even the reality of a number of people, that does not mean it must be my reality. This does not mean I have to agree or contribute, to what I shall now call a collective delusion, in any way. Who is qualified to define reality for another? Not our authority figures, not our religion, not our loved ones, not anyone. Only we are qualified to define our reality. But too many of us just abdicate this power, this right, to others. I refuse to do this – I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE!

Instead I claim my full power of choice, to define reality in whatever way I desire and to live my life in whatever way I choose. I will choose my own viewpoints regarding humanity, society and the world in general and at large. I will define my own reality.

Today I claim independence. I claim independence from anyone’s definition of reality that in any way demeans, hurts, minimizes or fails to completely support me. I claim independence from any sources of fear – whatever its source. Instead I choose love. Finally I claim independence from guilt, shame and another control device or mechanism which another may use to try and control me. I am and will remain an unbridled stallion, running freely across the plains.

Today is MY Independence Day. 

Finding Your Way Through

At the suggestion of a friend I have opened up, “The Nature of Personal Reality” last night and began reading. Today I started on Seth’s introduction and encountered this, “What exists physically exists first in thought and feeling. There is no other rule.” This passage, and one from earlier, “Your conscious thoughts can be great clues in uncovering such obstructions” (obstructions defined as, “strongly negative characteristics present in your most intimate thoughts.”)

So I started thinking about what things I might be consciously thinking about. Asking myself if perhaps the things of which I am aware of are things I am thinking about. But then wondering if that could be considered a conscious thought, because it seems to me that a conscious thought is a thought I am actively directing. Unconscious thoughts would then be things I am thinking about that I am not directing. In other words, conscious thoughts are initiated, while unconscious thoughts just happen. But do both come from a point of awareness?

Anyhow one of the things I am aware of is my back pain. It comes, I have been saying, from sleeping on a fold-out sofa in an RV, on memory foam mattresses that loose all their resistance when they are warm. It has been warm these last few days, and as I recall, I always slept better when the room was cool and the mattresses were stiffer/firmer.

But if my physical pain existed first in thought and feeling, from what thought or feeling did it originate? I thought at first it came of my negative attitude towards my bed. Then I thought maybe it came from my dislike of having to put away my bed every morning and make it every night. Then I realized that it likely ultimately came from my negative attitude towards my current living circumstances/situation, living in this RV with my parents. When when I think these words it is like I am spitting them out. You can see now how the second quote applies, my conscious thoughts giving me clues here to these obstructions, these negative feelings.

What this all boils down to is that my bed literally cannot support me because I do not support it! As cute as this simple explanation is, if I go deeper I see that the reason I have this back pain is because I have not been accepting things as they are. I have not, do not and am not yet, loving and accepting my living circumstances/situation as they are. Instead I am railing against it – resisting it. It is the conflict from this resistance that is creating the physical pain I am experiencing. I bet if I dug a little deeper I could even figure out what lower back represents according to someone like Louise Hay in, “You Can Heal Your Life.” I may come back to that. But I’ll bet it’s related!

The question is, how do I fix this? What solution(s) can I try to address what is essentially the energetic cause of this physical pain? I have learned from the teachings of Abraham I can not jump from from where I am, in anger and hatred and resistance, to love. Too far to go. It seems to me what I can do is start to bless my bed, every night as I make it, and every morning as I put it away. Furthermore I can bless this RV and my current living circumstances/situation, every time I exit or enter the motor home. Finally I can be thankful – I can practice gratitude. I can be grateful that the RV has given me a place to live, a roof over my head as it were, and I can be thankful that I have a bed to sleep on. I can show appreciation for the fold-out sofa, for the memory foam mattresses, for my sheets, for my blankets, and for the RV itself.

I think gratitude is so important because it helps to dissolve negativity. Blessing something and being thankful for it is the acid that will eat away all the negativity around an issue. But it is a gentle acid. It helps the negativity to be gently released, to just effortlessly come free of whatever it is tightly wound around. Going after negativity with negativity may remove some of the negativity you are attempting to remove, but will almost certainly leave some behind. As always, flow not force is the key.

Finally an “attitude of gratitude” is, I think, the first step towards acceptance. This isn’t the same as surrender or giving up. Acceptance is a way of acknowledging things as they are and being willing to leave them like that. You do not wish they were something else, you don’t try to force them to change – you take them as they are. Acceptance of a thing leads to love. You can not love something you do not appreciate, and you can not love something you do not accept. To get to acceptance, you must go through appreciation AKA gratitude, and acceptance AKA allowance.

