Criticizing and Judging VS Acceptance and Allowing

So I have taken up typing again in an attempt to learn a new keyboard. In an effort to diagnose any issues with my connectivity, I wanted to take a moment and write something here.

I was taking care of the dog, and I caught myself in the act of criticizing and judging. I realized that there is no difference between me and another person who lives here. She is overtly critical and judgmental, I am covertly that way. I realized the reason this person is in my life is because that is the frequency or vibration I have been operating at. I have been critical and judgmental, just not aware of it, not really. Maybe there have been previous moments of lucidity, of awareness. But maybe this was the first time I had become truly aware of my hidden (from conscious awareness) critical and judgmental nature.

The reason these people are in my life is because of the way I am, and even going over this is more criticism and judgment, towards them and myself. Then I realized something else, what criticism and judgment actually is. It is a “pushing away from.” It is a way to distance, segregate, and separate. But when we do that, we are not accepting or allowing. We can not accept ourselves if we are constantly criticizing and judging ourselves,. We are not accepting others if we are criticizing and judging them. To accept someone is the opposite of criticizing or judging them.

Now think how this applies to other areas of your life. In what other areas are you criticizing and judging? Money perhaps? Do you have criticisms towards money, or judgments about it? If you do, then you are not accepting money, and if you are not accepting money, you are not allowing it into your life. The energy of it is blocked for you, so the physical form (currency) is not showing up. At least not like you want it to. You are working very hard to get something that you are pushing away! Any hunter will tell you that chasing after your prey will all but assure you will never catch it.

So how do we stop criticizing and judging? Simple. We become aware that we are doing it. We can practice being aware of when we are about to criticize or judge, and with practice, we can choose not to criticize or judge. What we need to do is not that complicated. But even though it is simple, it remains very difficult, because your egoic self will try very hard to lull you back into autopilot so it can retain control. You have been sleeping at the wheel for a long time, and your ego has been driving your life. Is your life something you are happy with? I know mine isn’t. So I want to start taking the wheel and see where it will end up if I am driving. But this takes one more thing, and that is being present.

So yes, you will have to find a way to practice being present. You can’t sharpen your awareness and weaken the ego’s grasp without it. The ego’s power comes from you staying asleep, always dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. BTW, this is why all “manifestation teachings” instruct that you don’t worry about the how. That is just a form of worrying about the future, meaning that you are identified with the ego and under its power. As long as you are under the sway of the ego, your natural state of abundance remains blocked.

It is only in the present moment is the ego’s power weakened, and you have a chance to regain control. A typical form of practicing presence is known as meditation. I know you have heard of that by now. But ANYTHING you can do, where you can focus on your body, whatever it is doing, whatever position it is in, whatever breathing is occurring – if you can do something and just tune in, that can become a away to practice presence and sharpen your awareness. You could do this while washing dishes. Or writing. Or a myriad of other task you may do throughout your day.

If you are struggling to manifest money, this may be the one thing holding you back. Discover your real feelings and thoughts towards money. Free write or stream of consciousness write about it. No editing, no holding back. Get real with yourself. If you see anything there that is not simple acceptance and allowing, you are closed in those areas, in those ways, to money, and the only way to bring money into your experience is to open up. As I have said before, every flower opens in faith that the bee will come. It is only in opening that a flower can receive. It is also in only in opening that the flower can share its beauty with the world.

The sun is shining.

It is time to open.

Finding Your Way Through

At the suggestion of a friend I have opened up, “The Nature of Personal Reality” last night and began reading. Today I started on Seth’s introduction and encountered this, “What exists physically exists first in thought and feeling. There is no other rule.” This passage, and one from earlier, “Your conscious thoughts can be great clues in uncovering such obstructions” (obstructions defined as, “strongly negative characteristics present in your most intimate thoughts.”)

So I started thinking about what things I might be consciously thinking about. Asking myself if perhaps the things of which I am aware of are things I am thinking about. But then wondering if that could be considered a conscious thought, because it seems to me that a conscious thought is a thought I am actively directing. Unconscious thoughts would then be things I am thinking about that I am not directing. In other words, conscious thoughts are initiated, while unconscious thoughts just happen. But do both come from a point of awareness?

