4-4-2015

Two Voices

There are two voices inside my head.
One of them tells me to keep going,
The other one says I should give up.

The one that tells me to keep going,
Points out that anything can happen,
I don’t know what the future holds.

The one that tells me to give up,
Points out that I have changed,
But my circumstances have not.

Both of these voices are correct,
But which one should I listen to?
Just what exactly should I do?

Should I continue to listen to the voice,
That tells me to keep going,
Out of fear or just being stubborn?

Or should I listen to the voice,
That tells me to give up,
So I can end this constant suffering?

The voice that tells me to continue,
Points out how much I haven’t experienced,
That there is still so much for me to try.

The voice that tells me to stop,
Points out that I have nothing definite,
No reason at all to keep going.

It is cowardly to keep going,
It is stupid to give up,
But something has to change.

I have to make a decision,
Hoping its the right one,
Because one of them can’t be undone.

I think for now I will ignore them both,
I will stick it out for this month,
Then come back to this unanswered question.

Maybe something will happen,
That will give me a reason,
To keep going and continue living.

But I fear I have waited 20 years too long,
That now I am behind and there’s no catching up,
That I will never be able to fix what’s wrong.

The voice of reason speaks and tells me,
That I can not continue to live like this,
That I need a dream to follow and a purpose.

I have waited so long, possibly too long,
I need to get out there on my own,
I need to live the life for which I was born.

But I also need something definite,
Some certain reason to keep going,
Not just hope, faith, fear or stubbornness.

I need something real I can hold on to,
Some certain reason to live my life,
A reason why I should keep going.

I fear that without it I will listen,
To the voice that is telling me to give up,
Because the other voice has only empty words.

At least I know that if I give up,
The suffering will cease and I will be free,
I will finally know and understand the truth.

I feel like am a blind man in a maze,
Or a hamster running in its wheel,
Just wandering blindly and endlessly.

When this month has passed,
Which voice will I be listening to?
What course of action will I take?

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