The Urge

Walking behind the barn,
I remove my clothes,
In the faery light.

Padding across near frozen grass,
Avoiding earth mounded molehills,
I settle against the young walnut.

I grasp a limb with one hand,
My guilt and shame with the other,
As I begin a familiar movement.

So many conflicting emotions,
Associated with this action!
How long until I find freedom?

I glance up at the moon’s bright eye,
Then become transfixed by the play,
Of light on the branches.

For a moment I am lost in her ghost silver glow,
But fear overtakes me and I release early,
Rushing to the climax in my haste.

As the chilly air caresses my skin,
I clean up and get dressed,
Released from her spell.


One thought on “The Urge

  1. I feel compelled to leave a comment here, as some may be wondering why I would post such a poem. It is very simple… When I was a Christian the act alluded to here was frowned upon. My parents called the elders of my church, all men, to come and anoint my head with oil. They believed that masturbation is a sin, even though that is not said in the Bible. There are many beliefs like this that Christians have come to adopt. All institutionalized religion, like Christianity, serves to control the thinking of people and sexually repress them.

    Osho says it has something to do with providing stability in a society. I do not know about that. What I do know is that for many, many years, over 20 in fact, I felt I had to ask God for forgiveness every time I did this. I grew ashamed of my amazing and beautiful physical form, I did not love and accept myself, I had low self esteem and virtually no self-confidence. I felt only fear, guilt and shame when I gave into this urge. See that phrase slip in? “Gave into.” I am still fighting my former Christian beliefs, all that was drilled into me, today.

    There is nothing wrong with masturbation, and there is nothing wrong with sex. These things that give us such pleasure in our physical form are gifts, not sins. They are blessings, not curses. We should be comfortable in our own skin, whether or not we have clothed it. And if we are horny as hell with no other way to release the tension and buildup of sexual energy, we should masturbate, without fear, guilt or shame. There should be no more emotional baggage in masturbating than there is in sitting down and going to the bathroom. It is a bodily function, there is nothing wrong with us.

    Be thankful if you are not consigned to masturbating, if you have someone to experience sex with. Learn to love and accept yourself as you are, and then love and accept your mate as they are. Practice civil disobedience and take a stroll naked in the moonlight, with your beloved, or by yourself if you don’t have one at the moment. Just be respectful of others around you, especially children. Our society has all sorts of hangups over this imaginary state called childhood, so a man walking around naked with children nearby is probably not going to be seen favorably.

    But we have to take a stand. All our societal issues start with and will end with sex. As long as we are sexually repressed, we will have sexual diseases, issues, emotionally, mentally and physically. We will also have issues in our society, because we are raising our children to cover their bodies, to be ashamed of their physical forms and, when they are older, any of its sexual functions. The human race has to free itself of these issues or it will perish. It is unnatural not to have sex, whether alone or with another. In fact it is unhealthy. That’s just a plain and simple scientific fact. The sooner we all accept that, the better, and healthier we all will be!

    This poem is my attempt to free myself of my own baggage around sex, to loose those bonds of sexual repression. There is no better time to practice awareness and present mindedness then when having sex! The slower you breathe, the longer you last. The more aware, conscious and present you are, the more you can enjoy all the various parts of your body rejoicing in the sexual act. This is what it was made to do! It tingles everywhere with excitement when you do it! It would sing if it could take over your voice! Sex is joy, pure and utter joy, and I am learning to release myself into that joy with abandonment!


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