Acceptance AKA allowance is important because it puts you in the position of conscious choice. You are not simply reacting to something that comes into your experience. Something comes into your experience, and you choose how you will respond. You can fight against it – resistance – and this will create conflict in your life. It will take the power from you, and place it with whatever it is you are resisting. Basically you choose whether or not something that comes into your life will have power over you or not. You choose how to perceive it. You choose how you will label it. You can label it as negative and resist it – denying that it is there. Or you can accept that it is there, allow it to be as it is, then decide how you will perceive it.

To use my own life as an example, I attempted to head out on my own via bicycle in 2016 and then ended up coming back here, living in my parent’s RV. Things came together for me to go to Clark College. If I looked at things that way, this whole circumstance/situation has been a blessing. But living in the RV has meant I have no personal space, no hot showers, and I sleep on a heavily worn/used fold-out couch, on two memory foam mattresses, one a topper and one thicker, but neither of them very dense foam. I have to make my bed every night and put it away every morning. Up until now I have seen this as a curse. I have been resisting it. My resistance of it has not changed it at all. But it has caused me to be unable to perceive my circumstances/situation as a blessing. It has likely also lead to the physical issues I have been experiencing, including my back pain.

If I had instead accepted the RV and my bed, allowing these things to be as they are and not wishing they were anything else (resistance), I would have been able to practice gratitude, and I likely would not be experiencing these physical symptoms. The RV and my bed will be the same either way. I can get angry at these things all I want – they are still what they are – I can not change them by my negativity towards them. I can also appreciate these things – again they are still what they are – I can not change them by my positive attitude towards them.

Or can I? I suspect that things can change only when we are in a state of appreciation and allowance, because they have to match the energy we are giving out. In other words our attitude, feelings and thoughts draw things to us. Then our attitude, feelings and thoughts keep these things with us or help us to release them and let them go.

Something bad remains bad as long as we feel negativity towards it. Often our negativity towards it will make it worse. The molehill becomes a mountain. The princess feels the pea no matter how many mattresses are on it, and the pea gets larger and larger, even as it remains the same size. But something bad can not remain bad if we feel positive towards it. This means that the only way to change something undesirable which has come into our life experience is to love and accept that thing as it is, and to find a way to bless it and be thankful for it.

In my case it would be hard to love and accept my bed as it is, and I am not sure I could see it as a blessing, much less be thankful for it. But I can love and accept the RV and my current living circumstances/situation as they are. I can think about how this thing that has come into my life experience has been a blessing to me, and I can show appreciation for the ways it has been a blessing. That will, indirectly, allow me to bless and show appreciation for all the other aspects of this experience, including my bed. I can even find my way to appreciation and blessing for these physical symptoms, including my back pain, because it has given me a point through which I could gain the knowledge I now have. I might even be able to apply that to my bed and directly find a way to bless and appreciate it.

When you cut yourself there is pain that directs your attention to where the damage has occurred. Likewise my back pain has drawn my attention to where this damage has occurred, AKA the likely energetic cause of the physical back pain symptom. OK, let’s check in with Louise Hay:

“Lower Back – Fear of money. Lack of financial support.

Middle Back – Guilt. Stuck in all that stuff back there. ‘Get off my back,’

Upper Back – Lack of emotional support. Feeling unloved. Holding back love.”

The pain is mostly in my middle and lower back. Spot on as usual! Gonna have to think about, “fear of money” though. In what way am I afraid of money? How do I work through that?

Remember that you choose what comes into your life experience, and you also choose how you will respond to what comes into your life experience. Resistance AKA Denial will give power to a thing, causing conflict between it and you and creating undesirable energetic causes resulting in undesirable physical symptoms. Acceptance AKA Allowance will give power to you, causing no conflict between it and you and creating desirable energetic causes resulting in desirable physical symptoms.

If something has come into your experience you no longer want to be there, the first step is to accept it as it is, allowing it to be as it is. Stop resisting it. The next step is to bless it in order to release any negativity wound tightly around it. You have to release it and let it go – all of your negativity – your anger, bitterness, hatred, etc. You may need to forgive someone or something. Once you have managed this, you have to see it differently. Up until now you saw it as something bad. You have to find some way to bless it. Did it teach you something? Is it a part of a larger thing for which you can show appreciation and be thankful?

