Our Mindsets Are Our Greatest Obstacles To Our Abundance

In a little over a month my parents and I will be homeless. Today I learned that one of the families staying here has found a place. I celebrated this, and shared it with my dad. I thought it would encourage him. I mean, if they could find a place, so can we. But he is stuck in a mindset that you have to have money to buy a house. The fact that this couple had money enough to purchase this place seems to confirm that for him. He has no money set aside. I tell him about Downpayment Assistance, but it is like he doesn’t hear me. He usually starts in with his other mind-rut – his credit history.

As we travel around the area I see houses being built. I see subdevelopments that are filled with occupied houses. And I know that statistically speaking, not all of these people had money enough for a down payment. I know of one man who is renting a place, without a job, without any known income, and with a drinking/substance abuse problem. HE has a roof over his head. I point this out to my dad, but it goes right OVER his head. If it isn’t the chestnut, the same old saw, of this man having money from the sale of a house its this man has better credit.

It occurs to me that the people all around us are in a variety of monetary situations. Some have no money at all and no employment. But some of those folk are living happily in their own houses, while others from this same group are living in a homeless camp somewhere. On the other side of the coin there are those with plenty of money and/or a good paying job, who are living on the side of the road, even as some of that same group are enjoying nice new houses. The only thing separating these people is their mindset – the set of their minds. What they allow themselves to have and what they believe they deserve. That’s it.

I honestly don’t think money plays as big a role in getting a house as we are generally programmed from childhood to believe. There are people living in penthouses in New York who do little if any work, and it isn’t because they have a trust fund or come from money. Just as their are artists, dancers and singers working two jobs as they try to get their foot in the door. I am certain that as long as my dad doesn’t honestly and truly believe that he deserves a house, as long as he doesn’t allow himself to have one at any level in his mind, he will not be able to get a house. His fate, and by proxy, mine, is sealed, were I to cast my lot in with his.

I can’t do that anymore. I honestly believe I deserve my own house, my own space. I have worked hard all my life, and if that was any real metric whereby eligibility were granted, the scales would have to be tipped in my favor. I also want one, and am doing my damn best to allow myself to have one. Even without any income – only the future possibility of becoming a well-paid YouTuber, the goal I am working towards right now. The problem is I am infected by the same mind-virus, the same meme, as my father. I contracted the fucking thing from him. I caught myself later in the day, just a little earlier this evening, thinking about how I lost a subscriber at YouTube and doubting that I will ever make it as a YouTuber.

I realized it then and I see it very clearly now that as long as I do not allow myself to “have” success at YouTube, as long as a doubt myself and do not feel I deserve it, or am worthy of it, I will never have it. Ever. I am doomed to fail – in fact I failed before I even got started! I was advised to start a GoFundMe for my folks. Try to raise money to get them a house. I see now that it is useless for me to do so if I continue to think, basically that, “well I can put it up but I don’t think it will do any good.” If I put it up with that mindset, that belief, it will not succeed. That’s all there is to it. I am sabotaging myself and my parents.

I won’t belabor this but to put it bluntly I don’t think I will survive this. I have been fighting this bullshit for a long time now. I can’t seem to get out on the other side. I can’t seem to cure myself of this disease, free myself from this thing that both holds me down and keeps me back. But there is one thing I can do, maybe the only thing of any value I have ever done, and that is to warn you. Buying into the beliefs that were programmed into you since childhood by your authority figures, parents and religion is a dead-end road. You are marching a straight and narrow road from the cradle to the grave. You will have been born only to live a miserable life and then die. It doesn’t have to be that way, but must be as long as you believe it.

Now this may not be a belief you are consciously aware of. How often have you listened to the things you tell yourself? I mean REALLY LISTENED? Is your self-talk supportive or not? Friend or foe or frenemy (foe in disguise.) Are you allowing yourself to do the things you care about or have a passion for? Are you of the mindset that there is only so much to go around and you have to get yours before someone else does, or do you believe in an abundant universe? What are you allowing yourself to experience and to have? A house? A happy marriage? Work that speaks to you or that you can at least tolerate? Do you have money enough to live the kind of life you want to have? How do you feel when you look at something you want and say, “I now allow myself to have this, or something like it.” What kind of people have you surrounded yourself with? If you express some risk you want to take, do they support you or try to stop you?

