Some years ago my parents gave me some money, $500.00 as I recall. I think it was intended to help pay for the rent. At the time I was living on my own in a 1 bedroom apartment. I was also very depressed. I think I was not working or had just lost or quit a job and I had no idea how I was going to pay my rent. Instead of using the money to pay for the rent, delaying what seemed inevitable to me at the time, I purchased a bunch of military surplus and a tent. I got a wool shirt and wool socks, a sleeping bag, a tent, a canteen and a variety of other things. My intention was to live, essentially, but probably not actually, under a bridge. I was going to go out and be homeless in other words.
When my parents found out I had spent their money on these things they were disappointed with me. I am not sure of the timing here, but I think not long after I had received the items I had purchased I was kicked out of my apartment. It was for some other reason (which was never explained) than not paying my rent, which I had kept up until then. Oh yeah and I should throw in that in this same space of time I got in my first wreck, my little Honda Accord was smashed by one of those giant 70-80’s SUVs like the GMC Jimmy. They were at fault, but the officer who arrived at the scene did not rule in my favor.
Later, after fixing up the car with the help of a friend, it was stolen, just before I left my apartment. Then the police told me it was totaled in Texas, but somehow they messed up, because that was not my car, which ended up in Kelso on Minor Road, then at a local towing place a few streets off the main drag. Somehow the Longview police could not find a stolen car in Longview within easy view of heavy traffic through that, admittedly, extra cold and freezing winter. Come to find out the truth in the Spring, after having a $800.00 bill to pay.
So all in all, the extra gear was looking like I would use it after all, as I helped my dad move everything out of my apartment and down the stairs, into storage at my brother’s garage (only to get stolen a few years later and damaging my ankle in the process.) Not to mention the wear and tear it took on my dad. I think for the most part it was just the two of us, nobody else helped. I intended after this to go with my original plan, live on the street, or, more likely, in the woods somewhere. Never had much attraction to living on the street.
But the tale doesn’t end there… My dad had some communication with his mom, my grandmother, and they found a place for me to squeeze into, this tiny little room I think of as being in my grandma’s attic, even though it is not really an attic space, where I have spent the last 6+ years of my life. They have been important I think to my growth and development not only as a person, but as an artist and a writer as well. This place was exactly what I needed at the time. I was looking for a way out of the Christian belief system I held, I was looking to embrace my writing, and there were other, deeper, unspoken things pulling me, all of which culminated in my living here, and finding myself, in this moment, free of my former Christian faith, embracing my artistry and writing, beginning to embrace my drawing, and having gone through something like a few spiritual growth spurts.
You may be wondering why I am sharing all of this with you. Well, another change is coming in my life. I feel it is time for me to leave this place and be on my own. That long delayed trip from all those years ago beckons again. In this case I feel called to California, the Big Sur. But I have had 3 people tell me not to go, 2 of which told me I would die in the process. Some part of me is in upheaval about this. Because these warnings do not line up with some inner feeling or knowing. Also because there is fear in these warnings, for me, of the place or my traveling there. These warnings are motivated by fear, maybe disguised as love. But they don’t ring true with my inner guidance, and my own desire to be free of fear.
It is something like those Sara books by Abraham-Hicks. Sara, this little girl, falls into the river. It is fast moving at the time. But as she is floating down the river she realizes she can’t drown. She allows the river to carry her, she does not panic and flail around. The river carries her to a branch, as I recall, and she pulls herself out. From that day on she knows, with every fiber of her being, they she can not drown in that river. That she is safe in its waters. But her mother finds out what happened, and, in this same sort of fear disguised as love (which is not described as such in the book, those are my words) she tells her daughter that the river is dangerous. But deep inside Sara knows that is not true. What Sara knows and what her mother is telling her are at odds. Sara has an inner knowing she is safe in the river. Her mother is trying to force her fear that the river is dangerous on her daughter.