If you are unable to really get behind the appreciation, blessing and gratitude, just say the words. Repeat them every time you think about this thing or encounter it or are reminded of it. Repeat it until it becomes true. Always allow yourself to feel what you feel – do not repress or resist your feelings! Flow not force. In time, through gentle reinforcement, you may find that you can appreciate, bless or show gratitude towards this thing, either indirectly or directly.

It will be interesting to see how I can apply these things in the next few days and what the results will be.

I Was Meant To Fly

I am making a declaration, a public statement. I have made a choice, a decision, tonight. I have allowed others to forge chains and bind me to the ground. I have consciously or unconsciously agreed to be bound by each chain. I have consciously or unconsciously chosen to stay bound, to stay grounded, until this moment.

I am now making the conscious decision, the conscious choice, that I will no longer allow myself to be bound, and that I no longer agree to others binding me. I declare, I claim, I choose, I decide, that I was meant to fly. I am a free spirit, I was always meant to soar and be free.

I do not know what brought me to the ground. Maybe I was born with wings, and my parents quickly “clipped” them, either not knowing any better, or following the dictates of others through societal expectations or religions, or perhaps both. I will not carry the weight of blame, fear, guilt or shame with me. I will not carry the weight of bitterness or resentment. I will not hold onto grudges. I want to feel the sun on the fabric of my wings, so I now, in this moment, release and let go of all that would weigh me down.

I acknowledge your labels, and I accept their existence. I do not resist the existence of these things, or your use of them. But I claim, I choose, I decide that your labels will no longer stick to me. That is your path, the use of these is your choice, your decision, and I leave you to it, I leave you to your path. Maybe you were born with wings like me, yet choose to stay grounded. Maybe you never had wings at all. My path, my practice, is to accept myself as I am, so that I may accept you as you are.

This is real love. Love doesn’t try to save anyone. Love doesn’t try to change anyone. Love doesn’t require anything. Love does not require sacrifices. It is not some god that must be appeased. Real love, true love for others, is the practice of allowing others to be as they are, without criticism, without judgment. Real love, true love, for yourself is to do the same. Accept yourself as you are without criticism, without judgment.

Because I love myself I can no longer allow myself to be bound to the earth, to the ground. Because I love you I understand that you may need labels. You may fear spreading your wings and flying. You may need to stay grounded. You may even need to hate me for being myself and loving myself for who I am, a free creature who was created to fly in the warmth of the sun.

Whatever it is you feel you must do, however is its you believe you must be, or things must be, or even others must be, I leave you to it. I choose, I decide, that your beliefs, your desires, your needs – all that you vehemently defend – no longer has any power over me. I agreed before, probably before I knew what I was agreeing to, that you would have this power over me. I no longer agree to this. I actively and consciously choose, I decide, that this is no longer so.

I have spread my wings. I have launched myself from the ground. I am flying now. I am feeling the warmth of the sun on my flesh. I am feeling the bite of the wind over my skin. I am enjoying the freedom I was always meant to enjoy. The freedom I was created and designed to enjoy. Join me if you wish, or stay on the ground, the choice is yours. What will you choose? What will you decide for yourself? Do you have wings or not? If you have wings, will you stay grounded or not? Will you give into fear, or will you embrace and face your fear?

I no longer claim myself to be a looser, either by my own definition or society’s. I claim myself to be a success, to be successful, to win and be a winner. However I may currently appear to those who look on me and my life, these are the last days I live this way. These are the last days I allow myself to feel fear guilt or shame.

Such clever devices you have used to slip those chains over my neck, over my feet and hands! Make me feel bad about myself, when I have no way to defend myself, when I don’t know, don’t realize that I never needed to defend or justify myself to you, then slip those chains on by using labels such as failure or looser. Whisper them into my ear as I slept, until I started repeating the lies you told me! Until I was whispering them to myself before dropping into blissful slumber, hoping the next day would be better, but of course, as long as I was chained there it never was.

This is behind me now, beneath me. I no longer believe these things, I no longer choose them or claim them for myself. Even if you were to look at my life and see that it matched perfectly some definition or label you have for me, I choose, I decide, that I will not accept it for myself. I will no longer accept any of your labels, no matter how true they may be in your perception. I will no longer allow you to apply them to me. This is my path, my practice, from this moment forward!

I claim myself to be a free spirit. I claim for myself a life I want to live. A life of abundance and empowerment. A life of freedom and flight. Whatever awaits me in the future, whatever I encounter, I will look back and read these words, and I will remember. I was born to be free, and I was created to fly.

