Questions Without Answers

I have some questions, and while posting them here is therapeutic for me, too often it feels as if I am speaking to an empty room. I know there has been, and may still be, one member in the audience. I don’t say this to get their attention, to gain recognition or anything.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I wish the room were packed full. Packed full with people of diverse but experience spiritual backgrounds. I would be nice to speak up in such a group and get a variety of answers.

I can get this, to some extent, at the Tao Bum forums. I may post this here. But it is not enough. I feel alone, isolated and lost. I feel like nobody else is asking these questions. Certainly I have not looked to see if that is indeed the case. I may have to do that.

It’s just that the more I read in various spiritual texts, the more similar threads I see, but the questions I have to ask may unravel all of them. I have already gone through this unraveling, this tearing apart, this dissembling process. I separated myself from my belief systems, some of which I had held for the majority of my life.

I struck out on my own spiritually, here in the physical realm I have nobody to journey with me. I am well and truly alone in the physical sense. You would think you would get used to that, but you don’t. Asking questions to empty rooms, literally or virtually, as a body nears 40 years of age, makes the soul weary.

Yet this is what I find myself compelled and driven to do, yet again. Maybe these words will reach someone else struggling with the same or similar things I am, and at least they won’t feel alone anymore.

In, “A Course In Miracles”, which I am working through, the first few exercises are essentially training you that the world around you, your body and your thoughts are meaningless. In the words of the text, “… do not mean anything.” I have been thinking about this, and something troubled me.

In the Christian faith this world and the physical body are perceived to be of no lasting value. According to this belief system, the earth is not your home, your True Home is in Heaven. While I can’t say for sure, I think the Muslims have a similar belief system. So do the Buddhists, in a long-view sort of way. According to them, and probably the Hindus as well, we are to keep reincarnating until we work out our karma, learn what we need to learn, and then we exit the process, very much like Buddha was believed to have done. Another version of this I have encountered is that our purpose is to simply become one with God, or Source, or whatever we call it.

The common thread in each of these religions, to varying degrees, is that the physical realm is not important and the ego is something that keeps us from God.

But I thought about this and I found myself wondering… I know that in the case of the Christian and Muslim points of view at least that seeing this world as temporary, as not our home, makes it easy for them to mistreat it. A Christian may not care about the environment, figuring, as my parents do, that the Lord will come and whisk them away. Muslims, in the extreme cases, might strap bombs on their chests. Would it be so easy for us to mistreat each other and the earth if we did not have these beliefs that teach us that the physical realm is meaningless?

Now let’s talk about this becoming one with God idea. Why is that such a great thing? Really? What do we do if we are one with God? Float around in some energy state? Where do we go? Is there even an “I” if we become one with God, or are we just absorbed into this energy, our lives, our experiences, all that we are simply annihilated? How is that a comforting thought or a desirable state?

The working theory I get out of most of the texts I have read is that we, as perfect children of God, originally in some way one with God, wanted to separate ourselves from God, and experience this state of separation, hence the ego was created and the physical world. Now I don’t know how this could be. If we were one with God, how did we decide, being only God and nothing else, that we wanted to be separate? And if being one with God is such a desirable state, why in the hell would we leave it? I always wondered that about Lucifer, before the fall. Where sin came from in a perfect place, and how any entity could be discontent there.

I think a piece is missing in this puzzle, likely several. I think I see some Truth here in these common threads, but someone has woven them into the wrong design over the years. The tapestry, as I see it, is flawed.

So let’s venture into the realm of “what if…” here. Looking at the physical realm, at our physical bodies, how intricately they were designed or have evolved since their original design, I see the work of a master artist here. We will continue to call this artist God to keep it simple.

I don’t think humans are the end-all, be-all of creation. What if aliens really do exist? Are we going to propose that we created them too? And if this separation theory is correct, how come some separated into human form and others into alien form? What if the aliens have no ego? What if their design is way over human comprehension? What would we say to that? How would that fit with our religious beliefs?

Here’s what I think… Our world is not the result of random chance, some Big Bang. That’s a pile of bullshit. I think there was an original design, and humans are evolved from some earlier form of human. I’ll buy into evolution that far, that each species has evolved from earlier, simpler form. Not that fish turned into birds or humans came from primates. If there is an evolutionary higher form of primate it’s probably Bigfoot.

