I have heard it said that our circumstances define who we are. The implication being that our circumstances are what defines us. That means if you are abused or raped as a child, the fact that you have emotional or mental issues now, manifesting themselves as sexual confusion among other things, is a direct result of what happened to you as a child. In other words you are a victim. You didn’t choose who you are. You didn’t choose to be abusive, or gay. It’s not your fault, hence not your responsibility. You can blame it on your past, specifically on your past circumstances. There is no need for introspection, in fact you can be proud of you you are, and you can insist that others support your viewpoint.
But this is all the all-too-human tendency to run away from our problems. To not take responsibility for our actions. To take the stance of a victim rather than take control. To blame instead of face what happened. To do anything and everything in our power to resist the healing we so desperately need. The person who ignores the pain in their chest because in the past some doctor hurt them in some way soon dies from a heart attack. Yes, we would rather die than face pain. Why do you think so many have committed suicide, among them someone I knew and once loved? Why do you think that I, in the past, have on several occasions considered it? When it comes to pain most humans are cowards.
I do not know how the Truth, as metaphysical teachers call it, works in the life of a child that is raped or abused. The Truth tells us that everything that happens to us is a direct result of our thoughts. That this world is plastic, that it is neither bad nor good, it simply is. Bad and good are human definitions. Evil does not exist. What we believe to be true is for us true. We draw to us whatever matches our vibratory level. But as I have not been raped or abused, at least not what most would call abuse, I don’t know how it could be said that a child would, by their thoughts, draw the abuse or rape into their lives. I was whipped by a belt by my mom because I didn’t want to wash dishes. Even now doing dishes makes me angry. My chest gets tight. Later my mom tried to stab me in the leg with a pair of scissors because we were arguing about some thing or other and I was not cooperating. But I can not recall my thought process of the time, or my vibratory level. I can not accurately say why these things happened to me, if indeed they are the direct result of my conscious or unconscious thoughts. Hell I can’t even figure out what my thought process was when I asked the only single girl out on a dance floor, who then laughed in my face, or why I tried to get the attentions of the aforementioned girl who, at that time, was interested in someone else, resulting in the first time I considered killing myself.
But now, years later, I see recent happenings, and why they happened, more clearly. I have a glimmer of understanding just how the world does indeed respond t my thoughts. I may not have answers for the past for myself or others. But I see the Truth to be indeed true. More so when I think about it I can feel a deep inner click somewhere in my innermost being. I know it at some deep level to be true. So what I am about to say, I am pretty sure is also true.
Your circumstances do not define you. You responses to those circumstances does. It is your response, subconscious or conscious, that defines you. If you are sexually confused now, it is because you made a choice to be so, you were not born that way. I have said this before, and felt it to be true then, to my limited knowledge. I feel it even more now. Whatever you are now, it is not because of anything that happened to you. It is because of how you chose to let it affect you. In my past I have chosen to feel the pain of rejection, loneliness and depression. I do not, even now, know what I was not facing then. I know i need to face it now. I have hidden this from myself. Nevertheless. I made the choice to let rejection affect me the way it did. I also chose to hide myself away in front of the computer back then, an am still experiencing the repercussions of that choice today. Ultimately I made myself rejectable. I made myself solitary. I made myself look at life from a negative point of view. By my choices then, some conscious, some not, all probably related, I made myself into who I am today. And starting last year, when I began to grow spiritually, I began to make myself into someone else. I made different, hopefully better choices. But facing my internal issues has not been easy, and may never be. That’s how I know I’m doing the right thing. Because the right thing is usually the thing that we don’t want to do, it is usually the hardest thing. To face pain, to look it in the eyes and smile, then open your arms and embrace it, that is probably the hardest thing anyone could ever do.
When you face your past, whatever happened to you, face your old beliefs, face all that “old you” and began to deal with your internal issues, you will, in time, find freedom and a much better person waiting. But you will have to ask a lot of tough questions. You will have to introspect, ask yourself exactly why you feel that way, or believe that. You will have to do a lot of writing, letting your mind wander freely without criticism. Subconsciously you will try to protect yourself, and you will pull out all the stops to do so. I have that book, “You Can Heal Your Life” still sitting by my bed. I can barely read more than a few pages in any great length of time. Yes, even I, I who seek to completely change into someone operating at the highest vibratory frequency possible. I have already changed so much, and haven’t even made it halfway through the book. Whoever I am when I have finished that book, it is beyond imagining. But this I know, he will not be a victim, either by conscious or subconscious choice. He will be someone that takes control, whose thoughts create a positive reality for him, that flies in the face of what others consider real. He will be a person of Truth. Maybe that thought is scary, and that’s why I resist it so much now. But I have already removed so much of my old self that there is very little left to impede my progress.
My most recent lesson is also one of my first lessons. That I should not allow the things that happen to me affect me. Whether good or bad, I should be indifferent. I can not afford to give things in my path the power to block me by calling them and therefore seeing them as impediments to my progress. The water does not acknowledge the rocks in its path. It flows over, under or around them. It flows. And so should I. If I am rejected by a girl, this is not a bad thing. This is the Source telling me that this woman was not the right one for me at this time. Rejection is a good thing, not a bad thing. In nay case I can not be rejected. Only the body that I drive around this physical plane, and its associated personality, can be rejected. I am unaffected by anything that happens to my body, because I am not my body, personality, or ego. I am energy, and eternal, and long after the body has returned to the earth from which it came, I shall remain, in some form or another. So I embrace rejection, and likewise I embrace what others would call obsticals. To me they are merely guiding signposts, telling me that this direction is not the right one for me at this time. This action is not the one I should take. This woman is not the one I should be with. So on and so forth. Do you see the Truth here?
In reality whatever I experience in this world is filtered through my perceptions, and in general I, as a human being, tend to label things as good or bad. But they are neither, and can never be. They have no value of any sort beyond that which I give them. No definition beyond what I define. How I see them is how they are for me. So its a simple matter of seeing things from a higher vibration in order to create what others would call a more blessed life for myself. But the truth is we should all live in a natural state of blessedness. We should all prosper, be successful, be happy. There is no reason we can’t be, that we all can’t be. There is no lack, there is nothing in the universe against us. our natural state, as many esoteric teachers tell is, is bliss. Because the Source is light and love. There is no darkness in it. Therefore there is no darkness in all of creation. We cast the shadows. I am simply choosing to live in the light. To throw out this idea of a dark and scary world that is out to get me and instead choose to see a place of unlimited possibilities where I can grow and thrive. If anything out there tries to harm me, chances are it is a human, or natural law. Walk in front of a hungry bear and get eaten, that is what I mean by natural law. It is up to use to choose to think positively, to choose the light, and to be intelligent in our decisions.
So now dear reader, what will be your choice? Are you the victim? Or are you in control? Do you choose to see things from a position of light and love, or their opposite? Will you take responsibility for your choices, made consciously or not, and create your own reality, outside if necessary, of what others try to impose on you? Are you ready to embrace pain, death, the unknown, the letting go of old beliefs? Are you ready to be your absolute best person, living your absolute best reality? I know I am.
The choice, as always, is yours.