Anyhow one of the things I am aware of is my back pain. It comes, I have been saying, from sleeping on a fold-out sofa in an RV, on memory foam mattresses that loose all their resistance when they are warm. It has been warm these last few days, and as I recall, I always slept better when the room was cool and the mattresses were stiffer/firmer.

But if my physical pain existed first in thought and feeling, from what thought or feeling did it originate? I thought at first it came of my negative attitude towards my bed. Then I thought maybe it came from my dislike of having to put away my bed every morning and make it every night. Then I realized that it likely ultimately came from my negative attitude towards my current living circumstances/situation, living in this RV with my parents. When when I think these words it is like I am spitting them out. You can see now how the second quote applies, my conscious thoughts giving me clues here to these obstructions, these negative feelings.

What this all boils down to is that my bed literally cannot support me because I do not support it! As cute as this simple explanation is, if I go deeper I see that the reason I have this back pain is because I have not been accepting things as they are. I have not, do not and am not yet, loving and accepting my living circumstances/situation as they are. Instead I am railing against it – resisting it. It is the conflict from this resistance that is creating the physical pain I am experiencing. I bet if I dug a little deeper I could even figure out what lower back represents according to someone like Louise Hay in, “You Can Heal Your Life.” I may come back to that. But I’ll bet it’s related!

The question is, how do I fix this? What solution(s) can I try to address what is essentially the energetic cause of this physical pain? I have learned from the teachings of Abraham I can not jump from from where I am, in anger and hatred and resistance, to love. Too far to go. It seems to me what I can do is start to bless my bed, every night as I make it, and every morning as I put it away. Furthermore I can bless this RV and my current living circumstances/situation, every time I exit or enter the motor home. Finally I can be thankful – I can practice gratitude. I can be grateful that the RV has given me a place to live, a roof over my head as it were, and I can be thankful that I have a bed to sleep on. I can show appreciation for the fold-out sofa, for the memory foam mattresses, for my sheets, for my blankets, and for the RV itself.

I think gratitude is so important because it helps to dissolve negativity. Blessing something and being thankful for it is the acid that will eat away all the negativity around an issue. But it is a gentle acid. It helps the negativity to be gently released, to just effortlessly come free of whatever it is tightly wound around. Going after negativity with negativity may remove some of the negativity you are attempting to remove, but will almost certainly leave some behind. As always, flow not force is the key.

Finally an “attitude of gratitude” is, I think, the first step towards acceptance. This isn’t the same as surrender or giving up. Acceptance is a way of acknowledging things as they are and being willing to leave them like that. You do not wish they were something else, you don’t try to force them to change – you take them as they are. Acceptance of a thing leads to love. You can not love something you do not appreciate, and you can not love something you do not accept. To get to acceptance, you must go through appreciation AKA gratitude, and acceptance AKA allowance.

Acceptance AKA allowance is important because it puts you in the position of conscious choice. You are not simply reacting to something that comes into your experience. Something comes into your experience, and you choose how you will respond. You can fight against it – resistance – and this will create conflict in your life. It will take the power from you, and place it with whatever it is you are resisting. Basically you choose whether or not something that comes into your life will have power over you or not. You choose how to perceive it. You choose how you will label it. You can label it as negative and resist it – denying that it is there. Or you can accept that it is there, allow it to be as it is, then decide how you will perceive it.

To use my own life as an example, I attempted to head out on my own via bicycle in 2016 and then ended up coming back here, living in my parent’s RV. Things came together for me to go to Clark College. If I looked at things that way, this whole circumstance/situation has been a blessing. But living in the RV has meant I have no personal space, no hot showers, and I sleep on a heavily worn/used fold-out couch, on two memory foam mattresses, one a topper and one thicker, but neither of them very dense foam. I have to make my bed every night and put it away every morning. Up until now I have seen this as a curse. I have been resisting it. My resistance of it has not changed it at all. But it has caused me to be unable to perceive my circumstances/situation as a blessing. It has likely also lead to the physical issues I have been experiencing, including my back pain.

If I had instead accepted the RV and my bed, allowing these things to be as they are and not wishing they were anything else (resistance), I would have been able to practice gratitude, and I likely would not be experiencing these physical symptoms. The RV and my bed will be the same either way. I can get angry at these things all I want – they are still what they are – I can not change them by my negativity towards them. I can also appreciate these things – again they are still what they are – I can not change them by my positive attitude towards them.

