BE WARNED! The post that follows is a rant, and may be highly offensive to some. It concerns my feelings and opinions about women and online dating.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND that I am not enlightened, as far as I know, but even if I was, I am still human, and I would still feel. The only difference is that maybe an enlightened person would handle their feelings better.
So last year I entered the online dating scene with OK Cupid, which I may have posted about here, or maybe at my tech blog. Briefly the things I encountered were:
OK Cupid’s system, like many other dating app and service systems, basically put me in a group with fat, older people because I am overweight and over 40. So the majority of the “matches” I got had nothing to do with what I wanted. They were all overweight, undesirable fat women. I have run across this again in a dating app I tried, only that app added women with children. Basically OK cupid and this dating app, and other apps and services, ignore completely what you write out as a preference. If you want to be “matched” with young, beautiful women, you have to list yourself as a young, beautiful guy. Be sure if you do this that you add a disclaimer to your profile.
Many women demanded a number of courtesies, but could not be bothered to reply even to the nicest, most complimentary comment from me. I have run across this many times too. I never send dick picks, I never say anything like, “Hey baby, you’re sexy! Wanna come over to my house?” I always read the woman’s profiles, ALWAYS, and my contact always references their profile in some way, for those few women that even bother to provide a profile. I think in all my time at OK Cupid I received one response. In a dating app I am using, I replied to a woman and then she just stopped talking to me, for no reason and without explanation.
Something I noticed more now in the dating apps, but likely was present at OK Cupid, is a lot, and I mean a LOT, of women posting headshots. The do something, either using younger pictures, or photoshoping, or doing themselves up in some way, to hide the fact that they are really overweight. LISTEN ALL YOU FAT WOMEN! I understand why you are doing this. The majority of red-blooded males are not interested in you. I know how you feel, because I have liked probably a couple hundred women by now in various dating apps yet received no responses from anyone I liked. Those women probably feel about me the way I feel about you. But just stop it. You are not fooling anyone, and you are causing more pain for yourself and others in the long run.
I met someone in the Amino App not that long ago. She posted headshots, and they made her look like a highly desirable, sexy young woman. I was very interested in her. I started talking to her, we hit it off despite an extreme age difference. But then, a week or two into our “relationship”, she let slip something, and alarm bells went off, so I asked for some full body pictures. Understand I have never hidden the fact that I am overweight. Not once. Nor did I hide my age in this instance. She knew all about me, I was 100% honest with her. She sent the shots. She at least did that much. what I saw had nothing to do with her headshots. I saw a very fat, not even pretty female that only vaguely resembled her headshots. They were probably taken of her at a much younger age. I cut it off with her then and there. Not just because she was fat, not even primarily. But because she deceived me and lied to me.
So all your fat chicks, PAY ATTENTION! DO NOT DECEIVE, DO NOT LIE! If you think that you are still pretty sexy despite the fat content of your body, and there are some cases where this is true, post nude pics or pics where you wear very little, in good lighting, of good quality, showing your whole body. TO ALL WOMEN IN GENERAL! Stop holding back, if your app or service allows nude shots provide them. Nothing sexual, just you, naked, no need for makeup, doing yourself up in some way or photoshopping. This is one way of being 100% honest about yourself, what a potential mate will see when you two get to that point in your relationship. If you can’t do nudes, get as close as you can. Barefoot too, hide nothing. AND STOP THE SNAP CHAT DOG EARS AND FUNNY FACES!!!
Now to the really offensive stuff… I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANY LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP! That is why I put short-term or dating on my dating profiles. It is not that I am closed to going long-term, not at all. But I want one thing, and one thing only… YOU NAKED, IN FRONT OF ME, SOON LYING ON MY BED, SO I CAN PLEASURE YOU, THEN MAKE LOVE TO YOU. Have I made myself clear? The only thing I care about initially is sex. That is all that matters, that is all that is important. I could spend hours explaining myself to you, but I won’t. IF YOU DON’T LOOK GOOD NAKED, THEN I AM NOT INTERESTED. I will be the judge of how desirable you are. You may think you do not look good naked, but the only opinion here that counts is mine.
Some people look good naked, despite their age or excess body fat, because they are beautiful inside. Some look ugly, despite having a beautiful body, because they are ugly inside. Some girls I just see too many of, so I swipe left. How many mountain climbing, bicycle riding, dog loving tall blondes could there possible be in my area? At last count several hundred, just on the dating apps I am sure. I have nothing really against the typical tall, tanned, athletic blond woman. But I am an artist, and have an artist’s eye, and would like something a little more unique, if at all possible.
