11-27-2012

Folks I’m taking a break for a while. I’m tired. Keep getting headaches. Feeling a little lost.

You can track me on Twitter as DreamBliss_SEF, and you can visit my Esoteric Online page here:
My Esoteric Online Page

You may need to be a member to view the link. I also started a group there called Seekers of the Source.

Other than that I probably won’t be around much. I’ve decided to take a break from my studies for a little while. Finish up my classes (have 2 free online classes to wrap up), play the guitar again (decide if its for me or not), maybe draw again and I’m reverting a little to the past. Going to fool with DeleD and Sandbox (Platinum Arts, based off Cube 2.) I just need a creative outlet that satisfies me.

I guess I have come to a point a person probably gets to when they start chucking out beliefs and start to operate on the theory that their beliefs actually to affect reality. When you stop believing in everything you used to identify yourself with, and begin to question what everyone else believes, to the point of questioning the very fabric or what mankind generally calls reality, well to put it simply it gets overwhelming.

To top it off I am pulled by one friend, probably also a true teacher, who I have not treated nor honored properly, in one direction. A writer I respect is pulling me another. My parents are pulling me still another. But worse of all is I feel myself resisting each of these directions. Another way entirely calls to me. I want to honor my teachers, be respectful to them, treat them properly. I want to treat my parents with love, because I do love them, despite our vastly differing beliefs. But this balancing act is wearying, and at this point I just want to fall. And I don’t want to fall. So I am forced to stand here, on this wire, arms outspread, legs tiring, frozen in place.

I finished the Tao Te Ching last night. Going to cut back on the studies form here on out. Still reading a book by Vivekananda every night, just a passage or section. Also cracked out a “restored Bible.” Read a verse or a chapter every night. Finally get to see what the Bible, with the Gnostic gospels inside, laid out in chronological order is actually like. So far I am very impressed with it. It starts with the book of John and reads like a poem.

Still have stuff on magick and witchcraft. Putting holds on some stuff n the Tarot, I want to learn this and see if this is a way of talking to The Source that fits me. If not its Geomancy or the I-Ching. May not be any of those. It’s hard even considering this stuff when only a few months ago, maybe a year, I would have seen them as evil. Truly they must be like guns, not evil in themselves, just how they are used. Maybe two-edged no-handled swords is a better metaphor – handle with care!

Soon the leaves will be off the trees and I’ll spend some time outside working on the property. Really feeling a connection with the earth. No surprise since I have accepted its symbol of power as it appeared to me, as vines. I have connected myself to this power, and I root myself in the earth every day.

Now I am learning how to work with water. Started working with a dolphin that appeared to me during meditation. Treating all inner experiences as real, but I am not seeking these contacts out or summoning anything. I am trying to build a foundation of meditation, concentration and discernment first. Not working on the chakras or kundalini either. Not trying to become enlightened. For now I am focused solely on acquiring knowledge and building the foundation, so I can discern between mind garbage and what is real. Not even pursuing knowledge now for a while.

I think instead I will focus on Christmas. I always love this time of year. Want to see family and friends. I will set an intention soon for abundance and resources using a viz script. I guess if I think about Jesus from now on I will be thinking on the birth of a prophet, a guru, a teacher, a spiritually evolved person who may have been God in flesh, but I am no longer locked to these old beliefs. Or I can dwell on Santa Claus. Why not?

I know, from personal experience, that humans can create entities. If enough people believed in jolly ‘ol saint nick we would have a Tulpa flying around in a sleigh with 8 reindeer giving children toys. I would love to live in a world like that. A world where magic, beautiful, pure, unblemished, untainted by mankind, light, lived and breathed in various forms. I know this world could be that world but because so many people believe it isn’t, their beliefs have created this cold, gray, non-magical place called reality. Technology seems to be our collective idol and the only magic, based in science, that exists. I would rather live in a world of Santa Claus, Elves, Dwarves, Gnomes and any other good fantasy creature. Give me a unicorn any day of the week over an iPhone!

If I don’t get back here before Christmas I wish you all the best of the holidays, however you honor, or do not honor, them! I also wish you the best life has to offer next year!

Now I leave you with these words that touched me from the Tao Te Ching,
True words are not beautiful. Beautiful words are not true.
Experts do not argue, the argumentative are not expert.
The knowledgeable are not generalists, generalists are not knowledgeable.
Sages do not hoard; since they act for others they have increasing abundance.
The way of nature helps and does not harm.
The way of sages is to act without contention.”

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