As a former member of the Spiritual Forums I started a number of interesting and, I thought, informative posts. Among them was one that covering the issue of repression. Unfortunately, due to a power abusing moderator that thread, and many others, have been deleted, as well as my account. For that reason I can not encourage that anyone use those forums.
I will have to work from memory, but for the first post here at, “A Different Path” I thought this information important and vital to set the tone of this blog.
I am about ready to challenge your Christian beliefs regarding self-pleasure and nakedness, and I will do so using personal experience.
When I was a young man, caught up in a tide of hormones I found myself masturbating, a lot. As Christian at the time I thought that I was sinning. This is what my parents taught me, what other Christians believed. So I was already dealing with shame here.
Well my brother caught me one day and reported me to my parents. I had been fairly good at keeping my habit secret and I became a master after that experience. They, both being Christians, actually called the elders of our little community church, who came over and anointed my head with oil. Yes, my well meaning, loving, over-protective Christian parents actually did this.
Do you know what happened? Well it didn’t solve the problem for sure, and it created a whole new one. I developed exhibitionist tendencies. The thrill of possibly getting caught has driven and haunted me all my life.
Folks there is nothing in the Bible about masturbation. Not a thing. There is something about a guy who let his seed fall to the ground. Read in context it is clear that God punished the man for disobedience, and he wasn’t pleasuring himself either! Where did this belief originate from anyway?
Now I’m not saying that pleasuring yourself is a good thing. I am saying that, roughly paraphrased here, “To him that it is a sin, if he does it he sins.” Yes, there are two other factors. Thoughts, because pleasuring one’s self requires forceful manipulation of a mental image, and lust.
So this is an issue that has to be dealt with, but doing anything that increases shame and guilt is not the answer! Repression = Force = Resistance = Damage. Remember this! It is exactly as if you were to take a small child by the arm and roughly yank, bend or pull. What will happen? The arm will break. Likewise a child is fragile and undeveloped psychologically, mentally, spiritually, etc. If you apply force with repression, there will be resistance and damage.
You can not force anyone to change, not even your children. They have to want to change. What is required here is a 1 on 1 talk between the child and the parent of the same sex, where possible. The child should be told that its wrong to force anyone, even in their mind, to have sex with them. They should be told that they should also not lust after anyone. There should be no punishment, no rebuke, nothing other than a loving, supportive instruction. Then the parent in question should prescribe the only solution that works. Meditation. Yes, that is correct.
By not repressing this a number of mental, emotional and sexual issues can be avoided. By meditating whenever the child is battling a desire to pleasure themselves, they can reduce the urge to do so. I speak from personal experience here too. Since I began meditating last year my urges have faded, and my developmental issues do not plague me as much. Mediation helps the practitioner to deal with their thoughts. It also provides a deep internal cleansing on a number of levels, including the nervous system.
I will create an in-depth post later on meditation, but you start with the breath. Tell them to relax, sit still, eyes closed, breathing through the nose, exhaling through nose and mouth, and just focus on their breathing. To allow thoughts to come and go without judging them, trying to push them away, or anything else. They just notice the thoughts and remain focused on their mantra, their breath. Once their skills have developed that can use a mantra like, “I Am” or some phrase that resonates with them. They can try this mantra for a period of two weeks and change it at that time as needed until they find one that fits.
When you children enter their teen years, instead of yelling at them, ordering them around, etc. try getting them to question their actions. Teach them that there are costs and consequences to every decision they make. If, for example, your teenage girl comes down in something that exposes the maximum amount of cleavage and legs, go up to them and ask them if this is really how they want to present themselves in school. Point out that wearing that will cause a number of boys to lust after them, to forcefully and sexually manipulate their image in their mind. Let the girl decide, for herself, that maybe this is not what she wants, and she will go change.
By doing so you will not cause her any issues of self-confidence, you did not force her to do what you thought was best, you only helped your little girl to think about their actions, the costs and consequences, allowing her to weigh those in her own own mind and come to her own conclusion. If she insists on going out the door like that let her.
Your children will test you. The seed has been planted, and it may take some time for the truth to blossom. Also don’t expect your children to accept the new you overnight, if previously you have been on their case about what they are wearing. They will have to test you, be sure you have changed, and grow used to your new approach. Just remember never to do anything by force, because it will cause resistance, and this will cause damage.
Which brings us to the issue of nudity. If you strap your blooming teenage girl into a corset you cause them self-confidence issues. They become self-conscious of their body. This, once again, creates a number of developmental issues that will plague them all their life, and may even affect their physical body. You must be very careful here! There is a reason that nudist children are the healthiest emotionally, physically and spiritually compared to any other child their age.
Do you know what the two main sins of Adam and Eve actually were? They disobeyed God, “Thou shalt not eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil” and they became ashamed of their bodies. Remember when God was finished He said, “It is good.” To cause your children to be ashamed of their bodies is to sin against God, and cause them to do the same! You call God a liar, by implying their bodies are not good, and they grow up feeling that their bodies are somehow bad, which also makes them call God a liar.
Some more examples for you, drawn from my own life. You know some of the worst repressed children in the world? PK’s. Pastor Kids. I know of one, in our tiny community church, who had sex as a teenager. Next up are children of overprotective religious parents. I know of a family of girls that live like they are in the 1800s. They wear old fashioned dresses and sew their own clothes. I’m not kidding! They have no idea how to handle modern society.
The worst monsters in human history? Abused children. Children told they were dirty, that pleasuring themselves was evil, that nakedness is forbidden, etc.
Repression is the process of putting a vast number of issues into a pressure cooker and expecting the lid to stay on. It won’t work. It didn’t work for me, it didn’t work for the PK I mentioned, and it won’t work with your children.
When the hormones start amping up in your children its time to sit down and give it to them straight. Tell your boys how to be men, to be confident when approaching a girl, to be responsible and wait before being with a girl. Tell your little girl to be sure that the boy she’s with truly loves her. Teach her to test him, to tell him that she wants to wait. If he still wants to be her boyfriend and can wait, without trying to get her to be with him, then he truly loves her.
Like it or not your kids are exposed to sex and romance at an early age. From Disney to the Twilight Series. Girls from 8-12 are reading that, and what is it about? Sex. Romance. Relationships. That’s right.
Raise your children to accept themselves, their desires and their bodies. Teach them to give themselves only to someone they truly love. Do not try to hide them away from the world. Do not try to repress their sexual drives.
Many of the issues we have as adults now, myself included, come from the misguided, at best, efforts of loving, religions parents. At worst they come from abusive, inconsiderate, uncaring parents and guardians. If you want to change the rampant immorality and sexual issues in society, you have to start with your children, and, if needed, the children around you.