Don’t wait until it is too late, until those old mindsets, those old habitual patterns, are so deeply engraved that you just can’t find a way out. Break free, rock the boat, shake yourself loose. Stop following everyone single-file to the cemetery. Stop doing what others tell you, stop doing what others want you to do, stop living for others. I have said it before that if you do not fill your cup, you will have nothing to give anyone else. You gotta find your path, and you will know when you are on it, because your old beliefs, your old ways of thinking, will just fall away. You will find real and lasting happiness there. Your life is not something meant to be endured. It is meant to be enjoyed. You are here to experience life and all the Universe has to offer joyfully. Open yourself up to that idea.

The only thing standing between you and something you want are your beliefs and mindset – the habitual way you think. Change your mind and you change your life. Different ways of thinking open up different experiences and options. What are you allowing yourself to experience and to have? Is it what you really want, deep down inside? Take a moment and listen to what that still small voice inside is whispering. The sooner you get started, the easier it will be to choose a way of thinking that supports you and opens you up to new possibilities. You know what happens when you stay entrenched? Literally in a trench? You will either starve to death or you get taken out by enemy fire. Nobody who has ever stayed in a trench, never leaving, has survived.

I fucked up. I tried and quit piano, though I enjoyed it. I tried and quit singing, even though deep inside I want to sing, I want to free my voice without fear or shame. I tried drawing, and despite the fact I have proof I can draw, I still don’t consider myself to be any good at it. I tried mapping for games I enjoyed playing, and quit when I compared my work to others and came up short. I tried programming and couldn’t stick with it. I keep picking up writing and dropping it again. I start a story and quit a couple of chapters in. I tried to meet someone to share my life with, and have long since given up. In fact I went through my entire time at college without really socializing at all – or even trying. I am running hell-bent at YouTube because it is my last hope, and I think it actually might be.

DO NOT follow my example! DO BETTER! Your happiness, your life, literally depends on it!

The Storm

I enter.

My mom starts talking about
how great and good God is,
the way that tree fell.

I feel such a surge
of hatred, anger and maybe
even a little bitterness.

But I choke back my words,
and say nothing at all because
I don’t want to hurt her.

I exit.

I have come to feel
that everyone is entitled
to their beliefs.

I just wish they would
stop shoving them down,
my throat, smothering me.

Is it too much to ask
that you respect my right
to believe as I wish???

I am doing that for you,
though your unquestioning,
sheep-like behavior wounds me.

When will humanity evolve
past the need to define God
and simply accept things as they are?

When will they let go
of the old, the outdated,
beliefs of others, long dead?

Will they ever learn
to define God for themselves
and respect each person’s experience?

The wind rages, trees fall,
limbs are blown across the lawn,
reflecting the storm within my soul.

Status Report – A Few Insights and Truths To Share

This will be one of those unpolished blog entries I seem to do every now and again. Going through a lot of stuff, working through it, learning a lot. Getting lost in a game or sleeping or whatever even when I have an idea of something to write about, failing to honor my inner writer this last week or so when he popped up with something to write about. The result is a bunch of fragments that I share in the hopes that they will still be of use to you. This is also my belated attempt to honor my inner writer. I am learning to embrace him, accept him, his truth, and ultimately be one of the things I am – a writer.

So to start with I have been dealing with anger. I found Teal Swan as a result of looking for material on this after breaking my phone. I have learned that rage, such as what I displayed when I destroyed my phone over my knee before Christmas, is actually a cover or mask for powerlessness. Anyone who has ever read anything of mine posted here probably is aware that I certainly feel powerless a large portion of the time.

One of the insights I had about this, and the memory is faded now, has to do with water. Water flows down a channel, and it never gets angry when the channel is blocked by an obstacle. Instead it flows over, around, or under it. If it is unable to flow around it, it builds up, gathering strength, until it pushes it out of the way or flows over the top of it.

