Our Mindsets Are Our Greatest Obstacles To Our Abundance

In a little over a month my parents and I will be homeless. Today I learned that one of the families staying here has found a place. I celebrated this, and shared it with my dad. I thought it would encourage him. I mean, if they could find a place, so can we. But he is stuck in a mindset that you have to have money to buy a house. The fact that this couple had money enough to purchase this place seems to confirm that for him. He has no money set aside. I tell him about Downpayment Assistance, but it is like he doesn’t hear me. He usually starts in with his other mind-rut – his credit history.

As we travel around the area I see houses being built. I see subdevelopments that are filled with occupied houses. And I know that statistically speaking, not all of these people had money enough for a down payment. I know of one man who is renting a place, without a job, without any known income, and with a drinking/substance abuse problem. HE has a roof over his head. I point this out to my dad, but it goes right OVER his head. If it isn’t the chestnut, the same old saw, of this man having money from the sale of a house its this man has better credit.

It occurs to me that the people all around us are in a variety of monetary situations. Some have no money at all and no employment. But some of those folk are living happily in their own houses, while others from this same group are living in a homeless camp somewhere. On the other side of the coin there are those with plenty of money and/or a good paying job, who are living on the side of the road, even as some of that same group are enjoying nice new houses. The only thing separating these people is their mindset – the set of their minds. What they allow themselves to have and what they believe they deserve. That’s it.

I honestly don’t think money plays as big a role in getting a house as we are generally programmed from childhood to believe. There are people living in penthouses in New York who do little if any work, and it isn’t because they have a trust fund or come from money. Just as their are artists, dancers and singers working two jobs as they try to get their foot in the door. I am certain that as long as my dad doesn’t honestly and truly believe that he deserves a house, as long as he doesn’t allow himself to have one at any level in his mind, he will not be able to get a house. His fate, and by proxy, mine, is sealed, were I to cast my lot in with his.

I can’t do that anymore. I honestly believe I deserve my own house, my own space. I have worked hard all my life, and if that was any real metric whereby eligibility were granted, the scales would have to be tipped in my favor. I also want one, and am doing my damn best to allow myself to have one. Even without any income – only the future possibility of becoming a well-paid YouTuber, the goal I am working towards right now. The problem is I am infected by the same mind-virus, the same meme, as my father. I contracted the fucking thing from him. I caught myself later in the day, just a little earlier this evening, thinking about how I lost a subscriber at YouTube and doubting that I will ever make it as a YouTuber.

I realized it then and I see it very clearly now that as long as I do not allow myself to “have” success at YouTube, as long as a doubt myself and do not feel I deserve it, or am worthy of it, I will never have it. Ever. I am doomed to fail – in fact I failed before I even got started! I was advised to start a GoFundMe for my folks. Try to raise money to get them a house. I see now that it is useless for me to do so if I continue to think, basically that, “well I can put it up but I don’t think it will do any good.” If I put it up with that mindset, that belief, it will not succeed. That’s all there is to it. I am sabotaging myself and my parents.

I won’t belabor this but to put it bluntly I don’t think I will survive this. I have been fighting this bullshit for a long time now. I can’t seem to get out on the other side. I can’t seem to cure myself of this disease, free myself from this thing that both holds me down and keeps me back. But there is one thing I can do, maybe the only thing of any value I have ever done, and that is to warn you. Buying into the beliefs that were programmed into you since childhood by your authority figures, parents and religion is a dead-end road. You are marching a straight and narrow road from the cradle to the grave. You will have been born only to live a miserable life and then die. It doesn’t have to be that way, but must be as long as you believe it.

Now this may not be a belief you are consciously aware of. How often have you listened to the things you tell yourself? I mean REALLY LISTENED? Is your self-talk supportive or not? Friend or foe or frenemy (foe in disguise.) Are you allowing yourself to do the things you care about or have a passion for? Are you of the mindset that there is only so much to go around and you have to get yours before someone else does, or do you believe in an abundant universe? What are you allowing yourself to experience and to have? A house? A happy marriage? Work that speaks to you or that you can at least tolerate? Do you have money enough to live the kind of life you want to have? How do you feel when you look at something you want and say, “I now allow myself to have this, or something like it.” What kind of people have you surrounded yourself with? If you express some risk you want to take, do they support you or try to stop you?

