Nothing is final, not even death.
My grandmother has made it clear she wants to sell this place. I made it clear I wanted to keep it in the family. What is my voice against the voice of her three children?
This is a very strange situation in which I find myself. For so long I hated this place. I felt trapped here. I didn’t want to do what was needed to maintain it.
But at the same time, when I leave this place, I want the option to return someday. I want to be able to clean up the place, if I feel more drawn to that action in the future.
Whatever they decide, I am left with a choice. Do I contribute my energy into what they have decided? Resign myself to that? Or do I put it somewhere else, into a place of my choosing?
I have decided to invest my energy into keeping this place in the family. How do I do this? By arguing with the others? By anger and threats? No.
All I have to do is what I never really wanted to do in the first place. Except now I want to do it, not because I really want to do the work, but because that is the action I can take, that is what flows naturally for me to do, at this point in my life.
I can put my energy into keeping up the place, improving it, and simply ignore what others are deciding or intending.
If I am not attached to the work I do, if I can do it no matter what happens, without being resentful, then I am focusing solidly on what I want, and investing my energy there.
I have the equipment and tools. I have the physical capabilities. I have the time. I am willing to work without expectation of pay. That is the thing I can do, work on the property as if it will stay in the family. So that is the thing I am doing.
Do you see it? You may find yourself in a situation where you feel helpless. It may seem others are deciding things for you and you have no control or power.
But you do. Just because they are doing what they are doing, just because they have decided what they have decided, that does not men you can’t do or decide something else.
You are always in control of what you choose to do, decide or intend. You are always in control of where you invest your energy.
So stop putting it into this state of helplessness, this idea of being some sort of a victim of your circumstances, and put it into what makes you feel good, what empowers you!
If they call you selfish, just smile at them and love them. If they attempt to argue with you, just smile and love them, then walk away. Love and accept them as they are, steer your own course, and leave them to steer theirs.
When you are maneuvering a boat downstream you cannot possible control your boat and the boat of another. Likewise you can not steer you own life and the life of another.
You have to let them pilot their own craft, and if they wreck, you can be there, not criticizing or judging, to lend a hand in whatever way it flows in your life to do so.
You are not responsible for or to them. You are responsible only for and to yourself, no exceptions. Even if you have children.
There is only so much as a parent you can do, then you have to take your hands of the situation. They have to figure things out for themselves. There is no better gift you can give someone than the freedom to be themselves and live their own life.
I will invest my blood, sweat and tears into this land that I never really wanted to come here and work on. I will do it not because the land needs it, as some favor to the land, which was a far as I got previously. I will not do it to help out.
I will do it because that is putting the energy into what I desire. It feels good to me, it allows me to operate at a higher vibration.
Sitting here cussing and swearing because I can’t ever seem to find any other work than this yard work I despise will make me feel bad. It will lower my vibration, putting resistance between me and my desires.
Focusing on what I do not want, beating that drum, will only make the situation worse. In fact the whole reason grandma is considering selling the place is probably the direct result of my negative focus towards it!
In other words, I brought this on my own stupid self! I have been beating the drum of what I do not want, in regards to this place and work, for so long that I have created this life experience for myself.
By being what others may call selfish I am actually doing good for others! How’s that for turning your idea of reality on its ear?
If I focus on the best solution for everyone, then everyone benefits. The property can stay in the family so we always have a home. Grandma can leave and go somewhere else if she wants, or we can bring in someone to help care for her. I will have someplace to come back to, if I return from California.
If I were to just go with what everyone else is saying, even though that does not feel good to me, then I would not be doing anyone any favors.
The place would be sold, we would probably get less money for it than it is worth, the money would be spent by the children, and in the end it would have done little if any good. On top of that there would be no place for the family to call home.
So this ties in with what I wrote earlier. Just because someone in what you perceive to be authority or power over you has decided something does not mean you are unable to focus on what you want instead and put your energy into that.
You can change situations that do not feel good to you simply by focusing on what makes you feel good. That is your guidance system, and it is 100% accurate.
Chances are, in doing what feels good to you, you will benefit not only yourself, but others as well. You actually do more good, and are living from more of a place of love, than you would if you just followed the herd out of some silly idea of responsibility and respect to authority.
Fuck authority! The only person who has any power over you is you, unless you give that power to others But it is always and only your choice, as is all the rest of this.
I will be myself, focus on what I want, do what feels good to me, put my energy there, and leave everyone else, authority figures or not, to their own devices.
I will apply what I have learned here, to a much larger scale, society in general, our government and issues like Obamacare and Monsanto.
Instead of focusing on these things I do not want, I will stop beating that old, tired drum and move on to a clear focus on exactly what I want. I will envision a future that makes me feel good.
I am doing this for myself, and for my children.