Or can I? I suspect that things can change only when we are in a state of appreciation and allowance, because they have to match the energy we are giving out. In other words our attitude, feelings and thoughts draw things to us. Then our attitude, feelings and thoughts keep these things with us or help us to release them and let them go.

Something bad remains bad as long as we feel negativity towards it. Often our negativity towards it will make it worse. The molehill becomes a mountain. The princess feels the pea no matter how many mattresses are on it, and the pea gets larger and larger, even as it remains the same size. But something bad can not remain bad if we feel positive towards it. This means that the only way to change something undesirable which has come into our life experience is to love and accept that thing as it is, and to find a way to bless it and be thankful for it.

In my case it would be hard to love and accept my bed as it is, and I am not sure I could see it as a blessing, much less be thankful for it. But I can love and accept the RV and my current living circumstances/situation as they are. I can think about how this thing that has come into my life experience has been a blessing to me, and I can show appreciation for the ways it has been a blessing. That will, indirectly, allow me to bless and show appreciation for all the other aspects of this experience, including my bed. I can even find my way to appreciation and blessing for these physical symptoms, including my back pain, because it has given me a point through which I could gain the knowledge I now have. I might even be able to apply that to my bed and directly find a way to bless and appreciate it.

When you cut yourself there is pain that directs your attention to where the damage has occurred. Likewise my back pain has drawn my attention to where this damage has occurred, AKA the likely energetic cause of the physical back pain symptom. OK, let’s check in with Louise Hay:

“Lower Back – Fear of money. Lack of financial support.

Middle Back – Guilt. Stuck in all that stuff back there. ‘Get off my back,’

Upper Back – Lack of emotional support. Feeling unloved. Holding back love.”

The pain is mostly in my middle and lower back. Spot on as usual! Gonna have to think about, “fear of money” though. In what way am I afraid of money? How do I work through that?

Remember that you choose what comes into your life experience, and you also choose how you will respond to what comes into your life experience. Resistance AKA Denial will give power to a thing, causing conflict between it and you and creating undesirable energetic causes resulting in undesirable physical symptoms. Acceptance AKA Allowance will give power to you, causing no conflict between it and you and creating desirable energetic causes resulting in desirable physical symptoms.

If something has come into your experience you no longer want to be there, the first step is to accept it as it is, allowing it to be as it is. Stop resisting it. The next step is to bless it in order to release any negativity wound tightly around it. You have to release it and let it go – all of your negativity – your anger, bitterness, hatred, etc. You may need to forgive someone or something. Once you have managed this, you have to see it differently. Up until now you saw it as something bad. You have to find some way to bless it. Did it teach you something? Is it a part of a larger thing for which you can show appreciation and be thankful?

If you are unable to really get behind the appreciation, blessing and gratitude, just say the words. Repeat them every time you think about this thing or encounter it or are reminded of it. Repeat it until it becomes true. Always allow yourself to feel what you feel – do not repress or resist your feelings! Flow not force. In time, through gentle reinforcement, you may find that you can appreciate, bless or show gratitude towards this thing, either indirectly or directly.

It will be interesting to see how I can apply these things in the next few days and what the results will be.

3-30-2016 – My Failure

I have just watched the season finale of Mythbusters, and the AMA special with Adam Savage on YouTube. He quotes Jon Kabat Zinn as saying, “You wanna know how your life is gonna turn out? Look around you because it’s already happened and and this is what it’s turned out to be.” I can’t find the original version of this quote, I suspect this is paraphrased because I would be surprised if Mr. Zinn would use words like , “wanna” and “gonna.”

Whatever the original form, however this may have been intended. I felt a stab of pain (and am still feeling it now) when I heard this. Because what I see when I look around is absolutely, completely worthless.

I used to be able to console myself by thinking of my work here, at this blog. But certain recent things have happened to cause me to doubt my authenticity as a spiritual person, which throws the entirely of everything i have written into doubt. Besides, a few years of blogs and websites? That’s what I leave the world, should I die right now, in this moment?