I feel about travel and going to California the same way Sara feels about the river. But my parents and those who have warned me feel about my travel and California like Sara’s mother feels about the river. There is the danger of death or injury in both, certainly. But Sara’s example is fictional, and not as extreme as mine. In my case, I have to feel that I am safe, because only in feeling that I am safe, that I will be safe, will I draw to me safety. I have to have an air and attitude about me that I am safe, that nothing and no-one can or will harm me. I have done something similar to a lesser extent. I have gone into certain places with an air and attitude I belong there. Do you know what happens? Nobody ever questions me. Not even once. If I am even noticed or seen (I usually am not) the person who notices or sees me assumes I have a right to be there, that I belong there, and barely glaces at me. I have used this numerous times.
In the same way I have to act like I belong wherever it is I travel, that I belong there and that I am safe there. Not only do I need to have an attitude of that, but also that the Source provides. Because if I travel or go to California in the fear I will be mugged, killed and dumped in a ditch (as one person told me), I will be operating at a frequency, vibrating at a frequency, that will attract and draw to me those who would answer my request to be victim (through my focus of being a victim.)
Go anywhere with a victim mentality, and record how many times during the day things happened to you, only to you, and how you were the victim. By thinking like a victim you make yourself a victim. It is as simple as that. By living in fear you experience a life where you are constantly afraid. As long as you feel persecuted you will be persecuted. As long as you feel bullied you will be bullied. Like attracts like. You can argue with me all you want about it, assuming I would even engage you about this, because as far as I am concerned that is the simple truth. You get what you ask for whether you want it or not (Abraham-Hicks.)
I wish I could make these others see that by envisioning me as being harmed, hurt or unsafe in my travels they are disagreeing with what I know to be true, that I belong and am safe, with every fiber of my being. They are causing me to feel distress, because what I know and what they feel are at odds. Also by feeling that way they contribute to these things happening to me. If I were to slip, to ignore my inner knowing, and start believing, even for a moment, that I could be harmed, hurt or that I was not safe, then I would find myself harmed, hurt or unsafe. If I persisted in giving into fear and denying what I know my physical life could be taken.
It is really like these people are cursing me, and curses have no power, except over those who believe in them. This is a prophecy that is also a curse that they have given me. Because their words came from fear, not from unconditional love. Fear can only beget more fear. It has no other offspring. If the fear behind their prophetic curse infects me and causes me to fear, the prophecy will come true, and the curse will have its effect on me.
You can not create more oasis by focusing on the surrounding desert. Focusing on the desert only ever creates more desert. If you want an oasis, you must visualize it, you must focus on it. In the same way if you want this planet to be healthy and vibrant you have to see it that way and focus on its healthy, vibrant aspects. This is why I ultimately had to stop my work in the petitions. Everything about the destruction of the rain forests and global warming is focused completely on the destruction of the rainforests and global warming. In other words, the desert. If those who believe in global warming would stop focusing on what they do not want, and instead find aspects of the world to focus on that were positive, that would create more positive aspects.
As a practical example, using this island in Madagascar from an earlier post as an example, instead of focusing on the barren parts of the island, focus on the thriving forests. Look at those forest and admire how much they are growing and thriving. In your mind’s eye see them covering the island. See it teeming with life. Draw it that way. Get out a paintbrush and paint what you are envisioning. I guarantee that if just 100 people were to do that, consistently and constantly for an extended period of time, maybe 1 year, maybe 10 years, there would be a noticeable expansion of the forest, a noticeable increase of animal life n the island, and the barren parts would start to return to their former state.
Now if those same people, as they are visualizing, drawing and painting the reality they want for the island, would also work with the natives of the island to plant seeds and tend to the land, it would happen even faster. Not trying to make what they are envisioning happen. No. But just taking acting in the natural flow of their lives. This is hard to explain. But the focus is not something like, “We’re going to make this happen!” because that will not work. We do not do the manifesting. Our job is the allowing. What would happen is that during the envisioning process opportunities would come where they could psychically help in some way, and in the taking of these opportunists the Universe would manifest their collective vision faster.
