Today I have the single most important thing to tell you since I posted about my thoughts on how we are to be God’s Hands. This information is vital to parents, and to children of parents who have sheltered them. It is absolutely essential that those who need this information apply it to themselves and pass it along to others and their children. We’re about to do something I call breaking the mold here, releasing ourselves from chains that span generations.
My parents sheltered me all my life. They are even sheltering me right now, as I type this. They pulled me out of grade school because they said I was unhappy there, homeschooling me. This has created numerous problems in my life. It has left me inept in social situations, ignorant and naive about the world, and most importantly has kept me from learning how to stand on my own.
I do not blame my parents. I remember my grandparents. I know my grandmother. My parents were raised sheltered too. They have even said as much to me. I can’t blame my grandparents either, because perhaps their parents did the same for them, and this could go back generations in my family. Besides blame is a useless waste of time and energy better spent elsewhere. It is backwards focus.
When we are constantly looking behind, we stumble through life, because we can not see ahead. Likewise when we worry and stare straight ahead, without watching our feet, we stumble. The only way to live is in the now, in the present moment, careful placing our feet down one at a time, filling living and enjoying the life God has blessed us with. As a matter of fact this is essentially what Jesus tells us to do in the New Testament!
No blame is not the answer here, nor is worry about how I shall get through life. The only solution here is to deal with what I know now, and that is that I have to break this mold of sheltering. I have also referred to it as my cage. It is also a chain that has bound my family and I for who knows how many years. But how do I do this?
A lady named Barbara Sher, in her book, “I could do anything if I only knew what it was” refers to something she calls our “animal instinct.” I don’t know if I subscribe to this theory, but it does fit. I have sensed for a long time I had to get out, to go, to get away. It’s never been more than a feeling, a sense, but it has been there for years. I ignored it for all the reasons anyone who, reading about my decision, would try to discourage me.
But the only way to get free of being sheltered is to stop being sheltered! That means all it implies! No security, no roof over my head, no assurance of clothes on my back, food in my belly! Dangerous situations, multiple possible negative experiences, all necessary to break the mold! A new saying of mine I shared at a forums, “For drastic change you have to take drastic action.”
So my “animal instinct”, if there is such a thing, perhaps more spiritually developed people would call it “the source” or my “true self”, has shown me that I have to get away from my parents. Leave. It has also become clear that I am not doing this just for myself, I am doing it for any children I have, so I don’t raise them in the same way, and I am doing it for my parents, so they learn how to stand on their own.
These things too are vitally important. All my life I have been a referee for them, a protector of the peace. I have worked hard on helping them and their marriage. But this, even though, like sheltering, it was done out of love, is actually detrimental to them. They may have to get through their marriage collapsing to know or realize that they truly do love each other.
Strength in love comes from letting go. No two people should be with each other out of obligation or contract. If my parents really love each other, then they will find the strength to stand together when I am gone, and their marriage will survive. They will find the strength to pursue their dreams and support each other in the later years. While I am here however this sheltering causes an unhealthy co-dependency between my parents and I as well as between all of us and my grandmother.
I also have to go to be in action. “Out there” I will learn, gain experience, and be around other people. For all the negative things that may happen, there are good things too. I will be in a situation where I have to develop my skills. I will have a need to do so in order to support and take care of myself. For every bad experience there will more than likely be at least one good. I will learn about the world, about life, and about what mankind generally defines as “reality.” Most importantly, sooner or later I will re-discover my dream, perhaps hidden away under some sort of conflict, a Mrs. Sher teaches, but it’s been there and I just have to find it again, then pursue it.
Parents stop sheltering your children! Follow God’s example with you. We say He does not interfere with free will. I’m not so sure that this is what’s going on. I think it more likely God is the perfect parent, and He is giving us an example of how to be parents. God protects in certain areas, but always motivated by love, not a need to shelter.
Sheltering is grasping. Grasping is motivated by fear or lack of belief and trust. Fear is the antitheses of love. Love is not grasping, it can’t be, it’s against its very nature! So you can’t truly love your children when you are holding on to them. That’s why God does not hold on to you that way. He lets you find your own way through life. He tries to guide and direct you as best He can. He sends others into your life to be His Hands for you. He lets you experience, and learn from your experiences.
This is exactly how you should raise your children! Make sure your actions towards them are truly motivated by love! That when you protect them it is not out of a need to shelter, to hold on. That you let them go, let them find their own way through life, let them learn how to stand on their own. Be there for them, guide and direct them as best you can. But do not interfere with their lives!
They have unique skills and callings that will take them to places where they can be God’s Hands. They have a dream, based on what they love to do, that they need to pursue. Your job is to support them, help them pursue their dream, whatever it is. You have to have a lot of belief and trust, these are vital elements in real love. If you don’t believe and trust in your children, then you don’t believe and trust in yourself or God either, and that’s not a good thing. You have to let them go, believing and trusting that they will find their way, that you did your best to guide and direct them towards their dream, and that God will continue to guide and direct them long after they have left. Please remember these words!
It’s time to break the mold!