A few moments ago I thought back to when I was a kid. I still remember him, the “ladies man”, my shirt unbuttoned, no fat anywhere on my body. I had 3 girlfriends in the space of a few years. Hell I have a scar on the back of my head from when they fought over me outside the restroom, girls on each arm, as I struggled to escape, before they let go and I struck the rough brick wall.

Things went downhill around the 6th grade, the two girls I liked the best moved away, one right after the other, and I fell out of touch with the one I did not like so much, because when we kissed her lips were all prickly. It was the weirdest thing! Still I should never had treated her like I did, ignoring her, she was there the whole time, as each of the other girls left. Why is it we ignore the ones who have always been there for us? What the hell is wrong with us?

The thing is I can’t think of a single hero I had as a boy. A single man or woman I looked up to above all others. A single role model. A single thing I really wanted to be or do. I am thinking back, remembering to listening to music on the radio, but I am drawing a blank. Either I killed my dreams early on in life and blocked the memory of them from my mind, or those who raised me killed them. I do not criticize or judge. I lay no blame. I bear no bitterness or resentment.

If what I learned recently about myself is true, I have carried the burden of bitterness, hatred and resentment long enough. I have decided to act as if what I have learned is true and let all that shit go. It’s like a homeless person’s cart, being so attached to this thing I have to push around everywhere I go, afraid my stuff will be taken or worse, thrown away, always fearful, trying to protect things that, in all likelihood, only have value to me, and are garbage in the eyes of everyone else. I see no difference in that than in locking an iron ball to my ankle and walking around with it.

But it still makes me sad, as I look around at the life I am living, and really, I am just a step or two above that homeless person pushing their cart. The only difference between us is that I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my belly. That I can lock my door at night and feel safe. That I can sleep somewhere warm and comfortable. But very soon, in just a few months, I won’t even have these things, and I won’t have a shopping cart either. Just a bicycle, my bags and whatever I pack into them. Just the clothes on my back and in my bags. For as long as I have them.

I have had to manufacture dreams as I have forgotten my own, if I ever had them. I am alone in the world. Outside my family and friends I can count the number of on one had, I have no one. I have done nothing of any lasting, real value with my life, I have contributed nothing of any lasting, real value to the world. Maybe people will treasure my poems hundreds of years from now. More likely I will be forgotten in physical time.

Whatever dreams, ideas or visions I had as a boy they are as lost to me now as a balloon carelessly released in my childhood. It is unlikely I will ever find them again. Whatever words I have written here in this blog have to be questioned and scrutinized, tested in the forge of each reader’s individual experience. I hope I played the role of spiritual teacher well enough that some gold remains after these words have gone through the refiner’s fire.

The plain and simple truth of it is I fucked up. I can’t get back any of those early years. I have between 30-50 years left on this planet, and I can’t think of a single, solitary reason to continue living them. I can’t think of one thing to do with my life. The one dream I can remember, developed later in life as a teenager, was to work in the video game industry. I went to college and tried to learn how to program, and hit one of the first walls they put into place to weed out weaker students.

I failed, completely and utterly. In fact failure is the one thing throughout my life I have done, to use one of Adam Savage’s favorite words, “Spectacularly!” You don’t believe me? You doubt it? Well as additional proof let’s just say I and a certain movie that came out some years ago about a 40 year old man have a lot in common. I will let you use your imagination as to what I mean. I don’t have the courage to come right out and say it.

I am not sure what I am going to do now. I can’t find any acceptable painless ways to kill myself, and I don’t want to be even more of a looser (which I would see myself as being) by just giving up when I have not yet exhausted all other options. I would like to at least get out and explore the world a little. So many people around me just do not understand why I want to take this crazy, maybe even insane, bicycle trip down the Pacific Coast. They just don’t get it.

The only way to get anywhere is to move. It doesn’t matter in what direction, moving (or action if you prefer) is the key. I have to get out there and experience what out there is for myself! I have to have this direct experience of the world, see what happens, what I learn, and then I will be in a qualified position to make a final decision about my life, continuing it or ending it.

So many who would call themselves my friend, or say they care about me, do not like it when I talk about this. They refuse to respect my decision. They refuse to help me, consigning me to only painful ways of seeing it through, if that is what I choose to do. Maybe I could leave, as my legacy, these words as a message from everyone currently considering suicide, or who may consider it later. If you truly love us, let us go! Respect our decision and help us out so we don’t have to suffer through the process of death as much as we had to suffer through life.