The Circle 29 – God’s Will Is Your Will

God’s Will Is Your Will

In this episode of The Circle I share something that blew my mind, that God’s Will is actually Your Will, that they are one and the same.

The materials I am drawing from are Claim Your Power by Mastin Kipp: https://www.amazon.com/Claim-Your-Power-Journey-Dissolve/dp/1401949541/

Also Ramtha, The White Book by JZ Knight: https://www.amazon.com/Ramtha-White-Book/dp/1578730457/

The Road Ahead

I wake up, stiff and sore,
It is on days like this I ask myself,
Are you sure you can handle this?
Of course I have no answer,
Just as I feel I have no choice.

I am good at manual labor,
I excel at writing,
I have creative aspirations,
Yet little real skill,
Why am I not as good at,
The things I would like to do?

I am burnt out, tired of this work,
Tired of this life where it seems I have little choice,
But to continue living as I have, in worse conditions,
Or hit the road where anything can happen,
Or just put an end to my miserable life.

With these as my choices,
What real choice do I have?

Outside, the sun is shining,
The world continues to move and breathe,
The trees are not worried about their fate,
The flowers continue to bloom,
Even where they may never be seen,

I wish I had the faith of a flower!
I wish I was a fearless as a tree!
I want to be as warm and inviting as that sun,
But I fear all anyone would care about,
Are my supposedly harmful rays!

Why is it we fear those things,
That give us and our world life?
What happened to make “modern” man,
So superstitiously afraid of his world?
Why is it others can continually fuck everything up,
For the rest of us and get away with it?

I wish I could express how I really feel,
To these people around me I call family,
And to those others I interact with regularly,
But they wouldn’t be able to hear me,
And even if they did, they wouldn’t understand.

Such a heavy burden to bear!
No wonder I wake up like this,
I chose this hell I get to live in,
That may be anothers heaven,
I created the reality I get to experience,
The responsibility for my life rests solely with me.

I know biking around as I plan to do,
With no real budget, plan or preparation,
Is stupid by anyone elses definition,
But for me I have to try something,
Anything at all to change the course of my life.

I have to try so that, should I fail,
I can honestly say I tried, that I did everything I could,
That I have set out and experienced the world,
That I gave life a chance to show me another way,
To lead me to my tribe, my people,
Those who love and support me,
That place I can call home,
Where I find my passion,
Where I find someone to share my life with,
I have to swim upstream, even if t kills me,
Even if I find nobody there when I arrive,
Because only after doing so can I legitimately,
Claim there is nothing in this world for me,
Leaving me to leave it freely, with a clear conscience.

Why does that scare so many people?
Why is this so hard for others to understand?
You would think I was committing the worst act possible,
The most heinous crime anyone could commit,
But it is my life, my choice to loose or keep it!

So I am not prepared and I may not make it,
I could get mugged or killed, anything bad can happen,
But lets not forget that anything good can happen too,
And that it is up to me to define what happens,
As either bad or good. It is no business of yours!

I am choosing to take responsibility for my life,
I am choosing the best path I can see open to me,
I am choosing to experience the world for myself,
I am choosing to live my own life and walk my own path,
I am choosing to see the wold differently than you.
All I ask is that you accept my choice and support it if you can.

I have been living like this for most of these 40 years,
I can’t live like this any longer, and I choose not to.
Just as I choose to embrace that sun outside my window,
The breeze caressing my skin, and the hidden flowers,
That so few people see. Just as I choose to listen to the trees.

My aspirations are set so high,
They are like stars in the night sky,
I fear I shall never reach them!

4-22-2016 – What DMT Taught Me

I want to record a few things here. This will be more of a journal entry where I am recording things instead of any sort of article or lesson.

So a friend sent me that legal form of DMT that you can buy, I can’t be bothered to go and find the exact word for it. They bought a batch and sent me some. Two doses, Pill A and Pill B. Pill A for my first experience, a weaker dose. Pill B will be stronger, and I think I will take it with me.

Some time back I may have mentioned I took some shrooms, and I guess the experience would fall under the classification of a “bad experience.” This legal version of DMT is supposed to be similar to shrooms, but that is a misnomer. You can throw that out, I don’t care what the science tells you.