There is always an action part. When you are in the desert focusing on the oasis, you still have to move towards the oasis. Sitting there, looking at it from a distance, will never get you under the shade of those trees, and it will never quench your thirst with those cool waters. Likewise trying to create an oasis where you are, trying to make it happen there, will not work. You will just be more hot and thirsty than ever. The action that flows most naturally in the desert is to move towards the oasis, so that is the action you take.
Sometimes the action that you take, that seems to flow the most naturally in your life, is not in the right direction. But that is OK. If you are moving in the natural flow of your life, you will be redirected to where you need to go. Maybe California is not the best place for me to go. But, having no ideas of where else to go, if it flows for me to get on my bike and head that way, then, somewhere along the way, I may find myself redirected, and that redirection, if it happens, would probably be the better way for me to go. But I have to get on my bicycle and head in the wrong direction before I can be redirected to the right direction. I also have to use my bicycle, because that is more in the flow than say, selling my bike, getting a part-time job, and trying to earn enough money for a car, gas and insurance to drive down there. Driving a car is not in the natural flow of my life at this time. Walking is also not in the natural flow of my life at this time. But bicycling is in the natural flow of my life at this time. So when I begin to move, I will do so on bicycle.
Things may change down the road after I begin to move. I may find a van with the keys in the ignition and a note that says, “Take her friend, she’s yours” like in the words of that old country song. Then it would be in the natural flow to drive. Or I might be drawn to the Pacific Crest Trail, which has no bike access, so maybe I trade my bike for a pack and some gear, and it would flow for me to walk from that point. Or maybe someone will offer to pick me up, with my bicycle, and it will flow for me to hitch a ride for a while. Are you getting the picture yet?
Take action in the natural flow of your life in the direction of whatever it is that is calling to you. The voice may be faint, but it is there. It may only be the idea of a place, like California is for me. No matter what anyone tells you, know that you belong and will be safe during your travel. Do not give into fear, neither the fear of leaving your comfort zone or the fear of something happening to you. Death, the worst thing that could happen to you, is not the end. Carrying a dead dream inside of you is a far worse fate than physical death itself, as it living your life against its natural flow, ignoring that which is calling to you. Better to get moving, focusing on the oasis, not the desert, and move towards that oasis. Better to know that you are provided for and safe. Better to trust the Universe and the calling of your own heart. Better to listen to your quiet inner knowing than that loud, exterior voices in disagreement. Better to release all beliefs that do not serve, and all fear. Better to be yourself, accept and love yourself as you are, and live your life. Let the dissenting voices say what they will. What they think and what they say is none of your business.
As for me I have taken action towards the calling of California, and ordered some parts to fix up my current bike. I envision a silver bike, lighter, packed with everything I need and want. But until that bike shows up, I will make do with what I have from where I am. I will not sit here in the desert and look longingly at the oasis. I bought the parts, and now it appears I may be diverted in another direction, towards a 10-day meditation retreat. Now it is calling to me, so I will make my way in the direction instead for now, and heed the warnings I have received. Not as coming from those who gave them and putting myself at odds with my inner knowing. But out of faith and trust that if something has been said to me that many times, and in the light of this diversion in another direction, maybe that us the Universe telling me that this is not the time to California.
The Source speaks to us in many different ways, and sometimes it is in the words of someone that is at odds with our inner knowing. But we can trust that the Universe is only giving us those words, not the fear behind them that is coming from the human originator of those words. We can weigh the words with what it is flowing naturally for us to do. Maybe we see one oasis, but, unknown to use, the water is poisoned. So we are redirected to another oasis, and maybe we can’t see that one just yet. We have to keep moving across the desert until it comes into view. We have to have enough faith and trust to be flexible enough to change direction, as long as it is in the natural flow of our lives. This is how we will find our way to the life we desire, that perfect oasis that is uniquely made just for us.