Note that these words are spoken from the heart of a broken man trying very hard to superglue himself together. A man who is putting on a brave face for everyone who is concerned about him, who smiles and will try very hard to get you to laugh. Who wants everyone he cares about to be happy, who understands how much it would hurt them if he decided to take his own life.

A man who has weighed the pros and cons very carefully, and has been considering this, thinking about it, for 20 years or so. Someone of whom you can not say, “He didn’t think it through!” I have thought it through more than most anyone else in the history of mankind who has chosen a similar course of action, as far as I know. I don’t think many people take even 10 years to think about it. The act, by its nature, is somewhat spontaneous, driven by pain so great the only way out is death. One of my few gifts is a very high tolerance for pain.

These words I write here, and any words I may write in the future, are not written by the same man who started this blog. I suspect, I think I may even believe, that man was bitter and resentful at his parents for taking him out of school. He was playing a loving son role, but his sole motivation was to punish them for what they did. That man was also bitter and resentful at himself. He probably hated himself, and at least secretly hated his own parents. He punished himself by putting himself into the life he is currently living, and the physical form he is currently using. He drove people away, even his own friends, and isolated himself. He blamed everyone and everything else, even God, for his problems, and never took responsibility for the role he played in all of it.

That man died the day he opened his Nook and found the Tarot card Death. He realized that he needed to change, he had taken something that allowed him to see where he had gone wrong, and was already in the process of initiating the needed changes. This man, writing to you now, is the result of those changes.

When people tell you that, “People don’t change” never, for a single moment, believe it! That is complete and utter horseshit, and for whatever reason the media seems hell bent on making us believe this most terrible of lies, second only to the lie that we are not already perfect. People change all the time. Some people may choose not to. But change is inevitable in everyone’s life, without exception. Things happen all the time that cause us to have to change. I don’t think there has been a single human being in the history of our race that managed to live a full life without changing a single aspect of themselves.

If I leave one more thing of value, let me leave that. People can change, but only if they choose to. Change can not be forced, it must be chosen. Forced change will never stick. Marrying someone thinking they are some project you can work on, to make them someone else more compatible with you, will not work. It will end in failure and a lot of pain on both sides. It is perfectly OK to want someone to change. To desire them to be different or other than they are. Nothing wrong with a desire, any desire. But to try to force that change, or make that change occur, is not OK.

If you don’t like what you see in another person, instead of trying to change them, love and accent them exactly as they are, and work on yourself. Change your perspective of them and the story you tell about them. Tell the story of how they are the way you want them to be, not how they have never been or will never be what you wanted. That will create the space they need to change, if they choose to. But more likely, as you change your beliefs, feelings and thoughts about someone, you will begin to see them differently.

Always remember that you have all the power you need to change yourself, and no power at all to change anyone else!

 

A False Belief

I started what I guess you would call a thread at the Reddit OKCupid Subreddit. I wanted to know how long I should keep my account, if I was not receiving messages. This is what one user quoted from what I said:

“I would like to be with someone who can look past a person’s physical appearances and life circumstances.”

They continued their post with this:

“Put yourself in their shoes. Can you look past a woman’s physical appearances and life circumstances? Are you willing to date a woman that’s overweight and doesn’t have a job?”

Something about it has been bugging me, nagging at me, and I think I finally figured out what it is. I want to go through this with you now.

On the surface, you read something like that, and you probably start nodding your head yes. You agree with this. It seems reasonable enough. A sort of extension of the teachings of Jesus, to treat others as you want to be treated.

But this is a very good example of a societal belief. Something accepted as fact, with little or no thought, which is, in fact, completely wrong.

I have come to understand that your only real, true responsibility on this earth in your physical form is to be yourself, to be true to yourself. To love and accept yourself as you are so you can love and accept others as they are.

That means you are in tune with your particular desire and preferences. To deny what you want because, according to society, it is unreasonable, is to deny yourself. You are not being who you are.

In truth you could be what others or yourself, looking at you with a critical eye, would call fat, slovenly and irresponsible. You sit around on the couch all day. You don’t have a job. You have a whole bunch of excess material all over your body, you are what they call overweight, and by some standard set by society maybe you are by 100+ pounds or so.

