Just Be

It’s taken a long time,
For me to get here,
I’ve gone through so much,
Dealt with so many things.

I can not take,
All the credit,
For the progress,
I have made,
There have been,
Many helping hands,
Guiding me,
Along the way.

I felt love and loss,
Early in my life,
It is not something,
A child should experience.

I have felt rejection,
All of my life,
For all my years,
I have rarely fit in.

I have been betrayed,
By family and friends,
But I too have betrayed,
Some of them.

I have fought hard,
But won little,
Took pride in my work,
Even if insignificant.

Now I am going inward,
Traveling deep with myself,
All these experiences,
Waking the demons of the past.

This last thing I must do,
Barriers I must go through,
This process of becoming,
And transmutation,
I wonder,
If it will be worth it,
In the end.

Ghost of the past call to me,
I can hear their siren voices,
“Why not play video games again?”,
They say,
“Why not expose yourself again?”
They continue,
“Why not allow those thoughts?”
They urge.

I walk a razor’s edge,
I can not judge as good or bad,
I can not say what I do or do not want,
Instead I can only state,
That I have chosen,
My choice is to continue,
Turn my back to the past,
Simply by moving past,
These ghosts,
Their pleasant,
And unpleasant,
Memories.

I am not “not this” or “not that.”
I am not better or worse,
This is not good or bad,
It is a simple choice.

I spent time playing games,
I spent time with my cravings,
I spent time with my thoughts,
Now I choose to spend time,
In spiritual matters,
In self exploration,
In no-thoughts,
Because the time before,
Led nowhere, accomplished nothing,
And the time now,
Leads to an unknown destination.

This is not something I do,
Not something I do not do,
It is a process of becoming,
It is a process of allowing,
It is a process of experiencing,
It is a process of acknowledging,
Outside any attachment,
To my ego, my physical form,
Outside any attachment at all,
In the flow, when the time has come,
I will simply be,
Because this is a process,
Of simply be-ing.

That is all we are after all,
We are all simply be-ings,
In the true nature of being,
Flowing through our lives,
We will find ourselves,
In our ideal course,
And we will discover,
That we are truly happy.

Then we will realize,
That there was nothing,
We could do,
To get to this point,
We are simply here,
In the present moment,
Without working at it,
Without trying for it,
Without doing anything,
With no effort,
On our part at all.

Well that makes sense,
Considering we are,
Human be-ings,
Not human do-ings,
All human doings,
Involve human egos,
Which block us,
From flow,
And our true nature.

Such noble thoughts!
Such limited understanding!
So much more pain,
I must simply observe,
Become one with,
Travel to the root,
To free myself,
From all these barriers,
I have erected,
In my life,
To purify,
This evil tree,
The many branches,
It has sent out,
Infecting me.

One more step,
Then another,
One moment,
One present moment,
At a time,
Such slow progress,
No looking ahead,
No looking back,
Step and step again,
Hopefully finding that,
One day I am just different,
I have just changed,
That the ghosts,
Have been left behind,
And I am free of them,
Finally free,
To just be.

But I must admit,
Every step brings pain,
The siren calls are tempting,
And inside I am hurting,
So I am hoping,
I will find the strength,
To keep on walking.

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