This is how I need to be with the things, the obstacles in my life, that cause me to get angry. They are what they are, and part of the process I have been practicing these last few years is to accept that. Accept what is, acknowledge it and stop resisting it. Resistance comes in the form of trying to change it or wishing it would be something else. My anger, in short, is resistance to the way a thing is. Or to sum it up – anger is resistance to isness.

Instead of resisting, being attached to the outcome in this way, wanting things to be other than what they are, I need to be like water. No emotion, no attachment to outcome. Just flow around, under or over the thing, accepting it as it is. If I am unable to move past it, then I have to be willing to be with it, gathering my strength, until I am able to move past it.

I had a far more eloquent way of stating these things when I first thought of this. But I have since lost that because I did not sit down to write. When we avoid things, when we fail to honor something, some aspect of ourselves, well we are not honoring ourselves, or this aspect. We are not loving and accepting ourselves. The end result will, without fail, not be our best work. Learn from my failure here. If you have an urge to draw something, or write something, or do something – put your awareness into that, acknowledge it, accept it, and then express it however it needs, no matter what others think. Be true to yourself, all aspects of yourself.

Thankfully the other thought still has some freshness to it. I have been reading Narnia, and have just read through the chapter where the Tisroc is having a secret meeting with his son and vizier. In their conversation the Tisroc reveals how he feels about the free country of Narnia, how he essentially wishes to control it. I wondered what would drive a man, or rather a person, to feel that way. What is the point here?

I ran through a few things and finally settled on this… The Tisroc has a set of beliefs about how the world should be. The Narnians represent a challenge to those beliefs. As a result he finds himself wanting to control them, to not only protect his beliefs but also to, by controlling outer circumstances, but ultimately to be happy. As it stands he could not be described as happy, because there is this Narnia country near his borders that is not conforming to his vision of how things should be.

I wonder if this is the same for military-minded conquers throughout history. I know the fanaticism of some in religions circles (this includes science) is driven by similar beliefs, feelings, ideology, etc. Ultimately the desire to feel in control by controlling outer circumstances. Just something I was thinking about it. I wanted to know why the Tisroc wanted to control Narnia. There is a little more to it than that, again I did wait a little long to honor my inner writer so this is a little rough.

I guess the last thing I want to talk about is fear. Just yesterday my mom was talking to me about these two AI that argued and ultimately decided the solution was to destroy the human race. I heard or read something about that. Maybe you know what I am referring to. Also how some people in some country somewhere have received chips in themselves, and use these chips to pay for things. The whole, “Mark of the Beast” that Christians fear.

I wanted to say this to her, but have not brought myself to do so. I wanted to point out to her that fear is how they control us. It is through fear, after the 9/11 attacks that we now have to go through a bunch of security protocols if we want to fly anywhere, and guess what? According to Adam Ruins Everything (a show on Netflix you need to watch) they really don’t do anything other than take away our freedom and cause us inconvenience.

It is through fear of masturbation and sex that the Puritans decided to slice off the foreskins of their male children (you don’t want to know what they planned to do to women) and we still do this in America today even though there is no reason to do so.

They use fear through the media, through the news, through fear-mongering to stir us up, cause us to panic, and then we accept whatever the hell they want to do. We would sacrifice the freedom our forefathers bled and died for on the alter of safety and security, just so we could feel safe and secure. It is through fear that the Nazis controlled the German people and it is through fear that German soldiers were able to do what they did.

Ultimately this drive to control us is also powered by fear, a quest for happiness by seeking to control exterior circumstances. Of course those doing this wouldn’t phrase it like that. Instead, for example, if someone like myself were to challenge the laws of society one of these people, or anyone else under the controlling thumb of fear, would counter by asking, “Well what’s the alternative, chaos?” Yes, exactly. That which is not controlled is perceived to be chaotic. But there is nothing wrong with that. There is an assumption here that chaos is somehow bad, and control is somehow good. But the opposite its true.

Are your feelings ordered, logical? No, they are chaotic. Yet you have to be with them, feel them, and let them be what they are. They are your compass to your truth. In your attempt to stuff them down you disconnect yourself from your truth. Which means you are living a lie. Which means you are not heading in the best direction for you, which your feelings, if you would have allowed yourself to feel them, would have taken you.