That does not automatically mean the only females you have a right to be interested in are those who are as fat, slovenly and irresponsible as you, within some arbitrary number of years of your age.

Do you see it now? This belief is divisive. It presupposes that only attractive people can be with attractive people, ugly people have to be with ugly people, fat people have to be with fat people, jobless people have to be with jobless people. Intelligent people only belong with intelligent people, and so on. It is utter bullshit.

The one you criticize and call fat, slovenly and irresponsible may be attracted to younger, 20+ year old, skinny and wealthy females. His life circumstances is irrelevant in regards to what he is attracted to. To be himself he must approach the females he is attracted to. Not the ones others would consign him to. That would be denying himself.

In my case I am what others would call overweight by roughly 50 pounds, best guess. I will be 40 years old at the end of this year. I have no car and no job.

I am attracted to pretty, younger women. As far as I am concerned, when the time comes for me to see them naked, I have to be interested in what I see. I find nothing attractive at all in older women, or in women that are excessively overweight. I am also not interested in women with children, because I want to have time to experience a relationship with someone before I am ready to have children.

This brings up another flaw with this belief. Everyone, this poster included, has desires, and those desires may cause him or her to be interested in someone that is, according to this same belief, somehow wrong for him or her to be interested in. While he or she is there criticizing and judging me, based on this belief, for my preferences, he or she is ignoring their own.

When I go to OKCupid and look around, I have to criticize, I have to judge. There is no other way to work with that system. If I could eliminate everything I deemed undesirable so I never had to see any of the other women there I wouldn’t have to do this. But because the system is designed the way it is, I have to criticize and judge.

I look at the picture of a woman, and if she is obviously overweight or not what I consider pretty, I do not click on it. End of story. If she is attractive I immediately go to see if she has children. If she does I close it out. Same if she smokes at all or drinks excessively.

It seems most of the women I am seeing there either are bisexual, addicted to hiking, have kids, or smoke, or drink excessively. Few are spiritual. The one person I found who was fairly spiritual and a good match according to OKCupid’s system sent me a reply message saying she didn’t think I was compatible with her.

I guess most guys don’t even get the courtesy of a rejection. Even though it isn’t really something in and of itself to be thankful for, I did get a response, which I guess is.

This is my process, and it is the one I must follow, because I am being true to myself. I am being who I am. That is my primary responsibility on this earth. That is the key to unfolding my purpose and living the life I came here to live.

These same people at Reddit want me to post my profile so they can give me pointers. I am sure I could use some advice, having done everything on my own. But I will not post my profile. It presents me honestly, paints a clear picture. There is no deceit, I am honest and open, clear about what I want. I am, once again, being true to myself and who I am.

I was feeling ashamed and guilty about the fact that, despite the many strikes I have against me, I am interested only in attractive younger women. It seemed unreasonable to me that I had such high standards that I did not meet myself. That is the purpose of what this user said. It is a tool of conformity, a belief we adopt from society which causes us to conform to its standard.

I am dropping my old belief in this. I will not conform to this. I will be true to myself and allow myself to be attracted to whoever it is I am attracted to. I will accept the standards I have set. They are not unreasonable, no desire, preference or standard is, or could ever be, unreasonable. If your preferences are limiting you, in time, when you are ready, you will change them. But for now you accept where you are, right now, in this moment.

I am not interested in being with someone who I couldn’t stand to see naked. That’s the end of it. I am also not interested in anyone that requires special care or treatment, and that includes women with children. I don’t care if they have a job or not. I admit it would be cool to have what I guess they call a “sugar momma”, but I am not looking for anything like that.

I want to be with someone who is interested in me, who I am interested in, who is attractive to me, and who hopefully finds me at least a little physically desirable. Someone who shares many of my interests, someone who is not seriously invested in some sort of institutionalized or organized religion. That includes agnostics, atheism and science, as far as I am concerned.

But I think I could live with an agnostic, atheist or scientist. I don’t think I could live with a devout Christian, Hindu or Muslim. I might be able to tolerate a Taoist or Buddhist. Ultimately I want to be with someone who is flexible and growing spiritually. So I only close out windows of those who are serious about their religion, but more for them than myself. They have a right to believe what they believe and follow their own spiritual path. I want whoever I am with to be happy. I don’t see how someone serious about their religion could be all that happy with me.