Don’t wait until it is too late, until those old mindsets, those old habitual patterns, are so deeply engraved that you just can’t find a way out. Break free, rock the boat, shake yourself loose. Stop following everyone single-file to the cemetery. Stop doing what others tell you, stop doing what others want you to do, stop living for others. I have said it before that if you do not fill your cup, you will have nothing to give anyone else. You gotta find your path, and you will know when you are on it, because your old beliefs, your old ways of thinking, will just fall away. You will find real and lasting happiness there. Your life is not something meant to be endured. It is meant to be enjoyed. You are here to experience life and all the Universe has to offer joyfully. Open yourself up to that idea.

The only thing standing between you and something you want are your beliefs and mindset – the habitual way you think. Change your mind and you change your life. Different ways of thinking open up different experiences and options. What are you allowing yourself to experience and to have? Is it what you really want, deep down inside? Take a moment and listen to what that still small voice inside is whispering. The sooner you get started, the easier it will be to choose a way of thinking that supports you and opens you up to new possibilities. You know what happens when you stay entrenched? Literally in a trench? You will either starve to death or you get taken out by enemy fire. Nobody who has ever stayed in a trench, never leaving, has survived.

I fucked up. I tried and quit piano, though I enjoyed it. I tried and quit singing, even though deep inside I want to sing, I want to free my voice without fear or shame. I tried drawing, and despite the fact I have proof I can draw, I still don’t consider myself to be any good at it. I tried mapping for games I enjoyed playing, and quit when I compared my work to others and came up short. I tried programming and couldn’t stick with it. I keep picking up writing and dropping it again. I start a story and quit a couple of chapters in. I tried to meet someone to share my life with, and have long since given up. In fact I went through my entire time at college without really socializing at all – or even trying. I am running hell-bent at YouTube because it is my last hope, and I think it actually might be.

DO NOT follow my example! DO BETTER! Your happiness, your life, literally depends on it!

A Process for Miracles

Recently I have experienced something that I am referring to as a no-doubt miracle. I am not read to share the details publicly.

What I want to do is examine the things I went through, and detail that here. If you can find a way to apply this to things in your own life, then perhaps you will experience your own no-doubt miracles.

So first there was a clear attachment, followed by anger. I allowed these feelings to work through me and did not try to stop them. Just naturally allowed myself to frantically search for something, and then get angry I did not find it.

But the next part is likely the most important… I couldn’t bless the people that I suspected had what I was looking for. So I blessed the thing itself. In a very short period of time I went from being angry and attached, to being at peace and letting it go. Blessing what I could bless, until I could bless the whole situation, was key.

By blessing this thing and those who possibly had it I was able to find peace, and in finding peace I was able to let go. I really, truly wanted those who I thought could have this thing to be blessed. I was really truly at peace and I really, truly wanted to let it go. This put me in a state of non-attachment.

It was in this relaxed state, in this mental state, that the miracle occurred. It caught me completely by surprise. It is common parlance to say that we manifest this or that. But we don’t. When we say we manifested something, this implies effort. As you can see, this process of something showing up is effortless. I didn’t make it happen. I didn’t intend for it to happen. No force at all was applied.

We see this in the Bible. Jesus would just walk up to someone and touch them, and they would be healed. He just stepped out of a boat onto the surface of the lake. There is no intending, no planning, no effort here.

Being in a relaxed state such as the one I was in I think opens us up. We are naturally open, so we are naturally receptive. Anyone closed off is also someone expending effort or under some sort of pressure. Someone perhaps stressed, or worried. But if you are stressed and worried, you are still in a state of attachment. You have not progressed to a state of non-attachment. How you feel shows where you are.

Once you are able to bless and mean it, then relax, then let go, then things are able to show up in your life. Things for which you have been asking or desiring. Things which you need. You become receptive to the abundance of the Universe. This will flow to you, without you doing a thing, through any number and variety of channels. The how of it is none of your business. If you are wondering how, you are still attached. Wondering how implies doubt, or not being sure, or trying to plan things out and make something happen.

So there you go. Take this process, apply it in some way in your life, then post a comment here, if you are willing, with your results. Know that miracles, real miracles, miracles that have no material or physical explanation, can and do happen. I have experienced one such miracle. Perhaps you will also experience one.

I Was Meant To Fly

I am making a declaration, a public statement. I have made a choice, a decision, tonight. I have allowed others to forge chains and bind me to the ground. I have consciously or unconsciously agreed to be bound by each chain. I have consciously or unconsciously chosen to stay bound, to stay grounded, until this moment.

I am now making the conscious decision, the conscious choice, that I will no longer allow myself to be bound, and that I no longer agree to others binding me. I declare, I claim, I choose, I decide, that I was meant to fly. I am a free spirit, I was always meant to soar and be free.

