Stepping back into the past,
Makes you realize things don’t last,
Looking back I see only emptiness and pain,
Absolutely no reason to return that way again.
I don’t know the words,
To describe how I feel,
What I could say,
To make this real.
I look for the names I used to know,
I don’t find them, where did they go?
Are they still alive, out there somewhere,
Or am I the only one left standing here?
So much time has passed me by,
I am running out of tears to cry,
I have already run out of reasons why,
The tank is empty, the well is dry.
I feel like a survivor of a horrible war,
Wondering what this life is for,
Was all the pain worth it in the end,
Or should I have just given in?
I have people who care for me now,
So I have to keep going somehow,
I am not free to throw in the towel just yet,
Its round 12, I’m battered, but my feet are set.
I guess there just is no going back,
I have to deal with what I lack,
I have to live with the decisions I made,
I have to win with the cards I played.
Complaining will just drain my energy,
Running away will make it chase after me,
Fighting this will only make it stronger,
I must accept it, I can’t wait any longer.
But I wish I had done more with my life,
I wish I had started a family, found a wife,
I wish I had accomplished something of merit,
Instead I am 39 with nothing to show for it.
All that is left is to carry on,
Let go of the past, the past is gone,
Let go of the future, it isn’t here,
And just be fully present and aware.