I hope someday I can look beyond the physical appearance of someone, or the role they are playing, to who they really are, deep down inside. To see the same energy in them that is in me, that is perfect and timeless, whatever the appearance or role being played. But I am not there yet, and I embrace my not-thereness, just as I embrace what I want in a female.

If someone says something to you similar to what they said to me, feel what you feel. Accept, admit and allow your feelings. Then release and let go of any guilt or shame you may have. There is nothing wrong with having a preference. Honor your desires, what you want, your preferences, and you honor yourself.

There is no higher calling in this world. If we all allowed ourselves to be who we are, and stopped trying to be what others tell us we should be, all hatred, strife and wars would cease. These are a direct result of people denying who they are, people who do not love and accept themselves as they are, people who are not true to themselves and who have instead denied themselves. You will not find an unhappier person on earth, or anyone further from their Source, their Higher Self.

Love and accept yourself as you are. Everything you belief, desire, feel, need, prefer, think or want, without exception.

Beliefs Get In The Way

I need to work something out here, something that may be worth sharing. I won’t know until after I have written it.

I am reading Anita Moorjani’s, “Dying To Be Me.” She says, “Needing to operate out of concrete beliefs limits my experiences because it keeps me within the realm of only what I know – and my knowledge is limited.” The alternative is awareness, which takes us out of the realm of what we know and brings us, “…closer to Oneness.”

So… Beliefs get in the way. They keep us in the world of duality and what we know. That means belief is not the key to manifesting or anything else. It seems to support my decision to keep cutting beliefs away, to just let them go. To remove them, as much as possible, from anything I write or teach.

I just realized something else… When I have this thought like, “I should have been more loving…” then I have a belief that I needed to be more loving in that situation. But that becomes a measuring stick, and if I don’t measure up to it, I criticize and judge myself.

Not only that but it becomes easy to measure others then criticize and judge them when they don’t measure up. None of this is simply accepting things as they are. I can not allow the experience of things as they are, in their natural state, as long as I need or want them to be any different. I must let go of all such belief-based expectations.

My need to be more loving gets in the way of accessing my true nature, which is love. I already am love, I already am perfect as I am, there is nothing more I need to be. If I am not allowing myself to be who I am, which is love, I am not allowing others to be who they are, which is also love.

When I read concepts and ideas in a book like this, structuring what is taught into a belief system, essentially creating my own personal religion out of it, is like constructing a cage. That will limit me in the end.

Instead it seems the way to proceed is to be open to these concepts and ideas. To let go of belief systems, and the need to turn these concepts and ideas into things I believe. To be aware of what these concepts and teachings are telling me.

There is a realization here I was close to. I will update this post when it comes. It was right on the tip of my tongue, or fingertips, a moment ago. Something about just being aware of the concepts and ideas I have learned instead of believing in them as true or false. Just allowing them into my experience. That this awareness and allowing is all that is needed.

In any case it seems clear now that I must release and let go of my beliefs in order to move out of the realm of what I know and into the realm of the unknown. Which is also something she mentions, becoming comfortable with the unknown.

The pieces are starting to fall into place. Being myself, not trying to be loving, not even practicing being love, but allowing myself to be what I am, which is love. Love is who I am, not anything I have to try to be.

In being myself I allow my purpose to unfold. In practicing awareness I come closer to Oneness. In loving myself, having self-love, I have love to give others. I am closer to my true nature, to who I am, so I can access the love that I am.

Loving myself is not something I do. I allow myself to be who I am. I stop trying to be what others want me to be or tell me I should be. I accept myself, just as I am. Until I realize the truth, that I am love, I just remain aware and open of this. I let go of the doing. I allow the being.

Being and consciousness, what she calls magnificence, are the keys then. Just accepting myself and the world around me as it is, without needing it to be anything else. In the words of Anita Moorjani, “To me, the first step to conscious awareness is understanding how nature intended things to be. It means being aware of our bodies and surroundings and being able to respect the essences of things without needing them to be different – and this includes ourselves.”

Acceptance. Allowing. Openness. Letting Go.

I AM Love.