I do not know what brought me to the ground. Maybe I was born with wings, and my parents quickly “clipped” them, either not knowing any better, or following the dictates of others through societal expectations or religions, or perhaps both. I will not carry the weight of blame, fear, guilt or shame with me. I will not carry the weight of bitterness or resentment. I will not hold onto grudges. I want to feel the sun on the fabric of my wings, so I now, in this moment, release and let go of all that would weigh me down.

I acknowledge your labels, and I accept their existence. I do not resist the existence of these things, or your use of them. But I claim, I choose, I decide that your labels will no longer stick to me. That is your path, the use of these is your choice, your decision, and I leave you to it, I leave you to your path. Maybe you were born with wings like me, yet choose to stay grounded. Maybe you never had wings at all. My path, my practice, is to accept myself as I am, so that I may accept you as you are.

This is real love. Love doesn’t try to save anyone. Love doesn’t try to change anyone. Love doesn’t require anything. Love does not require sacrifices. It is not some god that must be appeased. Real love, true love for others, is the practice of allowing others to be as they are, without criticism, without judgment. Real love, true love, for yourself is to do the same. Accept yourself as you are without criticism, without judgment.

Because I love myself I can no longer allow myself to be bound to the earth, to the ground. Because I love you I understand that you may need labels. You may fear spreading your wings and flying. You may need to stay grounded. You may even need to hate me for being myself and loving myself for who I am, a free creature who was created to fly in the warmth of the sun.

Whatever it is you feel you must do, however is its you believe you must be, or things must be, or even others must be, I leave you to it. I choose, I decide, that your beliefs, your desires, your needs – all that you vehemently defend – no longer has any power over me. I agreed before, probably before I knew what I was agreeing to, that you would have this power over me. I no longer agree to this. I actively and consciously choose, I decide, that this is no longer so.

I have spread my wings. I have launched myself from the ground. I am flying now. I am feeling the warmth of the sun on my flesh. I am feeling the bite of the wind over my skin. I am enjoying the freedom I was always meant to enjoy. The freedom I was created and designed to enjoy. Join me if you wish, or stay on the ground, the choice is yours. What will you choose? What will you decide for yourself? Do you have wings or not? If you have wings, will you stay grounded or not? Will you give into fear, or will you embrace and face your fear?

I no longer claim myself to be a looser, either by my own definition or society’s. I claim myself to be a success, to be successful, to win and be a winner. However I may currently appear to those who look on me and my life, these are the last days I live this way. These are the last days I allow myself to feel fear guilt or shame.

Such clever devices you have used to slip those chains over my neck, over my feet and hands! Make me feel bad about myself, when I have no way to defend myself, when I don’t know, don’t realize that I never needed to defend or justify myself to you, then slip those chains on by using labels such as failure or looser. Whisper them into my ear as I slept, until I started repeating the lies you told me! Until I was whispering them to myself before dropping into blissful slumber, hoping the next day would be better, but of course, as long as I was chained there it never was.

This is behind me now, beneath me. I no longer believe these things, I no longer choose them or claim them for myself. Even if you were to look at my life and see that it matched perfectly some definition or label you have for me, I choose, I decide, that I will not accept it for myself. I will no longer accept any of your labels, no matter how true they may be in your perception. I will no longer allow you to apply them to me. This is my path, my practice, from this moment forward!

I claim myself to be a free spirit. I claim for myself a life I want to live. A life of abundance and empowerment. A life of freedom and flight. Whatever awaits me in the future, whatever I encounter, I will look back and read these words, and I will remember. I was born to be free, and I was created to fly.

Santa Claus Is Real – An After-Christmas Report

This year I have no choice but to consider that Santa Claus may, in fact, be real, as a number of my long-held wishes, some of which I actually did write to him about, have been granted.

But let’s consider Santa Claus as a human, anthropomorphic representation of Christmas, the spirit of giving, and a Universe of Abundance manifesting as the various things we have asked for.

Basically, The Universe is Santa Claus. Or Santa Claus is the Universe. Or something like that.

I wrote about how I wanted a Home Alone 2 style Christmas. I think this was really an extension of a long-held, and long-suppressed, wish I had to have a Christmas like my cousin Chris used to talk about when we were young. He was always talking about Ty’s, how he got this and that from Ty, how they (him, his brother Shadow and my uncle Warren) were going to, “…go over to Ty’s…”

I wanted to experience a Christmas like that. One with lots of presents, without any hindrance of budgetary or financial constraints. One where I had a chance at getting the truly nice (and expensive) things I wanted. Until this Christmas, I don’t think I have ever experienced that. I have always keep the costs of my items down, setting some sort of budget, just as I did this year. I mean if I knew I could ask for anything I wanted you would see things like my own house, a Telsa car, a gaming laptop, etc. on it. Not sure even Trump’s kids get to have a Christmas like that though.