I propose something radical, and I want you to be with it. Feel whatever you feel as I state this. Do not run away from your feelings. Be honest and true to yourself, all aspects if yourself.

Imagine a society without rules. No religion or science to control everyone. No laws or law makers. No consequences. Everyone can do whatever the heck they want. At first yes, there would be chaos and violence. Because everyone has been in a pressure cooker of laws, religion, rules and science. You can’t take the lid off without expect it to blow up a little. But then things will settle. Stress will vanish. Peace will take over. Why?

Because all the terrible things men and women have done to each other over the years is a DIRECT RESULT of them not honoring their personal truth, and being constrained by laws, religion, rules and science telling them how they should behave, be or feel. Trying to control them. So the individual strikes out, sometimes violently, and is punished. They are like a sore thumb sticking out that must be put back in its place. Yet nobody knows or has ever known anyone else’s “place.” Nobody, not even parents, know what is best for anyone else. It all boils down to control again. trying to make people and things fit, even when they do not, and if they do not, constraining them, punishing them, hammering them in until they do.

You think America is a free country? WRONG! Look at all the laws and rules, all the “societal norms” and all the other mechanisms in place to control you. Look at what happens when you challenge any of these laws and rules, or break them. The pressure of the court and jail systems is to make you conform, and if you will not conform, you risk being imprisoned for life or killed. Or living in this country will be very hard for you, and there will be a lack of support.

The cure here is two-fold. First you need to question everything. And I mean everything. Second you must not give into fear. No matter what others tell you, what you hear on the news, what you see on TV, what you read in the paper – doesn’t matter. The instant you allow yourself to yield to fear, you yield to those who presented you with it and you give them control over you. A better response when presented with something that is obviously meant to inspire fear is to question it. Honor whatever you are feeling, release and let these feelings go when you are ready, but do not act on your feelings of fear. Do not let your feelings of fear drive you.

Only when you are not afraid, are you are truly free.

The Rules

  1. Challenge all assumptions and question everything.
    Never accept what anyone says without thinking about it, and don’t make any assumptions about anything.
  2. Nothing is “real.”
    There is no reality “out there.” What you perceive reflects what you believe.
  3. Find your own answers.
    Nobody and no system has all the answers, and the answers they do have are not your answers, based on your own experience.
  4. Practice awareness of your beliefs daily.
    Think about what you “believe” or “know.” Ask yourself why you feel or think these things are true.
  5. Choose what empowers you or feels good.
    If it doesn’t empower you or make you feel good, stop. Stop doing it, stop listening it, and just walk away.
  6. Practice awareness of your feelings daily.
    Embrace everything you feel. When you are done feeling something, release it and let it go. There are no good or bad feelings, just feelings.
  7. Flow not force.
    Don’t try to force or make anything happen. Simply set your intention and allow yourself to flow towards your goal. You may not end up where you wanted, but you will end up in the best place for you.
  8. Practice loving and accepting yourself, exactly as you are, daily.
    Be true to you! Be honest about who you are and what you feel. You have to be able to love and accept yourself before you can love and accept anyone else. If you give love to yourself, you will have love to give to others.
  9. There is never just one way.
    Just because something has been done a certain way for a long period of time does not mean it is the best or only way to do it. Length of time does not equate “best”, “only” or “right.”

I Am Not Here

This is not my reality
even though it is what I
taste, touch, smell and see.

While my body is here,
my True Self is elsewhere.

I now have a dream,
I now have a purpose,
I now have a reason,
a goal I wish to attain.

I will realize my dreams,
I will live the life I want.

Every day brings me one step closer
to everything I have already become.

6-6-2017

What Happened?

I have talked a little about this before, using what I learned while reading, “The Big Leap” after I totaled the Lexus. Just a few additional thoughts have come up now after seeing a beautiful painting i have shared on Facebook, done by an artist who died in poverty, and from the quality of their work, this is something that should not have happened. Yet is has happened, over and over again, and continues to happen, to artists from all walks of life all over the world.

