I want to record a few things here. This will be more of a journal entry where I am recording things instead of any sort of article or lesson.
So a friend sent me that legal form of DMT that you can buy, I can’t be bothered to go and find the exact word for it. They bought a batch and sent me some. Two doses, Pill A and Pill B. Pill A for my first experience, a weaker dose. Pill B will be stronger, and I think I will take it with me.
Some time back I may have mentioned I took some shrooms, and I guess the experience would fall under the classification of a “bad experience.” This legal version of DMT is supposed to be similar to shrooms, but that is a misnomer. You can throw that out, I don’t care what the science tells you.
For me DMT fits better. I have no better way to really say it. Much of the same sort of thing happens, you see patterns when you close your eyes, things move and pulse. But DMT tunes you into a channel that humans normally don’t operate at. When on this channel everything is very detailed. You can see every seed pod in a dandelion puff, or the hidden patterns in the fur of your feline companion. When you move your eyes just right, shift them just right, the sky gets larger, you see patterns in there, you see it breathing and the energy behind it. You realize that this same energy is in everything, you just aren’t normally aware of it. I stepped on a thorn, and a bunch of things occurred to me.
One, if I had knelt down in normal awareness and looked for this, I would never have found it. It found me, or I drew it to me, and this is occurring with us with all things in all areas of our lives. I have walked that path barefoot many, many times. It is just grass there, I mow over it and throw everything into the bushes to each side. Yet only after I took DMT, only at the right moment for me to receive its message, did it find me or I draw it to me. I have kept it to remember this.
Two, I was aware, even though it happened faster than I would probably be able to track in normal awareness, of the choices being made regarding when the thorn pierced my foot. Among these things were if I would see it as good or bad, if I would experience pain or not, if I would be angry or not. I experienced pain, but only briefly, I chose not to be angry and not to see it as bad. This is going on every moment in your life, with everything interaction you have with everything and everyone. Bad, good, angry and even pain are all choices.
Three, as I said, there is the same energy in everything. I tried to see it in this piece of wood that had the thorn on it. But my beliefs were too strong, I was not able to allow myself to see the truth of this thorn, that it was actually alive, and not dead at all. But at least I realized the truth of it, even if I could not directly experience it.
I also learned that humans have lost their sensitivity to their environment. You can test this for yourself very easily. Go into any field, find a dandelion puff, and try to feel the little seed pods by gently brushing the tips of your fingers across them. You may think you feel something, and I am sure there are some hyper-sensitive types out there, the exceptions that prove the rule. But my guess is that most of us can’t feel that. However, drugs like DMT increase our sensitivity. I can almost feel the seed pods, even now, where before I was much less sensitive. These substances actually change things in our bodies and minds.
Something else I came to understand, and this is very hard to explain, justify or prove, is that cold/warm, for example, do not exist. Our science tells us that something called temperature exists, and something called a thermometer can tell us what temperature it is. We see the sun set, it gets dark, it seems logical it should be colder. We see lava and it seems logical it is hot. But that is not the truth. Hot and cold exist only in our minds, in our beliefs. It has been a human belief for as long as humans have been around. It is deeply ingrained and subconscious. I have no idea how it may be changed.
So even though I know this, if you dropped me off in the North Pole I would freeze, or in the middle of a volcano, and I would burn. The point is that if I could somehow turn off my adopted belief in hot and cold, neither of those things would happen. I experienced a bit of this myself while on DMT. I realized that even the bugs that normally surround me are drawn to me, and all humans are constantly drawing and pushing away things. The bugs aren’t drawn to me by my sweat, or smell, or anything science says. I draw them to me, because I believe that bugs must be around, the must come after me, there must be biting ones, because there always have been. But I could, if I knew how, push the bugs away, just as I could, if I knew how, remain unaffected by this thing called temperature.
I have no way to explain how I know these things. All this came to me as I was on DMT, and I brought the knowledge back with me. There is a quote I picked up somewhere, “The mind sees what it wants to.” Or this one by Robertson Davies, “The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.”
The best way to think of this is something like a radio dial. Abraham, through Esther Hicks, uses this constantly. It makes sense. Humans are locked into one channel. Their experience of reality is what can be be accessed on that channel. But the dial can be tuned to other channels, using drugs, dreams, OBEs, and other things.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. Humans can change the channel anytime they like, they just have forgotten how. We have the ability, not the knowledge. Drugs are useful in helping is develop or sensitivity, and perhaps we can learn to change channels, or remember our ability, in using them. They should not be depended on. The ability has to be remembered, learned and then mastered. I don’t have all the answers here.
This makes my chosen path a little tricky for me… I want to learn how to physically travel from this world, this dimension, to another and return. Now I can study the findings of others, based on mysticism or science. But what I would have is a belief. If I followed those instructions, it would work for me, because the belief of others powers it. By following the instructions, I contribute my own energy, giving it more power. But ultimately I have to find my own way, outside of the established beliefs of others.