The point is I have never, to my recollection, listed the more expensive things I wanted or needed. I would probably never list a house or a Tesla car. That’s just silly. I could create a list and send that to Santa Claus, c/o the Universe. For those really expensive, cost-prohibitive items, or the less tangible things like our family’s getting back together again (or world peace. Has anyone ever really asked for this?)

So I would list a gaming laptop if budget and financial constraints were no obstacles. I would list a bicycle, fitted to me. Probably a few other things like that. Nothing I would consider unreasonable. But I have never been able to do this. Only Santa has ever seen these items on my list, unless I included them on some of my birthday/Christmas list in the past, but if I did, I probably didn’t really expect these items.

Well not one, or two, but four (possibly more as I think about this) items have been granted to me this year. In short they are:

  1. A tree with lots of presents under it for me.
  2. Christmas at Ty’s.
  3. A clear sign I am on the right track.
  4. The families getting back together.

As I may have mentioned earlier, this year, around Thanksgiving, Warren, Shadow and Chris invited us over to Ty’s for Thanksgiving. First time we have been really been together in a long time. A long-held wish of mine. I have been trying to get mom and dad to go up the hill, to talk to Warren, for a long time now. But, as far as I know, Warren didn’t want to talk to us, and my parents didn’t want to talk to him. I was pushing a large rock up a hill. But deep inside, I wanted us to come together again. Now Warren had started talking to us before Thanksgiving this year, then we got together for Thanksgiving, and we got together again for Christmas. A long-standing wish of mine has been granted. Our family’s are back together again.

But even better, my brother, who I would not expect to have done this or work so hard at it, was working with my cousin Chris and my uncle Warren to put this Christmas together. That took me completely by surprise. The amount of effort and work he put into this, not to mention working with other people – I am still amazed. I gladly give the credit to him, Chris and Warren for us getting together for Christmas this year. Maybe my desire created the football, but they ran with it and scored a touchdown!

So strike two items off a long held and, until recently, never really talked about list.

Then there is an issue I have been struggling with, and wrote about here. After being a Christian for approximately 20 years, trying the whole prayer and religion thing, and finding it didn’t work, I started walking my own spiritual path. But I always wondered if this was the right path, or if I still didn’t have it right. I didn’t want to go through another non-working system again. Didn’t want a repeat of when I was a Christian. I wanted to get it right this time.

I found, or was found by, the manifestation teachings of Abraham and others. I started to work on less tangible things, like frequency, vibration and how the inside reflects the outside. A lot of intellectual knowledge, but little experiential knowing. I even went to a 10-day meditation “retreat.” I have been ruthlessly excavating myself, and getting frustrated at all the things I needed to do, all the hoops I had to jump through, when it seemed nobody else needed to do any of that. They (family and friends) were off getting married and starting families. I felt left behind.

Then I found this video:

I found her initially when looking for information on anger. I had broken my phone in a fit of rage and I wanted to address the issue. Then I found this video, related to the man she is talking to, and learned about this tug-o-war between the aspect of me that cares only for intimacy and connection, and this other part of me that wants to be wealthy, to support myself and stand on my own. As I shared in an episode of The Circle:

I used the same process for talking to my Inner Voice to talk to this aspect of me that desired connection and intimacy . I listed to it. I acknowledged and honored it. I then did as it asked of me. I embraced it, took it inside me, and got on the same page with it. That is all it wanted. That is all I needed to do. I just needed to love it as a little child, because really that’s what this aspect of me was. It likely reflected the age I separated from it. By integrating it I take a step towards healing and wholeness. As far as actually connecting to people, I think I leave this to the Universe. For now my job is simply to remain open and willing.

I know this stuff may seem a little strange or “woo-woo” to some of you. That’s OK. It’s a little strange and woo-woo to me. But I have tried everything else I know to try. I tried to channel the anger through a visualization. But I since learned that this may not have been the best course of action. All that we do must tend towards healing and wholeness if we wish to create complete and drastic change in our lives. If this is the way for that to happen, it is no use arguing. You take the road that leads you were you want to go. Christianity didn’t go there for me. Science doesn’t go there either. No religion has ever or will ever lead there for me. Only these things I have done have shown any sign of taking me in the direction I wish to go.

