Suffering

This darkness, it never ends,
Overwhelming me as it deepens,
Overtaking me as it descends,
And I have no friends,
No means to its end.

It is draining the life out of me,
Obscuring my vision, so I can’t see,
The truth lying there, decidedly,
The only thing that can set me free,
I try and try but can’t make it be.

I have run out of energy,
This thing is killing me,
Preventing and stopping entirely,
Any thought of forward progress slowly,
Comes to a standstill, hopelessly.

I have not enough faith or hope to pull me through,
I am at the end of my rope, I don’t know what to do,
I have fought so long and hard, but failed to undo,
Whatever it was that was done to start this coup,
This arresting of my growth to something new.

I am like a man in a cell, clawing at the walls,
I scream and scrape, nobody hears my calls,
Or if they do they don’t seem to care at all,
My fingers are bloody, my throat is raw,
The crows mock me with their incessant caw.

Must I carve my flesh from my bone?
Is there some sin for which I must atone?
Why can’t these demons leave me alone?
What is it that I am accused of having done?
Who stands with me in front of the throne?

I have no defender, no champion, no savoir,
I am left here, alone, to rot and to wither,
To grow gray, to shrivel up like a dead flower,
Or a dessicated fly in some spider’s bower,
I am caught in a web that has taken my power.

I struggle and I fight but it is just no use,
My capture creeps closer to suck out my juice,
Soon I will be drained, I am unable to get loose,
As the fangs bit down slowly my pulse,
Gets weaker and weaker until it is lost.

This is the only way I can describe how I feel,
I know these feelings are thoughts – not real,
But I have been unable to overcome this ordeal,
I just want to get through this and heal,
I know that somehow, someday I will.

When, oh when, will my suffering be over?