This world we live on was designed for a purpose, as well as the physical forms we inhabit as we live on it. Even the ego must serve some sort of purpose. This physical world has value, and it is our home as long as we are in physical bodies. We should treasure it, each other, and all the life that moves about on it. We should seek to understand the ego better, so that if its something we have grown out of, we can learn to be rid of it. If however it is something that serves some purpose while we inhabit our bodies, we should figure out how it operates and what is the best way to use it.

We know that separation makes it easy for us to have an US VS THEM mentality, leading to all sorts of trouble. We know that we can identify too closely to our physical forms and forget that there is more to us than our bodies. We need to figure out how to use the ego, by its original design, in a way that leads us to live harmoniously with each other and the planet.

Trying to destroy, overcome or over-ride the ego is the equivalent to a monkey removing its tail because it can’t figure out what it’s for. But I propose that everything in the physical and energetic realms has a design and purpose. The challenge is to figure out the correct way to interact with these things.

Which brings me to another issue… What about the energetic and inner realms? If the physical realm is an illusion, what is the truth of the energetic and inner realms? When I am inside a forest in the inner realms, where exactly am I? And if there is a helper there with me in the form of an animal, what is the truth in this situation? Is all of this I see in my mind’s eye merely illusion? Just my imagination? Or could it be that this world is a part of the energetic world, and that, like the physical world, also has a design and purpose?

If all THIS is illusion, then what is the point of even living? Why even bother staying alive? The only reason I can think of at this time is that there are things out there, illusory or not, I wish to experience.

What kind of goal is self-annihilation? To become one with God or Brahman? Or living in one place for all eternity like Heaven? And why would I care about 10,000 virgins if I no longer had a physical body? Wouldn’t the pleasures of sex and relationship die with it? Also how could I enjoy myself with my 10,000 virgins (assuming I could enjoy myself with them) knowing that I blew up my physical body, as well as the bodies of others?

If God’s nature is creative, how could being destructive, to my body, my ego, my fellow living creatures, my fellow humans or my world bring me, in any way, closer to Him/Her/It? Wouldn’t that be like oil and water, impossible to mix? How could something destructive become one with something creative?

No, something doesn’t add up here. Something isn’t right. I am not sure what it is, or what is missing, but I am not adopting any belief that views this world as something that does not matter and proposes self-annihilation in God.

I think harmony is the answer here. Tuning myself to the energies of creativity and love. Experience oneness with God through doing the things that speak to me, call to me, drive me or compel me, where I loose all sense of time. That oneness, that merging, is not destructive. It is the best way, I have found, to honor and worship the Creative Force that gave me life, this body, its ego and this world to live on for some unknown time.

I do believe that time is an illusion, as is age, sickness and death. I refer back to the creation story. In it Adam and Eve were of an indeterminate age. They were made for each other. They lived as one with their world. They walked with God. This, it seems to me, while maybe not a literal account, does give is an idea as to what the original plan may have been. This is the state to which we should aspire to return.

We should not be trying to get to Heaven, our 10,000 virgins or oneness with God. We should be returning to Eden, the original state and plan, where God walks with us, and I mean that not in a literal, separation sense. We walk with God when God is an active part of us that we listen to, commune with and talk to. Call this part of yourself what you will, the Holy Spirit or your Higher Self.

A returning-to is needed, not a leaving-for. We must remember what we have forgotten. God is there, a part of us, and we have only to remember it, and get back to a state where we can hear God’s voice and know that God hears us. The same state where we remember our natural perfection, that we are not sinners in need of saving, flawed, or imperfect.

I also believe that in the case of physical deformities, sickness, and and death we have bought into a concept, that these things are illusion, concepts powered by collective belief, and we need to figure out how to unplug ourselves. We shouldn’t blame God for sickness.

The Artist gave us free will and this world to experience. If we choose to experience sickness, by buying into this concept of a state that does not exist, was not a part of the original design and was not found in Eden, then we can experience it. The same for death and any other undesirable state. When we are ready, in the process of returning to Eden, we will let go of these concepts, and age, sickness, death, time as well as every other human construct will simply vanish, like it never existed, which it never did, except in our concepts, reinforced by our beliefs.

So now, my invisible audience, what do you think? Give these matters some serious thought. As for me I will strike out for Eden. It’s a path few, if any, are following, but I started out on my spiritual journey alone, and am prepared to continue to walk it alone. I leave this trail behind me for others to follow, if there are any willing.

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