I walked outside the other night, remembering to think about the day and what I have to be thankful for. I reasoned that if Teal Swan was right, if I was in a tug-of-war between the part of me that wanted to have money so he could step out on his own and support himself, and this other part of me that wanted connection and intimacy, that wanted to have real, true friends and was tried of being alone, well if I got on the same page with this aspect of me that desired connection and intimacy, the tug-of-war would lesson or stop. Of course there may be other aspects of me at odds with this aspect of me that desires money. But one less tugging against me should manifest in my life as something I have had seen very little of these last few months – money. Of course money is simply a physical manifestation of abundance. It is a distinct lack of abundance I had been experiencing.

Then I walk into Ty’s yesterday, and there is the first “real” Christmas tree I had seen since 2016 (at home, or in a place where my family had gathered.) Not only that but the thing was surrounded by a huge pile of presents. Then I go through my presents, and suffice it to say that Abundance had shown up in a variety of forms, including money. It was the best Christmas, in memory, that I have ever had. Not just because of finally having a Christmas at Ty’s, or because or family’s were getting together for Christmas for the first time in years, or because of the amazing presents, but because of all the energy and effort that had been put into this, and the validation (if you will) of what I had done. It was as if the Universe was saying to me, “Finally! You got it right! BAM!” Probably the Universe sounds more loving than that.

So many steps to get me here. Will I see Abundance continuing to show up in the months to come? Likely my journey is not complete. Life is a learning process. It is our classroom. I have probably just completed one assignment. Who knows what else I have to learn! But I sincerely hope that I see more money flowing to me, and that I create lasting, lifelong friendships along the way. Because that aspect of me that desires connection and intimacy is right. What good is all the money in the world if you are disconnected from the world and those in it? Better to be connected to the world, and those around you, so you can enjoy the money you receive. Any maybe, just maybe, the more connected you are, the more Abundance will show up, in a variety of surprising ways, not just as money!

So yeah, Santa Claus is real. Maybe not as a jolly fat man with a beard, wearing a red suit. But more likely as a Universe of energy, that has its own intelligence, its own sense of humor, and it is just waiting to give you everything you have ever wanted, but you have to get on the same page with yourself and open yourself to it.

Over the next few months I will be playing with this. I may talk to other aspects of me that are ready to be integrated and integrate with them. I will see what shows up next month, when I need money for a few things. And I will surly report back here. Because I want you to succeed in realizing your desires and dreams as well. I hope you Christmas has been just as amazing as mine, and if it hasn’t, I hope you experience many blessings and amazing things in the months to come. Maybe the things I have posted here will help you find the road that will take you where you want to go.

What “Money Is The Root of All Evil” Really Means

It is time to challenge a belief, a misperception, that many religious people, especially Christians, have about money. The Bible has multiple seemingly negative messages about it, including, “Money is the root of all evil” and “You cannot serve God and mammon (money).” Yet again religious folks, especially fundamentalist religious folks, have taken something the Bible says literally, which was never meant to be taken literally. Let’s sort this out, shall we?

Money is not the issue at all here, even though at a surface level that is what it looks like. In reality the issue is one of mindset. As I have taught many, many times, the things that have power over us only have that power as long as we give it to them. We can give things power over us primarily two ways:
1. By resisting it, which makes it stronger.
2. By “buying” its power, believing in it.

I have only begun to tug at the threads of this thing, so I do not have the entire tapestry yet. But the materialistic system is brilliantly designed. We will use an example with money to illustrate a point. Say you go into town and you see an armored truck. You know there are valuables inside. You also know there are armed guards, protective technologies and a very thick metallic shell you would have to get through to get to the cash.

From the side of those sending the trucks around to collect their valuables, there isn’t really resistance to you stealing them. It is passive only. Because if they resisted you stealing their valuables, you would then have the power. Any resistance of stealing will make the reality of things being stolen stronger. That’s just how things work. They, whoever they are, are well aware of this.

So they pass the buck, figuratively, onto you. As you see that truck, knowing what you know, the power of those things regarded as valuable in our society becomes absolute. You have to “buy in” to the value of whatever is inside, those items which society considers valuable, and once you have done this you perpetuate the materialistic system.

This is hard to grasp and put into words, but I am doing my best. Everything you see on the news, everything you are raised to believe from childhood – all of it is designed to cause you to believe in money, and to make money’s power over you absolute. This, in addition to religion, makes you much easier to control.