All scientific evidence is merely a belief that has been proven by some generally accepted means. Scientists expect to find something, and by their very expectation, will and belief, they find it.
The truth at the heart of this is that we do create our own reality. We are constantly manufacturing our life experience even though we are not aware of it, As hard as this will be for many to hear, if something you have chosen to call bad happens to you, you created that. You either adopted a belief that drew it to you, or you made choices that your life came to reflect.
We are responsible for our lives and everything that happens to us. On the outside it may not seem that way. But the Universe, whatever else it is or does, is alive with an energy that we can not normally perceive or sense. That energy gives us exactly what we ask for, whether or not we are aware of asking. Our lives are a reflection of our choices, whether we made them consciously or not.
I am an overweight 40-year old man living with my parents. I can blame society for that. I can blame my parents for that. I could blame myself for that. But these roads all go to the same place, nowhere. The truth is there is nobody and nothing to blame. I made a choice, I have not been aware of it until now, but I see it now. I made a choice to stay with my parents, to stay in this same role I have played for them and myself for the last 4 decades. I have tried at times to set out on my own, but always returned, always failed. I can’t say I ever set out to truly succeed. Maybe I always planned to fail, to stick with what is familiar and safe.
I watched several jets fly overhead. I realized that my choices put me there, on the ground, naked, bare feet on the grass, watching Sherbert, the aforementioned cat, tuning into his environment, nose into the breeze as it ruffled his fur. That’s what cats do, that is their role. Up there, in those jets, are people playing their roles, traveling or even flying those jets. I could be up there. I could live in the city. Or I could live here. I can watch the people on the TV screen or I can be those people on the screen. All my choice, nobody and nothing to blame.
There are no mistakes, only contrast. Only choices that we choose to label as bad or choices we choose to label as good. Only pain we choose to feel or not. The majority of humanity has no conscious awareness of their power to choose. I now have that awareness, yet even I still make, even now as I type this, unconscious choices. They get made every moment of every day I draw breath.
I have chosen my life and I have chosen what I feel about the things I have drawn to me in it. This beat up keyboard and mouse, this torn up recliner, this place I think of as my grandma’s attic – everything here I put here. Where I am I put myself. What I have experienced I drew to myself. What I have not experienced I pushed away.
Now I am choosing to leave this role. I put on my clothes, played the “good son” role for my parents when they came home. They have chosen their roles as well. But I am done with this role, and leaving it behind when I leave here.
This is why things don’t change for most people when they up and leave. As long as they pack the role they have been playing with them, they will continue to live out the reflection of their choices from playing that role. This is also why it can be said people don’t change. It is more accurate to say people rarely change their roles. They may edit them, but few people leave everything behind and choose an entirely different role. People do change, it is the roles that remain largely the same. It is the role I wish to address.
Part of my role was following my parents. Maybe they set out in some chosen direction in their past. But they are at anchor now. You have to move if you want to get anywhere, you have to set a course to start moving. I have set a course, defining my Definite Chief Aim, writing it down. My compass, my heading, the initial direction in which I will travel. I have aimed high, very high for someone who has little higher education or work experience beyond labor positions. But you have to aim high to strike anywhere near where you want. You have to start moving to find your way. That, in a nutshell, is what this planed trip of mine is all about.
I don’t know if I will make it. I don’t know if I will figure out or remember how to change the channel I am tuned into. I may fail. But I prefer failure to not trying. Because I am tired of being on the ground instead of in the jet, and truth be told, I would like to fly without even needing the jet.
I have to deal with these deeply ingrained beliefs I have adopted from my race. I don’t know how to turn that stuff off. I do know that if a device could be invented to turn off all the beliefs a person holds, and scientific tests were preformed to test for tings like temperature, that nothing called temperature would be found. It is alive and exists only inside the beliefs of humans, and humans impose those beliefs not only on themselves but also on their world.
I know this is a lot to chew on. But study these words, carefully. Memorize them. The words are not important, it is the energy behind the words. There is energy behind everything we do, that is something else I came to understand. There is an energy behind these words, and intention. I can’t put words to it, too much there. Among these is a desire to bring about an awakening and a realization. I see something here, and I would like us to come together and bring this thing into focus, for the benefit of all.
We get to choose, we always get to choose, even when it doesn’t seem that way. We can literally be, do or have anything we want. We set the limitations we abide by, they do not exist otherwise. Our beliefs directly influence our choices, and our choices get reflected in the lives we live. We literally do create our own reality, every moment of every day. There is so much more just beyond our ability to sense, even with instruments. But we can tune into that, we have that ability, if we can just remember how to access and use it.