There are two voices inside my head.
One of them tells me to keep going,
The other one says I should give up.
The one that tells me to keep going,
Points out that anything can happen,
I don’t know what the future holds.
The one that tells me to give up,
Points out that I have changed,
But my circumstances have not.
Both of these voices are correct,
But which one should I listen to?
Just what exactly should I do?
Should I continue to listen to the voice,
That tells me to keep going,
Out of fear or just being stubborn?
Or should I listen to the voice,
That tells me to give up,
So I can end this constant suffering?
The voice that tells me to continue,
Points out how much I haven’t experienced,
That there is still so much for me to try.
The voice that tells me to stop,
Points out that I have nothing definite,
No reason at all to keep going.
It is cowardly to keep going,
It is stupid to give up,
But something has to change.
I have to make a decision,
Hoping its the right one,
Because one of them can’t be undone.
I think for now I will ignore them both,
I will stick it out for this month,
Then come back to this unanswered question.
Maybe something will happen,
That will give me a reason,
To keep going and continue living.
But I fear I have waited 20 years too long,
That now I am behind and there’s no catching up,
That I will never be able to fix what’s wrong.
The voice of reason speaks and tells me,
That I can not continue to live like this,
That I need a dream to follow and a purpose.
I have waited so long, possibly too long,
I need to get out there on my own,
I need to live the life for which I was born.
But I also need something definite,
Some certain reason to keep going,
Not just hope, faith, fear or stubbornness.
I need something real I can hold on to,
Some certain reason to live my life,
A reason why I should keep going.
I fear that without it I will listen,
To the voice that is telling me to give up,
Because the other voice has only empty words.
At least I know that if I give up,
The suffering will cease and I will be free,
I will finally know and understand the truth.
I feel like am a blind man in a maze,
Or a hamster running in its wheel,
Just wandering blindly and endlessly.
When this month has passed,
Which voice will I be listening to?
What course of action will I take?