Why? Because if you are poor you see money as the only solution. And in some cases it is. If you need certain things, like clothing, food, medicine, etc., you must have money. By this the system is preserved. Even if you were to come into a lot of money, your mindset towards money gives it influence and power over you, so you really do become a slave to the dollar. Society raises you that way.

The only way considered acceptable and realistic to get money is to earn it through a job. Even though  there are other legal and moral ways to get money, once again you “buy into” what you have been told since birth – you really don’t have a choice, so these alternative means of acquiring money appear undependable, unrealistic and unworkable. You can’t have a house unless you have a dependable monthly income, right? No, actually that’s entirely and utterly wrong. But that is not what you believe.

This then is why the Bible says money is the root of all evil. Notice the Bible doesn’t say money is evil. You infer that money is evil because the Bible says money is the root of it. In your literal interpretation of scripture you conveniently forget to also take this part literally. According to the Bible money is the root of all evil. It doesn’t necessarily mean money is evil. I could say the virus is the root of all sickness. But a virus isn’t literally sickness. A virus only leads to sickness, and it only leads to sickness, there is no guarantee of sickness, only the possibility.

Exactly the same is true of money. Money can lead to evil, but it is not evil itself. Money is just some object we all agree to assign a value to, be it a coin or a bill or a gold nugget. It isn’t even the physical object the Bible is talking about here. What the Bible is actually warning is about is our mindset to money. The same applies to the other passage. It is all about mindset, more specifically, the things we believe in and give power to.

We humans, for all our intelligence, are incredibly stupid in certain ways. We say things like, “Guns kill.” No, they don’t. Bullets kill people. But even that is false. Neither bullets or guns kill people. You will never see a gun load itself, aim itself at someone, and then fire. Likewise you will never see a bullet float up by itself, aim at someone, and then hit them.

In fact the only way guns can kill is if they are loaded, and the people who use loaded guns do the shooting. And even that is not entirely accurate. Because in order for someone to kill another person, there has to be a mindset of killing, murder or violence. Guns can do absolutely nothing if the person holding them does not have the mindset, the mentality, to pull the trigger. AND IF THEY DO, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT IS A GUN, KNIFE, STICK or LARGE ROCK!

The ONLY thing we would accomplish by getting rid of guns is to:
1. Create a HUGE back market for guns and
2. Cause people who want to kill, murder or use violence to use knives.

When it comes down to it, if someone wants to kill another person, a gun only makes it easier and quicker in some ways. They will use anything, including their bare hands, if they really have the mindset to hurt and/or kill. Not only that, the only people who would obey the law and not have guns are innocent civilians who would need them if and when they are attacked. In other words, the “bad” guys will ignore the law and still have guns, and the people that needed guns in order to protect themselves from them would no longer have them.

By this we see that all gun laws are completely useless, an exercise in complete and utter futility. It is our mindset that gives these things power over us. My mindset towards guns is actually not beneficial to me. I am actually empowering those who would pass gun laws by my resistance to gun laws. The only way I could create a reality that is more positive and supportive, of a higher frequency or vibration, is to let go of all these feelings I have about gun laws. But right now, in this moment, gun laws and those involved with that side of this issue have power over me.

The exact same thing with money. Right now society would use two words to describe me. Lazy (meaning I do not have a job and therefore am not a contributing member of society) and poor (meaning I have little or no money.) It is very hard for me to have the experience of abundance and wealth I desire as long as I maintain my current mindset about money, which is what has given it power over me. My mindset causes me to be “closed off” from the abundance of the Universe, and until I “open myself”, by freeing myself of the hold money has over me, I will receive very little if anything from it.

Those who see an armored car and consider robbing it are even more under the influence of money. If they rob the armored car, they will have to use some measure of violence. In this way money is the root of all evil, this is what the Bible is telling us. The things we do for money, when our mindset towards it is influencing our actions and giving it power over us, are evil. Not evil as in literally evil. Evil in this case means harmful to us and others, negative.

Worse, if those who see an armored car consider robbing it, then do so, they make money’s influence and power over them absolute. You can only rob and steal out of a mindset of lack and limitation. By stealing the robbers would continue to have an experience of lack and limitation. They would need to steal more money, and they would be unable to stop, until they change their mindset towards money.

This is why I would not consider stealing. Not because it is bad/good or right/wrong. I could care less about that. It is all about the hold I am allowing money to have over me. A lady I occasionally worked for mentioned some bag of cash that fell out of an armored car recently. She asked me if I would keep the money. I said I don’t think I would, not if it was easily identifiable who the money belonged to.