For me DMT fits better. I have no better way to really say it. Much of the same sort of thing happens, you see patterns when you close your eyes, things move and pulse. But DMT tunes you into a channel that humans normally don’t operate at. When on this channel everything is very detailed. You can see every seed pod in a dandelion puff, or the hidden patterns in the fur of your feline companion. When you move your eyes just right, shift them just right, the sky gets larger, you see patterns in there, you see it breathing and the energy behind it. You realize that this same energy is in everything, you just aren’t normally aware of it. I stepped on a thorn, and a bunch of things occurred to me.

One, if I had knelt down in normal awareness and looked for this, I would never have found it. It found me, or I drew it to me, and this is occurring with us with all things in all areas of our lives. I have walked that path barefoot many, many times. It is just grass there, I mow over it and throw everything into the bushes to each side. Yet only after I took DMT, only at the right moment for me to receive its message, did it find me or I draw it to me. I have kept it to remember this.

Two, I was aware, even though it happened faster than I would probably be able to track in normal awareness, of the choices being made regarding when the thorn pierced my foot. Among these things were if I would see it as good or bad, if I would experience pain or not, if I would be angry or not. I experienced pain, but only briefly, I chose not to be angry and not to see it as bad. This is going on every moment in your life, with everything interaction you have with everything and everyone. Bad, good, angry and even pain are all choices.

Three, as I said, there is the same energy in everything. I tried to see it in this piece of wood that had the thorn on it. But my beliefs were too strong, I was not able to allow myself to see the truth of this thorn, that it was actually alive, and not dead at all. But at least I realized the truth of it, even if I could not directly experience it.

I also learned that humans have lost their sensitivity to their environment. You can test this for yourself very easily. Go into any field, find a dandelion puff, and try to feel the little seed pods by gently brushing the tips of your fingers across them. You may think you feel something, and I am sure there are some hyper-sensitive types out there, the exceptions that prove the rule. But my guess is that most of us can’t feel that. However, drugs like DMT increase our sensitivity. I can almost feel the seed pods, even now, where before I was much less sensitive. These substances actually change things in our bodies and minds.

Something else I came to understand, and this is very hard to explain, justify or prove, is that cold/warm, for example, do not exist. Our science tells us that something called temperature exists, and something called a thermometer can tell us what temperature it is. We see the sun set, it gets dark, it seems logical it should be colder. We see lava and it seems logical it is hot. But that is not the truth. Hot and cold exist only in our minds, in our beliefs. It has been a human belief for as long as humans have been around. It is deeply ingrained and subconscious. I have no idea how it may be changed.

So even though I know this, if you dropped me off in the North Pole I would freeze, or in the middle of a volcano, and I would burn. The point is that if I could somehow turn off my adopted belief in hot and cold, neither of those things would happen. I experienced a bit of this myself while on DMT. I realized that even the bugs that normally surround me are drawn to me, and all humans are constantly drawing and pushing away things. The bugs aren’t drawn to me by my sweat, or smell, or anything science says. I draw them to me, because I believe that bugs must be around, the must come after me, there must be biting ones, because there always have been. But I could, if I knew how, push the bugs away, just as I could, if I knew how, remain unaffected by this thing called temperature.

I have no way to explain how I know these things. All this came to me as I was on DMT, and I brought the knowledge back with me. There is a quote I picked up somewhere, “The mind sees what it wants to.” Or this one by Robertson Davies, “The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.”

The best way to think of this is something like a radio dial. Abraham, through Esther Hicks, uses this constantly. It makes sense. Humans are locked into one channel. Their experience of reality is what can be be accessed on that channel. But the dial can be tuned to other channels, using drugs, dreams, OBEs, and other things.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Humans can change the channel anytime they like, they just have forgotten how. We have the ability, not the knowledge. Drugs are useful in helping is develop or sensitivity, and perhaps we can learn to change channels, or remember our ability, in using them. They should not be depended on. The ability has to be remembered, learned and then mastered. I don’t have all the answers here.

This makes my chosen path a little tricky for me… I want to learn how to physically travel from this world, this dimension, to another and return. Now I can study the findings of others, based on mysticism or science. But what I would have is a belief. If I followed those instructions, it would work for me, because the belief of others powers it. By following the instructions, I contribute my own energy, giving it more power. But ultimately I have to find my own way, outside of the established beliefs of others.

All scientific evidence is merely a belief that has been proven by some generally accepted means. Scientists expect to find something, and by their very expectation, will and belief, they find it.

