This post signifies a number of things. First of all Romance Beyond Reality has been deleted. The posts still exist for now, but will, in time, be consigned to a page archiving the posts and hopefully the comments. Secondly my profile is being updated. I no longer have a lover, a wife, in another reality. I never did. Thirdly I am merging my two blogs, Romance Beyond Reality and A Different Path, into one blog. I will now be chronicling my physical and spiritual progress. The physical part I can get this Google Map stuff working. You should be able to track me on my journey when I leave home next month.
That journey is part of a larger journey away from my parents, away from the influence of others, and towards finding my own identity. The first step for me was to move beyond my Christian faith. Retaining it for now, but moving past it, opening myself to other ideas, other religions. This was also the first step in my spiritual growth. The next step was probably my interaction with the manifestation of force or energy that I took to be my lover and later my wife. Another step was taken when I decided to face the truth, that my lover, my wife, was not real, at least not in the way I thought. I took another step tonight.
Tonight, with the moon shining brightly on the concrete pad where I do my exercises, somewhere between 30-50 feet from my parent’s RV and its windows, with only a little vegetation between us, I decided to remove my clothes, throw caution to the wind, tell the accompanying fear to shut the hell up, and do the 5 Tibetans, with the 6th bonus one, following it with the corpse pose looking up at the stars after closing my eyes for a while and just listening to my heart and my breath, and ending with some seated meditation and full body mudhra, all completely naked.
I could sense in some way the moonlight on my skin, I could feel the breeze occasionally blow across it. Weirdly no mosquitoes troubled me, only a stray cat we adopted interrupted me. There were no sexual thoughts, not even when I position myself over my left foot, placing the heel under the (sacrem? base of the spine) having of course to handle my equipment in the process. I did a few minutes of ZaZen meditation, a minute or less of full body bandha or mudhra, whatever the proper word is. The process is a lock. You clench your anal muscles, exhale, clench your stomach, chin down, clenching it to your chest, tongue back as far as you can get get it, eyebrows furrowed and clenched together. Holding breath and locking as long as you can. I followed this with some simple Deep Meditation. “Release, Flow.” Palms up this time, thumb and forefinger together, the rest sticking out. Just sitting there, in the moonlight. Not letting fear control me, nor sexual desires. Only distracted by the cat after I was there for a while.
This was the most liberating time of my life. The feelings I had during this time were hard to describe. Especially considering that I used to be someone who had exhibitionist tenancies, driven to expose himself, pleasure himself in that state. None of these old ghosts haunted me tonight. I was free, even of fear of my parent’s by some chance glancing out the window and seeing me there. I didn’t care. It was time, has been time for a while now, to separate myself from their values.
Do you know what I believe Adam and Eve’s greatest sins really were, assuming the Bible as any validity? It wasn’t that they were naked there in the Garden of Eden. It wasn’t that they ate of the forbidden fruit. It was that they disobeyed, and by doing so became ashamed of their physical bodies. God had to make coverings for them. Our bodies are a gift. Whatever our size, shape and condition, our bodies are beautiful, and we should appreciate them, and not be ashamed of them. If we truly appreciate them, are truly thankful for them and not ashamed of them we will take better care of them, making them even more beautiful. No matter your age, if your body is fit and well taken care of it will be a marvel to behold.
I think this is the greatest issue of Christians in general. The idea of being openly naked makes them afraid. They believe it to be a sin. In doing so they put a negative focus on the beautiful organic machine they have been given to enjoy the planet with. Do you know the first sign that mankind is moving to utopia? When he and she throws off their clothing, only wearing it to protect the body as needed, otherwise openly displaying their bodies without lust, fear, improper thoughts, and all the other things that plague Christians and non-Christians alike today.
Tonight I threw away one part of my Christian belief system, to go with other bits and pieces I have cast aside. That one part is that being naked is somehow wrong or sinful. I felt more at one with the life around me tonight than I ever have. I enjoyed my exercise and mediation time out there in the moonlight. And I intend to continue to exercise and meditate naked whenever the weather permits, wherever I am. I will try to be respectful of others and find as private a place as I can when I do this, but I will no longer be ruled by these old beliefs or the laws of society, whatever the consequences may be.
Those other bits and pieces? The belief that masturbation is a sin. The belief that we are all sinners in need of confessing our sins every night. The belief that we need saving. The belief that there is only Heaven or Hell, nothing else. The belief that we are somehow separate from each other, our planet, and God. These are just a few of the old Christian beliefs I have cast aside, and found myself better for it. I’m sure as time passes more and more of this old skin will have to be shed. I am sure there is that in Christianity that is right and true. But I will discover these things for myself, in my own life experience, not from the words of a book of questionable accuracy.
One more step… Also a beginning of sort. A tremulous first step in continuing the journey of my spiritual development, which due to recent circumstances came to a grinding halt. One step, one moment, at a time along this path, my path.