In fact wouldn’t keep a single bill. I would if the money and the bag had no identifying information, if there was no obvious candidate from which it came parked anywhere nearby. I once picked up a wallet on the bus. I could have opened it and taken any cash inside. But I did not. I didn’t even open it. I just handed it to the bus driver. But if I am walking along, nobody around, and find a $100.00 on the ground, in the middle of nowhere, I will keep it. I would consider that to be something the Universe provided.

My reason for this is simple. I am doing my best to practice of mindset of abundance. That means trusting that the Universe will provide. I often freely give of my money, or share it. I walk a thin line between being free with my finances and being careless. Once again I am practicing a mindset of abundance. In doing these things I am taking back the hold, influence and power I have allowed money to have over me. I seek the freedom to live the life I want and to experience an abundance of all good and desirable things.

If you are seeking this as well, then you must change your mindset towards money, starting with throwing out any literal interpretation of the any holy text, especially the Bible. Just release and let go of all negative and unsupportive beliefs, feelings and thoughts you have about money. As your mindset towards money changes, its hold influence and power over you will loosen. But you have to find a way to practice you new mindset every day. It has to become as natural to you as your former mindset was. When it does you will be finally be truly free.

Purpose

I have made such a big deal of this thing called purpose. Feeling it’s absence in my life, or simply having forgotten it, or having suppressed it – whatever the case may be – has left me feeling like something was missing in my life. That there was something wrong with me.

I defined purpose, when I started to look for one, as that thing I came to this world to do or to learn. But I am beginning to suspect I have bought into yet another illusion. Yet another belief structure of humanity and society.

If I do not believe in fate or destiny, what room could there be for a purpose? If I would not want to be confined to fate or destiny, why would I allow myself to wear the shackles of purpose? What if there is no purpose? No fate, no destiny – nothing.

Or what if the reason I am here, call it destiny, fate or purpose, is beyond physical understanding? Something I can only translate into insufficient physical terms, like Christians trying to define God, trying to stuff the creator of the entire fucking Universe into a box. Futile, pointless and potentially harmful. Certainly shortsighted.

Eckhart Tolle teaches me that this thing called purpose only exists in the future. It is a favorite ego fantasy. That my purpose is whatever I am doing in this moment, now. To put all my attention and awareness into whatever I am doing.

I just finished Millman’s “Peaceful Warrior.” The main character in that story learns a lesson so hard it literally kills him. Not sure how that works, the mind can not distinguish between an image it holds or something the physical body sees. He has a vision of his own death. Only I think it was more than  that. But ultimately, even that character found a purpose, to be a Warrior, a Teacher.

I am troubled by this, because if I go by what Tolle says, my purpose is to be here, living with my parents in their motorhome. To have no money, nobody to share my life with. To ultimately have no future. I see nothing on this path that leads me to believe it will carry me to a life I actually want to live. And I am to embrace this, accept it, and live each moment of this life as if whatever I am doing in that moment is my purpose.

Am I not allowed to define my life for myself? To choose a purpose the appeals to me and live that? Must I just accept things as they are, whether I like them or not? On the other hand, what good does it do me to complain, fight and struggle? To, as the Bible says,  “Kick against the goads?”

If I can not embrace my life as it is in this moment, if I can not accept it as it is, then I will suffer. Do I really want to add more suffering to a life that I consider to be far less than I want? No. So I will practice this, embracing each moment, accepting it, not wanting it to change or be anything else. I will continue to train myself through ACIM so that I may see things as they are. I will accept them a they are and see them as they are. This is my intention.

I am not sure if I believe this yet, but I will state it as fact and let it be weighed on the scales of personal experience. When you were born, it was without destiny, fate, karma or even purpose. Nobody was born to be a dancer, painter, teacher, or even a Warrior. You come into the world not only naked physically but also naked in every other aspect.

Does that mean your life is meaningless? Does your life have to have meaning? It seems to me that this is heavy burden to carry. If you have not found any meaning in your life, you will feel somehow lacking or missing something. I am not so sure things have to have meaning, and whatever meaning we assign them is a limited definition at best.

You were not born with a meaning, any more than you were born with clothes, or a destiny, fate, karma, purpose or sin. Yet you were born complete and perfect. Whatever your physical condition, you came into the world complete. It may not look that way on the surface, but every human comes into the world a complete package, lacking nothing and yet having nothing more than a physical body and that energy that gives it life, call it what you will.

Maybe this is a tough pill to swallow. But I am right there with you, trying to choke it down. Because I have come to understand that of all the things I understand, I know little, and all the things I know I understand little. But I am learning and coming to know these things that have, so far, remained merely intellectual constructs.