The truth at the heart of this is that we do create our own reality. We are constantly manufacturing our life experience even though we are not aware of it, As hard as this will be for many to hear, if something you have chosen to call bad happens to you, you created that. You either adopted a belief that drew it to you, or you made choices that your life came to reflect.

We are responsible for our lives and everything that happens to us. On the outside it may not seem that way. But the Universe, whatever else it is or does, is alive with an energy that we can not normally perceive or sense. That energy gives us exactly what we ask for, whether or not we are aware of asking. Our lives are a reflection of our choices, whether we made them consciously or not.

I am an overweight 40-year old man living with my parents. I can blame society for that. I can blame my parents for that. I could blame myself for that. But these roads all go to the same place, nowhere. The truth is there is nobody and nothing to blame. I made a choice, I have not been aware of it until now, but I see it now. I made a choice to stay with my parents, to stay in this same role I have played for them and myself for the last 4 decades. I have tried at times to set out on my own, but always returned, always failed. I can’t say I ever set out to truly succeed. Maybe I always planned to fail, to stick with what is familiar and safe.

I watched several jets fly overhead. I realized that my choices put me there, on the ground, naked, bare feet on the grass, watching Sherbert, the aforementioned cat, tuning into his environment, nose into the breeze as it ruffled his fur. That’s what cats do, that is their role. Up there, in those jets, are people playing their roles, traveling or even flying those jets. I could be up there. I could live in the city. Or I could live here. I can watch the people on the TV screen or I can be those people on the screen. All my choice, nobody and nothing to blame.

There are no mistakes, only contrast. Only choices that we choose to label as bad or choices we choose to label as good. Only pain we choose to feel or not. The majority of humanity has no conscious awareness of their power to choose. I now have that awareness, yet even I still make, even now as I type this, unconscious choices. They get made every moment of every day I draw breath.

I have chosen my life and I have chosen what I feel about the things I have drawn to me in it. This beat up keyboard and mouse, this torn up recliner, this place I think of as my grandma’s attic – everything here I put here. Where I am I put myself. What I have experienced I drew to myself. What I have not experienced I pushed away.

Now I am choosing to leave this role. I put on my clothes, played the “good son” role for my parents when they came home. They have chosen their roles as well. But I am done with this role, and leaving it behind when I leave here.

This is why things don’t change for most people when they up and leave. As long as they pack the role they have been playing with them, they will continue to live out the reflection of their choices from playing that role. This is also why it can be said people don’t change. It is more accurate to say people rarely change their roles. They may edit them, but few people leave everything behind and choose an entirely different role. People do change, it is the roles that remain largely the same. It is the role I wish to address.

Part of my role was following my parents. Maybe they set out in some chosen direction in their past. But they are at anchor now. You have to move if you want to get anywhere, you have to set a course to start moving. I have set a course, defining my Definite Chief Aim, writing it down. My compass, my heading, the initial direction in which I will travel. I have aimed high, very high for someone who has little higher education or work experience beyond labor positions. But you have to aim high to strike anywhere near where you want. You have to start moving to find your way. That, in a  nutshell, is what this planed trip of mine is all about.

I don’t know if I will make it. I don’t know if I will figure out or remember how to change the channel I am tuned into. I may fail. But I prefer failure to not trying. Because I am tired of being on the ground instead of in the jet, and truth be told, I would like to fly without even needing the jet.

I have to deal with these deeply ingrained beliefs I have adopted from my race. I don’t know how to turn that stuff off. I do know that if  a device could be invented to turn off all the beliefs a person holds, and scientific tests were preformed to test for tings like temperature, that nothing called temperature would be found. It is alive and exists only inside the beliefs of humans, and humans impose those beliefs not only on themselves but also on their world.

I know this is a lot to chew on. But study these words, carefully. Memorize them. The words are not important, it is the energy behind the words. There is energy behind everything we do, that is something else I came to understand. There is an energy behind these words, and intention. I can’t put words to it, too much there. Among these is a desire to bring about an awakening and a realization. I see something here, and I would like us to come together and bring this thing into focus, for the benefit of all.

We get to choose, we always get to choose, even when it doesn’t seem that way. We can literally be, do or have anything we want. We set the limitations we abide by, they do not exist otherwise. Our beliefs directly influence our choices, and our choices get reflected in the lives we live. We literally do create our own reality, every moment of every day. There is so much more just beyond our ability to sense, even with instruments. But we can tune into that, we have that ability, if we can just remember how to access and use it.