The plan here is to go out with you, and when you are ready, to pleasure you and then make love to you. If I enjoy how you look, and I enjoy you as a person, then I will want to continue being with you. Maybe we will choose to live together or get married, whatever it is you want. I want to enjoy your body for the next decade or so. I want to have copious amounts of sex, until I am satiated. I am like a thirsty man in a vast desert. When I find water, I will drink it until I make myself sick or kill myself. Because I have been far too long without it.
From these words you may get the impression I am some sex-crazed freak or maniac. Not so. If you knew what my life has been up to now, you would understand. I am a deeply spiritual person, interested in pleasing his lover and receiving pleasure in return. I am also very chivalrous and romantic. I am also a gentleman. I reserve the right to use any means at my disposal to get you naked and into my bed. But only insofar as you are willing. I will never use force of any kind. If I enjoy being with you, day and night, I will want to continue to be with you for as long as you want to be with me. While I do not subscribe anymore to religious-based patriarchal systems that seek to control women, I will still only be with one person at a time, and if that is you, then there will be no other until you have made it clear you no longer wish to be with me.
Which is why I also do not want to be with someone who has children. I can not satiate myself sexually if there are children in the picture. Also a child is a physical reminder that another guy has put his penis into your vagina (unless we’re talking artificial insemination or something.) Even though I may not be your first, I want at least the illusion that I am, by not having any evidence to the contrary. I am proud of the countless profiles I ave seen in my dating apps where the woman shows pictures of their child and/or says that they have children. If women could only be as honest about the current appearance of their body, I would be in seventh heaven!
Please do not misunderstand me. I do want to have children. I am not in any rush, I have YEARS of sex to catch up on before I have finally had enough, but I am willing to be a father, I wouldn’t even mind raising someone else’s child. But initially at least I don’t want to be with anyone who has children or has had children. Or has been married. Or is in a relationship. Single, available and without children – that is what I want. Also note that I have no STDs, and do not wish to receive any. That said I have no intention of wearing a condom. If you get pregnant, whether or not we are together, I will do my duty, on proof the child is mine. Your responsibility is to keep yourself clean, tell me if you have any diseases, or if you can’t have children for some reason, or any other physical thing going on.
If you have some strange genetic disease, cancer, or can’t have children that is not necessarily a deal breaker for me. There are many children that need good homes, so there are benefits to adopting when we are ready. If you are dying we can enjoy the time we have, and maybe I can influence you to heal yourself, or maybe you will heal, or maybe you will die and I will learn how to not be attached to you. But if you have anything communicable beyond the common cold I am not interested.
I am tired of all the bullshit, and I don’t have the time or the inclination to deal with it. You may be just as horny as me. Just be honest about it. Be honest about your body, the dis-eases it has, if any, and who you are. This whole dating/romance thing doesn’t have to be a game in order to be fun. Really who would enjoy a romance that plays out like a game of chess? Seriously! If I like you, contact me, even if it just to say you are not interested. Tell me that if it is true. If you want to give me a chance, chat with me. Go out on a date with me. I am holding nothing back here. You know what I want. Tell me what you want.
And for the love of God, leave politics and religion out of it! I am not sleeping with your god or you political views. They are not who you are. I am sleeping with you, who you are, your body, nothing more, nothing less. Throw out all that excess baggage you’ve been lugging around, release and let go of all your silly requirements (must be 6 feet tall because I wear high heels – I am, but seriously?) Strip all that crap off and the mask you wear as you will later remove your clothes and come to me nakedly just who you are. Is that really too much to ask? I promise I will be gentle with you, when we first begin to talk and when I later lay you in my bed. Or your bed. Or wherever we go. Don’t you want to be free to be yourself with someone? Just for once in your life?
I had to get these words out. They have been boiling and simmering inside of me for some time. I find these dating apps and services tedious at best. I am awkward and clumsy when it comes to talking to women in real life. I have no idea how to move from a pleasant smile and “Hi!” to “Would you like to go out with me?” Plus I have no car, no way to travel to Portland, where 95% of the women seem to be, I live with my parents in an RV, so the only privacy we can have is if I pitch a tent outside. I know I am undesirable and unattractive physically and circumstantially.
But I feel I have a right to have my needs met, and that it should not be like pulling teeth to do so. I am tired of being alone and missing out on things. I have a whole summer ahead of me, and I intend to get laid by the end of it. Preferably many, many times. I have to succeed this time. I am tired of failing. I am not a failure. I will succeed, and will do whatever it takes to make my desires happen, to meet my needs, and to make my dreams come true.