Embrace Uncertainty, Question Everything.

 

Micro Lesson – Abundance

I just had this thought I wanted to share. I tried to put it into a poem but the words aren’t fitting at the moment. So I will let them rest.

I realized I can say, without a twinge, that I know it can happen. I can also say, and believe, that it has happened to others. But I struggle with saying it is happening for me.

This is in reference to anything desirable, right now my thoughts are on when I leave this place. I can’t see myself as leaving here and moving into my own house. At the moment I can only see myself as probably living on the side of the road.

I am thankful I can see as much as I can. If it has happened, and has happened for others, then there is no reason it can’t happen for me. Even if it has never happened, has never happened for others, that does not mean it can never happen for me. There is a first time for everything!

There is no reason, beyond my own limiting beliefs, I can’t dream bigger and have more. The table is laid out before us. Everyone, without exception, may take from it what they want. There has always been enough, and there will always be enough.

I can sit here in the corner and take scraps. I can pick up a dish and select a small amount. Or I can grab a tray, as many plates as I can put on there, and pile them sky high. The choice has always been mine, is mine, and will always be mine.

Others can try to tell me what I am allowed to take and how much. But it is my choice whether or not I listen to them. I am done listening to them, I am done accepting the limitations of others, I am done accepting self-imposed limitations.

None of that has served me these 40 years I have been alive. Doing as I have done has only brought me here, to these circumstances and this situation. It does not work, so why continue using a flawed method?

Somehow, I don’t know how yet, I am going to get… No, I AM AT, the place where I can say, without a twinge, it happens for me. I am just as deserving as anyone else. Nobody has more of a right to the things they desire than I do.

We are all equal in our rights to our desires. It may not make sense from a human, physical standpoint. It may see as if some desires may cancel out or override others. But that is not our concern.

Our only concern, the only thing that matters, is following our heart, moving to the best feeling thought we have at this moment, visualizing the fulfillment of all our desires, and I guarantee that the closer we get to who we really are, the more harmonious all our desires will be together.

There is no reason to sit in that fucking corner and gnaw on bones. There is no reason to subsist on table scraps. It is time for me to get up off my ass, grab a plate and embrace all my desires, without criticism or judgment, without worrying about the how or finer details.

I want a nice bicycle and all the gear I need for a comfortable trip. I want a sleeper car train ticket pass and enough money for any other mode of travel I might want at any time. I want to be able to stay at nice places and have access to any physical care, from massages to mani-pedis, that I want. I want to be able to eat the kind of food I enjoy that makes my body feel good. I want a nice camera to take pictures with. I want to be able to stay at the Esalen Institute, in its nicest accommodations, and take as many course as they have of interest to me. I want to come back from this having finally released all excess material from my body and emerged like a butterfly from a cocoon, beautiful, light and free. I want a home to return to, a place of my own, in a community where I feel I belong, where I am welcome, where I have friends and someone to share my life with.

Those are my desires, and I leave them all the room they need to expand and grow as the time for me to leave draws nearer. These are the things I want, not sleeping off the side of the road, unless it is my choice, and only if I have chosen that.

In the eyes of society maybe I do not deserve these things. But I am done caring about or concerning myself with what society thinks or wants. Its interests do not match my own, so I leave it to its own pursuits while I follow my own.

I am done believing, feeling and thinking that I have to earn things or work hard for them. I have just as much a right to all my desires as someone who works 80+ hours a week serving others. Maybe they have to work that 80+ hours to feel they can have their desires. That is their choice. I am done feeling like I have to perform Herculean tasks in order to live a live of abundance, luxury and wealth.

I do not criticize or judge others in positions of service. That is the portion they have chosen for themselves. I will encourage them to dream bigger, to take a bigger portion, but at the same time I will support their choice, loving and accepting them as they are.

My idea of Donald Trump is that he sees himself as successful, wealthy and the next president of the United States. He accepts nothing short of the vision he has for himself. He accepts no limitations, not from others, not from himself. From this moment on, that is the example I follow.

Streams in the Desert

Depending on any circumstance to be the source of our supply is to be like a man in the desert, next to a dried up stream. As long as the man stays there, expecting water from where it once flowed, he will eventually die of thirst. He must get up and find another channel.

In the same way we must never expect our supply to come from the same places. These channels may dry up. We must always be open to receiving our supply from other channels. All the channels of our supply flow from the same and single Source.

Things such as allowances, bank accounts, investments and paychecks are only channels. They are not the source of my supply. Source is the source of my supply.