After much thought I have decided I am ready to take my first, consciously chosen step out of stasis and into a complete, full and open embrace of my life, exactly as it is in this moment. I have chosen to release my hand fully from the ejection seat lever, as referred to in my previous posts, Suicide – Part 1 and Suicide – Part 2. I am choosing, right now, in this moment, and from this moment on, to be aware of when the old patterns of suicide door-thinking come and to, gently but firmly, release them and let them go.
I hereby publicly declare that I am no longer entertaining thoughts of killing myself. I am no longer holding the ejection seat lever. I am no longer keeping myself in stasis. I feel I have suffered enough, that I have hurt myself enough. I am not sure, or am not consciously aware, of what I did to deserve my self-imposed punishment, but I am done spending time in emotional and mental self-flagellation.
I deserve to be happy, I am worthy, I can have the life of my biggest dreams and strongest desires. I can have the experiences that I have always wanted to have. There is no barrier between myself and what I desire other than what I accept from others, or put there myself.
I no longer accept the limitations of others, and I no longer give myself permission to hold back. Whatever happens, whatever my fate, it is time to live my life to its fullest. To take control of the stick and fly this plane the rest of the way, to be fully aware and conscious in my life and to be motivated by love – this is what I commit to do, from this moment forward.
I will move beyond my upper limits and see what is there. I am an explorer and problem solver at heart. These are two things I enjoy doing, and applying them to my Upper Limit Problems will employ them both.
Right now, from this moment on, I am living my life.