There is an author that inspired Louis L. Hay, her name was Florence Scovel Shinn. She was a New Thought writer, along with many other wonderful authors such as Emmet Fox.  But despite what she knew, despite her teachings, she too died in poverty. I always wondered how that could happen. How could someone who purports to know how the Universe works die in poverty? Is it their teachings do not work? I am not so quick to jump to that solution.

The artist whose work I shared was an excellent artist. It was not due to low quality work that he died in poverty. No. Similarly the quality of the Mrs. Shinn’s writing was not poor. It was not wrong teachings that brought about what happened to her. I think there are two aspects of this to consider:
1. Knowing or understanding something intellectually is not the same as experiencing  and living it.
2. Self-limiting behavior has to be addressed for an individual to be successful.

My guess is that this artist, and Mrs. Shinn, each died in poverty because of self-limiting behavior. Perhaps the artist never believed in himself as an artist. Perhaps the writer never believed in herself as a writer. Maybe the author never came to experienced or lived the things she taught. Maybe both of them had been poor all their lives and that was their comfort level. Strange as it may sound, but you can get comfortable with the circumstances and situation of your life. How many citizens considered to be low-income make it out of the housing developments AKA the projects? How many make it out only to either be killed or kill themselves? I am stuck in an RV with my parents.

I think we can trace all of this back to self-limiting behavior. We sabotage ourselves if we wander too far outside of our comfort zone. There is a dragon that must be slain, and self-limitation is the name of that loathsome beast. We have to figure out how to allow ourselves to have better lives, to experience success, to be accepted in our various fields. We have to become aware of anything that we do that is meant to hold us back, or destroy any progress or success we may have had. Definitely buy and read this book:

It is the only text covering this material I have found. And I suspect it is the most important subject you could ever study. Because it doesn’t matter how many times you listen to excellent teachings from sources such as Abraham or Wayne Dyer or Louise Hay or anyone else – anything that is helping you in your growth, in building the life you want for yourself, needs to include the subject of self-limiting and sabotaging behaviors, and I can not recall seeing it in any of these sources.

Why do people who win the lottery end up unhappy and in a worse state than they were before? I bet you want to blame the money. Society and particularity the Christian religion want you to see money as the evil beast that must be slain. It is not the money that is evil. Money is just pieces of paper with an assigned value. No, it is sudden success which wakes the real enemy, that wily serpent of self-limitation. It also wakes up in many of those who are around the suddenly successful person, resulting in all sorts of attempts to control behavior and preserve the status quo.

None of those involved can help it, because like your Inner Critic, the voice of self-limitation, if it is not speaking directly through your Inner Critic, is talking to you very softly, at a level you can not consciously hear, unless you train yourself to become aware of it, just as you would train yourself to become aware of your Inner Critic. You have to be aware of these voices before you can consciously choose not to heed anything they say.

If there is anything in this world that should be utterly destroyed it is the status quo, and anything else used to control, limit or restrict people.

For now, assume the teachings are sound. Release and let go of your doubt. Practice consciously listening to anything that is attempting to limit or sabotage you. Release and let go of this stupid assumption that just because something has always been done a certain way, that is the best or only way to do it. It isn’t. Just because you have been a certain way your whole life, it doesn’t follow that you must always be that way. Challenge and question everything.

If you are going to believe something, hold it loosely, don’t make it a part of your identity. Practice openness and receptivity. Allow yourself to change, develop and grow. Try to personally experience anything you have come to know or understand. Embrace happiness, joy, success and any other good thing that comes your way. Release and let go of anything that makes you feel bad, keeps you from enjoying life or removes the pleasure of living it.

You can do this, you can, and will, succeed. Don’t just believe it, know it. Don’t just know it, rest in form assurance, knowing it is true.

This Unspoken Thing…

Why is it so hard
for you to see,
How your Christian religion
separates you and me?

It is divisive by nature
the opposite of love,
Yet you deign to tell me
About God above?

What can you know of Him
when you don’t know yourself?
How can you accept Him,
when you can’t accept everyone else?

I don’t know how
to say these words to you,
But I hope I show it
in everything I do.